Optimini

Despite being exhausted from overworking, my husband dragged me out to a local bar to see a local band play last night. Ok, it was fine - we did just need to get out of the house. Not tempted to drink at all and honestly the night was kind of boring. One of his/our friends show up, and he wanted me to act like an ass and go dance with a drunk person. He wanted to buy me a drink and I said I'm not drinking - and he's like "Still?!" I forgot the last time I saw him was 6 weeks ago, right when I stopped drinking. He said multiple times that he thought I should be able to have a cocktail when I go out, and thought it was a bad idea I wasn't drinking. He was actually annoyed about it. WTF, right? It was just a stupid and ridiculous statement. And honestly I was so tired, I didn't even challenge him because I didn't care.
It actually strengthened my resolve. Today I can feel good about not drinking and giving in to something so stupid, so insignificant. I really can't believe a casual acquaintance would be so bothered by my personal decision not to drink, as if it matters in the grand scheme of life.
Just sharing in case it helps anyone - peer pressure is not all it's cracked up to be once you step away from it and observe it rationally.

JeffreyAK

In my experience, the only people bothered by my abstinence are people who have drinking problems themselves. I keep that in mind when someone makes me feel uncomfortable about not drinking.

Maudcat

Good job, Optimini. I would like to share that after I stopped drinking, I found bars to be the most boring places. I get it. Hope the music was good, anyway.

Optimini

It wasn't. LOL

trachemys

As I told an acquaintance: If I start drinking, we're going to end up in jail in another state. I have had a couple of people agree with the prospect.

Soberpotamus

I faced a similar situation over the summer. Multiple situations with the same person, really. Wasn't just once. He was intrigued by how long I've been sober (not long in the grand scheme, but apparently for a drinker, it's a long time), why I chose to do it, would I ever consider an occasional drink, and ... heck, why not go grab a cold beer with him right now. After spending many hours with this person over the summer (not by choice in all cases, but through work), I realized he drinks daily, he drinks hard liquor, and he persisted in teasing me and goading me on about drinking toward the end of the summer. He also expressed interest in having sex with me. I eventually cut off all contact realizing this would never amount to a real friendship. He had ulterior motives, and he wanted company for drinking.

It does seem to be the case that the people bothered by our abstinence are other drinkers (or alcoholics).

I do have a close friend I've known for years who drinks daily (probably an alcoholic) and is happy I'm sober. So there's an exception.

BrendaChenowyth

I had my own thread about a situation where I was the only person not drinking, but I had an out, in that I had to drive, and nobody pressured me that bad, although 4 or 5 people did ask me if I wanted a drink! I want to start dating soon (at least one particular person in mind) and already envision myself ending the date when the other person starts to encourage me to loosen up and drink! I have 5 weeks and am very curious what situations I will get in to in the months ahead and how I will handle them.. I think I might go to a meeting tonight, haven't been to one in a while.

BrendaChenowyth

Very nervous I will meet someone I like and give in to pressure from them.. I think a lot of people want a drinking buddy in their romantic partner! It's not just a lubricant for social situations.

As alcoholics, drinking isn't just a thing we sometimes enjoy, it's something that consumes our lives, and we don't know who we are without it, we don't know how to connect with other people if we can't do it through getting drunk with them. You need to have some sort of common interest or passion with someone, so you tend to connect doing similar work or a sport or whatever, you might even strike up a bond with someone you run in to daily in the designated smoking area. When you are an alcoholic, you know no other way to connect.

SnazzyDresser

This guy sounds like a real jerk, up in your business like that. You were a lot nicer about it than I woulda been.

Dave42001

He was actually annoyed about it. WTF, right? It was just a stupid and ridiculous statement. And honestly I was so tired, I didn't even challenge him because I didn't care.


Great job!! Keep up the good work!

steve-in-kville

Good for you!!

I don't think I would be safe in a place that serves, at least not yet. There's a tavern nearby that has the best steak anywhere. I've intentionally avoid that area of town... just because.

Optimini

He's just one of those "devil's advocate/be a jerk for the sake of it but not in a mean way" types. We aren't super close friends, and in his defense, he's consistent.
Adding to the insanity of his opinion of my sobriety is the fact that his ex wife, mother of his kids is currently an alcoholic. She's lost her house, job and might lose her kids. And she invited me to a party at a bar for her birthday!
I can't make sense of it. Not my monkeys, not my circus.

Soberpotamus

If you decide right now what you will do, there won't be any reason to be nervous.

You absolutely must know that you won't and can't drink. Drinking is not an option.

No matter how interesting, good-looking, charming, or intriguing he (or she) maybe be.

Soberpotamus

One more thing ... the guy who pursued me with drinks and sex ... wasn't even my type and yet the cold beer image in my brain seemed ... nice ... at times. Lol. Wasn't the sex at all, it was the alcohol. Our drug of choice is much more 'valuable' to the part of the brain only concerned with survival, more than food or sex.

So, I say this because our AV or addiction will use any excuse to drink again.

I never came close to considering a drink, not once. And that's because I am firmly settled in my heart and mind that drinking is no longer an option.

August252015

Just my $0.02.....no one can or will drag me anywhere. I don't tolerate conversations like that; in fact, I don't spend time with anyone who ever WOULD talk to me or try to engage me in that. I am, frankly, ruthless about where, how, when and with whom I spend my time. I need everyone around me to be 100% supportive of my life of recovery; in fact, it benefits EVERYONE that I am!

I hope your husband will be supportive, and I do think it's great that you "survived" this encounter. It just wouldn't be something I would choose to go to and perhaps have to deal with- not even earlier on, and still not at going on 8 months.

Stay strong.

zjw

I think for some folks misery loves company if you want drink along with em it frustrates them that you wont come down to there level. I've seen this play out with other things aside from drinking.

it is what it is. its like hey ya know i'd love to go do all this naughty stuff too but i just cant anymore its how it is sorry ::shrug:: ::walks away::

Optimini

I wasn't tempted at all.....I know everyone is different and some people struggle with going out, that's not my main issue. I was more of a 'get a bottle and drink the whole thing at home after work' kind of gal.
Also, going to places surrounded with total strangers stresses me out - there's an event on Wednesday that a co-worker is severely pressuring me to go to where I'd have two choices : drink wine and talk to strangers. Yeah, not going to that. I do not attend anything where the only thing to do is drink. Food, music, etc that is ok, at least for me.
My husband has been supportive. He's actually almost stopped having liquor in the house totally, he's weaned himself down quite a bit. And, he likes have a designated driver so there's another reason I can't drink when we go out and we both know it.
I also think having my anniversary on a Sunday really helps, makes me very aware of exactly how much effort I'd be throwing away with a slip up.

ScottFromWI

Sounds like you are making a lot of very wise choices and handling these situations very well Optimini, kudos to you for that. I would agree that avoiding them whenever possible is usually the best choice, but we cannot avoid every possible situation. My wife was a very infrequent drinker too and did continue to have a glass of wine here or there after I quit but she too has pretty much not had a drink in a long time either. Glad you have that support as well and glad you are coming here to share!

Mklove

Maybe I am lucky in that I have a health reason to quit though I don't think I'd have an issue telling most people if I didn't. Those that I am close with are concerned and I've been open with test results etc, that's just me being open about my health. As my results improve I have turned from a person who might abstain temporarily to a lifelong sober woman.

Ooona

I havent experienced this yet but when I told my mother about my recovery/sobriety and choice to not drink she said:

"Oh dear, Im sure down the road, after some time you'll be able to have a little glass of wine here and there"

I was like, um no mother, I wont be able to have any more wine, there wouldnt be good results if I did that.

She just said "oh my dear , Im so sorry to hear that"

It was actually funny to recall the conversation afterwards. Almost like I was being punished and had this non drinking life sentence haha!