ThatWasTheOldMe

Yeah, don't tell people this.
My "friend" says it when I disagree with him or don't do things his way. That doesn't make him a friend, that just makes him a presumptuous ass.

My other favorite is, "You're not sober because you take x, y, or z prescription drug." Or "You're not sober, you're just dry." Again, how very presumptuous of you.

I'm sober if I'm not drinking or using other substances of abuse to get high. /rant over

The thing is, it doesn't matter. I couldn't be happier to be looking the hell of active alcoholism in the rear view mirror. I'm also not afraid to stick up for myself, so the next person that tells me one of those two things is going to get an ear full.

Done4today

Congrats on your sobriety! A saying I have to remind myself when people want to tell me their opinion, What someone thinks of me is none of my business.

zjw

when i quit smoking people would be like you'll be back you always come back everyone comes back. I felt the same when i quit drinking too. and to be honest the idea of forever seemed daunting and scary to me.

i see it like this now. I'm sober today i'm sober right now. i have no idea wtf the future brings and i dont care about the past i'm sober today and thats really all that matters.

FBL

I heard similar things too, especially at first. I would just smile and say "don't think so."

least

If someone says something like that to me, I just smile and say, Time will tell but I'm doing great so far.

Thebadger

If someone told you that, dont see him/her again for lifetime. Because he/her doesnt want ur good.

Wholesome

I've had a few people give the raised eyebrow and the yeah right response when I mentioned that I've quit drinking. I can't really blame them, they've heard it from me before. I just brush it off. I'll show them with my actions rather than my words ya know.

Gottalife

This clown of a nurse once told me I would never get sober unless I went to his rehab. I was two years sober at the time. He was wrong about that. What he meant was the he could not stay sober unless he stayed in rehab. When the rehab closed, he got drunk, and was dead a short time later.

But then I get the occasional person who might approach me and say " Mike, can I speak frankly?" I always say yes, and I listen. They might say something I don't want to hear, but it might be something I need to hear. I know people who approach me like that care more about me than they do about my feelings. They might see something I don't see. The last time was after the death of my wife, I had a new lady friend, and I was making her uncomfortable with too much talking about my late wife. An AA friend pointed it out to me, and I was able to fix it. I had been unaware.

Then there is the thing about being defeated by belligerent denial. Taking a offense at any attempt to help me. Even denying another person the right to be wrong. Just lots of foot stamping and "you can't talk to me like that". Got me no where.

If someone was to say to me today, "Mike, you are in danger of drinking" I am going to listen I am going to ask why they think that, I am going to look at myself, I am going to try and find the truth. I might not like the truth, but it is what it is. They may be wrong, people often are. But they may be acting with honest intent, and I am grateful for that.

SoberLeigh

When it came to recovery, no one was going to tell me that I couldn't succeed, that I wouldn't make.

For once, I had the attitude of

"Oh yeah, just watch me!!!!!"

I typed it, printed it and put it on my refrigerator.

ScottFromWI

Yep, all that matter is what you know and do. And quite honestly most of us lied for years about our drinking so some skepticism so not unexpected. But worry not...you do what you need to do and all will end well.

Dave42001

I've been told not to let people live in my head rent free!

sobersue1984

People can be so judgemental and I think it is simply as they are jealous of your focus and determination. Also people are emotional vampires and never like to see anyone succeed but themselves and that is greedy. In addition you'll get the "I know best" syndrome, where people think they are an authority on sobriety- or they think that just because one way worked for them, then yours will fail. Learn to identify, avoid and not pay heed to these people. They are parasitic.

Bunny211

I had a sponsor who told me I was not sober because I didn't make my bed every morning.

I've had people say "you're not sober if you take prozac."

Whatever, that's their opinion. Sometimes people in AA get into a p1ssing match about who has the better "sobriety." Enjoy that, I'm not partaking in those games. It's MY SOBRIETY and no one else's. I'll do what works for me.

Carpathia

If someone levels a judgement like that, I'd say, "I appreciate your concern" and walk away. Negative juju.

As Mike has said, there are times when honest constructive criticism from another, said in a well-meaning and helpful manner, is instructive. I haven't really been subject to that kind of feedback except from my sponsor. I appreciate it, if for no other reason than it helps me tolerate hearing I'm not perfect.

zjw

maybe other people have an issue with the statement "i quit drinking" maybe it sounds to final etc.. Like i mentioned the idea of forever is scary. Maybe for those types of people its best if they hear "i'm taking a break from drinking" It can be final in your head but stated that way maybe they will be less likely to cringe over the finality of the whole "quit" word.

IN reality its there issue not yours.

Sasha1972

Who is saying "you're going to drink again" and how long have they known you? If you have a history of saying that you've stopped/are going to stop drinking and then relapsing, it's reasonable for people around you to be pretty skeptical when you say you've stopped. "You're going to drink again" is not the most helpful way of expressing this skepticism.

My ex has a history of embarking on programs and groups and personal plans to get sober, none of which lasted more than a few weeks. The first few times I believed him when he said he wasn't going to drink again, after that the inside-my-head voice was telling me "yeah, right". I didn't actually say "you're going to drink again", but I definitely thought it.

I don't know your history, but I think the longer you stay sober, the more likely people are to believe you. In the meantime, I think the poster above had a good suggestion with "I appreciate your concern" and ending the conversation.

Mountainmanbob

Yes, I also get tired of those ones that are so puffed up in their Program.

A guy with like 15 years sober who sponsored many men went out a while back and has not returned. He was so puffed up in himself that he would get rude and nasty with anyone not working his program as he thought the B Book called it out. I hated his sharing.

I have a Sponsor but, my true Sponsor is God.

M-Bob

Awake61

I don't blame my loved ones for being skeptical. Too many relapses. and hurts. But staying in the present these days, so eventually, hopefully they can trust me again. Just starting to trust in myself!

Gottalife

Our fellowship was full of people from the rehab I mentioned earlier. It had a good program as rehabs go, and the common bond between many folks in AA, wasn't the life boat thing, it was the rehab experience. It is very understandable when people go through such an emotional experience together. They were what I came to think of, as salesmen for the rehab, and they were very keen for me to go. Some made the place sound like a wonderful holiday camp, others were more direct and expressed their belief that it was not possible to stay sober without going there.

I had a sponsor and the big book. I had done the rehab thing before and knew in my heart that it was not the answer for me. I had decided I wanted what the AA's had, and I was willing to go to any lengths to get it, and I was committed to working the steps. This was the point the big book says " then you are ready to take certain steps.

I talked to my sponsor about whether I should go to rehab or not and he said if you don't feel the need to go, don't go. It was a matter of being honest with myself. The salesmen were a PIA, but they had no real power as long as I was honest with my self. I didn't go, I worked the steps at a good pace, and recovered.

These little bits of sometimes well meaning advice we hear are not deal breakers. If I am honest with myself, I know whether they have any merit or not.

But, there is one piece of very dangerous advice some sponsors hand out. It goes like this: " you are not ready to take the steps" . That one will kill ya.

Lazychemist

I've been telling people 'I'm fixed'. Many of them don't believe me.
To be fair I've not been sober long. I'm quite excited to be sober though and I believe me.
So does my husband. That matters
LC