pain and humiliation
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
If time is limited and you want to make every meeting more about learning about the program and meeting potential sponsors etc then I'd suggest finding Big Book or 12 & 12 Meetings, or anything with the word 'study' in the title. General share meetings are great, but can be less program focussed than those others. I personally have a very tight schedule and need the meetings I go to to be solution focussed, with people talking about how they used the program to get well. I need to 'stick with the winners' as some call it.
Maybe go through the meeting schedule with your husband and come to a mutual agreement about which ones you're going to attend. For one, at least he will know where you are - especially if (as you've mentioned in earlier posts) the meetings are in some parts of town you don't know so well, and that may not be such great areas. He will then see for himself the times of the meetings and know that some meetings just ARE more than an hour, and that's without setting up and clearning up (which, incidentally, are great opportunities for getting to know potential sponsors better).
Hope you find some good uns.
BB
Maybe go through the meeting schedule with your husband and come to a mutual agreement about which ones you're going to attend. For one, at least he will know where you are - especially if (as you've mentioned in earlier posts) the meetings are in some parts of town you don't know so well, and that may not be such great areas. He will then see for himself the times of the meetings and know that some meetings just ARE more than an hour, and that's without setting up and clearning up (which, incidentally, are great opportunities for getting to know potential sponsors better).
Hope you find some good uns.
BB
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Join Date: Jul 2017
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Thanks, bb. That was helpful...I heard some of the noon meetings downtown geared for the lunch hour crowd are good for the "busy professional type", may check those out and look for "step study" in the titles.
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Second AA meeting. I liked this one. Maybe 7 people? Mixed meeting. Relaxed vibe. Felt very comfortable and shared. Not a trace of religion, in fact no talk of spirituality, just working the steps, learning to commit to the steps, dealing with cross addictions, and understanding the self better through the steps.
What is it with me and women's meetings? Never feel comfortable, last night it was this huge group of women who all knew each other and talked about each other through all the shares. No relevance. Maybe one or two had a bit to say but overall felt like I spent 90 minutes listening to people gab to each other about how much they like each other. Okaaaay.....did anyone notice there are people here besides all of you who have 20+ years of sobriety? Lame.
Point here is: AA meetings are all SO DIFFERENT!!
It's going to be an interesting 90 in 90.
Goodnight all.
What is it with me and women's meetings? Never feel comfortable, last night it was this huge group of women who all knew each other and talked about each other through all the shares. No relevance. Maybe one or two had a bit to say but overall felt like I spent 90 minutes listening to people gab to each other about how much they like each other. Okaaaay.....did anyone notice there are people here besides all of you who have 20+ years of sobriety? Lame.
Point here is: AA meetings are all SO DIFFERENT!!
It's going to be an interesting 90 in 90.
Goodnight all.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Glad you've found a better fit. Hey, if nothing else, these experiences are a good distraction. I was all about distraction in the early days...it helps keep the drinking thoughts to a minimum!
Keep up the good work, yes?
Keep up the good work, yes?
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Yep - all so different. And well worth trying lots of meetings to find best fits.
I must admit that I've had my gushy moments over the last 3 years about finally finding a group of people I like and feel comfortable with (who I don't need alcohol to be honest with). Mostly because it's the first time in my life I've ever felt I could walk into a a room of people and feel at home, comfortable, and at ease. Even when I think back to school days when I was little (even in my own family home at times) I always felt such a spare part, and a horrendous sense of not-enoughness. Of course, I didn't feel that way in AA meetings immediately (although I did recognise from the first meeting that these people thought and felt like I did) - I needed to get to know some people better first. Took me a few months to do that - actually it happened once I moved house and was in a new city with no friends at all. Maybe then I started making more effort, or maybe they were better meeting - probably a mix of the two
ANYway - sorry to gab on. Well done. And I'm glad you're getting a feel for what you prefer.
BB
I must admit that I've had my gushy moments over the last 3 years about finally finding a group of people I like and feel comfortable with (who I don't need alcohol to be honest with). Mostly because it's the first time in my life I've ever felt I could walk into a a room of people and feel at home, comfortable, and at ease. Even when I think back to school days when I was little (even in my own family home at times) I always felt such a spare part, and a horrendous sense of not-enoughness. Of course, I didn't feel that way in AA meetings immediately (although I did recognise from the first meeting that these people thought and felt like I did) - I needed to get to know some people better first. Took me a few months to do that - actually it happened once I moved house and was in a new city with no friends at all. Maybe then I started making more effort, or maybe they were better meeting - probably a mix of the two
ANYway - sorry to gab on. Well done. And I'm glad you're getting a feel for what you prefer.
BB
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by Stayingsassy 
Day 3 of sobriety. Husband might leave. Said that while he is glad I'm seeking recovery and getting sober, even on days I don't drink I am hard to live with, emotional, jealous, high maintenance, etc. Told him I didn't have anything to add, just yes I'm getting sober.
Wish he understood how much my drinking has impacted my personality. Wish he understood that 3 days off brutal drinking is not a "sober person." But he doesn't know that. It's probably too late, and I suppose I saw it all coming.
Wish he understood how much my drinking has impacted my personality. Wish he understood that 3 days off brutal drinking is not a "sober person." But he doesn't know that. It's probably too late, and I suppose I saw it all coming.
You're picking up the pieces of your life. The marriage may or may not last.
However, one thing is certain and that is if you continue to drink the marriage is done.
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Agreed.
My husband, in an act of trust for me and love too, has come completely back to me, believing me when I tell him I will change.
He used to hate it when I got sober....he lost his drinking buddy. Know how you know you've crossed too many boundaries in alcoholism? When your partner who loves to drink couldn't care less about a drinking buddy and clears all the alcohol out the house because all he really wants back is his wife.
My husband, in an act of trust for me and love too, has come completely back to me, believing me when I tell him I will change.
He used to hate it when I got sober....he lost his drinking buddy. Know how you know you've crossed too many boundaries in alcoholism? When your partner who loves to drink couldn't care less about a drinking buddy and clears all the alcohol out the house because all he really wants back is his wife.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
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Aw. That's such a validation. He sounds like a good guy.
How your addiction is likely to use this though may go something like this..."Sure, it's easy enough for him. He doesn't understand how hard this is for me! I'm not going to be treated like a child and I'll drink in my own house if I want to! Just one because I work hard and I deserve it!"
It's amazing the crap that voice can come up with, fair warning.
You're doing great. Keep up the good work!
How your addiction is likely to use this though may go something like this..."Sure, it's easy enough for him. He doesn't understand how hard this is for me! I'm not going to be treated like a child and I'll drink in my own house if I want to! Just one because I work hard and I deserve it!"
It's amazing the crap that voice can come up with, fair warning.
You're doing great. Keep up the good work!
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My addiction reared up this morning a bit: I asked him what he said to his coworkers to diffuse the situation at work. I told him he could out me as an alcoholic if he needed to because I was that ready to recover. So turns out he told them I drank, but did not tell them the extent of the issue.
What did my ****** up head do? It's incredible really. Tiny little glimmer...."not everyone knows yet, you could drink around those people...."
What the ever living ****. I told it off.
What did my ****** up head do? It's incredible really. Tiny little glimmer...."not everyone knows yet, you could drink around those people...."
What the ever living ****. I told it off.
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Actually I worry about him a little. A big part of me feels like he should have cut his losses and run. That's a lot of trust to place on an alcoholic. By nature we can't be trusted. He believes my promises and that's a lot to carry on my shoulders.
All I know is I've never been able to do it on my own, or with online help. I was fine in outpatient rehab until it ended and began drinking again. The fact that AA is ongoing and free is comforting to me. It's all over the world and its all hours of the day. It's no magic bullet but it's critical support and it eases my fear of relapse which looms all around me....
All I know is I've never been able to do it on my own, or with online help. I was fine in outpatient rehab until it ended and began drinking again. The fact that AA is ongoing and free is comforting to me. It's all over the world and its all hours of the day. It's no magic bullet but it's critical support and it eases my fear of relapse which looms all around me....
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Day eight today. If someone had told me just a week and a half ago I'd be on a sobriety journey going to AA daily, I'd have laughed. Funny how life can take you way, way down, just to allow you to get out of your own way to begin to climb back up.
Last nights AA meeting was just right. Like goldilocks, trying out meetings that are ok but not quite right, last night was really just right. Women's step study, small group, smart women, women with just a little and also a lot of sobriety, friendly but not sponsor-pushy at the end, no zealotry just that quiet, reasoned acceptance.
Step 2 last night. Those of you unsure about AA would have really enjoyed some of these women's interpretations about step 2. Intuitive and spiritual.
Finally have a day off with no cramming in my gym, the kids gym and AA after a long day of work, oy. Yesterday was long, long, long and now I'm thinking of working in OA as well. Because I'm just that crazy. (Think I need it though).
Thanks to everyone who gave me so much comfort after my crash, I like that this site doesn't hand hold too much like some other sites I've visited, because I'm deeply grateful I found face to face help which is what I really needed.
Last nights AA meeting was just right. Like goldilocks, trying out meetings that are ok but not quite right, last night was really just right. Women's step study, small group, smart women, women with just a little and also a lot of sobriety, friendly but not sponsor-pushy at the end, no zealotry just that quiet, reasoned acceptance.
Step 2 last night. Those of you unsure about AA would have really enjoyed some of these women's interpretations about step 2. Intuitive and spiritual.
Finally have a day off with no cramming in my gym, the kids gym and AA after a long day of work, oy. Yesterday was long, long, long and now I'm thinking of working in OA as well. Because I'm just that crazy. (Think I need it though).
Thanks to everyone who gave me so much comfort after my crash, I like that this site doesn't hand hold too much like some other sites I've visited, because I'm deeply grateful I found face to face help which is what I really needed.
Stayingsassy
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Originally Posted by awuh1
:
With regard to the rooms of AA, some people need to come all the way in and sit all the way down.
Welcome home.
With regard to the rooms of AA, some people need to come all the way in and sit all the way down.
Welcome home.
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28 days. Today is my fourth sober Monday.
I can’t say I’m not feeling a little off: tired, a little anxious, a little lost. A bit like a person figuring out the ways of a foreign land.
Yet, enormously grateful to be sober. Not hungover, sick, in a panic, trying to do my work day in a vortex of hell, self hate and embarrassment. Glad to be on the other side. Thanks for all your help over these first weeks of mine.
I can’t say I’m not feeling a little off: tired, a little anxious, a little lost. A bit like a person figuring out the ways of a foreign land.
Yet, enormously grateful to be sober. Not hungover, sick, in a panic, trying to do my work day in a vortex of hell, self hate and embarrassment. Glad to be on the other side. Thanks for all your help over these first weeks of mine.
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