Munchkin94

I had a very real wake up call this morning. My 18 year old daughter told me she's spending the night with a friend on New Year's Eve and my first thought "At least I won't have to hide my drinking from her"

The fact that that was my first thought made me very sad but also very motivated to change that...Day 2 going well so far!

entropy1964

Hi Munchkin

I hope you're feeling a little better.

I still have 'thoughts' that are very sad. For example, if my daughter and friends are alone in the house for a few hours I'll think "they might find something". Its a quick, rather vague, thought/feeling but its there. I'm only a little over 4 months so I know that's normal. But its still unsettling. When my daughter is in my bathroom (where my walk-in closet is) I still get a bit anxious....like I'm hiding something in the closet. Ugh.

These long established patterns of behavior take time to change. And I'm not sure my daughter will ever really trust me in the way that normal people have the trust of their children. Addiction is just too scary and unpredictable. I'm ok with that. I just try to make a living amends each day by being sober. That's about all I can do.

Munchkin94

Day 2 was almost done when I hit a trigger. I argued with myself for about an hour then headed to the kitchen and fixed myself a bowl of vanilla caramel gelato with ghirardelli chocolate and whipped cream. Think I'm going to check out that "making a plan" suggestion now...

Flyfisher125

Whatever solves the cravings in the short run outside of alcohol!

Bunny211

You gotta keep trying.
Don't ever give up.
It took me 5 years (when I realized I had a problem with alcohol to get to AA) and then 2 years in AA where I thought I could manage my drinking if I stayed sober for a month or two months etc. to get 19 months of 100% sobriety. I can say without hesitation that sobriety is worth it.

Candela

Sobriety is totally worth it - but it isn't always easy. I have quit drinking countless times - but staying sober has been another story. I relate to what Bunny said - it took me many years of being in AA and being sober then relapsing again to finally become willing to do what it takes.

This alcoholic cannot rely on the intensity of my remorse/regret, the pain of a hangover, or the sadness at hurting others to keep me sober. Action is required to manage the powerlessness of my disease. If I'm not in recovery mode I'm in relapse mode - and if I'm not constantly working at recovery - I will drink again.

Hang in there Munchkin - it can get better