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Diary of a Mad Cow, Part XX: "The Moo Also Rises"



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Diary of a Mad Cow, Part XX: "The Moo Also Rises"

Old 02-23-2017, 09:40 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Bethany57 View Post
Cow: THank you for sharing your journey.... you have such a way with words and I know it cannot be easy to be so honest and open. I really admire you so much. Anyhow may I ask you ..how does someone get addicted to benzo's? Does the Dr. just keep prescribing them when they know they are so addictive? It's not like alcohol where you can just go to store and purchase. I am just scared because someone very close to me I know drinks and takes benzo's for sleep aid and I would hate for her to become addicted to it and have to go through the pain you went through.
I was on a low dose benzo for 4 or so months this past fall. I self tapered off because I felt the tolerance building. I was addicted after just that short time. W/d was rough even on a taper. The symptoms were almost unbelievable given the low dose that I took over a short period of time. I am still having mild symptoms over a month after jumping off, but luckily they are subsiding. My sister has been on klonopin .05 for over 20 years. She wants to quit, but I doubt that she ever will.

Also, mixing alcohol and benzos is dangerous.
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Old 02-23-2017, 09:42 AM
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Good to see you here, Cow!!!!!
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Old 02-23-2017, 10:28 AM
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Originally Posted by fini View Post
hm...not in agreement with you about the best "cure" for addiction. memory and awareness of how bad is baaad and how baaad the horror is has an important place, but for me, the best "cure" was/is the hope, belief, knowledge/trust/and now experience that there is better out there; that sobriety offers more. even when it didn't always, at any given moment, look that way, that was the ember, and the "cure".
Good point fini, how bout I make two designer fragrance, one call Horror and one call Hope and then you pick which motivations is better for you in any given moment!

Hi olow! Glad you withdrawal is start to subside. You done good!
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Old 02-23-2017, 12:01 PM
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Hi Cow. I am so glad to see you posting. I thought about you often and hoped you were doing ok. You are one strong Cow, and your desire and persistence will pay off for you.
I am happy to see you taking care of YOU. Funny how we sometimes treat others better than ourselves...
I don't really have much to report; same ole same ole around here.
My very best wishes for your continued success Cow.
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Old 02-23-2017, 01:34 PM
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Originally Posted by olow View Post
I was on a low dose benzo for 4 or so months this past fall. I self tapered off because I felt the tolerance building. I was addicted after just that short time. W/d was rough even on a taper. The symptoms were almost unbelievable given the low dose that I took over a short period of time. I am still having mild symptoms over a month after jumping off, but luckily they are subsiding. My sister has been on klonopin .05 for over 20 years. She wants to quit, but I doubt that she ever will.

Also, mixing alcohol and benzos is dangerous.
Thank you for sharing your story. I just find it incredible that Dr.s even prescribe this without huge warnings. You know even my own Dr. will give me sleeping pills (Lunesta) without a thought- I have severe insomnia. I asked several times...won't this be addicting??... he says..not really. I went home and researched it and YES you can become addicted to it.
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Old 02-23-2017, 02:26 PM
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Cow!

How (now brown cow) great to see you posting again, your unique self has been missed around here!

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Old 02-24-2017, 10:05 AM
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Hi Cow, thanks for asking. Still struggling a lot. Not as severely depressed at the moment, but enduring anhedonia.
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Old 02-25-2017, 07:45 AM
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Hello Cow, how are you?
May I ask, did you do a benzo taper under a doctor's supervision or on your own?
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Old 02-25-2017, 03:02 PM
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Hi Leshar, Is you also on benzo? I not taper. I just was already suffering protracted alcohol withdrawal syndromes and the thinking was, Jesus God, I not gonna do this for year AND THEN suffer whole other year with benzo withdrawal, so I just does them together! And I dump it. That is not recommended way to go and I learn pretty quick the alcohol withdrawal was bouquet of daisies compare to what fresh hell the benzo withdrawal can bring. But worst is over (I think, is common for one to slide back to worse symptom because no reason.)

How is everybody going this weekend? I play volleyball with my group and only has to sit out once cuz I light-headed!
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Old 02-25-2017, 08:59 PM
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Tended all day to my girl who suffered severe consequences from celebrating her 21st birthday. Let's all pray once was enough.
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Old 02-26-2017, 04:20 AM
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AHHHH YESSS!!!!! Hi Cow and everyone.

That's fantastic Cow. I read up on benzo withdraw when Sleeps was going through it and I can't believe those things are prescribed in the first place. It sounds like pure torture trying to get off them. You have my respect for that one especially.

Embers are good Cow. I remember I slowly felt the first layer of depression start to lift after about 6 weeks and an occasional glimmer of happiness. It took a couple of years to heal completely but the good moments started to outnumber the bad. Now I can barely remember what it was like. I do know I referred to what I was doing to myself when I drank as "taking crazy pills".

I think I may have finally achieved escape velocity with the nicotine! I know,right? It's been about 105 days without a puff. I felt like I was raging for most of that time. I can't go through that again. I'm reminded of when people say they have another relapse in them but not another recovery. I've been going up hard against the sugar thing this past year. I made it 2 months then feel off. I started yoga and enlisted a couple of people who have issues as well. Sometimes I feel like it's not going good enough. I look at it though and realize a year ago I was 5 lbs heavier AND smoked. Smoking was the heavy bat anyway. With the drinking and smoking off the list the rest will work out.
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Old 02-26-2017, 04:45 AM
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I've been off processed sugar and caffeine for a month now.

I'm no more tired now than I was before.
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Old 02-26-2017, 07:09 AM
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OMG! Glimmer go off caffeine and no tell anybody?! You little devil! Why you do it? How? Details please?! I still doing little dances with that one.

Hi SRun. You has slay those smokes, lady! That no easy task. Let me know if you want we do sugar showdown together as my, um, intense focus is for sure sliding back over toward the food side of town. I fixating on "treats". Sugar no good for me, so this definite has to be put under healthy controls.
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Old 02-26-2017, 09:15 AM
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Hello Cow,
Yes I'm on 1mg of lorazepam at night, and have been for years. I keep asking my psych to take me off it, but he insists it has a beneficial synergistic effect with my anti depressant. I want off it though, I have a heavy, hung over feeling every morning.
I don't know how you managed just coming off yours. I hope you are over the worst of it.
I'm addicted to sugar. Gilmer, good for you. I wish I could do that. I basically live on sweet stuff. I reach for ice cream usually when I've been around people who are irritating. It's only harming me though.
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Old 02-26-2017, 04:48 PM
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I was around some delicious-looking home-baked sugar stuff today. I was dying!

Caffeine was all of a sudden starting to affect me very badly, Cow. One day I was drinking a pot a day--the next, just one cup gave me internal jitters and a racing heart.

Last month I had a medical procedure that required me to drink only decaf coffee for two days, so I figured while I was at it I would just give up caffeine altogether.

I weaned down so I wouldn't get a horrible headache; then I essentially gave up caffeine. While I was on the clear liquid diet, I also gave up sweets, because they're nothing but fat pills.

Amazingly, I've kept it up all month! Though I do drink three cups of decaf a day; I realize that it's still got a small bit of caffeine--but nothing near the volume I used to consume!

I hope this week to switch altogether to herbal tea.
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Old 02-27-2017, 11:31 AM
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Good for you, Gilmer. I like peppermint tea.
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Old 02-27-2017, 05:18 PM
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You all are inspiring!

Congratulations

on giving up smoking, silentrun!
caffeine & sugar, Gilmer!
benzos and booze, cow!
olow no more benzos!
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Old 02-27-2017, 06:04 PM
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to be sung

Last edited by fini; 02-27-2017 at 06:05 PM. Reason: re courage 2 's signature
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Old 02-27-2017, 11:32 PM
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Lots of love cow!!!! Proud of you.
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Old 02-28-2017, 01:43 PM
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Nice to see familiar faces! Love to hear how you all going.

I surprise to find I already starting to get pretty bad case of "now what?"
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