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All alone... Still sober

Old 01-18-2017, 05:11 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I've left such a path of destruction in my drinking wake, that I know there's some 'bridges' that I will have to build up over time in sobriety. Then there's the 'bridges' that I've absolutely just blown the F up beyond repair! Pretty sure the later is going to be the case with most of my relationships and those are where/what I'm mentally dealing with now. I know drinking won't help fix those but, sure makes me want to. It's years of drinking over my drunk mistakes,guilt,shame,whatever you got, that put me in this position. Sh*t sucks!
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Old 01-18-2017, 05:13 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Seren View Post
Hello Mester,

I am really glad you have decided to pursue a sober life. That is great news!

I am 'from the other side', if you will. Addiction runs in my family like a thread through the generations. How I am not an addict is beyond my ability to explain.

I know that you are in pain right now over the break up of your family, but I wanted to share a bit about how it may have been from your wife's perspective. This may be painful to you, and for that I am sorry--truly.

Of your 18 years of marriage, you were sober for only 4, is that correct? Your wife has experienced it all and still stayed in the marriage the whole time. Even if you were never angry or violent or verbally abusive, your wife and children did not have a present husband and father, and probably lived with a great deal of chaos.

Then, she finally had a sober husband for 4 years!

Lately, however, she has been watching you return to the drink, slowly but surely, over what you describe as a few months. How many is a few? 10 or 36? It is hard to put into words how much anguish it is for us to watch our loved ones relapse after a period, any period of time, sober.

Then you try sobriety again, only this time--you are angry. Have you been angry before? Have you been demeaning, critical, verbally abusive?

And you are a trained police officer. An angry trained police officer. There is a gun in the house, and you do know how to use it. She was probably more afraid than she has ever been.

She made the decision to protect her children--that is her first priority. She does not want them to have to live with angry, hateful words or threats and fear of violence. She does not want them to grow up in chaos any longer.

At this point, I would harbor a guess that she does not trust your words--at all. She is exhausted, stressed, afraid, and she needs some space and time on her own to make her own decision about what will be best for her and your children.

I hope and pray that you will continue on this road of recovery. I hope that you will allow your wife the time and space she needs without pressuring her. She gave you 18 years--surely you can give her this time.

You and your wife and your children will be in my prayers. I really do wish you the best of luck. You deserve a happy, peaceful, and sober life. We all do...

Peace to you,
S
Of the 18 years I was sober for 11 years. I didn't become an alcoholic until about 7 years into our relationship.
I'm not an angry drinker. I'm actually pretty laid back. We just get to arguing and then I say mean things. Never once laid a hand on her and she has a firearm as well. They are all locked up because of the kids
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Old 01-18-2017, 05:58 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Yes, my family members who own guns and have conceal/carry licenses all have safes or lock-boxes.

For you own peace and well-being, I really hope you continue what you have begun here. For your marriage's sake, please allow your wife some space and time. I would agree with the others--your actions are what will speak to her the loudest.
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Old 01-18-2017, 07:30 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Hang in there buddy. I lost a 20 year marriage and a bunch of mulaa due to alcoholism. But I can tell you after almost 4 years of sobriety our relationship is of respect and understanding now. I have a great new relationship and life goes on. Just be thankful the disease hasn't killed you. This way your kids have a sober daddy whether their under your roof or not. Give it time my friend. You know this.
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