Candela

Hello everyone:

I joined SR a few days ago - but they have not been sober days. I haven't had a drink so far today - and I don't intend to. I hit my knees as soon as I got out of bed this morning and asked my HP to keep me sober. That's more than I've done in a long while. I am also writing my first post to this forum as another concrete step to changing my life. Thanks in advance for being here and for reading this post.

There really aren't words to describe the guilt and shame I feel as I sit here - trying to struggle through another hangover day. Head throbbing, liver burning, skin itching, brain fog making each and every cognitive task inordinately more difficult. Feeling the limits on my potential and feeling like I'm bat**** crazy. I have had countless hangovers (literally too numerous to count) like this since I had the great idea of taking a drink 5 and a half years ago. Prior to that I had gone to inpatient rehab and was sober for a number of years. I went to AA, got a sponsor, worked the steps, and life was going pretty well. Then I decided to drink, and 5 and a half years later I know I can't live like this. Miserable sober and miserable drunk - it isn't a pretty place to be.

The good thing, though, about sobering up and getting into recovery at least once is you know what worked - and what didn't. So here I am - trying to fill myself with hope that I can sober up and be on the road to recovery again. The details of my story are fairly classic - tried to convince myself I could drink again, tried anything I could to drink in moderation, failed each and every time, continued to drink despite physical problems and a really strong desire not to. AA isn't for everyone but it worked for me earlier in my life and I am going to hit a meeting this evening. I am tearing up just thinking about it because I know within ten minutes of being there I will know I'm home, with family.

I have lurked around these forums for months now and while reading posts is helpful, I want to become a more active member of the community. So there it is. Thanks everyone for being here and for showing me that the miracle of recovery is possible...again.

all the best,
Candela

Mountainmanbob

Welcome and it's nice to have you here.
M-Bob

tomsteve

welcome back home, candela!
we saved a seat for ya.

Soberwolf

Nice to meet you Candela have you found the class of September thread yet lots of friendly people who are getting into recovery since this September

Welcome x

ScottFromWI

Welcome to SR candela, and congrats on making a decision to get sober. I can pretty much guarantee you won't regret making that choice. Hope you can stick around and join in on the conversation - participating and learning from others like you is a huge part of getting and staying sober.

Treerat66

Hi Candela
Welcome to SR

Dee74

Welcome to the posting side of things candela
Hitting a meeting sounds like a great start!

D

Bird615

Welcome, Candela!

My story is very similar to yours. Took my sobriety for granted, started to entertain the idea I could drink again and went back out for 4 1/2 years. I feel so fortunate to have had a second chance at this.

Glad you made it back, too!

Gottalife

Welcome Candela,

my prayers and thoughts are with you. It will be great to have you back in the family, you have been missed. We need you.

God bless.

Grungehead

Hi Candela,

I just wanted to let you know that my story is similar to yours and I am nearly 3 and a half years sober now. After a number of years sober I drifted away from AA and eventually relapsed for 8 years. After reaching the point of not being able to live with or without alcohol and waking up to the four horsemen every morning (terror, bewilderment, frustration, despair), I had reached the point where I felt I only had two options...sobriety or death. I think having experienced a lengthy stretch of sobriety enhanced this effect, knowing how good things had been and how bad things presently were.

This time I arrived back at AA full of desperation and willingness. I guess that's what it took for me to finally become willing to go to any lengths to stay sober and I am grateful for that. I got a sponsor right away and worked the steps. And I continue to practice steps 10-12 on a daily basis, because staying spiritually connected to my Higher Power is what keeps me sober in the long run!

I just wanted to let you know that you can do this!

Delilah1

Welcome Candela, glad you have decided to post! How was your meeting?

Candela

A million thanks to everyone for welcoming me and sharing some of your experience, strength and hope. Today is a new day! I went to a meeting last night and we read a bit from "Into Action". Part of the miracle of meetings is that if you are willing to show up and listen you end up hearing exactly what you need to hear. Thanks to Grungehead and Madbird for sharing similar experiences. I, too, know i can do this, but not without lots of help.

Woke up this morning sober and feeling a lot better. There is hope. Here's looking at DAY 2!

with love and gratitude,
Candela

FBL

Welcome, Candela! Many of us have been where you are. We CAN and DO recover!

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Candela!!

SoberCAH

We're very happy you're here and we hope you don't drink and that you stick around and keep us posted as to your efforts.

Dharma33

Candela!

I'm glad you are here!

Berrybean

Welcome Candela. Glad you found us, and so pleased you got to that meeting. Hope you have another to get to soon. I also use the speaker recordings between meetings if I need an extra top up of experience strength and hope. This is my favourite place to download them from. 5500+ AA Speakers & Tapes - Organized & Mobile-Friendly! I put them all on a cheap little mp3 player and keep that with me in the car or my bag.

Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB

waynetheking

God it's so great to have you here candela. Alcoholism is so fatal. You can beat this. You're back. Sober again. How AWESOME is that...
Welcome my friend!