Constant sober turmoil

Old 01-15-2017, 08:10 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Constant sober turmoil

I am always stressed when I'm in a sober period . After 2 years sober I was a drinker again for 1.5 years and now I'm 4 months sober again...and one thing is for certain, I am constantly not at ease when I'm in a sober period. I'm just pissy. Even when I'm not unhappy or upset about something, I still feel this cloud over me - I feel like I'm in constant turmoil. I do not feel this way when I am drinking, I feel so much more at ease with everything when I'm drinking, except not being able to stay drinking ALL the time...and that is a problem because I can't be drinking all the time...
Anyhow, I just wish I could relax and not be sooo uptight ALL the time. Sometimes I wonder which is worse for my kids - me just being a raging bitch all the time or being a drunk... I'm just a mess.
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Old 01-15-2017, 08:15 PM
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Have you looked into counseling to see if perhaps you are suffering some sort of depression or anxiety? I struggled with both for many years and it explained why I was unable to be happy even when I was sober.

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Old 01-15-2017, 08:21 PM
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I think you spelled out the cause of your turmoil. You believe that you are more easygoing when you drink, and constantly unhappy when sober.
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Old 01-15-2017, 09:10 PM
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AA calls that a dry drunk.

It leads to relapse...obviously.

AA offers a solution in working the steps etc.

Imo....rx drugs are the devil...

It is all about dopamine production.

I increase my dopamine through moderate exercise and by helping people.

Self care is important as well. Intamcy helps too.

Routine, play etc help us be happy.

Sobriety is not just about not drinking, it is about modifying our lifestyle to be content while sober.

Since AA is not for me..for now....i have sober role models...

My son...some co workers...some gym friends etc.

I copy them.

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Old 01-16-2017, 02:06 AM
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For me alcohol was a way of disconnecting from the emotions/thoughts/feelings which were crap. With booze- for a short time (over time it took more booze to get any effect, usually shorter) I could forget about them. Problem was- the alcohol got worse than the problems. In the end- I could not run away from them.
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Old 01-16-2017, 02:23 AM
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It might help to have a doctor on your side to look into things such as:

- Hormone imbalances
- Nutrient deficiencies
- Blood sugar issues
- Neurotransmitter imbalances
- Fitness level
- Diet / health issues in general
- Deeper emotional issues
- Trauma

I have a theory that there's usually a reason behind why we turned to alcohol in the first place. If you don't solve the root problem, relapse is kind of inevitable.
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Old 01-16-2017, 05:14 AM
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For me it was acceptance that I will not drink again. Surrender to the fact that drinking will eventually kill me. My level of serenity is in proportion with my level of acceptance.

Wishing I could drink all the time? Yes, that leads to extreme irritability.
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Old 01-16-2017, 09:29 AM
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Thanks everyone.
Counseling would be a good thing to do. Unfortunately, I live in an area where there is one counselor locally and marriage conflict is her specialty... So, I will have to travel and that's not easy with a full time job, 4 kids and an unsupportive, drinking - alcoholic, husband. I'll probably just see if the local person can help which will still put a strain on life balance...but not as much of one...
Yes, I had early tragedies which I believe led to my drinking to zone out and feel like all is fine...but, a lot of my issues now are 'current stresses' that need to be addressed.
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Old 01-16-2017, 10:56 AM
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Sounds like you may need to add something to your recovery plan (if you have one), as you appear to be on a white-knuckling period of sobriety.

Have you ever read the Big Book of AA or tried a meeting? If not, I would suggest giving this a go. Dee also has some great links on his thread (see link below).

Being sober is very well and good, but not even a tenth as great as recovery feels once we've got some under our belt, and have developed a recovery schedule that keeps us mentally, emotionally and spiritually healthy.
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Old 01-16-2017, 01:00 PM
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are ya stuffing whats really happening when youre drinking? try and push it out of your mind?
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Old 01-17-2017, 06:43 AM
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Me too! The Big Book calls that the "jumping off point." Read "A Vision For You." I got to the point where I knew I couldn't drink but I could not manage my life sober...I just wanted to die. The solution is through intensive step work. Like another poster said, I too stay away from pharma solutions for my emotions. I've found that regular exercise, cutting back on caffeine, quitting smoking, incorporating alternative therapies (meditation, acupuncture and supplements) helps me tremendously for my nervous disposition. I am trying out magnesium supplements for my anxiety - people say they work wonders.

Whenever I am in a bad head space I ask myself two questions:

1. What am I doing that I shouldn't be doing?
2. What am I NOT doing that I should be doing?

The answers come to me if I am willing to take an honest look.
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Old 01-17-2017, 02:26 PM
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Hi Strength4all

I felt that way a lot of times when quitting. Eventually I realised that I'd stopped drinking but I was still living a life that was built around drinking - all my friends and all my ideas of fun, relaxation, and problem solving were connected to drinking.

If that rings a bell with you too, maybe it's time to stop and think about what parts of your life are keeping the desire for drinking alive, and what could you do to start building a sober life you could be happy in?

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