just another drunk who needs help
Hello everyone:
I joined SR a few days ago - but they have not been sober days. I haven't had a drink so far today - and I don't intend to. I hit my knees as soon as I got out of bed this morning and asked my HP to keep me sober. That's more than I've done in a long while. I am also writing my first post to this forum as another concrete step to changing my life. Thanks in advance for being here and for reading this post.
There really aren't words to describe the guilt and shame I feel as I sit here - trying to struggle through another hangover day. Head throbbing, liver burning, skin itching, brain fog making each and every cognitive task inordinately more difficult. Feeling the limits on my potential and feeling like I'm bat**** crazy. I have had countless hangovers (literally too numerous to count) like this since I had the great idea of taking a drink 5 and a half years ago. Prior to that I had gone to inpatient rehab and was sober for a number of years. I went to AA, got a sponsor, worked the steps, and life was going pretty well. Then I decided to drink, and 5 and a half years later I know I can't live like this. Miserable sober and miserable drunk - it isn't a pretty place to be.
The good thing, though, about sobering up and getting into recovery at least once is you know what worked - and what didn't. So here I am - trying to fill myself with hope that I can sober up and be on the road to recovery again. The details of my story are fairly classic - tried to convince myself I could drink again, tried anything I could to drink in moderation, failed each and every time, continued to drink despite physical problems and a really strong desire not to. AA isn't for everyone but it worked for me earlier in my life and I am going to hit a meeting this evening. I am tearing up just thinking about it because I know within ten minutes of being there I will know I'm home, with family.
I have lurked around these forums for months now and while reading posts is helpful, I want to become a more active member of the community. So there it is. Thanks everyone for being here and for showing me that the miracle of recovery is possible...again.
all the best,
Candela