Diary of a Mad Cow, Part XX: "The Moo Also Rises"
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 89
Originally Posted by Bethany57 
Cow: THank you for sharing your journey.... you have such a way with words and I know it cannot be easy to be so honest and open. I really admire you so much. Anyhow may I ask you ..how does someone get addicted to benzo's? Does the Dr. just keep prescribing them when they know they are so addictive? It's not like alcohol where you can just go to store and purchase. I am just scared because someone very close to me I know drinks and takes benzo's for sleep aid and I would hate for her to become addicted to it and have to go through the pain you went through.
Also, mixing alcohol and benzos is dangerous.
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Originally Posted by fini
hm...not in agreement with you about the best "cure" for addiction. memory and awareness of how bad is baaad and how baaad the horror is has an important place, but for me, the best "cure" was/is the hope, belief, knowledge/trust/and now experience that there is better out there; that sobriety offers more. even when it didn't always, at any given moment, look that way, that was the ember, and the "cure".
Hi olow! Glad you withdrawal is start to subside. You done good!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Georgia
Posts: 711
Hi Cow. I am so glad to see you posting. I thought about you often and hoped you were doing ok. You are one strong Cow, and your desire and persistence will pay off for you.
I am happy to see you taking care of YOU. Funny how we sometimes treat others better than ourselves...
I don't really have much to report; same ole same ole around here.
My very best wishes for your continued success Cow.
Croutie
I am happy to see you taking care of YOU. Funny how we sometimes treat others better than ourselves...
I don't really have much to report; same ole same ole around here.
My very best wishes for your continued success Cow.
Croutie
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 690
Originally Posted by olow
I was on a low dose benzo for 4 or so months this past fall. I self tapered off because I felt the tolerance building. I was addicted after just that short time. W/d was rough even on a taper. The symptoms were almost unbelievable given the low dose that I took over a short period of time. I am still having mild symptoms over a month after jumping off, but luckily they are subsiding. My sister has been on klonopin .05 for over 20 years. She wants to quit, but I doubt that she ever will.
Also, mixing alcohol and benzos is dangerous.
Also, mixing alcohol and benzos is dangerous.
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Hi Leshar, Is you also on benzo? I not taper. I just was already suffering protracted alcohol withdrawal syndromes and the thinking was, Jesus God, I not gonna do this for year AND THEN suffer whole other year with benzo withdrawal, so I just does them together! And I dump it. That is not recommended way to go and I learn pretty quick the alcohol withdrawal was bouquet of daisies compare to what fresh hell the benzo withdrawal can bring. But worst is over (I think, is common for one to slide back to worse symptom because no reason.)
How is everybody going this weekend? I play volleyball with my group and only has to sit out once cuz I light-headed!
How is everybody going this weekend? I play volleyball with my group and only has to sit out once cuz I light-headed!
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,360
AHHHH YESSS!!!!! Hi Cow and everyone. 
That's fantastic Cow. I read up on benzo withdraw when Sleeps was going through it and I can't believe those things are prescribed in the first place. It sounds like pure torture trying to get off them. You have my respect for that one especially.
Embers are good Cow. I remember I slowly felt the first layer of depression start to lift after about 6 weeks and an occasional glimmer of happiness. It took a couple of years to heal completely but the good moments started to outnumber the bad. Now I can barely remember what it was like. I do know I referred to what I was doing to myself when I drank as "taking crazy pills".
I think I may have finally achieved escape velocity with the nicotine! I know,right? It's been about 105 days without a puff. I felt like I was raging for most of that time. I can't go through that again. I'm reminded of when people say they have another relapse in them but not another recovery. I've been going up hard against the sugar thing this past year. I made it 2 months then feel off. I started yoga and enlisted a couple of people who have issues as well. Sometimes I feel like it's not going good enough. I look at it though and realize a year ago I was 5 lbs heavier AND smoked. Smoking was the heavy bat anyway. With the drinking and smoking off the list the rest will work out.
That's fantastic Cow. I read up on benzo withdraw when Sleeps was going through it and I can't believe those things are prescribed in the first place. It sounds like pure torture trying to get off them. You have my respect for that one especially.
Embers are good Cow. I remember I slowly felt the first layer of depression start to lift after about 6 weeks and an occasional glimmer of happiness. It took a couple of years to heal completely but the good moments started to outnumber the bad. Now I can barely remember what it was like. I do know I referred to what I was doing to myself when I drank as "taking crazy pills".
I think I may have finally achieved escape velocity with the nicotine! I know,right? It's been about 105 days without a puff. I felt like I was raging for most of that time. I can't go through that again. I'm reminded of when people say they have another relapse in them but not another recovery. I've been going up hard against the sugar thing this past year. I made it 2 months then feel off. I started yoga and enlisted a couple of people who have issues as well. Sometimes I feel like it's not going good enough. I look at it though and realize a year ago I was 5 lbs heavier AND smoked. Smoking was the heavy bat anyway. With the drinking and smoking off the list the rest will work out.
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
OMG! Glimmer go off caffeine and no tell anybody?! You little devil! Why you do it? How? Details please?! I still doing little dances with that one.
Hi SRun.
You has slay those smokes, lady! That no easy task. Let me know if you want we do sugar showdown together as my, um, intense focus is for sure sliding back over toward the food side of town. I fixating on "treats". Sugar no good for me, so this definite has to be put under healthy controls.
Hi SRun.
You has slay those smokes, lady! That no easy task. Let me know if you want we do sugar showdown together as my, um, intense focus is for sure sliding back over toward the food side of town. I fixating on "treats". Sugar no good for me, so this definite has to be put under healthy controls. Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,997
Hello Cow,
Yes I'm on 1mg of lorazepam at night, and have been for years. I keep asking my psych to take me off it, but he insists it has a beneficial synergistic effect with my anti depressant. I want off it though, I have a heavy, hung over feeling every morning.
I don't know how you managed just coming off yours. I hope you are over the worst of it.
I'm addicted to sugar. Gilmer, good for you. I wish I could do that. I basically live on sweet stuff. I reach for ice cream usually when I've been around people who are irritating. It's only harming me though.
Yes I'm on 1mg of lorazepam at night, and have been for years. I keep asking my psych to take me off it, but he insists it has a beneficial synergistic effect with my anti depressant. I want off it though, I have a heavy, hung over feeling every morning.
I don't know how you managed just coming off yours. I hope you are over the worst of it.
I'm addicted to sugar. Gilmer, good for you. I wish I could do that. I basically live on sweet stuff. I reach for ice cream usually when I've been around people who are irritating. It's only harming me though.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
I was around some delicious-looking home-baked sugar stuff today. I was dying!
Caffeine was all of a sudden starting to affect me very badly, Cow. One day I was drinking a pot a day--the next, just one cup gave me internal jitters and a racing heart.
Last month I had a medical procedure that required me to drink only decaf coffee for two days, so I figured while I was at it I would just give up caffeine altogether.
I weaned down so I wouldn't get a horrible headache; then I essentially gave up caffeine. While I was on the clear liquid diet, I also gave up sweets, because they're nothing but fat pills.
Amazingly, I've kept it up all month! Though I do drink three cups of decaf a day; I realize that it's still got a small bit of caffeine--but nothing near the volume I used to consume!
I hope this week to switch altogether to herbal tea.
Caffeine was all of a sudden starting to affect me very badly, Cow. One day I was drinking a pot a day--the next, just one cup gave me internal jitters and a racing heart.
Last month I had a medical procedure that required me to drink only decaf coffee for two days, so I figured while I was at it I would just give up caffeine altogether.
I weaned down so I wouldn't get a horrible headache; then I essentially gave up caffeine. While I was on the clear liquid diet, I also gave up sweets, because they're nothing but fat pills.
Amazingly, I've kept it up all month! Though I do drink three cups of decaf a day; I realize that it's still got a small bit of caffeine--but nothing near the volume I used to consume!
I hope this week to switch altogether to herbal tea.
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