Dating Newcomers
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
I was married when I got sober, divorced about 18 years later and then married my college sweetheart.
During the rather brief period between marriages, dating someone in AA never crossed my mind.
As a lawyer, I also do not like to represent people with whom I attend meetings, because I don't want to stand around afterward and talk about their legal matters.
I go to meetings for recovery, period.
During the rather brief period between marriages, dating someone in AA never crossed my mind.
As a lawyer, I also do not like to represent people with whom I attend meetings, because I don't want to stand around afterward and talk about their legal matters.
I go to meetings for recovery, period.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 5,513
Where I'm from dating not only newcomers but also anyone in AA has always been frowned upon. It's risky cause if something happens to the relationship and someone drinks, the other person is going to look like a monster.
We go to meetings for our recovery. Now I do see some married couples who are in AA. And they seem to be good relationships. Bottom line is if you do decide to date someone in AA, just make sure neither of you are in early recovery and both can handle a relationship and not drink if something happened to go wrong.
We go to meetings for our recovery. Now I do see some married couples who are in AA. And they seem to be good relationships. Bottom line is if you do decide to date someone in AA, just make sure neither of you are in early recovery and both can handle a relationship and not drink if something happened to go wrong.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: De
Posts: 1,333
I only got into one relationship with another member in recovery. I only made that mistake one time. Even though dating or finding a relationship outside the program was difficult, especially not drinking, I was in AA/NA to get better, not for romantic or lustful relationship.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,268
One of my favorite recovery sayings: "having a relationship is like pouring Miracle Grow on your character defects". You do a huge disservice to someone newly sober by hitting on them, which can lead to a relapse. I won't date alcoholics, active or long-time sober.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 31
wow...I find this post strange and disturbing on several accounts...first...what is guy doing speaking at a women's facility? that's strange?
And why are you thinking about using those lame out of date pick up artist techniques that everybody knows about now? That does not sound like carrying the message to me. Good for you on not following through on the impulse but maybe do yourself a favor and hit some men's meetings for a while and talk with your sponsor about this. I have witnessed too much 13th stepping in my time and it's a dirty little secret that just doesn't get addressed. The meetings are for recovery, not romance or booty calls. Respect the members of the opposite sex. They are there for the same reason as you. Singleness of purpose.
And why are you thinking about using those lame out of date pick up artist techniques that everybody knows about now? That does not sound like carrying the message to me. Good for you on not following through on the impulse but maybe do yourself a favor and hit some men's meetings for a while and talk with your sponsor about this. I have witnessed too much 13th stepping in my time and it's a dirty little secret that just doesn't get addressed. The meetings are for recovery, not romance or booty calls. Respect the members of the opposite sex. They are there for the same reason as you. Singleness of purpose.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Besides the other excellent comments about not dating vulnerable newcomers (and all of us are when we quit, AND I believe it can go both ways- many feel it can be MORE dangerous to the senior person in sobriety, but that's another version of this topic).
Here's another and IMO really important thought:
When I was sick (drinking), I attracted other people who were sick (in some way). I didn't deserve a healthy person. What makes someone want - choose- to be with a vulnerable newly sober person?
Now, as a healthy person living a strong life of recovery - I have a healthy, strong person as my partner. We deserve each other equally and live a wonderful life together.
Just some thoughts...
Here's another and IMO really important thought:
When I was sick (drinking), I attracted other people who were sick (in some way). I didn't deserve a healthy person. What makes someone want - choose- to be with a vulnerable newly sober person?
Now, as a healthy person living a strong life of recovery - I have a healthy, strong person as my partner. We deserve each other equally and live a wonderful life together.
Just some thoughts...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by August252015 
Here's another and IMO really important thought:
When I was sick (drinking), I attracted other people who were sick (in some way). I didn't deserve a healthy person. What makes someone want - choose- to be with a vulnerable newly sober person?
.
When I was sick (drinking), I attracted other people who were sick (in some way). I didn't deserve a healthy person. What makes someone want - choose- to be with a vulnerable newly sober person?
.
we're only attracted to people as sick,or sicker, than ourselves.
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