Trying yet again...
 

So I've been here before. Hung over and full of regrets...this time, though, I took it to a new level. I started drinking at about 2:00 pm on Christmas Eve and didn't stop until the morning after Christmas. My daughter is home from college and she left at 8:00 Christmas night and hasn't come home yet. I don't understand why I did this...I totally ruined Christmas and there's nothing I can do to fix it. I suck, my life sucks and I really hate myself right now...

Do you have a Plan for sobriety, Munchkin?

Here is a link to a fabulous SR thread:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

Right now you can only focus on fixing yourself. Read through the information SoberLeigh gave you and make a plan, it could really change your future.

It's just one Christmas.. It doesn't have to define the future of your relationship with your daughter. You already know what to do.

Welcome back, Munchkin!

I'm sorry for what brings you here, but I'm glad you're back. I had a lot of regrets from drinking, and was glad to move on. Read around and post often--it works if you work it!

Let this be the reason why you now accept that drinking causes this brother hang in there with us & stick close

Keep reading & Keep posting

Thank you everyone and Soberwolf, I'm a sister ;-)
If she would just come home so I can tell her how sorry I am but, I don't blame her...I wouldn't want to be here either

munchkin, I thinbk many of us can relate to the remorse and guilt. I cant say how many times I had that the day after a bender. one thing I learned:
saying "im sorry" wasn't very wise, which it took my fiancé hearing it so many times that eventually she would say,"youre ******* right youre sorry" to get through my head that actions truly do speak louder than words.

And that can, and will, take an indeterminate amount of time before any degree of trust is restored, if at all.

I've been through this many, many times. Only actions speak to my wife. Words becomes meaningless to an addict's spouse/family eventually...

When I sucked, my life sucked, and I hated myself, I kept on going. I eventually stopped because I could no longer function on my own, following several near-death experiences that brought me to the emergency room on multiple occasions. No one I'd known before and during my extended relapse had anything to do with me. And they were right to do so.

It might take everything you've got to stop this right now, but you have so much more to lose if you don't.

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Welcome back!

The link Leigh posted is a good one. Spend some time reading around on here, and also posting. I have found being actively involved on SR has been a big part of my recovery.

I'm glad you made it back Mumchkin :)

two things are common to just about everyones recovery story - a willingness to make real changes, and a willingnss to find and use support consistently.

This is a great community to be a regular in :)

D

I have done many stupid things when I was drunk. Dwelling on it does no good.

When I was hungover, thinking about what I did usually felt worse then the damage I caused.

I guess what I am trying to say is do the best you can to fix it - and try your best not to mess up again.

Dwelling on it is all I've been doing. She finally came home and says she forgives me but won't be able to forget it which is even worse than if she had just been angry with me. Then she reminded me that my boss and his wife came over Christmas Eve and saw me hammered so that's awesome...my family has "forgiven" me but they're acting weird or maybe it's just hangover paranoia. All I know is I NEVER want to feel like this again. I hope and pray this is my rock bottom because I won't survive feeling worse than I do now.

Munchkin, it absolutely can be the last time this ever happens to you. It was Christmas time when I had my one of my last horrific episodes. I had only intended to have a couple glasses of wine. Instead, I went on a weeks-long bender. Made a spectacle of myself in front of my own family & my husbands. Topped it off with a dui. It took me months to get myself straightened out. At least you're taking action now. Staying here to talk things over is really going to help. You're among friends who understand. You can reclaim your life & rise above this.

By the way, that awful Christmas was 9 yrs. ago. I never picked up again.

In order for me to forgive myself, I needed to stop doing the things that needed to be forgiven. The work then (and, really, all along) turned to building a better life and being there for people who need me to be there. I couldn't see any other way.

Oh munchkin I wish I could hug you. I t will be ok. You can do this. Feeling guilty won't do anything. Just don't repeat the madness. I've done it all before too. Tomorrow is going to be a new day!!

So it's 1:30 AM and I'm sober and waiting for my daughter to get home. Can't remember the last time I was awake and sober at this time of night. Hopefully I can do it again tomorrow night...

Prayers, keep posting