ThatWasTheOldMe

That's the thing.
People mean different things by "go to any lengths to get it."
And the phrase is even used to exploit newcomers or make them feel like **** if they refuse to stroke your ego.

I've been there with the oldtimers. They weren't helping me to help me. They were helping me to stroke their own egos. The moment I questioned anything was the moment I no longer had friends.

ThatWasTheOldMe

"You're just a kid, go have another drink."

Gee thanks. Say that to someone that gives a **** what you think and they just might go do it. And die. All for your holier than thou pettiness.

SlickRick07

You've been sober for a week. You can't blame people for their comments because they are probably basing it off of past behavior. Why not keep your sobriety to yourself until you actually have some time behind it? You can avoid these types of comments. Problem solved. You are taking their comments wayyy too personal.

kintsugi

This kind of talk is actually why I stopped visiting these forums regularly.

I'd be excited about my progress (I was 3 months in at the time) like 'damn! XYZ is WORKING for me, I'm really feeling great this is the BEST I've been in years" and while 80% of people would be supportive, there is that handful that tear you down with "you're not better than the rest of us, once an alcoholic always an alcoholic, if you're not feeling like **** you're doing it wrong, this attitude is going to take you right back to where you started, be more miserable and afraid."

I come back occasionally to check in and offer what I can where I can, but it's in my best interest not to come here regularly because the negativity gets me down and is not very useful to recovery.

Give 'em an earful for me, too.

Mountainmanbob

That's true at one week sober I would worry about nothing other than staying sober today.
Mountainman

Dee74

TWTOM, people had various reasons for responding like they did. Some were scared my not drinking would expose their drinking habits , some thought I was getting pompous with it, and some had no faith in me cos I'd worn it down with repeated assurances I was done drinking.

Luckily I was doing this for me, not anyone else. I stayed sober, and in time mended the broken fences, at least from my side of the street

I'm sorry you felt that way here Kintsugi.

Warnings (or even concern) about the future can sometimes appear as admonishments.

None of us are literary giants and none of us are trained in helping others, so sometimes our advice might be a little rough hewn..

Consider using the ignore function perhaps?

D

soberlicious

I've succeeded at many things when people told me I would fail. I've also failed at a few things in which people expected me to succeed. But once I quit drinking, I was able to get pretty deeply acquainted with myself. I know when I make a commitment I will keep it. I'll never drink again, so it matters a big fat zilch what anyone else thinks.

kintsugi

Hope all is well! I'm sorry if that sounded like a slight against the forum. You guys do a great job! And I definitely still check in 2-3 times a month (I'm here after all!).

I've found sobriety a lot more pleasant/easier to maintain when I don't put myself in a place where I'm being told to second guess myself.

I'm still learning to really trust and believe in myself (years of alcoholism makes that tough, I think), and it's hard to do that with some of the "advice" on here because it actually feeds into a crappy internal narrative that I'm trying to break.

Difference in opinion are TOTALLY part of life and something you can't avoid entirely, but it isn't really what look for when I want to go somewhere for support. It doesn't motivate me, it deflates me.

Alcohol was/is disempowering for me, and the most crucial thing I've experienced are things that give me power back. For me, interacting with people who make me feel capable of handling things in a healthy way, rather than terrified of messing things up, has yielded way way better results --- and I definitely think those "I told ya so, once a drinker always a drinker you'll drink again you're doomed deal with it" kind of messages aren't helpful to people like me.

Yankee73

When I got sober back in May 2013, I was told by an old timer at an AA meeting that I would drink again. He was one of many who had the attitude that if you didn't do things their way, you would fail. I stopped going to meetings. I always wanted to go back to that meeting and flip him the bird, but it's not worth the commute...

shortstop81

By no means do I want this to turn into an AA-bash, but I had a similar experience with a sponsor the last time I walked back into the rooms. I wanted to make a sincere effort to work the AA steps and touched base with an old sponsor looking for guidance. She asked me what I was doing about my sobriety thus far, and I told her I was taking Campral which was working AMAZINGLY well for my cravings. She replied "That's not the answer I wanted to hear".

It was really off-putting because I'd found something that was aiding me in my recovery, but she was dismissive because it didn't fit into her AA-centred view of recovery. And that said more about her than it did about any genuine concern for me, because anyone truly interested in someone's recovery would be supportive of any method that was actually helping someone.

Bottom line is that *I* knew it was helping me, and I couldn't let someone else make me feel bad about it.

NulaMeansZero

do you, thats it!
People will have their opinions on many topics, including you (or us) and your (or our)sobriety, their entitled to that ....
many times you'll see that deep down their either having similar feelings or just downright morons and just speak and dont think before hand.