JWS

For the most part, people in AA are awesome. No doubt, alcoholics are selfish people when intoxicated. In sobriety, alcoholics tend to do a 180 and become generous. I still can't help to get annoyed by the "holier than thou" crowd. Typically these are folks with 5+ years sobriety. They look down upon those of us who don't even have a year. They sometimes even ridicule when we share something they may not agree with. They monopolize meetings with their wisdom, yet lecture newcomers who talk greater than one minute.

I will continue to avoid alcohol. Once I prove myself and get 1 year, I am going to start seeking out the bullies and tell them where they can take their elitism.

Dee74

I find sharing my experience in a gentle low key kinda way works.

D

JWS

Then you are like most alcoholics. That said, we all know about the 1-2 "experts" in the meetings.

Doug39

Their is a A hole in every crowd no matter where you go.

I went to an AA meeting yesterday and their was this old biker dude that was obviously messed up mentally from drinking and drugs. When it was his turn to talk he rambled on and on and wasn't making much sense. Some guy across the room was rolling his eyes and making insulting comments to the people around him.

What a jerk.

NewRomanMan

I've never had that happen. I've had to sit with people who babble on and on and drive me crazy, but then I remember my credo is supposed to me love and tolerance toward all, so I just try to relax and use it as an opportunity to practice my patience.

Fly N Buy

Self righteousness is unbecoming be it in newcomers or those with some time. Some are sicker than others is a phrase I try to remember. Love and tolerance is our creed. I can't make others do it but can try to practice it myself.

I can only work on me. When I do that I change and the world looks different.

sugarbear1

Love and service.....

zjw

i dunno that first year or 2 it was a real bitch to try and tune those types out. it wasnt just alcholics but even non alcoholics liek that I felt like i was the foot stool they used to prop up there egos drove me nuts.

in time it gets easier. to jsut ignore em. let them do what they do and go on your way. Tho i duno i do still have my moments with these types every now and then. I suppose it just is what it is.

zjw

i used to say back then too ya know sometimes peopel need a good old fashioned ass kicking but we have to be all PC in todays day an age lol.

I was pretty angry and beligerant. I do still think tho a good old fashioned... well i'll be polite lol.

JeffreyAK

I've seen and experienced this too, and I think it's a couple things.

One, you're right, some long timers have so much of their self-esteem wrapped up in how many years they have of not drinking, that they are judgemental and self-righteous, sometimes because that's all they have.

But two, people in the early days of sobriety are often emotionally reactive and easily upset by things that other folks wouldn't pay much attention to, like that old-timer being self-righteous again.

It's a bit of both, in my experience, and the balance can seem to change was we build up long sober time ourselves, and become less likely to permit other people to control our emotions with their actions that we cannot control.

tomsteve

call me self righteous, but I think a better solution would be to work the steps on this.

BrendaChenowyth

I think you should spend your time instead seeking out the people who inspire you for the right reasons.

Aellyce

Definitely good decision to avoid alcohol. But if you feel the way you described about some people, why not lead by a different example rather than cultivating these feelings further and planning some kind of revenge?

Dee74

I hope I don't appear condescending but I really can't think of any other way to say this- the things, and people, that bother you now will most likely not bother you in a years time.

I've learned a lot from people - even the people who use to annoy me the most.

D

awuh1

Thanks for sharing this JWS. Locally we are going to start a newcomers meeting and we have a planning meeting scheduled to determine the format for that meeting. I intend to read your original post in that meeting if the opportunity arises.

I also find myself with limited tolerance recently for those who speak down from the mountaintops to those who they view as the lesser mortals below. That said, I have also found myself pointing out likely pitfalls to newcomers.
I take pains to not come off as speaking down to anyone. I think it's essential to find a way to address the likely pitfalls a newcomer faces but at the same time not alienate that person. The manner in which these ideas are communicated are every bit as important as the content of the message.

I think you are in a powerful position as a newcomer if you are able to find the words to cultivate a bit more thoughtfulness in those who clearly are deficient in it.

Mester

There was a guy in one of my AA meetings who stated he was an a**hole sober, so just imagine him as an alcoholic and he had 10+ years. I actually enjoyed his honesty. No BSing with him. I'm the same way. I tell it like it is.

With that said, so many personalities in AA, you're not going to like everyone. I had a meeting where I couldn't stand half the group, but I kept going. You'll find your Home Group and you'll love it. Just white knuckle the ones you don't like

fini

and when you go find them and tell them where they can take their 'elitism', arent you being self-righteous?

ScottFromWI

Self righteousness is a human phenomena, not specific to AA or even recovery in general. How we react ( or don't ) is far more important than the act itself.

entropy1964

Eh, who cares? Focus on the program.

Someone here had a great one, Coldfusion maybe? Something like, "I keep my can of whoop ass right next to my can of dumb ass". Cracked me up. In other words, it's easy to grab the wrong can when self will is driving the bus.

Ken33xx

Not everyone in AA is healthy regardless of sobriety time but I would avoid telling anyone off or getting into arguments.

What's important is not what necessarily what others say in the rooms but how you live life outside. A bit of an eye opener was one particular member with over 25 years who spoke with authority at meetings. Here was the man with all the answers when it came to AA and I'd been listening to him share in meetings for almost ten years.

One day he started working where I was employed. What I found weird was he gave off the same authoritarian vibe he did in AA meetings. It wasn't long before he pissed off most of the staff and found himself being avoided.

Anyway, best of luck.