How do you let it go?
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Hi Brenda.
I've been following your thread as best I can and I think it's good you can get some of this 'stuff' out somehow.
You've had a lot of hurt and pain in your life from various sources, so there is healing that needs to happen.
And, you need to somehow get away and stay away from people that hurt you or that you think might hurt you.
This man, the son of the woman you've been taking care of: Are you afraid he will hurt you? Maybe I missed it where you indicated so...If you are working in an environment in which you could get hurt like that, my thought is that you need to get out of that situation. It just doesn't sound good. Can you talk to anyone like an employee advocate of something with your company/agency that could help you.
Also, many places of employment has employee assistance programs for people in need. So, maybe you check that out with your employer...
I hope things will look up for you.
There are a lot of things from your past and past relationships and bullying that somehow needs to be "shed" so you can truly let go and learn to love yourself. I absolutely hate bullying. If I ever had any inkling that my kids were bullied in school I nipped it in the bud right away....ZERO TOLERANCE. in that regard.
Take care, Brenda.
I've been following your thread as best I can and I think it's good you can get some of this 'stuff' out somehow.
You've had a lot of hurt and pain in your life from various sources, so there is healing that needs to happen.
And, you need to somehow get away and stay away from people that hurt you or that you think might hurt you.
This man, the son of the woman you've been taking care of: Are you afraid he will hurt you? Maybe I missed it where you indicated so...If you are working in an environment in which you could get hurt like that, my thought is that you need to get out of that situation. It just doesn't sound good. Can you talk to anyone like an employee advocate of something with your company/agency that could help you.
Also, many places of employment has employee assistance programs for people in need. So, maybe you check that out with your employer...
I hope things will look up for you.
There are a lot of things from your past and past relationships and bullying that somehow needs to be "shed" so you can truly let go and learn to love yourself. I absolutely hate bullying. If I ever had any inkling that my kids were bullied in school I nipped it in the bud right away....ZERO TOLERANCE. in that regard.
Take care, Brenda.
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Originally Posted by JeffreyAK 
One of the things I learned in group and one-on-one counseling is, no one can make us feel anything - we always do that to ourselves. The consistent picture I'm reading here is that no matter what anyone says and does, you will take it as additional evidence that you are worthless. Maybe that's a good place to start, understanding why you are so self-critical? 
I say the following with compassion, as I think that while many of us might have had different life experiences than you, many or most of us all relate to the feelings of....self-pity...that you are expressing.
Self-pity and its evil cousin resentment are two of the worst offenders in our recovery. One thing that I try to do when I feel either of those, about anything whether big or small, is to take it away from the "I." Everyone else isn't thinking about me. Aiming for me. Hurting me. It is not about "me." That is very freeing for me and usually helps me go about keeping my side of the street clean; essentially, I am letting go of the "problem" others have, whatever it is. Sometimes, like with my mom, that is a big something or other.
The sum total of my recovery program is about faith. That includes (re) developing faith in myself along with faith in my God.
Keep going, bc.
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Originally Posted by BrendaChenowyth
This kind of encounter was typical as I grew up. When I was in my twenties I found a passion for ballroom dancing and I started going out to salsa clubs. I was finally feeling joy and making friends, or so I thought. I met a really nice guy who came to me and said he wanted to help me. He said "I don't think that anyone likes you, and nobody respects you, but if people think you're going out with me and you let me change you in to the kind of person people will like, I think all that will change for you." I began dressing and acting in a way that I was led to believe would finally make people like me. I became a laughing stock instead, because nobody actually respected this guy. But he was so nice and he said he wanted to help me. Why did I draw this person in to my life? How did he know that he could pull me in with his manipulation?
I guess I just want to make sense of it because I want to know how to stop attracting that treatment from others. It has been consistent enough that I have to believe that it is caused by something that I am doing.
So what can you learn from that relationship? I'll start?
You can learn that you don't need to dress or act a certain way to please others.
You can find out and learn what pleases yourself. How do YOU like to dress? What do YOU enjoy doing. Do you want dress in something that just feels comfortable and feels good "on". Do you want to dress in ways that play up your better features? Do you want to be able to look in the mirror and like what you see?
Serious co-dependents and people who did not get true love and acceptance from their family can have a very low self esteem. And, they somehow, some way find out that pleasing others, caring for others raises their self esteem.
Now: there is nothing wrong with caring for others, doing for others, doing things for others that bring them pleasure.
But, the number one person to please first is yourself. And you cannot depend on anyone to give you that. If others DO wish to please you, great. But don't count on it, sister friend.
Hold your head up high, Just try this: Take one day and do absolutely NOTHING except things that make you feel good.
Big Hug.
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Originally Posted by Dee74
Is it just for tomorrow?
That doesn't sound a tenable long term arrangement to me Brenda.
I'm aghast you're being sent back to be honest.
D
That doesn't sound a tenable long term arrangement to me Brenda.
I'm aghast you're being sent back to be honest.
D
He didn't, which means either he was never told and had no clue anything is wrong, or he does know and does not care what I want.
My SC told me to lock the door and bring the spare key in the house. I thought this would upset him so I didn't do it yesterday. So when he did come in twenty minutes to the end of my shift, I simply got up and went upstairs til it was time to leave..
I didn't sleep well with thoughts of him and obsessed all day about what to do and finally decided to put the blind down, lock the door and bring the key in. Out of 12 hours, he comes over when there are only 20 minutes left in my shift. If he knows I don't want him around, why not wait???
He comes, knocks on the door, I ignore it.. he knocks again and I go upstairs... he calls the landline... I know his aunt, previous snoring, is now awake.. So I text him, "[she] is sleeping, come back tomorrow when [other aide] is here".. He texts back "Let me in" so I text "Bathroom. Down in a minute" and he replies ok.. I go down and unlock the door and start walking away. He's like "What's up? The key's not out there." I say I'll put it back and I go upstairs...
I have to get this sorted out. What if anything was he told? The answer had better be NOTHING, because he came over twice and the second time he persisted in trying to get in, so he BETTER have not known I requested for him to stay away.
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Hi Brenda, this goes back to something you said earlier in the thread- Google " I was a bully" and see what comes up. I think there may even be a tumblr of accounts of bullies, told by them and actually sorry about it. I was very tormented by my peers at school for many years growing up and was abused at home as well, so there was no safe place for me for all of growing up.
Reading online accounts by bullies who at least seem to regret their actions makes me feel a little better.
Reading online accounts by bullies who at least seem to regret their actions makes me feel a little better.
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Ok Brenda,
I'm gonna lay it straight here: This still sounds like a bad situation. I asked you in a previous post if you were afraid he would hurt you. So, are you afraid he will harm you? If so, and if you were my daughter or friend or anyone I care about, I'd say get the heck out of Dodge girl. Removing the key and/or bringing it in the house, then putting it back outside is absolutely no guarantee whatsoever that he won't get a hold of a key to get in the house. Or- he'll find another way to get in.
But aside from that, you opened the door for him after you had made a plan not to do that. So, key or no key; locked or unlocked, he still got in and there was still contact.
He is going to "assess" you by your actions, not your words or your intentions. Do you want to let go or not?
I'm not getting after you. I just feel this is a safety issue.
I'm gonna lay it straight here: This still sounds like a bad situation. I asked you in a previous post if you were afraid he would hurt you. So, are you afraid he will harm you? If so, and if you were my daughter or friend or anyone I care about, I'd say get the heck out of Dodge girl. Removing the key and/or bringing it in the house, then putting it back outside is absolutely no guarantee whatsoever that he won't get a hold of a key to get in the house. Or- he'll find another way to get in.
But aside from that, you opened the door for him after you had made a plan not to do that. So, key or no key; locked or unlocked, he still got in and there was still contact.
He is going to "assess" you by your actions, not your words or your intentions. Do you want to let go or not?
I'm not getting after you. I just feel this is a safety issue.
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Originally Posted by August252015
This.
I say the following with compassion, as I think that while many of us might have had different life experiences than you, many or most of us all relate to the feelings of....self-pity...that you are expressing.
Self-pity and its evil cousin resentment are two of the worst offenders in our recovery. One thing that I try to do when I feel either of those, about anything whether big or small, is to take it away from the "I." Everyone else isn't thinking about me. Aiming for me. Hurting me. It is not about "me." That is very freeing for me and usually helps me go about keeping my side of the street clean; essentially, I am letting go of the "problem" others have, whatever it is. Sometimes, like with my mom, that is a big something or other.
The sum total of my recovery program is about faith. That includes (re) developing faith in myself along with faith in my God.
Keep going, bc.
I say the following with compassion, as I think that while many of us might have had different life experiences than you, many or most of us all relate to the feelings of....self-pity...that you are expressing.
Self-pity and its evil cousin resentment are two of the worst offenders in our recovery. One thing that I try to do when I feel either of those, about anything whether big or small, is to take it away from the "I." Everyone else isn't thinking about me. Aiming for me. Hurting me. It is not about "me." That is very freeing for me and usually helps me go about keeping my side of the street clean; essentially, I am letting go of the "problem" others have, whatever it is. Sometimes, like with my mom, that is a big something or other.
The sum total of my recovery program is about faith. That includes (re) developing faith in myself along with faith in my God.
Keep going, bc.
I am finding I very much shut down my own emotions though, shut em down hard. I didn't even cry during The Walking Dead Sunday night. People were devastated by that episode. Previously, I would drink and watch it and get all sloppy and cry no matter who died lol
Back on point.. I got roped back in to the situation I'min because the niece kept telling me how sad she was that her aunt might have to be placed in a nursing home if they lose me. I just want to grab her and scream "I am doing MY best with the situation, but I can not do anything about YOUR feelings, because I can't do anything about MY feelings, because there's not much I can do to help the situation, besides avoid doing the one thing that will make it worse, which is leaving. I am holding this whole thing together and all you can talkabout is YOUR feelings. What about mine? Sometimes you have to do the right thing, even when you're uncomfortable."
Is that what I'm doing?????? Why am I doing this to myself? My heart was racing and I was hiding in a bathroom!!!!! The only silver lining is that tomorrow will still be day 66.
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.... I got roped back in to the situation I'min because the niece kept telling me how sad she was that her aunt might have to be placed in a nursing home if they lose me. I just want to grab her and scream "I am doing MY best with the situation, but I can not do anything about YOUR feelings, because I can't do anything about MY feelings, because there's not much I can do to help the situation, besides avoid doing the one thing that will make it worse, which is leaving. I am holding this whole thing together and all you can talkabout is YOUR feelings. What about mine? Sometimes you have to do the right thing, even when you're uncomfortable."
Staying makes you feel uncomfortable, but leaving also makes you feel uncomfortable. So, I really don't think it's a question of "comfort" for you because you are going to feel uncomfortable either way. It's really a question of safety and your well being. I think perhaps they could find another caregiver....or she may end up in a nursing home.
Regardless, you need to do what is best for you. You are being manipulated with guilt into doing something that's not good for you. I don't know, maybe you still like it a little? You're still too attached to them/him? Brenda, caregivers are encouraged to not get enmeshed with their patients and their families. I think that is partly what's going on here. It's rather easy to become enmeshed, though, I get that. They suck you in and before you know it you are doing things for them that are not in your best interest or well-being. Boundaries, my dear, boundaries.
Staying makes you feel uncomfortable, but leaving also makes you feel uncomfortable. So, I really don't think it's a question of "comfort" for you because you are going to feel uncomfortable either way. It's really a question of safety and your well being. I think perhaps they could find another caregiver....or she may end up in a nursing home.
Regardless, you need to do what is best for you. You are being manipulated with guilt into doing something that's not good for you. I don't know, maybe you still like it a little? You're still too attached to them/him? Brenda, caregivers are encouraged to not get enmeshed with their patients and their families. I think that is partly what's going on here. It's rather easy to become enmeshed, though, I get that. They suck you in and before you know it you are doing things for them that are not in your best interest or well-being. Boundaries, my dear, boundaries.
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Originally Posted by sleepie
Hi Brenda, this goes back to something you said earlier in the thread- Google " I was a bully" and see what comes up. I think there may even be a tumblr of accounts of bullies, told by them and actually sorry about it. I was very tormented by my peers at school for many years growing up and was abused at home as well, so there was no safe place for me for all of growing up.
Reading online accounts by bullies who at least seem to regret their actions makes me feel a little better.
Reading online accounts by bullies who at least seem to regret their actions makes me feel a little better.
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Originally Posted by teatreeoil007
.... I got roped back in to the situation I'min because the niece kept telling me how sad she was that her aunt might have to be placed in a nursing home if they lose me. I just want to grab her and scream "I am doing MY best with the situation, but I can not do anything about YOUR feelings, because I can't do anything about MY feelings, because there's not much I can do to help the situation, besides avoid doing the one thing that will make it worse, which is leaving. I am holding this whole thing together and all you can talkabout is YOUR feelings. What about mine? Sometimes you have to do the right thing, even when you're uncomfortable."
Staying makes you feel uncomfortable, but leaving also makes you feel uncomfortable. So, I really don't think it's a question of "comfort" for you because you are going to feel uncomfortable either way. It's really a question of safety and your well being. I think perhaps they could find another caregiver....or she may end up in a nursing home.
Regardless, you need to do what is best for you. You are being manipulated with guilt into doing something that's not good for you. I don't know, maybe you still like it a little? You're still too attached to them/him? Brenda, caregivers are encouraged to not get enmeshed with their patients and their families. I think that is partly what's going on here. It's rather easy to become enmeshed, though, I get that. They suck you in and before you know it you are doing things for them that are not in your best interest or well-being. Boundaries, my dear, boundaries.
Staying makes you feel uncomfortable, but leaving also makes you feel uncomfortable. So, I really don't think it's a question of "comfort" for you because you are going to feel uncomfortable either way. It's really a question of safety and your well being. I think perhaps they could find another caregiver....or she may end up in a nursing home.
Regardless, you need to do what is best for you. You are being manipulated with guilt into doing something that's not good for you. I don't know, maybe you still like it a little? You're still too attached to them/him? Brenda, caregivers are encouraged to not get enmeshed with their patients and their families. I think that is partly what's going on here. It's rather easy to become enmeshed, though, I get that. They suck you in and before you know it you are doing things for them that are not in your best interest or well-being. Boundaries, my dear, boundaries.
As for the guy... he was the first one I met,before even his aunt.. his eyes and smile were instantly magnetic, and I can't think of one other instance off the top of my head where I have had someone make that kind of first impression on me.. (There was even a point a few minutes later I remember thinking "Is he cute? How old is he? I think I think he's cute. But why?") It was a Saturday and he knew I was also going to be there Sunday so he said "Do you like spaghetti? Good, don't bring a lunch tomorrow, you'll eat with us." So that was the tone that started off on, me being treated like family, and him actually being the one the one who made me feel welcomed warmly.. go figure..
I'd been doing this type of work for five years. I never imagined getting in to a case with this sort of dynamic. I've been there for holiday dinners and weddings, I know dozens of relatives and they all seem to like me.
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Originally Posted by BrendaChenowyth
Because as many times as I hear it or read it, no matter who tells me that I am worthy enough and good enough, it doesn't click.
When I got sober I wasn't interested in digging up all that negative stuff. But in truth, avoiding it made me just as much a slave to it as when I actively sought that liquid solution. It was in facing my flaws and accepting myself as I am, that I was able to begin to see myself as no less worthy than anyone else. Therapy helped, going to meetings helped, talking to others helped. Most of all, time helped.
All of this stuff take time - sober time . Before we can learn to love ourselves, we need to learn to accept ourselves, warts and all. You are a caregiver by nature... don't forget the person in the mirror.
Be gentle, be patient, be good to yourself.
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Originally Posted by BrendaChenowyth
It's been a year...another lady that helps this client called me tonight, incidentally, and we talked about the fact that we've been there a full year already... wow.. She, too, tells me how much of a tremendous help I am to her.. and she doesn't know what she'd do without me..
As for the guy... he was the first one I met,before even his aunt.. his eyes and smile were instantly magnetic, and I can't think of one other instance off the top of my head where I have had someone make that kind of first impression on me.. (There was even a point a few minutes later I remember thinking "Is he cute? How old is he? I think I think he's cute. But why?") It was a Saturday and he knew I was also going to be there Sunday so he said "Do you like spaghetti? Good, don't bring a lunch tomorrow, you'll eat with us." So that was the tone that started off on, me being treated like family, and him actually being the one the one who made me feel welcomed warmly.. go figure..
I'd been doing this type of work for five years. I never imagined getting in to a case with this sort of dynamic. I've been there for holiday dinners and weddings, I know dozens of relatives and they all seem to like me.
As for the guy... he was the first one I met,before even his aunt.. his eyes and smile were instantly magnetic, and I can't think of one other instance off the top of my head where I have had someone make that kind of first impression on me.. (There was even a point a few minutes later I remember thinking "Is he cute? How old is he? I think I think he's cute. But why?") It was a Saturday and he knew I was also going to be there Sunday so he said "Do you like spaghetti? Good, don't bring a lunch tomorrow, you'll eat with us." So that was the tone that started off on, me being treated like family, and him actually being the one the one who made me feel welcomed warmly.. go figure..
I'd been doing this type of work for five years. I never imagined getting in to a case with this sort of dynamic. I've been there for holiday dinners and weddings, I know dozens of relatives and they all seem to like me.
Sweetie, there are tons of men out there that are cute, that have nice eyes and smiles...that will give you a warm welcome. Plenty....but the more important thing is what's beneath the surface and what goes beyond a warm welcome.
,
But the fact remains he is an alcoholic, a married man, (though doesn't sound like a happily married man); the nephew of your client. This issue is not about the many family members who like you, honey. Or the co-workers who can't do without you.
Do you like you? Can you do without yourself? You've indicated you don't like yourself. You've indicated you don't feel safe with the nephew. So what gives here? Okay, I'm leaving it at that. You're going to do what you want to do.
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I have gotten myself in a corner where it's like..Hey.. uh... you keep asking people to get behind you, or expecting them to, but there's no room for anyone to get behind you where you're at... I still have not figured out what if anything the guy was told and I feel like I just want to drop it because I am being a drama queen and disturbing other people with this...
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Oh BC. It sounds like things are getting way more complicated than they need to. I'm hoping I've not got completely confused about the situation myself as I'm typing this. I hope you'll forgive me if somehow I've got the wrong end of the stick.
I don't get the feeling that you're scared that this man will harm you physically. ( If I'm incorrect in that then this whole post I'm about to type is wrong ). I get the feeling that you're scared of upsetting him. Well, scared of upsetting all of the people involved.
What I'm wondering is, why don't you just ask the agency, honestly, what the guy has been told. You know, you don't have to modify your truth of how you feel for anyone. Sometimes the truth sucks, but it is what it is. I spent so much time in the past thinking about what to tell people, how to phrase questions, what version of the truth to give people. I didn't see it as dishonest. Just adapting the truth so it sounded okay for everyone. Keeping everyone as happy as I could. Thing is, I wasn't being true to myself, and adjusting the view all the time to keep everyone happy was really, really exhausting emotionally. So exhausting that often I'd get myself really confused about what the truth actually was about what I really felt, and really thought. Even while lies and half truths can catch us up in a Web of deceit that is hard to live with or extricate ourselves from.
You know, there would be nothing wrong at all in just telling the guy that you feel uncomfortable being at work or around him, because your feelings towards him have changed. That you don't wish him any harm, but really aren't interested in any relationship or close, secret friendship because you need to focus on your recovery. It might not be what he wants to hear, but he's a grown up. He will either deal with it or not. And when people ask you to do something for them, "Sorry, but no" really is okay.
It is okay to think, feel and want things that are at odd with other people. Sure, it might mean that others can get unjustifiably (or even justifiably) angry or exasperated or frustrated with us. Our truth might cause them to dislike us, or to laugh at us, or whatever. That was scary for me to contemplate. But actually it's still so much easier than all that beating around the bush. Being true to ourselves is one of the massive things about recovery, maybe because we are often fear-led individuals with a history that makes us fearful of rejection and upsetting others.
But perhaps you've just decided to suck-it-up for now, work wise. And as long as you feel safe, then I suppose having a job is pretty important. You can always just start a new thread that is more positive for you if you've had enough of this one.
Keep going with your recovery BC. You're doing great. BB
I don't get the feeling that you're scared that this man will harm you physically. ( If I'm incorrect in that then this whole post I'm about to type is wrong ). I get the feeling that you're scared of upsetting him. Well, scared of upsetting all of the people involved.
What I'm wondering is, why don't you just ask the agency, honestly, what the guy has been told. You know, you don't have to modify your truth of how you feel for anyone. Sometimes the truth sucks, but it is what it is. I spent so much time in the past thinking about what to tell people, how to phrase questions, what version of the truth to give people. I didn't see it as dishonest. Just adapting the truth so it sounded okay for everyone. Keeping everyone as happy as I could. Thing is, I wasn't being true to myself, and adjusting the view all the time to keep everyone happy was really, really exhausting emotionally. So exhausting that often I'd get myself really confused about what the truth actually was about what I really felt, and really thought. Even while lies and half truths can catch us up in a Web of deceit that is hard to live with or extricate ourselves from.
You know, there would be nothing wrong at all in just telling the guy that you feel uncomfortable being at work or around him, because your feelings towards him have changed. That you don't wish him any harm, but really aren't interested in any relationship or close, secret friendship because you need to focus on your recovery. It might not be what he wants to hear, but he's a grown up. He will either deal with it or not. And when people ask you to do something for them, "Sorry, but no" really is okay.
It is okay to think, feel and want things that are at odd with other people. Sure, it might mean that others can get unjustifiably (or even justifiably) angry or exasperated or frustrated with us. Our truth might cause them to dislike us, or to laugh at us, or whatever. That was scary for me to contemplate. But actually it's still so much easier than all that beating around the bush. Being true to ourselves is one of the massive things about recovery, maybe because we are often fear-led individuals with a history that makes us fearful of rejection and upsetting others.
But perhaps you've just decided to suck-it-up for now, work wise. And as long as you feel safe, then I suppose having a job is pretty important. You can always just start a new thread that is more positive for you if you've had enough of this one.
Keep going with your recovery BC. You're doing great. BB
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Originally Posted by BrendaChenowyth
I still have not figured out what if anything the guy was told and I feel like I just want to drop it because I am being a drama queen and disturbing other people with this...
If the work situation is truly driving this ( and is it really? ) one thing you could do is let your supervisors know that there is a personal conflict of interest between yourself and the family. My guess is that if you did so you'd be moved off the site quickly. You don't need to give any details, just tell them you have a personal conflict and that you feel uncomfortable there. Honestly it opens them up to potential legal issues by having you working there under those circumstances so they should be happy and willing to find another assignment for you
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Originally Posted by Berrybean
For me, personally, I needed to really remind myself each time that letting stuff go wasn't me them, it was for ME. For MY sanity. MY serenity. MY sobriety. As such it had nothing to do with fair or unfair; right or wrong; or forgiveness. That ME holding onto stuff because THEY we're unfair, unkind or wrong was just like punishing myself for those mistakes.
The inner child work that I did really helped me with a lot of this. It says in the Penny Parks book that we talked about before that often we don't feel we can let stuff go because that would be a betrayal of our childhood (or past) selves. So by doing the exercises in that book I was able to work past that, and become reconciled with my inner child and 'rescue' her, so to speak. That helped me let go of the last more easily.
Sorry if all that seems a bit mumbo-jumbo and waffley. I'm only just up and gathering my limbs and senses. Thing is, I know that if I intend to come back and post later it may well slip from my mind. Senile moments ya know lol.
Actually, mostly I have forgiven now. There are a couple of people that I've decided it is not MY job to forgive. I don't know if those people are still doing what they did too me, just to someone else. And you know, I don't want to go back to any crash-scenes to find that kind of stuff out. Maybe they're eaten up with guilt and remorse just like I was about some of my past harms (different kind of harms, granted, but remorse is remorse, and if I knew they felt that then I would want to forgive them - hopefully I'd manage it. ) But only God can know their hearts, so I've handed those 2 things over to him.
I spent so, so many years wearing my resentment and hurt like an invisible cloak and shield. Keeping everyone at a safe distance. 'They can't touch me', I thought, 'I'm safe niw'. But I wasn't safe. I was lonely and bitter. I was trapped inside my own invisible cloak with the memories and resentments. They were with me every day. Every down moment. Every night when I was going to sleep. Keeping my fear alive - fear that was what i deserved. That they were right. That others would treat me the same way. But, who was I punishing other than myself?
I will pray for you BC. I feel like you're getting close to being ready to start dealing with all your 'stuff'. I pray that you will find some peace and serenity as you learn to Let Go and Let God, and you find something or something to guide you safely through this process. It is not easy.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB x
The inner child work that I did really helped me with a lot of this. It says in the Penny Parks book that we talked about before that often we don't feel we can let stuff go because that would be a betrayal of our childhood (or past) selves. So by doing the exercises in that book I was able to work past that, and become reconciled with my inner child and 'rescue' her, so to speak. That helped me let go of the last more easily.
Sorry if all that seems a bit mumbo-jumbo and waffley. I'm only just up and gathering my limbs and senses. Thing is, I know that if I intend to come back and post later it may well slip from my mind. Senile moments ya know lol.
Actually, mostly I have forgiven now. There are a couple of people that I've decided it is not MY job to forgive. I don't know if those people are still doing what they did too me, just to someone else. And you know, I don't want to go back to any crash-scenes to find that kind of stuff out. Maybe they're eaten up with guilt and remorse just like I was about some of my past harms (different kind of harms, granted, but remorse is remorse, and if I knew they felt that then I would want to forgive them - hopefully I'd manage it. ) But only God can know their hearts, so I've handed those 2 things over to him.
I spent so, so many years wearing my resentment and hurt like an invisible cloak and shield. Keeping everyone at a safe distance. 'They can't touch me', I thought, 'I'm safe niw'. But I wasn't safe. I was lonely and bitter. I was trapped inside my own invisible cloak with the memories and resentments. They were with me every day. Every down moment. Every night when I was going to sleep. Keeping my fear alive - fear that was what i deserved. That they were right. That others would treat me the same way. But, who was I punishing other than myself?
I will pray for you BC. I feel like you're getting close to being ready to start dealing with all your 'stuff'. I pray that you will find some peace and serenity as you learn to Let Go and Let God, and you find something or something to guide you safely through this process. It is not easy.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB x
Brenda, I can relate to much of what you are saying. This post is what I needed to hear today. I hope it has helped you as well, putting things into a bit more perspective. Thank you very much to the poster!
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Being around a person whose behavior I can't predict does scare me.. especially a man who does get drunk and lose his temper. He was told not to come.. he does not have to come at 6:30, why not come at 7 when I leave? It feels almost in a way confrontational.. locking the door was my way of indicating to him that I would like some distance.. I thought he would get that hint and go and maybe come back after I was gone.. Why wouldn't you feel bad, oh this young girl is that uncomfortable with me, maybe I don't want to make this any worse? The fact he's pushing does scare me.
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Originally Posted by BrendaChenowyth
Being around a person whose behavior I can't predict does scare me.. especially a man who does get drunk and lose his temper. He was told not to come.. he does not have to come at 6:30, why not come at 7 when I leave? It feels almost in a way confrontational.. locking the door was my way of indicating to him that I would like some distance.. I thought he would get that hint and go and maybe come back after I was gone.. Why wouldn't you feel bad, oh this young girl is that uncomfortable with me, maybe I don't want to make this any worse? The fact he's pushing does scare me.
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I'm sorry for bringing my drama on here.. Mom is working and not that much of a phone person lol
I asked the niece who was supposed to be mediating this if she had talked to him. She said she told him not to go over (what does that mean? I'm assuming Monday... and he did still come) and then he called her about the door being locked. And again she asked him not to go over while I was there, and he said he wouldn't. So we'll see tomorrow what happens.. I spoke with my boss and she sounds like she feels really bad and she is actually in agreement with me, that "it seems like it would be an easy fix" YES!!! YES IT IS!!!! THANK YOU!!! Just don't come until I'm gone. Just instead of stopping in from 6:30 to 6:35 you stop in at 7:05 to 7:10 when I'm gone. THIS IS NOT A HARDSHIP IT IS A HALF HOUR! Go have another beer and talk to your wife and son about their day while you're waiting! Then come over and lock up the house.
I was instructed to just call the agency's on call number tomorrow night if he comes.. I'm not gonna lock him out, I'm gonna take him on faith, but I will watch for his car from the living room window and excuse myself if we comes over. I really don't want to lose money and a job and mess up what is otherwise a smooth going situation.
(I'm not gonna lock because it created a scene that disturbed Auntie to a degree and I don't want to repeat and possibly escalate)
I asked the niece who was supposed to be mediating this if she had talked to him. She said she told him not to go over (what does that mean? I'm assuming Monday... and he did still come) and then he called her about the door being locked. And again she asked him not to go over while I was there, and he said he wouldn't. So we'll see tomorrow what happens.. I spoke with my boss and she sounds like she feels really bad and she is actually in agreement with me, that "it seems like it would be an easy fix" YES!!! YES IT IS!!!! THANK YOU!!! Just don't come until I'm gone. Just instead of stopping in from 6:30 to 6:35 you stop in at 7:05 to 7:10 when I'm gone. THIS IS NOT A HARDSHIP IT IS A HALF HOUR! Go have another beer and talk to your wife and son about their day while you're waiting! Then come over and lock up the house.
I was instructed to just call the agency's on call number tomorrow night if he comes.. I'm not gonna lock him out, I'm gonna take him on faith, but I will watch for his car from the living room window and excuse myself if we comes over. I really don't want to lose money and a job and mess up what is otherwise a smooth going situation.
(I'm not gonna lock because it created a scene that disturbed Auntie to a degree and I don't want to repeat and possibly escalate)
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