2 months in
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 9
2 months in
Hi all, I've decided to join this forum as I could do with some ongoing help. I'm 34 and have been drinking heavily since age 11. I have an extremely addictive personality in every aspect of my life whether it be drugs, alcohol, music, love, exercise,whatever it is I'm all in or nothing. I had been drinking at least 2 bottles of wine a night for the last 12 years and using it as a coping mechanism for stress. I'm smoked a lot of weed between the ages of 13 and 18 and left me with extreme anxiety issues and panic attacks that haunted me through my 20's and alcohol really seemed to stop them. Unfortunately through using alcohol so much it really screwed up my digestive system, gained a bunch of weight and was truly truly miserable. I finally made the decision 2 months ago to quit alcohol all together as I have a young son. I am 2 months in and feeling better for it, taken up exercise, yoga, surfing etc but I still feel like so much is missing from my life without alcohol. I have a beautiful wife, gorgeous son and a fantastic business, nice house etc etc, but I just like to get wrecked, I love the buzz,the funny stories, the drinking buddies, and being British everything evolves around a drink. BBQs, having people round for dinner, family events, cinema, watching bands, going to the beach, camping, and so the list goes on and I feel so alone waving my little "hey I'm not drinking flag" and trying to feel good about it but I just don't. As I said before I am very addictive in my personality but extremely stubborn and strong willed so as I've decided to quit, I'm quitting but I just wondered if anyone else has a similar vibe to myself. Thanks in advance 😉
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 514
Welcome, Johnny! I know that feeling well - a feeling of having lost an aspect of your social life without alcohol. I still feel envious of people who can sit and have a beer or a few drinks and it's not problematic at all. But that's not me. Alcoholism is a disease we have to deal with; we cannot drink like "normal" people and will never be able to.
Don't think of it as having lost something. With alcohol, you may have lost your family, your business, your house - everything. Now you have gained responsibility, stability, and eventually you will feel peace with that. Alcohol triggered panic attack for me - and let me tell you I do not miss those!!
I used to think that everything revolved around drinking too, but that was just because I was obsessed with it - it was me who revolved around alcohol. Now I don't need that and can enjoy friends and social events without worrying I might make a fool of myself, black out, spend too much money.. these are gains, not losses :-)
Don't think of it as having lost something. With alcohol, you may have lost your family, your business, your house - everything. Now you have gained responsibility, stability, and eventually you will feel peace with that. Alcohol triggered panic attack for me - and let me tell you I do not miss those!!
I used to think that everything revolved around drinking too, but that was just because I was obsessed with it - it was me who revolved around alcohol. Now I don't need that and can enjoy friends and social events without worrying I might make a fool of myself, black out, spend too much money.. these are gains, not losses :-)
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Johnnybgoodnow 
I still feel like so much is missing from my life without alcohol.
If you feel like you are being deprived of something you enjoy, and being, like you said, stubborn and a known pleasure seeker, then it's possible you will start to resent sobriety and choose to drink.
It wasn't the "fun" of drinking that made you decide to quit. Don't let your addiction's perception of "fun" lure you back to it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 9
Hi and thank you so much for your replies, I wasn't sure whether I would get any responses at all but I really appreciate you giving the time to reply.
I know it's the best decision I've made for myself, i was a classic functioning alcoholic I think, I never missed a day of work,I have a great relationship with my wife but I used to wake up every morning and say today I will not drink as I feel so bad, but come 5pm after a busy day the first thing I did was drink, and drink until I had finished the bottles. Telling myself that I couldn't sleep without it and I would have endless panic attacks etc and so the viscous circle continued. All of my family are very heavy drinkers and they are almost annoyed with me that I have quit saying I have put a dampener on family events. I have explained but I just don't think that they see it as a problem. I also quit cigarettes when I was 26 after 10 years of smoking 40 a day and just did it cold turkey, no patches, just plain stubbornness and I did it, and will never again so I'm used to going without, I see it as a personal challenge! I have accepted that I'm just not the sort of person that can drink, I can't have one, so I must have none, but I'm just hoping that with enough time something else might fill this huge void.
I know it's the best decision I've made for myself, i was a classic functioning alcoholic I think, I never missed a day of work,I have a great relationship with my wife but I used to wake up every morning and say today I will not drink as I feel so bad, but come 5pm after a busy day the first thing I did was drink, and drink until I had finished the bottles. Telling myself that I couldn't sleep without it and I would have endless panic attacks etc and so the viscous circle continued. All of my family are very heavy drinkers and they are almost annoyed with me that I have quit saying I have put a dampener on family events. I have explained but I just don't think that they see it as a problem. I also quit cigarettes when I was 26 after 10 years of smoking 40 a day and just did it cold turkey, no patches, just plain stubbornness and I did it, and will never again so I'm used to going without, I see it as a personal challenge! I have accepted that I'm just not the sort of person that can drink, I can't have one, so I must have none, but I'm just hoping that with enough time something else might fill this huge void.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,522
Welcome Johnny - we're glad to have you with us.
At 34 I was still in the process of destroying my life, with no end in sight. I wish I'd done what you're doing - taken a hard look at what alcohol was doing to me. I continued on trying to control what I drank so I wouldn't have to give it up entirely. As a result, I ended up drinking all day, every day - with a ruined life. I was so afraid to let go of the 'fun' aspect of drinking - but in the end it was a necessity, & I was completely dependent on it to get through the day. This won't happen to you. Congrats on your 2 months.
At 34 I was still in the process of destroying my life, with no end in sight. I wish I'd done what you're doing - taken a hard look at what alcohol was doing to me. I continued on trying to control what I drank so I wouldn't have to give it up entirely. As a result, I ended up drinking all day, every day - with a ruined life. I was so afraid to let go of the 'fun' aspect of drinking - but in the end it was a necessity, & I was completely dependent on it to get through the day. This won't happen to you. Congrats on your 2 months.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Hi and welcome Johnny 
I changed a lot when I stopped drinking..I had to face all kinds of problems and situations rather than running away to the bottle - that has to have an effect on you.
Fortunately I feel it was a good effect
My priorities changed - getting that buzz and goofing off became far less important to me - instead I found real joy in being around those I loved sober.
I don;t want to sound like a holy roller - I still have fun - probably more fun now than I ever did drinking because I'm not passed out in a corner by 830 at night.
I really enjoy my life now - and I'm present for all of it
We all have to face those innumerable 'what ifs' that try and make us opt for no change =- but all I can tell you is it works out.
I hope you decide to give this a good go
D
I changed a lot when I stopped drinking..I had to face all kinds of problems and situations rather than running away to the bottle - that has to have an effect on you.
Fortunately I feel it was a good effect
My priorities changed - getting that buzz and goofing off became far less important to me - instead I found real joy in being around those I loved sober.
I don;t want to sound like a holy roller - I still have fun - probably more fun now than I ever did drinking because I'm not passed out in a corner by 830 at night.
I really enjoy my life now - and I'm present for all of it
We all have to face those innumerable 'what ifs' that try and make us opt for no change =- but all I can tell you is it works out.
I hope you decide to give this a good go
D
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCAL
Posts: 152
Wave your flag, who cares, I mean dont throw it in others faces but if someone asks if you want a drink at the next shing dig, just say no or Im good, thats it..... You slowly see that the only people bringing up the fact that your not drinking are infact people that might be jealous of your control now.
BIG Congrats to you , I wish I got my drinking undercontrol or stopped at your age, you are just getting started my friend, I didnt buy my first house till I was 37!
Congrats again and live for your family, soon enough you'll be so busy, you wont be able to think!
BIG Congrats to you , I wish I got my drinking undercontrol or stopped at your age, you are just getting started my friend, I didnt buy my first house till I was 37!
Congrats again and live for your family, soon enough you'll be so busy, you wont be able to think!
Soberado
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Cleveland Ohio-ish
Posts: 395
Drinking was really fun for me at first until that nasty b**ch sunk her teeth in me and almost ruined my life. The fun faded fast and eventually turned into a prison sentence without the steel bars and lousy food.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
I found the illusion of 'loving' the buzz , as true as it seemed at the time, just wasn't worth the costs in mind , body and spirit I had to pay for all those years. Decided I wasn't going to pay for it anymore. One or two was never the goal or plan , 'all in 'was more the motto, yeah?
I also found that 'void' was/ is an illusion too. It's a trick the addiction uses to get ITs precious supply. Use your power of personal challenge to strength your resolve in your decision to quit , accept permanent abstinence as an achievable goal and go for it. That void will fill in with a happier , healthier more harmonious self.
Have you looked into AVRT? There are great threads here on SR in the Secular Connections forum on those ideas. I recommend checking them out, learning about it helped me separate myself , my truer more rational self, the self tired of paying for the indulgence of the love of the buzz.
Wish you well and hope to see you around
I also found that 'void' was/ is an illusion too. It's a trick the addiction uses to get ITs precious supply. Use your power of personal challenge to strength your resolve in your decision to quit , accept permanent abstinence as an achievable goal and go for it. That void will fill in with a happier , healthier more harmonious self.
Have you looked into AVRT? There are great threads here on SR in the Secular Connections forum on those ideas. I recommend checking them out, learning about it helped me separate myself , my truer more rational self, the self tired of paying for the indulgence of the love of the buzz.
Wish you well and hope to see you around
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by Hevyn
Welcome Johnny - we're glad to have you with us.
At 34 I was still in the process of destroying my life, with no end in sight. I wish I'd done what you're doing - taken a hard look at what alcohol was doing to me. I continued on trying to control what I drank so I wouldn't have to give it up entirely. As a result, I ended up drinking all day, every day - with a ruined life. I was so afraid to let go of the 'fun' aspect of drinking - but in the end it was a necessity, & I was completely dependent on it to get through the day. This won't happen to you. Congrats on your 2 months.
At 34 I was still in the process of destroying my life, with no end in sight. I wish I'd done what you're doing - taken a hard look at what alcohol was doing to me. I continued on trying to control what I drank so I wouldn't have to give it up entirely. As a result, I ended up drinking all day, every day - with a ruined life. I was so afraid to let go of the 'fun' aspect of drinking - but in the end it was a necessity, & I was completely dependent on it to get through the day. This won't happen to you. Congrats on your 2 months.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,522
At least you're taking action now & not waiting until terrible things happen. I never wanted the fun to end - but by the time I quit it was anything but fun. I was drinking to maintain a certain level (so I wouldn't shake). That's how far gone I was. Early on it is rough going - but the anxiety will ease up.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 13
Hi Johnny - as a fellow Brit I'm happy to share my experience as we have some similarities. I have a good life/family/job etc, as a classic functioning alcoholic. In my late 30s I managed to quit, then after about 8 months, I fell into the 'I can just have a couple to enjoy a function' trap. Which ended up drinking about 10-12 units every night for few years. Then several times stopping for a month or two, and thinking I'm missing something and going back (telling myself it'd just be Saturdays, or nights out etc, before creeping up (14-16) units every night. I'm now in my mid forties, and (hopefully) not too physically damaged, and quit a month back. This time I've learned to appreciate the good things and realise that alcohol has a lot more to take than give. I know the culture here really pressurises us that alcohol is the norm, so I chose to be the driver, or if anyone pushes it, say I've a made up
condition (inflamed pancreas) and can't - they soon shut up! I look back at my 8 months sober with fond memories, and looking forward to many more this time. Hang in there! S
condition (inflamed pancreas) and can't - they soon shut up! I look back at my 8 months sober with fond memories, and looking forward to many more this time. Hang in there! S
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by steveo69
Hi Johnny - as a fellow Brit I'm happy to share my experience as we have some similarities. I have a good life/family/job etc, as a classic functioning alcoholic. In my late 30s I managed to quit, then after about 8 months, I fell into the 'I can just have a couple to enjoy a function' trap. Which ended up drinking about 10-12 units every night for few years. Then several times stopping for a month or two, and thinking I'm missing something and going back (telling myself it'd just be Saturdays, or nights out etc, before creeping up (14-16) units every night. I'm now in my mid forties, and (hopefully) not too physically damaged, and quit a month back. This time I've learned to appreciate the good things and realise that alcohol has a lot more to take than give. I know the culture here really pressurises us that alcohol is the norm, so I chose to be the driver, or if anyone pushes it, say I've a made up
condition (inflamed pancreas) and can't - they soon shut up! I look back at my 8 months sober with fond memories, and looking forward to many more this time. Hang in there! S
condition (inflamed pancreas) and can't - they soon shut up! I look back at my 8 months sober with fond memories, and looking forward to many more this time. Hang in there! S
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Thats a really hard test you're setting for yourself so soon Johnny.
Just remember it's the first drink that starts the madness - not the last.
This is a good link to read through maybe?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...val-guide.html
D
Just remember it's the first drink that starts the madness - not the last.
This is a good link to read through maybe?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...val-guide.html
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 9
Hi again dee, well.......I made it! I drank so many drinks but not one of them was alcoholic, everyone had a really good time and actually drank less than usual, probably because I wasn't filling up their glasses every time I used to fill up mine to mask how much I was drinking myself!, so now just chilling with a chamomile tea and feeling pretty proud of myself. I did have fun, I did have a laugh, and I did even feel a bit confident at one stage telling a joke as I wasn't slurring my speech as usual after the first bottle of wine. Normally that would have been at least three bottles of wine for me on an evening like that with friends but I'm going to bed with a clear head and looking forward to tomorrow. I do feel pretty shattered though so will maybe leave it a few weeks until attempting the same thing again! 😉 Today has been a good day and thank you so much for your advice and time to reply
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Hi Johnny. I'm in the UK as well, and 3 years 3 months sober. For me too, my life had been built around alcohol. Where we went. Who we went with. What we did there. Who I WAS. Everything. All around alcohol. I stayed sober on my own for about a month and realised I was really out of my depth. And I joined this forum and also went along to some AA meetings. I still felt really adrift but at least I had people to talk to who understood that. As time passes and I managed to stay sober I found that other feelings (shame and resentments) started to resurface. Many of them from years ago. I suppose they were things that I just tried to drown in a drink and considered them dealt with, but they were still lurking, and that stuff become increasingly pervasive. Once I got to the stage where I no longer wanted to be alive, I finally got a sponsor and started actually working on my recovery, and that's when my outlook started changing and I began to find some peace with myself and the world around me and stopped hankering after the escape of getting wasted. Nowadays there is nothing I feel the need to escape from. My demons have been laid to rest and I have the tools to work things through without feeling the need to run away into a bottle.
Decent music gigs are still fun. My friendship group has changed a bit, mostly because I realised a lot of the people I used to hang around with don't have too much in common with me really. They never did. Only alcohol and a hedonistic lifestyle, neither of which interest me now. Occasionally I go back to my old pub for a coffee if I need to park round that way, or need to pick up my partner, and there they all sit. Having the same conversations . Talking the same nonsense about what they're going to do, which they never do, or where they're going to go, which they never do... like a really expensive bus stop. All waiting for something to happen.
I live in a different city now, and generally people know me as someone who just doesn't drink. Obviously my AA friends know the full story, but only very close friends (and I can maintain those kind of friendships nowadays). It makes me smile now to remember how scared I was about what my life would be, and who I would be without alcohol (like the hole in a polo mint). But that's because I know how the story panned out. At the time it was a painful place. And as testimony to what a painful place, and how strong that hold alcohol can have over us, my sponsees daughter (in her 20s) hung herself the day before she was due to go into rehab 11 days ago. It wasn't the physical hold that killed her, but that emotional and spiritual side of the illness. That complete lack of hope and utter despair about what her life would be like without the va-va-voom of alcohol to brighten her days and herself.
There is help available in the UK as everywhere else. Please, build a support network, and keep talking to others in recovery (on here and face to face) who have good strong and positive recovery. We can learn a lot from those people.
Dee has a great thread on here about making a plan which is worth reading through before making a recovery plan of your own. Sobriety without recovery is really quite a painful place for any alcoholic. I stayed there for far too long, and give it nil stars on my personal Trip Advisor dot com.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
Decent music gigs are still fun. My friendship group has changed a bit, mostly because I realised a lot of the people I used to hang around with don't have too much in common with me really. They never did. Only alcohol and a hedonistic lifestyle, neither of which interest me now. Occasionally I go back to my old pub for a coffee if I need to park round that way, or need to pick up my partner, and there they all sit. Having the same conversations . Talking the same nonsense about what they're going to do, which they never do, or where they're going to go, which they never do... like a really expensive bus stop. All waiting for something to happen.
I live in a different city now, and generally people know me as someone who just doesn't drink. Obviously my AA friends know the full story, but only very close friends (and I can maintain those kind of friendships nowadays). It makes me smile now to remember how scared I was about what my life would be, and who I would be without alcohol (like the hole in a polo mint). But that's because I know how the story panned out. At the time it was a painful place. And as testimony to what a painful place, and how strong that hold alcohol can have over us, my sponsees daughter (in her 20s) hung herself the day before she was due to go into rehab 11 days ago. It wasn't the physical hold that killed her, but that emotional and spiritual side of the illness. That complete lack of hope and utter despair about what her life would be like without the va-va-voom of alcohol to brighten her days and herself.
There is help available in the UK as everywhere else. Please, build a support network, and keep talking to others in recovery (on here and face to face) who have good strong and positive recovery. We can learn a lot from those people.
Dee has a great thread on here about making a plan which is worth reading through before making a recovery plan of your own. Sobriety without recovery is really quite a painful place for any alcoholic. I stayed there for far too long, and give it nil stars on my personal Trip Advisor dot com.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
