illi1111

I am 16 months sober and my life is the best I think it has ever been. I have been working towards a nursing degree since getting sober and am very close to getting accepted into the program. I have been focusing on my health and look and feel better than ever. My relationship with my husband and family are the strongest they have ever been. But I have been feeling that something is missing. Not booze... I'm never going down that road again. Something much bigger. I consider myself a spiritual person and read a lot of self help books. I just can't even put into words what it could be if that makes any sense. I guess I'm asking if this is normal during your 2nd year sober? thank you in advance for your responses

tomls

I don't have the time that you do but sometimes I kinda feel like that and I just relax, meditate a little and realize how good I feel all the time now instead of really sick all the time. And it seems to pass.

Done4today

There's a good speaker on this subject, terrible twos. Can't find the link but check on youtube the speaker is Tom Brady Jr from North Carolina. He talks about it in a couple of his talks about emotional sobriety. Good luck

NYCDoglvr

The most important aspect of recovery in AA is doing service, which feels incredible. We can only keep it if we give it away by helping newcomers stay sober, by reaching out to other alcoholics. After 25 years I'm still an agnostic but I can thank all my sponsees for my recovery.

Carlotta

Yes, the "terrible 2" are kind of notorious (year 5 is another one).

I think it is because after a year of abstinence things start looking and feeling really good and it is easy to become bored/blase or just simply relax the guard.
Thankfully I was aware of that trap and actually upped my work.

Have you considered taking on meditation or if you are in AA a commitment?
Or simply posting on the newcomer forums on SR. It's a good way to not forget where we come from while (hopefully) helping someone else at the same time.

Fly N Buy

Grat's on 16 months - sounds like you are very grateful for many things in your life, good for you. That is indeed spiritual progress.

I try to establish a routine that fosters my spirituality which includes a morning and evening meditation/reflection - including a mental inventory of my day.
This habit, while not perfectly adhered to keeps me filled mostly. I feel that hole when I veer from the path. Inevitable if I redouble my spiritual efforts, I find release.

You have a lot going on, certainly. Don't be hard on yourself - sometimes we have to keep trudging and let these feelings pass which they seem to pretty quickly. I learned that hole is never filled with drinking - that's the real lesson for me.

PhoenixJ

I am 17 months sober. My catastrophic rock bottom saw the loss of initially, my life, then health, wife, 2 adult sons, house, blah.

I have always had a bottomless pit of hell in my guts. As if my mere existence was either a cosmic joke- or an offense.
I use CBT, with guidance to elicit change. Thought is rules by an event- that causes emotions, which defines the action. It takes time.
Booze (at first) filled that pit in an instant.

Gottalife

The big book talks of discoveries made by the early members, and what you describe sounds like it could be one of them. Ebby warned Bill right at the start that "Faith without works is dead" he then went on to explain what it takes to stay in fit spiritual condition "Self sacrifice and service to others" was what was required if one was to survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. "A kindly act once in a while wasn't enough". And so on.

I took this on board, and have survived the certain low spots that lay ahead, things that will happen to all of us at some time.

Self help books are not a lot of use because concentrating on self doesn't seem to be the path to a truly spiritual way of life. A lot of folks think AA is a self help program, but that is not really the case. It would be more accurate to say it was a God help program, with an emphasis on helping others.

I never heard of any particular problem years other than old timer blues which Bill addresses in the pamphlet Emotional Sobriety. I remember the first two years as being very exciting. There were lots of major changes in that period. It leveled out of course and I remember thinking "So, I am sober, now what?" The answer was to continue living along spritual lines, and it was always at its most rewarding when I was involved in helping others.

D122y

illi,

I am riding wave of emotions more so lately. I am 25 months sober.

Sometimes I love everyone and everything....oh you just cut me of in traffic...it's cool...

Other times I hate everyone and everything....everybody at the gym today is walking around so stuck up...like they have the best body...they are so tuff...

I think this is totally normal...as long as we don't go postal.

I feel there is a chemical reason for these feelings. My normie wife has drank hard, 1 full apple martini, once in the last year. Her last drink was about 3 months ago and that was a glass of juice and wine mixed...

This girl can go "apecrazy" in 2 seconds and be as sweet as a butterfly in the next 2 seconds. She doesn't even think twice about it.

She is content, clipping coupons, playing on her phone, making plans to hang w her gang etc etc. Her brain is dealing with a normal level of dopamine. It has never ever been altered. So normal to her is normal.

We are still getting used to normal. As we have heard, it takes a long long long time...hence the 5 and 10 year horror stories.

Thanks.

illi1111

Thank you all for the great responses. I agree 100% that it is time that I start helping others. My first year my focus was only on myself and staying sober. I'm at a point now where I'm comfortable with my sobriety and would be able to reach out to someone who could use some help. I may be spending to much time over analyzing myself when I should spend more time enjoying this life I have worked hard to build. I'm am so grateful for SR, without it and the awesome members I wouldn't have these options.

waynetheking

Just stay busy. That's my best advice. If you get complacent the disease will take opportunities. That's the last thing you want to happen. Take action.

Bunny211

My second year was MUCH harder than my first. I feel like that is not something anyone told me would happen, but it did. I read the book "Second Year Sobriety" and it helped me a lot. Feelings come flooding back, I realized the mess I had made of my life and wanted to fix things but still did not have the tools or coping mechanisms to deal with anything really. It's hard. I got through it - and you can and will too!!! Big hugs to you - this is totally normal. I had some jackpots and whoppers of bad decisions in my second year so I can relate. I just came through this myself and entered my third year of sobriety. PM me if you want to chat.

XOXO,
Bunny

zjw

you wont figure out what the something is by drinking thats for sure. I've felt that way a bunch too its like a lull in the storm like and your like huh now what should i do? then you start getting lots of ideas good and bad.

i felt like drinking after 5 years. why? why not? i realized this was stupid logic and never did. But i swear after almost every annual anniversary i at some point will get the itch to drink if for no toher reason then well why not the old reward yourself idea will come to mind from the AV.

just dont scratch the itcha nd keep going about your business and all will fall into place.

sugarbear1

15-22 months, yeah, you are so totally normal for a recovering alkie. Are you doing any kind of soul searching in your sobriety?

Arbor

Illi, I'm almost 22 months sober and I feel the same from time to time. Just yesterday, the 4th of July I was down. Unhappy for no particular reason when I have every reason in the world to be happy. So many wonderful things have happened since becoming sober. I am very grateful. In a perfect world I could join a program and help others or my community. Theres only so much time in the day though when you have little ones to take care of and work beckons.

I think riding these feelings out is a perfectly good option as they do tend to pass. I feel completely different today. Very content. Fortunately, it never comes down to choosing a drink.

Thank you for the post. I needed to relate. Best to you.

paulokes

Great thread and responses.

I don't meant to sound like little Buddha but wanted to share a change of perception that sobriety has given me.

When I was younger I learned to meditate. It was a very forced - almost aggressive - thing. I think I thought the goal was a kind of lack-of-emotions or perhaps -lack-of-difficult-emotions.

I truly don't think this is possible or healthy anymore. Feeling and emotion is a natural, essential part of being human. If we didn't feel we wouldn't be human. Unfortunately that means accepting we will sometimes have negative feelings....or perhaps what feels like flatness or lack of feelings. But that In itself feels bad...

What I can say is I have large periods of healthy, pleasurable or good feeling very often today...I enjoy life. I am better at dealing with periods of difficult emotion. Though sometimes they can still be overwhelming. Sometimes the strangest thing happens. ...some thing negative happens or I have a period of emotional difficulty and I can actually feel grateful for my ability to experience this...to be human and open to experiencing everything that being human means.

Right now...things generally suck! I have difficulty sleeping...am plagued a little by hurt, repetitive thoughts about a situation, jealousy, inadequacy...but they come in waves and are not overwhelming. Meanwhile I am able to live and be part of life. More to the point drink is not a temptation...sometimes we forget what a miracle that is.

I think we're both doing OK I definitely struggled in my second year of sobriety but am glad I hung in. Whenever I might struggle today I just remember that it will pass....my experience tells me this so I have a lot more faith than I used to

P

Briar

I definitely noticed a change at the two year mark. I think on some level I expected two years to feel like everything was solid, like I thought by then everything would have clicked into place. The fact that I was still working through my issues was frustrating and disappointing. I had a sense that I was doing recovery "wrong" because my life wasn't perfect. I had also pulled away from the recovery community, and that emptiness and isolation had begun to eat away at my foundation. I saw myself coming up with BS reasons to relapse, mostly having to do with resentments and loneliness. I challenged all of that and rearranged my recovery a bit. Right now, at 2 years and 5 months, I'm feeling secure.

Delilah1

I've had a good week, but last week had some random out of the blue thoughts about how nice it would be to e joy a glass of wine. I wasn't tempted to act, but it threw me that these thoughts occurred 18 months into my sobriety. I think this might be a good book for me to read.

Gottalife

"When tempted, we recoil as if from a hot flame". Seems to suggest that we will be tempted, but will react sanely. I remember one occasion at about three years. Found myself in a very classy setting, lovely bar with all the towns movers and shakers.I had the momentary thought that a drink would be nice, followed immediately by the thought " if I had a drink, I wouldn't even be here"

It is normal,for us to be tempted, and now it is normal to react sanely to the temptation.

Berrybean

This is something I read yesterday, and noted it in my journal...

'Action and contemplation live through one another, and neither of them can exist healthily by themselves.
Action is not the important word, nor is contemplation; and is the important word. How do you put the two together ?.... we are being called to love without exception in an invitation to wholeness.... the link between spiritual insight and social action (real compassion) needs to be more intimate than a bridge. It is the collapse of the two categories altogether. The separation of spirituality from action is a false one.'

Anyway. It rang true for me. Maybe it will be useful to you as well.

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB