babycat

I am curious. Are there any of those old, crotchety, talks too much, misogynist, this way or you are wrong, types here?
I am just trying to figure out where their line of thinking comes from. I have found it in the rooms in Detroit and Los Angeles and it seems to be a common problem if these forums are any clue. And, it CLEARLY turns people away from AA.
I also hate when they don't like having drug addicts come to meetings. As if their alcoholism is somehow superior or all that different from pill popping, snorting, shooting etc. We are all addicts trying to get better, right?
Venting and a touch frustrated I suppose.

ScottFromWI

Certainly there are people as you describe, there was just another thread started about this very subject.

I would remind everyone though that rudeness and some of the other attributes you describe are not specific to AA or any other program of recovery. And also that bashing/arguing about any specific program of recovery is against forum policy.

Jules714

I don't think that there are. In my experience, everyone here just wants to help and be supportive, give advice when asked and just listen when they deem appropriate.
I asked a couple weeks back about the keeping it on alcohol in AA and how some old-timers/hardliners are very opposed to the mere mention of drugs. I agree with you; we are all fighting a demon...my person demon (or drug of choice) is alcohol. I sat through mostly NA meetings in rehabs. Maybe 7 or 8 AA mtgs in just over three weeks. Made little difference to me. I felt bad for the one guy there for Gambling. Only 1 GA meeting for him.
Try not to let certain people in any of the rooms turn you off to the program. You're there for you. I think of it the same way I think of going to work. There are letcherous piggies there too but I need to do my job.
GL,
J

babycat

I am very sorry if it came of as bashing. I certainly did not mean to. I owe my brother's life to AA. I just wish it could be made more well known that certain behaviors are more a hindrance than help.

Bunny211

Go to women's meetings.
That's one solution. I RARELY go to open AA meetings for this reason..predatory men!! Also step meetings, 12X12, big book meetings....the old guys who just want to rant and rave and grab at you usually do not attend those either.

tomsteve

be the change you want to see.

AA isnt full of spiritually fit people and im greatful it isnt.

"I am just trying to figure out where their line of thinking comes from. "

and when you figure that out, then what?

ScottFromWI

And I wasn't suggesting that it was bashing ;-) Just a reminder to the forum in general.

The "old cranky person" syndrome is a human condition - not something specific to recovery. And yes it's a hinderance to recovery, but it's also something we cannot control other than by either avoiding it or remembering that we only control our actions.

PhoenixJ

Alcohol can effect the chemistry of the brain very badly. A lot of the 'old timer's' I see talk funny, speak almost like a priest intoning the sacraments, get upset if there is ANY chnge- like the chairs not being equal distances apart.
I try not to judge these people but try to interpret what may seem like babbling or just the same ol' crap. Meetings are meant to be a safe forum to all. From the newbie paying respect, but also to the oldies (do long as they still have the mental ability to do so) paying that same respect back. It is often the case- I learn more from the very newly sober. 'Out of the mouth of babes'.
Support to you.

babycat

This is all so very true. Thank you.

miamifella

The great thing about a forum is that you can skim or skip the kind of nonsense you talk about.

In a meeting you are held captive till they yield the floor.

tomsteve

untrue.
no one is chained nor forced to sit through a meeting.
you can walk out any time you want.

Jules714

I don't think you are held captive by a meeting.
Alcohol does that. 💯.
J

Carlotta

Yes there are!!

babycat

This made me smile quite deeply Carlotta!! Thank you!!

Andante

I don't know about in the rooms, but online it seems to me there's a lot less rigidity and closed-mindedness than there used to be. I remember when I first started looking into recovery online in 2010, that kind of fossilized, judgmental, doomsayer mindset seemed to be everywhere. Now I encounter it only very rarely.

Db1105

When I got sober in 1977, there were a few old crotchety old-timers, and not so old-timers. Even today there are a few ld crotchety old-timers, and not so old-timers. There were plenty of other meetings in my area so I just didn't attend meetings where there types were. We even started our own meeting.

I am responsible for my own recovery. I am responsible for making work for me. I can't change other people, I can only change myself. The program of Alcoholics Anonymous is The Twelve Steps. Alcoholics Anonymous carries on today because of it's 12 Traditions. I must work the Steps and respect the Traditions.

nez

Everyone I meet is my teacher and I need them all, even the crotchety old-timers. The lessons of some teachers are of attributes that I want to strive for. Other lessons are in behaviors that I want to be sure never to emulate. These lessons also bear underlying fruit because they help me to inventory my level of compassion and empathy.

Whenever I find myself becoming disturbed by the behavior of another person, I try to remember this little bit of wisdom passed on to me "Most of my anger and resentment in my dealings with other people can be explained by this sentence: If only you were more like me then I wouldn't have to be upset at you right now, so why don't you work at becoming more like I want you to be."

Fly N Buy

My experience is there are some as you describe here and elsewhere - likely out numbered by narcissistic snowflakes as father time claims them.

We often say in the rooms when closing, pray for the still suffering alcoholic. Remember that person may have 25 + years of sobriety standing next to us.

"If I haven't offended you today, come back tomorrow."
Clancy I

PhoenixJ

Of course the problem with people who have fried brains is they do not know how strange they sound. iKNOW- BECAUSE WHEN I WAS FRESH OUT OF THAT INDUCED COMA- THE MIX OF THE TRAUMA AND DRUGS FOR PAIN- CAUSED ME TO DO AND SAY VERY WEIRD STUFF. I REMEMBER THE FEELING and any number of people kept telling me, over and over again.. sTAFF AT THE (sorry caps lock, an eg of fried brains) burns unit diagnosed me with Korsakof's syndrome.
Expressive dysphagia.
AND sometimes very frustrating.

awuh1

I make a habit of speaking truth to ignorance. I try not to be abrubt or hurtful with my comments, but regardless of time sober, the program of AA is "meant to be suggestive only". I like to quote things like this from the big book when I challenge those who seem to think they have the one-size-fits-all approach to sobriety. They speak their opinions, but these opinions are often at odds with the AA program. Time sober does not equate with correctness. It's not a program of seniority.

Many of these folks need to be shown more than the usual amount of tolerance but they don't have the right to go unchallenged. Doing this with kindness is itself challenging, but we all have something to learn.