Trying.
Every attempt to quit is as real as it gets, and you have a choice as to how seriously pursue it. It sounds like you are doing a lot of good things too, have you shared this idea/thought with your therapist? Remember too that you are very early into sobriety...so things take time to get better - sometimes weeks/months. It is a tough road but the reward far outweighs any temporary hardships.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Cincy,OH.
Posts: 32
sneaking
My drinking is escalating. Hunny and I are supposed to be Alcohol free m-t. He just wants us to have 2 glasses of wine on the weekends and I want more, so I go into where the wine is hidden, and drink more. I even drank some in the store before I got home. This Mon. I bought some vodka, which I usually don't buy liquor. That nite and the next day, my husband was so pissed at me. He was ready to walk out. I love him so much. I have to be active on this site. I confused by everything here.
Sober AF Since 3/20/16
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: WI - Where alcohol abuse is a sacrement
Posts: 157
1) What is it about your current life that makes being inebriated so attractive? I mean, to most of us, intoxication was primarily a way of escaping a painful reality for the moment. Until you've identified what it is you're escaping from, simply abstaining from alcohol isn't really an effective long-term strategy. This is akin to holding your hand over a fire while telling yourself you just need more willpower. No matter how much you think you might have, eventually you'll pull your hand away from the flame.
2) Consider what it will take to grow into the person that doesn't constantly seek escape in a bottle. We all have our physical, emotional and spiritual demons that we hid from while drinking. Recovery, at least in my book, is the process of identifying and dealing with those demons over time.
Happy to chat more about this if you're interested. PM me anytime...
Fitcher
My drinking is escalating. Hunny and I are supposed to be Alcohol free m-t. He just wants us to have 2 glasses of wine on the weekends and I want more, so I go into where the wine is hidden, and drink more. I even drank some in the store before I got home. This Mon. I bought some vodka, which I usually don't buy liquor. That nite and the next day, my husband was so pissed at me. He was ready to walk out. I love him so much. I have to be active on this site. I confused by everything here.
Glad you are back and hope we can help!
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
It makes "sense" in the sense that your addiction is playing tricks on you again ;-)
Every attempt to quit is as real as it gets, and you have a choice as to how seriously pursue it. It sounds like you are doing a lot of good things too, have you shared this idea/thought with your therapist? Remember too that you are very early into sobriety...so things take time to get better - sometimes weeks/months. It is a tough road but the reward far outweighs any temporary hardships.
Every attempt to quit is as real as it gets, and you have a choice as to how seriously pursue it. It sounds like you are doing a lot of good things too, have you shared this idea/thought with your therapist? Remember too that you are very early into sobriety...so things take time to get better - sometimes weeks/months. It is a tough road but the reward far outweighs any temporary hardships.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
It makes "sense" in the sense that your addiction is playing tricks on you again ;-)
Every attempt to quit is as real as it gets, and you have a choice as to how seriously pursue it. It sounds like you are doing a lot of good things too, have you shared this idea/thought with your therapist? Remember too that you are very early into sobriety...so things take time to get better - sometimes weeks/months. It is a tough road but the reward far outweighs any temporary hardships.
Every attempt to quit is as real as it gets, and you have a choice as to how seriously pursue it. It sounds like you are doing a lot of good things too, have you shared this idea/thought with your therapist? Remember too that you are very early into sobriety...so things take time to get better - sometimes weeks/months. It is a tough road but the reward far outweighs any temporary hardships.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Thanks, Scott. I, too, was thinking this may be my addiction playing tricks on me, bc it doesn't make sense ANY other way. Every attempt is a "real" attempt if I want it to be. If I'm not drinking, it's "real". I dont know why I'm trying to sabotage myself that it's not real so I might as well fail. I think this really may be about my AV trying to get me to fail, just as it did around the cork.
Just commit to not drinking for an unspecified period of time. Right now you don't drink. Period.
Along the way let yourself notice little things. Sleeping a bit better. Maybe food tastes better. Maybe you're less likely to get irrational or overemotional. Early sobriety looks different to everyone but along with the discomforts come small gifts.
No proclamations. No victory laps, no self therapy, maybe even no counting.
Wake up every day sober. Spend the day avoiding alcohol cues and staying busy. Go to bed sober.
Anything else might send you off spinning.
I can tell you want this because you're still here. Simply don't drink. Best wishes to you....
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
So hard....hey: maybe try just drawing a line in the sand and don't drink. You're doing a lot of thinking and analyzing in a very addicted brain which leads back to drinking. As you think, it will lead you back to square one. On come the rationalizations, the excuses, the why-nots, the f-its.
Just commit to not drinking for an unspecified period of time. Right now you don't drink. Period.
Along the way let yourself notice little things. Sleeping a bit better. Maybe food tastes better. Maybe you're less likely to get irrational or overemotional. Early sobriety looks different to everyone but along with the discomforts come small gifts.
No proclamations. No victory laps, no self therapy, maybe even no counting.
Wake up every day sober. Spend the day avoiding alcohol cues and staying busy. Go to bed sober.
Anything else might send you off spinning.
I can tell you want this because you're still here. Simply don't drink. Best wishes to you....
Just commit to not drinking for an unspecified period of time. Right now you don't drink. Period.
Along the way let yourself notice little things. Sleeping a bit better. Maybe food tastes better. Maybe you're less likely to get irrational or overemotional. Early sobriety looks different to everyone but along with the discomforts come small gifts.
No proclamations. No victory laps, no self therapy, maybe even no counting.
Wake up every day sober. Spend the day avoiding alcohol cues and staying busy. Go to bed sober.
Anything else might send you off spinning.
I can tell you want this because you're still here. Simply don't drink. Best wishes to you....
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Oh gosh, Sassy...I KNOW you are 100% right. God knows I over analyze everything. It's a curse. But, in my experience personally with my crazy mind, until I figure out what I think I need to figure out (which, in this case, is very clear - stop drinking), I tend to over analyze. I REALLY appreciate your thoughts. For now, I'm psyched about my little epiphany. It's nice to have something (for now) to watch out for and beat - the tricks my alcoholism are trying to play on me. I feel good about that (for now ). But, your point is appreciated- I do need to try to make life easier and not over think things!
Peace to you, someday we'll be posting here with a year under our belts!
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I was kind of referring to my post from last night: I had the realization that at 3 weeks sober I'm basically just all over the place and I don't trust my thoughts at all, I fact I sometimes wonder when I get stuck on something if it isn't my addiction taking a back door to the front of my mind! I do know drinking is off the table which is a relief, and I wish for you that same feeling, soon, I had it from the beginning of this quit because I wore too many people out that are close to me and I've got ultimatums in my back pocket. In a lot of ways that's easier, when you lose your enablers (picture your mom getting freaked out seeing you drinking...it's like that) and I'm not sure I wouldn't be trying to find a roundabout way back if I didn't have so many controls in place.
Peace to you, someday we'll be posting here with a year under our belts!
Peace to you, someday we'll be posting here with a year under our belts!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Off to bed at my current sober bedtime - 7:45pm. But, I'm getting to work super early and energized these past couple of days. I had NO idea how lethargically I'd previously been spending my days. It's amazing I was as productive as I was. I also thought for decades I had severely dry eyes. They always looked red and puffy. What da ya know? Problem solved after 3 days of not bingeing.
Thanks for everyone's support. I'm grateful.
Thanks for everyone's support. I'm grateful.
SoHard, a couple of thoughts for when you wake tomorrow.
1. You can't educate yourself into recovery. If it could be done, I would've been done six years ago, give or take. In fact, I'll bet you've read that! A lot of (some argue most) addicts are quite intelligent and think they can intellectualize their way out of their problems. Works for a lot of other things, but I've rarely heard of anyone who has done this. (There may be some or many, but I'm not entirely of their ilk - see point 3).
2. I've seen counselors, therapists, one psychiatrist and one psychologist over the years. Some were better than others. Even the better ones, though, couldn't get me out of my bottle. It's an inside job any way you slice it. My current therapist and I have a very good working relationship and I'm confident he will help me with the other "stuff" that's under the drinking, but I see now that the best progress I can make is available only once the drinking is removed. Others may have had different experiences, but that's my take.
3. Have you read about AVRT over in Secular Connections?
I'm suggesting it because of your epiphany today - sounds very AVRT-ish to me. A few disclaimers here:
There's a relatively brief intro here: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ined-long.html
And for the voracious learner in you, there's a really really long thread you can read here: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...iscussion.html (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique (AVRT) Discussion)
Which is all kind of funny because it's a bunch of humans (me included) that are over-complicating a very simple concept in order to understand it. And also, the conclusion of this theory is that once we've quit and made a "Big Plan," there is no reason for support. I find it all very fascinating nevertheless.
Ahem.
So that was much more wordy than I was thinking it would be, oh well. Hope some little something in there helps to augment your epiphany.
O
1. You can't educate yourself into recovery. If it could be done, I would've been done six years ago, give or take. In fact, I'll bet you've read that! A lot of (some argue most) addicts are quite intelligent and think they can intellectualize their way out of their problems. Works for a lot of other things, but I've rarely heard of anyone who has done this. (There may be some or many, but I'm not entirely of their ilk - see point 3).
2. I've seen counselors, therapists, one psychiatrist and one psychologist over the years. Some were better than others. Even the better ones, though, couldn't get me out of my bottle. It's an inside job any way you slice it. My current therapist and I have a very good working relationship and I'm confident he will help me with the other "stuff" that's under the drinking, but I see now that the best progress I can make is available only once the drinking is removed. Others may have had different experiences, but that's my take.
3. Have you read about AVRT over in Secular Connections?
I'm suggesting it because of your epiphany today - sounds very AVRT-ish to me. A few disclaimers here:
a. I tried this route but it did not "work" for me (yet?). Nevertheless, I find the concepts to be extremely useful.
b. The author of Rational Recovery: A New Cure is anti recovery groups, most notably AA. Take it with a grain of salt.
c. I'm an eclectic kind of gal and am finding that this tendency has probably complicated overcoming my addiction, but I am who I am. I believe that by pulling on the common thread that runs through many approaches I'll find my lifeline. I've no doubt that thread starts from within me. So while I have many questions or objections or what have you about various approaches, I'm finding what I need along the way. Some more staunch recovered alcoholics or now non-drinkers would certainly disapprove of this, but that's them and that's ok.
b. The author of Rational Recovery: A New Cure is anti recovery groups, most notably AA. Take it with a grain of salt.
c. I'm an eclectic kind of gal and am finding that this tendency has probably complicated overcoming my addiction, but I am who I am. I believe that by pulling on the common thread that runs through many approaches I'll find my lifeline. I've no doubt that thread starts from within me. So while I have many questions or objections or what have you about various approaches, I'm finding what I need along the way. Some more staunch recovered alcoholics or now non-drinkers would certainly disapprove of this, but that's them and that's ok.
There's a relatively brief intro here: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ined-long.html
And for the voracious learner in you, there's a really really long thread you can read here: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...iscussion.html (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique (AVRT) Discussion)
Which is all kind of funny because it's a bunch of humans (me included) that are over-complicating a very simple concept in order to understand it. And also, the conclusion of this theory is that once we've quit and made a "Big Plan," there is no reason for support. I find it all very fascinating nevertheless.
Ahem.
So that was much more wordy than I was thinking it would be, oh well. Hope some little something in there helps to augment your epiphany.
O
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
SoHard, a couple of thoughts for when you wake tomorrow.
1. You can't educate yourself into recovery. If it could be done, I would've been done six years ago, give or take. In fact, I'll bet you've read that! A lot of (some argue most) addicts are quite intelligent and think they can intellectualize their way out of their problems. Works for a lot of other things, but I've rarely heard of anyone who has done this. (There may be some or many, but I'm not entirely of their ilk - see point 3).
2. I've seen counselors, therapists, one psychiatrist and one psychologist over the years. Some were better than others. Even the better ones, though, couldn't get me out of my bottle. It's an inside job any way you slice it. My current therapist and I have a very good working relationship and I'm confident he will help me with the other "stuff" that's under the drinking, but I see now that the best progress I can make is available only once the drinking is removed. Others may have had different experiences, but that's my take.
3. Have you read about AVRT over in Secular Connections?
I'm suggesting it because of your epiphany today - sounds very AVRT-ish to me. A few disclaimers here:
There's a relatively brief intro here: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ined-long.html
And for the voracious learner in you, there's a really really long thread you can read here: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...iscussion.html (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique (AVRT) Discussion)
Which is all kind of funny because it's a bunch of humans (me included) that are over-complicating a very simple concept in order to understand it. And also, the conclusion of this theory is that once we've quit and made a "Big Plan," there is no reason for support. I find it all very fascinating nevertheless.
Ahem.
So that was much more wordy than I was thinking it would be, oh well. Hope some little something in there helps to augment your epiphany.
O
1. You can't educate yourself into recovery. If it could be done, I would've been done six years ago, give or take. In fact, I'll bet you've read that! A lot of (some argue most) addicts are quite intelligent and think they can intellectualize their way out of their problems. Works for a lot of other things, but I've rarely heard of anyone who has done this. (There may be some or many, but I'm not entirely of their ilk - see point 3).
2. I've seen counselors, therapists, one psychiatrist and one psychologist over the years. Some were better than others. Even the better ones, though, couldn't get me out of my bottle. It's an inside job any way you slice it. My current therapist and I have a very good working relationship and I'm confident he will help me with the other "stuff" that's under the drinking, but I see now that the best progress I can make is available only once the drinking is removed. Others may have had different experiences, but that's my take.
3. Have you read about AVRT over in Secular Connections?
I'm suggesting it because of your epiphany today - sounds very AVRT-ish to me. A few disclaimers here:
a. I tried this route but it did not "work" for me (yet?). Nevertheless, I find the concepts to be extremely useful.
b. The author of Rational Recovery: A New Cure is anti recovery groups, most notably AA. Take it with a grain of salt.
c. I'm an eclectic kind of gal and am finding that this tendency has probably complicated overcoming my addiction, but I am who I am. I believe that by pulling on the common thread that runs through many approaches I'll find my lifeline. I've no doubt that thread starts from within me. So while I have many questions or objections or what have you about various approaches, I'm finding what I need along the way. Some more staunch recovered alcoholics or now non-drinkers would certainly disapprove of this, but that's them and that's ok.
b. The author of Rational Recovery: A New Cure is anti recovery groups, most notably AA. Take it with a grain of salt.
c. I'm an eclectic kind of gal and am finding that this tendency has probably complicated overcoming my addiction, but I am who I am. I believe that by pulling on the common thread that runs through many approaches I'll find my lifeline. I've no doubt that thread starts from within me. So while I have many questions or objections or what have you about various approaches, I'm finding what I need along the way. Some more staunch recovered alcoholics or now non-drinkers would certainly disapprove of this, but that's them and that's ok.
There's a relatively brief intro here: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ined-long.html
And for the voracious learner in you, there's a really really long thread you can read here: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...iscussion.html (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique (AVRT) Discussion)
Which is all kind of funny because it's a bunch of humans (me included) that are over-complicating a very simple concept in order to understand it. And also, the conclusion of this theory is that once we've quit and made a "Big Plan," there is no reason for support. I find it all very fascinating nevertheless.
Ahem.
So that was much more wordy than I was thinking it would be, oh well. Hope some little something in there helps to augment your epiphany.
O
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
3 thoughts:
- mornings not hung over are such a gift.
- holy smokes. I feel (relatively) rich with all the money I'm saving. My twin sister has been such a support over the years. My first order of business will be to buy her a small gift.
- I'm feeling so, so grateful and lucky. I mean, I'm 41 and JUST realized I'm an alcoholic. That God i realized now.
- mornings not hung over are such a gift.
- holy smokes. I feel (relatively) rich with all the money I'm saving. My twin sister has been such a support over the years. My first order of business will be to buy her a small gift.
- I'm feeling so, so grateful and lucky. I mean, I'm 41 and JUST realized I'm an alcoholic. That God i realized now.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
SoHard, a couple of thoughts for when you wake tomorrow.
1. You can't educate yourself into recovery. If it could be done, I would've been done six years ago, give or take. In fact, I'll bet you've read that! A lot of (some argue most) addicts are quite intelligent and think they can intellectualize their way out of their problems. Works for a lot of other things, but I've rarely heard of anyone who has done this. (There may be some or many, but I'm not entirely of their ilk - see point 3).
2. I've seen counselors, therapists, one psychiatrist and one psychologist over the years. Some were better than others. Even the better ones, though, couldn't get me out of my bottle. It's an inside job any way you slice it. My current therapist and I have a very good working relationship and I'm confident he will help me with the other "stuff" that's under the drinking, but I see now that the best progress I can make is available only once the drinking is removed. Others may have had different experiences, but that's my take.
3. Have you read about AVRT over in Secular Connections?
I'm suggesting it because of your epiphany today - sounds very AVRT-ish to me. A few disclaimers here:
There's a relatively brief intro here: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ined-long.html
And for the voracious learner in you, there's a really really long thread you can read here: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...iscussion.html (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique (AVRT) Discussion)
Which is all kind of funny because it's a bunch of humans (me included) that are over-complicating a very simple concept in order to understand it. And also, the conclusion of this theory is that once we've quit and made a "Big Plan," there is no reason for support. I find it all very fascinating nevertheless.
Ahem.
So that was much more wordy than I was thinking it would be, oh well. Hope some little something in there helps to augment your epiphany.
O
1. You can't educate yourself into recovery. If it could be done, I would've been done six years ago, give or take. In fact, I'll bet you've read that! A lot of (some argue most) addicts are quite intelligent and think they can intellectualize their way out of their problems. Works for a lot of other things, but I've rarely heard of anyone who has done this. (There may be some or many, but I'm not entirely of their ilk - see point 3).
2. I've seen counselors, therapists, one psychiatrist and one psychologist over the years. Some were better than others. Even the better ones, though, couldn't get me out of my bottle. It's an inside job any way you slice it. My current therapist and I have a very good working relationship and I'm confident he will help me with the other "stuff" that's under the drinking, but I see now that the best progress I can make is available only once the drinking is removed. Others may have had different experiences, but that's my take.
3. Have you read about AVRT over in Secular Connections?
I'm suggesting it because of your epiphany today - sounds very AVRT-ish to me. A few disclaimers here:
a. I tried this route but it did not "work" for me (yet?). Nevertheless, I find the concepts to be extremely useful.
b. The author of Rational Recovery: A New Cure is anti recovery groups, most notably AA. Take it with a grain of salt.
c. I'm an eclectic kind of gal and am finding that this tendency has probably complicated overcoming my addiction, but I am who I am. I believe that by pulling on the common thread that runs through many approaches I'll find my lifeline. I've no doubt that thread starts from within me. So while I have many questions or objections or what have you about various approaches, I'm finding what I need along the way. Some more staunch recovered alcoholics or now non-drinkers would certainly disapprove of this, but that's them and that's ok.
b. The author of Rational Recovery: A New Cure is anti recovery groups, most notably AA. Take it with a grain of salt.
c. I'm an eclectic kind of gal and am finding that this tendency has probably complicated overcoming my addiction, but I am who I am. I believe that by pulling on the common thread that runs through many approaches I'll find my lifeline. I've no doubt that thread starts from within me. So while I have many questions or objections or what have you about various approaches, I'm finding what I need along the way. Some more staunch recovered alcoholics or now non-drinkers would certainly disapprove of this, but that's them and that's ok.
There's a relatively brief intro here: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ined-long.html
And for the voracious learner in you, there's a really really long thread you can read here: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...iscussion.html (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique (AVRT) Discussion)
Which is all kind of funny because it's a bunch of humans (me included) that are over-complicating a very simple concept in order to understand it. And also, the conclusion of this theory is that once we've quit and made a "Big Plan," there is no reason for support. I find it all very fascinating nevertheless.
Ahem.
So that was much more wordy than I was thinking it would be, oh well. Hope some little something in there helps to augment your epiphany.
O
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
It's so great to hear what helps others! Today (day 4), I feel SO much stronger than yesterday (before my epiphany). But...I'm not going to get myself get TOO comfortable and confident, as I did on my first attempt. I feel good, though.
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Day 6 and I feel healthier than I have in forever. I'm not at all feeling like I'm going to slip up, but it is amazing how feeling so healthy makes me think "sure, I could totally have a couple drinks tonight!" Now, I know for me it wouldn't be a couple, and it would spiral into days of binging, thus the healthy feeling would be ruined, but it surprises me how my immediate reaction to noticing how good I feel was to think of congratulating myself with a couple of drinks. So messed up.
I'm not on a program as of now, but that certainly doesn't mean I'm not fighting my fight. I'm seeing a therapist, not drinking, going on SR, and reading anything and everything about alcoholism. Two concepts struck me which, ironically, are quite opposed to one another.
#1 "Give it to God". I supposedly don't have to feel the weight of the addiction anymore. Give it away in trusting him to help me and thus feel free.
-I like this. It FEELS soothing.
#2 AVRT's theory that I have no problem at all really, it is my AV (not the real me) who is causing all this drinking so I just have to stop listening to that Beast. I have more power than it.
-This theory makes me feel powerful in a different way.
I tried melding the theories in my head. It's my AV I need to refuse to listen to, and I trust God to make me strong enough to do this. They don't mesh, though, as they are so diametrically opposed. The whole concept of AVRT is about how you don't need a higher power to battle a disease, you simply ignore the beast.
Just some thoughts I was having. I wish one concept seemed like the perfect fit, or else that both opposing theories didn't make sense to me. It's confusing.
I'm not on a program as of now, but that certainly doesn't mean I'm not fighting my fight. I'm seeing a therapist, not drinking, going on SR, and reading anything and everything about alcoholism. Two concepts struck me which, ironically, are quite opposed to one another.
#1 "Give it to God". I supposedly don't have to feel the weight of the addiction anymore. Give it away in trusting him to help me and thus feel free.
-I like this. It FEELS soothing.
#2 AVRT's theory that I have no problem at all really, it is my AV (not the real me) who is causing all this drinking so I just have to stop listening to that Beast. I have more power than it.
-This theory makes me feel powerful in a different way.
I tried melding the theories in my head. It's my AV I need to refuse to listen to, and I trust God to make me strong enough to do this. They don't mesh, though, as they are so diametrically opposed. The whole concept of AVRT is about how you don't need a higher power to battle a disease, you simply ignore the beast.
Just some thoughts I was having. I wish one concept seemed like the perfect fit, or else that both opposing theories didn't make sense to me. It's confusing.
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