Originally Posted by Berrybean

Hi Johnny. I'm in the UK as well, and 3 years 3 months sober. For me too, my life had been built around alcohol. Where we went. Who we went with. What we did there. Who I WAS. Everything. All around alcohol. I stayed sober on my own for about a month and realised I was really out of my depth. And I joined this forum and also went along to some AA meetings. I still felt really adrift but at least I had people to talk to who understood that. As time passes and I managed to stay sober I found that other feelings (shame and resentments) started to resurface. Many of them from years ago. I suppose they were things that I just tried to drown in a drink and considered them dealt with, but they were still lurking, and that stuff become increasingly pervasive. Once I got to the stage where I no longer wanted to be alive, I finally got a sponsor and started actually working on my recovery, and that's when my outlook started changing and I began to find some peace with myself and the world around me and stopped hankering after the escape of getting wasted. Nowadays there is nothing I feel the need to escape from. My demons have been laid to rest and I have the tools to work things through without feeling the need to run away into a bottle.

Decent music gigs are still fun. My friendship group has changed a bit, mostly because I realised a lot of the people I used to hang around with don't have too much in common with me really. They never did. Only alcohol and a hedonistic lifestyle, neither of which interest me now. Occasionally I go back to my old pub for a coffee if I need to park round that way, or need to pick up my partner, and there they all sit. Having the same conversations . Talking the same nonsense about what they're going to do, which they never do, or where they're going to go, which they never do... like a really expensive bus stop. All waiting for something to happen.

I live in a different city now, and generally people know me as someone who just doesn't drink. Obviously my AA friends know the full story, but only very close friends (and I can maintain those kind of friendships nowadays). It makes me smile now to remember how scared I was about what my life would be, and who I would be without alcohol (like the hole in a polo mint). But that's because I know how the story panned out. At the time it was a painful place. And as testimony to what a painful place, and how strong that hold alcohol can have over us, my sponsees daughter (in her 20s) hung herself the day before she was due to go into rehab 11 days ago. It wasn't the physical hold that killed her, but that emotional and spiritual side of the illness. That complete lack of hope and utter despair about what her life would be like without the va-va-voom of alcohol to brighten her days and herself.

There is help available in the UK as everywhere else. Please, build a support network, and keep talking to others in recovery (on here and face to face) who have good strong and positive recovery. We can learn a lot from those people.

Dee has a great thread on here about making a plan which is worth reading through before making a recovery plan of your own. Sobriety without recovery is really quite a painful place for any alcoholic. I stayed there for far too long, and give it nil stars on my personal Trip Advisor dot com

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB

Originally Posted by waynetheking

Sobriety can be addictive Johnny. Just keep going and don't drink under any circumstance. Welcome to SR, I'm Wayne,