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Need advice from parents?

Old 04-04-2017, 11:32 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Need advice from parents?

Or those who have been through something similar. I have a pre-teen daughter with an attitude. I am sober and she has it in her head all alcohol is dangerous, in any amount. Her father and I drank heavily when she was little and are divorced.

Her father and wife have told her (apparently) to search my garbage or something similar because she looks in there when I am in other rooms. She searches my closet and places to find alcohol. She never finds any. Yet, she still looks.

However, MY father drinks socially and we went over there last weekend. He sat down with one beer after working all day at 7pm. I didn't see it and she chimed in and said "Well look at you over there". No one said anything and I kept watching TV.

She was not satisfied with being ignored so she said "That's an interesting drink you have there grampa!". It wasn't curiosity, it was to let it be known she thinks alcohol is unacceptable. My mom told her not to start trouble and that's when I saw the beer.

I have told her time and time again that adults are allowed to consume alcohol. I have explained how driving after drinking works. I have told her about peer pressure and I told her in front of everyone (humiliating) that "Grampa is not driving home and grampa is a legal adult having one beer.".

However, she went and told her father. Then, she made sure I knew she told him. (My ex didn't care).

Anyway, there is a HUGE area-wide community gathering tonight about addiction. I want to take her. It is addiction/alcohol/drug based because our drug/OD rate is out of control here. It's an epidemic. I want to take her because she is so hung up on alcohol, I fear she doesn't even know what else is out there.

My fear is that this will back-fire. I am afraid she will start using this info to say "I learned that you aren't supposed to drink alcohol Grampa and there is no "safe" amount. (let's just say they mention in the meeting)." She will probably blow up the next time she sees anyone drinking wine at any table in my family (often). She will probably ask my mom, or dad if they've used drugs. She comes from a divided home and is very hard to deal with lately. I don't know if she is too young for this.

However, she is in that pre-teen stage where I actually was using a pretty empty bottle of expensive wine for real flowers and she would chime in about it every day asking if I drank it, when, how fast, then she'd tell me I was a "bad person". I do not smoke, do not use drugs, can't take any pill (Tylenol) without her asking why I am taking meds and so on.

Should I even attend this? She said I am "punishing" her by making her go after a "long" day at school. Thoughts on this? Ty
behindblueyes is offline  
Old 04-04-2017, 11:49 AM
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zjw
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With my kids in situations like this I turn it on them. I might start busting there chops relentlessly about the garabge candy they eat and how its not healthy etc... I turn it back on my kids in ways that get them thinking and give them a hard time. I probably push it to far too for example if my kids are giving me a hard time about my vegan eating i might make an off color joke about the meat they might be eating it might be so bad too that they refuse to eat in the same room with me for fear of hearing another comment like that out of me.

But it gets them to think and question what there eating and or beliefs are.

ONe time when my son was younger he sided up wtih my wife and felt he was suddenly an adult and could lecture me on cleaning up the dog logs in the yard. I took him out to walk the dog with me one day waited for the dog to lay a hot and steamy one and then told him to use this shopping bag to pick it up and throw it away. he cried and begged that i not make him pick that awful thing up etc.. I told him to get on it its not a big deal to pick it up you even said so yourself on more then on occaision to me etc... He finally tearfully picked it up. I later explained that picking up poo isnt that easy and that if he wants to run his mouth he should be willing to pick up the poo himself even I also explained that i'm the parent and hes't he child and its disrespectful to order me around like that.

he never once suggested i pick up the dog poo anymore lol.

Your case is probaby a little more complex tho since you have the prior drinking history to contend with as well.
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Old 04-04-2017, 12:12 PM
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Maybe try explaining to her that alcohol in and of itself isn't good or bad. It's a just another liquid. It's how some ppl misuse it that causes trouble. Most of the world has no trouble with alcohol. It's only the (what is it? 10% or so?) of us who cannot safely use it. Just a thought.
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