Gottalife

In respect of drinking, no I could never trust my own brain. A characteristic of alcoholism is the inabilty to make the sane choice at certain times.

Here is an example. A chap I was sponsoring was three months sober wnd doing well. He returned home after work to find a small celebration going on at home. Family and friends were there. It was a normal and happy situation. As he came in the door a friend held out a beer for him. He took it without a thought and it was almost to his lips when his sister knocked it out of his hand. Not very dramatic, but a relapse can start with just a thoughtless defenceless moment.

The big question he had was "where were the sane thoughts and knowledge that should have saved me"? They never came to mind, and that is why I don't trust my very finite and limited mind.

Instead I trust infinite God, much to my surprise. My reactions have changed and in such situations, it just doesn't occur to me to drink.

jaynie04

Yes, I do feel like the reasonable part took over again. Sobriety is a hugely pragmatic choice. Once you have a problem it won't go away.

There was a wonderful post on the substance abuse thread yesterday: #150 on the hydro thread, sorry I don't know how to quote inter thread..

", you will eventually end up right back where you are now. ALL roads lead back here. No one can stay high forever. It's the laws of physics. Everything that goes up. must come down. To every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. You can't stay on the pills forever. They will get you in the end. So, whether you decide to use or not Tuesday, you are just prolonging the inevitable. It will always come down to this. It took me a long time to figure that out. Too long. I could go 17 steps out my door right now and get pills. She has them, and they are for sale. And, I have a little money. But, I haven't. You know why?? Because there's no point. Just stretching out the pain and the inevitable outcome. Doesn't matter. ALL roads lead back here. Always and forever. "

I thought this was so brilliantly articulated. You are going to end up at this crossroads eventually. It will never get easier, only harder. The choice you have at this juncture is how much more you are willing to forfeit along the way.

The longer you drink the further down the wrong road you go, the more distance you put between yourself and the inevitable. And sadly, at some point the choice to turn back might not be there anymore.

I got sober because I knew I could have the life I wanted...or drink. They are mutually exclusive. I can say with all honesty that what I have gained from not drinking has completely verified the fact that I made the right choice.

Sobriety is freedom. Instead of focusing on what I was giving up I focused on what I was gaining. I didn't fix all the problems caused by my drinking immediately. But at least I was immediately able to insure that I didn't create any more issues.

All of us only have to do this once. But sobriety isn't a side issue it is a choice that will impact each area of your life. When I was the most anxious and least comfortable I knew that change was occurring.

I don't really think about drinking at all anymore. I wouldn't go sit in a bar, but I can be around people that are drinking and it doesn't bother me. I see sobriety as a huge before and after story.

Dee has said, sobriety isn't an event, it is a decision. I think we are often waiting for some monumental cosmic push when it sobriety is always actually at our feet. I There are usually a lot of posts and declarations about sobriety after a major holiday or event...but sobriety can start on a boring Tuesday in February. The series of small personal choices that you make daily are what are going to cumulate in the big before/after.

I am so happy to hear that you broke the spell last night and were able to shift your thinking. It gets easier and easier and it is an exciting journey if you believe that the effort you put in now to weather the storms will free you for the rest of your life.