Are there any rude "Old Timers" here?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Originally Posted by babycat 
I am curious. Are there any of those old, crotchety, talks too much, misogynist, this way or you are wrong, types here?
I am just trying to figure out where their line of thinking comes from. I have found it in the rooms in Detroit and Los Angeles and it seems to be a common problem if these forums are any clue. And, it CLEARLY turns people away from AA.
I also hate when they don't like having drug addicts come to meetings. As if their alcoholism is somehow superior or all that different from pill popping, snorting, shooting etc. We are all addicts trying to get better, right?
Venting and a touch frustrated I suppose.
I am just trying to figure out where their line of thinking comes from. I have found it in the rooms in Detroit and Los Angeles and it seems to be a common problem if these forums are any clue. And, it CLEARLY turns people away from AA.
I also hate when they don't like having drug addicts come to meetings. As if their alcoholism is somehow superior or all that different from pill popping, snorting, shooting etc. We are all addicts trying to get better, right?
Venting and a touch frustrated I suppose.
I have no doubt some find me rude.
not a misogynist, though.
crotchety? yes, i can get that way.
you "hate" when "they" don't like drug addicts coming to AA metings?
everyone is welcome at an open AA meeting by definition.
by one of AA traditions, there is primary purpose/ oops...is it singleness of purpose?......to share this message with the alcoholic who still suffers.
for more info, you can access a little pamphlet called, i think, "alcohol and other drugs".
in my meeting, people are specifically reminded of this, and asked to keep their sharing about their problems with alcohol. but they do not.
nothing to do with feelings of superiority, but a lot to do with understanding alcoholism as something distinct from straightforward addiction to a different drug.
I didn't use to think so, but after a while sober it became apparent to me that quitting drinking and staying quit was nothing like quitting smoking.
entirely different experience, which touched me in entirely different ways and places.
I imagine that "their line of thinking" might come from the same place as mine: their own experience..
have you considered asking them how their thinking was shaped? where it came from? if you are genuinely curious, many are probably happy to chat with you about it.
i know i am, when someone asks me.
so please, feel free, and no, i'm not being snarky.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
Originally Posted by tomsteve
untrue.
no one is chained nor forced to sit through a meeting.
you can walk out any time you want.
no one is chained nor forced to sit through a meeting.
you can walk out any time you want.
Even if you do not have consideration for the feelings of that group member, you know that if he will say awful things in the meeting, he will say worst to you after!
On SR no one knows that you choose not to listen.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by miamifella
You are right. But I think it would be hurtful to see someone walk out of a room when you speak and then return for the next shares.
Even if you do not have consideration for the feelings of that group member, you know that if he will say awful things in the meeting, he will say worst to you after!
On SR no one knows that you choose not to listen.
Even if you do not have consideration for the feelings of that group member, you know that if he will say awful things in the meeting, he will say worst to you after!
On SR no one knows that you choose not to listen.
it would be hurtful to or for????
no one in a meeting knows when i choose not to listen.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
Originally Posted by tomsteve
it would be hurtful to or for????
no one in a meeting knows when i choose not to listen.
no one in a meeting knows when i choose not to listen.
(I am the voice of experience here.)
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
This brings up the principle of tolerance which in my experience is oft misunderstood. In my career I was highly intolerant of others unless I could somehow gain from the association. In early sobriety the pendulum had swung the other way and I was a walking playing loop of Kum ba ya - tolerant of everything and everybody - or so I purported, mostly.
Today, much as critical mechanical parts have a tolerance - gap, rpm's, torque, etc - I find my tolerance to be within limits. This is much broader than in my drinking daze, but does not include all behaviors from all people as is the relevant topic herein.
I am intolerant of abject bad behavior here, in the rooms or out among the free range people - including my own. Stay on the beam as best I can is my only expectation today.
Today, much as critical mechanical parts have a tolerance - gap, rpm's, torque, etc - I find my tolerance to be within limits. This is much broader than in my drinking daze, but does not include all behaviors from all people as is the relevant topic herein.
I am intolerant of abject bad behavior here, in the rooms or out among the free range people - including my own. Stay on the beam as best I can is my only expectation today.
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Not to be too repetitive, but whether you are in a meeting or a forum, you can choose whether or not to respond and whether or not to return. I'm a relatively old guy, but I have gone to meetings with "old timers" (of various ages) who were just toxic, so I didn't go back. It's about finding your home clan, whether it's in AA or SMART or Refuge Recovery... Personally, I found it very helpful to build community through yoga classes and meditation groups rather than meetings specific to sobriety and recovery. We need community, yes, but if the room is toxic, try another room, or another option altogether. Life's too short to sit around and feel like we have to repeatedly tune out toxic people we don't want to hear rattle on ad nauseum. On the upside, most rooms I've visited were populated primarily by loving people. One bad apple can be a huge turn-off, though. Heck, I quick my Wednesday yoga class because of somebody who was ALWAYS there and who thought it was okay to fart loudly and proudly and stink up the room every Wednesday!
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
One bad apple can be a huge turn-off, though. Heck, I quick my Wednesday yoga class because of somebody who was ALWAYS there and who thought it was okay to fart loudly and proudly and stink up the room every Wednesday!
Anyway, I agree with Z about avoiding toxic environments and finding your home clan, if you keep looking, you'll find yours too Babycat
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Originally Posted by Carlotta
LOL I remember one time when I was the obnoxious person at a meditation sitting. I got a coughing fit then was coughing every couple of minutes or so. I ended up leaving, not everyone is at the stage where they can let outside distractions slide and disappear.
Anyway, I agree with Z about avoiding toxic environments and finding your home clan, if you keep looking, you'll find yours too Babycat
Anyway, I agree with Z about avoiding toxic environments and finding your home clan, if you keep looking, you'll find yours too Babycat
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 705
Originally Posted by Bunny211
I almost got kicked out of an AA meeting because the woman in front of me farted so loudly (like a comedy sketch type fart) and I coul dnot stop laughing. For the entire hour and fifteen minutes I could NOT get it together. I went to the bathroom to compose myself and could be heard trying to stifle my laughter in there too. I was still laughing when it came time for the lord's prayer.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 705
Originally Posted by fini
babycat,
I have no doubt some find me rude.
not a misogynist, though.
crotchety? yes, i can get that way.
you "hate" when "they" don't like drug addicts coming to AA metings?
everyone is welcome at an open AA meeting by definition.
by one of AA traditions, there is primary purpose/ oops...is it singleness of purpose?......to share this message with the alcoholic who still suffers.
for more info, you can access a little pamphlet called, i think, "alcohol and other drugs".
in my meeting, people are specifically reminded of this, and asked to keep their sharing about their problems with alcohol. but they do not.
nothing to do with feelings of superiority, but a lot to do with understanding alcoholism as something distinct from straightforward addiction to a different drug.
I didn't use to think so, but after a while sober it became apparent to me that quitting drinking and staying quit was nothing like quitting smoking.
entirely different experience, which touched me in entirely different ways and places.
I imagine that "their line of thinking" might come from the same place as mine: their own experience..
have you considered asking them how their thinking was shaped? where it came from? if you are genuinely curious, many are probably happy to chat with you about it.
i know i am, when someone asks me.
so please, feel free, and no, i'm not being snarky.
I have no doubt some find me rude.
not a misogynist, though.
crotchety? yes, i can get that way.
you "hate" when "they" don't like drug addicts coming to AA metings?
everyone is welcome at an open AA meeting by definition.
by one of AA traditions, there is primary purpose/ oops...is it singleness of purpose?......to share this message with the alcoholic who still suffers.
for more info, you can access a little pamphlet called, i think, "alcohol and other drugs".
in my meeting, people are specifically reminded of this, and asked to keep their sharing about their problems with alcohol. but they do not.
nothing to do with feelings of superiority, but a lot to do with understanding alcoholism as something distinct from straightforward addiction to a different drug.
I didn't use to think so, but after a while sober it became apparent to me that quitting drinking and staying quit was nothing like quitting smoking.
entirely different experience, which touched me in entirely different ways and places.
I imagine that "their line of thinking" might come from the same place as mine: their own experience..
have you considered asking them how their thinking was shaped? where it came from? if you are genuinely curious, many are probably happy to chat with you about it.
i know i am, when someone asks me.
so please, feel free, and no, i'm not being snarky.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
some crotchety old timers are that way from having sat thru thousands of meetings, seen it all, heard it all, and still some new person who has been to oh maybe four meetings will start griping about how the meetings are conducted, how old fogey the BB is written, why certain steps should be eliminated, and basically just about every other element of the VERY PROGRAM that has helped to save that old timers LIFE.
AA is for the alcoholic. plain and simple. they wrote a book about alcoholism and a path to recovery from problem drinking. AA acknowledges that there are other issues, addictions, psychological problems that it cannot fully address and makes recommendations on where else to find help for those problems.
AA is for the alcoholic. plain and simple. they wrote a book about alcoholism and a path to recovery from problem drinking. AA acknowledges that there are other issues, addictions, psychological problems that it cannot fully address and makes recommendations on where else to find help for those problems.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 1,111
At one stage in early recovery, I set out to reform the handful of meetings I attended because I didn't like how they were run. This was very difficult...people were set in their ways.
Then I realised there were around 200 meetings every week in my city.
Then I realised there were thousands of town and cities around the world, with meetings just like the ones that bothered me. They were all still working pretty fine without my corrections
Genuinely. ..there is merit in considering. ..just considering...the idea that the many millions of folks sober for some time in AA might have good reasons for being the way they are and doing things they way they do. Some of them might be awkward and crotchet sure...but is the alternative really to believe I know better than all of THEM?
P
Then I realised there were around 200 meetings every week in my city.
Then I realised there were thousands of town and cities around the world, with meetings just like the ones that bothered me. They were all still working pretty fine without my corrections
Genuinely. ..there is merit in considering. ..just considering...the idea that the many millions of folks sober for some time in AA might have good reasons for being the way they are and doing things they way they do. Some of them might be awkward and crotchet sure...but is the alternative really to believe I know better than all of THEM?
P
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 705
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
some crotchety old timers are that way from having sat thru thousands of meetings, seen it all, heard it all, and still some new person who has been to oh maybe four meetings will start griping about how the meetings are conducted, how old fogey the BB is written, why certain steps should be eliminated, and basically just about every other element of the VERY PROGRAM that has helped to save that old timers LIFE.
AA is for the alcoholic. plain and simple. they wrote a book about alcoholism and a path to recovery from problem drinking. AA acknowledges that there are other issues, addictions, psychological problems that it cannot fully address and makes recommendations on where else to find help for those problems.
AA is for the alcoholic. plain and simple. they wrote a book about alcoholism and a path to recovery from problem drinking. AA acknowledges that there are other issues, addictions, psychological problems that it cannot fully address and makes recommendations on where else to find help for those problems.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by babycat
And I am not of the belief that everything is just so black and white.
go to NA.
problem solved.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 705
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
then find a program that better fits your needs. AA is doing just fine, thanks, 82 years and counting...................
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