Can someone give me a little advice? Specifically about AA...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 76
Can someone give me a little advice? Specifically about AA...
I posted on here for the first time today - in the newcomer's section. This is my first day sober since hitting rock bottom. I feel a little better since I first signed up this morning. I don't feel "sober," though, because I'm really just trying to get through a physical and emotional hangover. And the shame. So much shame.
I guess I don't really know what to do next. A couple of people mentioned AA - trying to do 90 in 90... Here's my thing with AA: I've already thought about trying it. I look up the meetings and sometimes actually drive there. But I can never bring myself to walk inside. I make up the most ridiculous excuses about why I have to leave.
Something's gotta give, though. I can't do this alone -- I've been learning that the hard way. I'm just so ashamed. :|
I guess I don't really know what to do next. A couple of people mentioned AA - trying to do 90 in 90... Here's my thing with AA: I've already thought about trying it. I look up the meetings and sometimes actually drive there. But I can never bring myself to walk inside. I make up the most ridiculous excuses about why I have to leave.
Something's gotta give, though. I can't do this alone -- I've been learning that the hard way. I'm just so ashamed. :|
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR KGR. Getting sober is pretty scary at first, and you are right that it's a lot more than just not drinking.
If you'd like to try AA but can't bring yourself to go into a meeting, call your local hotline and ask if they can have someone meet you out front. You will find lots of welcoming folks who are there for exactly the same reason you are, there is really nothing to fear.
If you'd like to try AA but can't bring yourself to go into a meeting, call your local hotline and ask if they can have someone meet you out front. You will find lots of welcoming folks who are there for exactly the same reason you are, there is really nothing to fear.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
The procedure for AA is the same here--someone will meet you and accompany you to your first meeting.. Our phone number is just has a recording, but if you leave a message someone will get back to you within a day. Doctors, police, and social service agencies have personal phone numbers of members who are available to help.
You will find there is plenty of support available both here on SoberRecovery and in the rooms of AA.
You will find there is plenty of support available both here on SoberRecovery and in the rooms of AA.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
kgr, I wobbled a bit when I went to my first meeting. Honestly, I made a mountain out of a molehill. Everyone was so very nice and welcoming. The shame dissipated, I felt hope for the first time.
You'll never regret attending a meeting. Please hold your head up, shame is what keeps us drinking.
You'll never regret attending a meeting. Please hold your head up, shame is what keeps us drinking.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
when i went to my first meeting- ready for help- i backed into a parking spot,pulled out, drove home, balled my eyes out all nignt wondering why i couldnt get out of the car.
i didnt have courage.
"Fear knocked at the door; faith answered; no one was there."
I don't know to whom this quote should be attributed, but it certainly indicates very clearly that fear is an illusion. I create the illusion myself.
I experienced fear early in my life and I mistakenly thought that the mere presence of it made me a coward. I didn't know that one of the definitions of "courage" is "the willingness to do the right thing in spite of fear." Courage, then, is not necessarily the absence of fear.
made it through tne doors of a meeting tbe next day, was welcomed, and have been going back and sober since
i didnt have courage.
"Fear knocked at the door; faith answered; no one was there."
I don't know to whom this quote should be attributed, but it certainly indicates very clearly that fear is an illusion. I create the illusion myself.
I experienced fear early in my life and I mistakenly thought that the mere presence of it made me a coward. I didn't know that one of the definitions of "courage" is "the willingness to do the right thing in spite of fear." Courage, then, is not necessarily the absence of fear.
made it through tne doors of a meeting tbe next day, was welcomed, and have been going back and sober since
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
yes, eventually something's gotta give.
most of us have been just there. that's the spot. you decide.
forget about 90 in 90 when you haven't been to one. don't futurize-awfulize but do what it takes to get to one. just one. and then you can do it again if you so choose.
going to a face-to-face recovery meeting is one of the hardest things i've ever done (and it wasn't even AA), but after i'd been, i couldn't wait for the next one! what relief!
shame was one of the first things to ease after getting sober. i could feel it lift.
we can all make up a million ridiculous excuses. and most of us have.
if something's gotta give, the excuses would be the best thing to drop by the wayside.
way to go on day one, and signing up and posting.
most of us have been just there. that's the spot. you decide.
forget about 90 in 90 when you haven't been to one. don't futurize-awfulize but do what it takes to get to one. just one. and then you can do it again if you so choose.
going to a face-to-face recovery meeting is one of the hardest things i've ever done (and it wasn't even AA), but after i'd been, i couldn't wait for the next one! what relief!
shame was one of the first things to ease after getting sober. i could feel it lift.
we can all make up a million ridiculous excuses. and most of us have.
if something's gotta give, the excuses would be the best thing to drop by the wayside.
way to go on day one, and signing up and posting.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I spent an afternoon with a recovered alcoholic, one on one, finding out what alcholism is, whether I am an alcoholic, what AA is all about steps, sponsor etc, and at the end of that he took me to a meeting.
I went in the door with him, already knowing why I was there, what to expect and what to look for. So much better than turning up cold. The information I was armed with could have taken 50 meetings to gather.
The main thing I understood rigth from the start is that the work of getting and staying sober is done one on one away from the meetings. The meetings are not the solution, just a place to meet fellow travellers and get a bit of inspiration.
If I had not had the benefit of that kind man giving up his sunday afternoon, I am certain I would never have made it to a meeting. I suffered absolutely crippling fear. It took everything I had just to make the phone call.
I went in the door with him, already knowing why I was there, what to expect and what to look for. So much better than turning up cold. The information I was armed with could have taken 50 meetings to gather.
The main thing I understood rigth from the start is that the work of getting and staying sober is done one on one away from the meetings. The meetings are not the solution, just a place to meet fellow travellers and get a bit of inspiration.
If I had not had the benefit of that kind man giving up his sunday afternoon, I am certain I would never have made it to a meeting. I suffered absolutely crippling fear. It took everything I had just to make the phone call.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Yeah. I did that a lot of times before I eventually got through the door. I did have a good chat with the person from the hot line the morning I finally made it through the door, so maybe that gave me that last little shove that I needed.
I agree with the idea of arranging to meet someone so you don't have to walk in the door alone that first time. Believe me. Once you have done it the first time, it does get easier.
I agree with the idea of arranging to meet someone so you don't have to walk in the door alone that first time. Believe me. Once you have done it the first time, it does get easier.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Agree with what folks have said. Will add - perhaps psych yourself up to "go in for a minute." Go in a few minutes after the intro (many meetings start with reading the steps and promises aloud, and the serenity prayer- I found this intimidating and uncomfortable at first) and give yourself permission to leave early (again before a prayer or any closing). At this point, it is ok to follow the "some of a meeting is better than none of a meeting" many will tell you.
It really does get easier to go once you have gone to your first meeting. Breathe. Get out of the car. Go in. I'd add, finally, to see if there is a friend or family member (perhaps a nonalcoholic who knows you are, and really wants to see you sober) who will go with you- my Dad accompanied me to a lot of meetings early on. Sometimes he insisted we go. It turned out to be another Godsend in my life to have this support and insistence.
Good luck. You can do it.
It really does get easier to go once you have gone to your first meeting. Breathe. Get out of the car. Go in. I'd add, finally, to see if there is a friend or family member (perhaps a nonalcoholic who knows you are, and really wants to see you sober) who will go with you- my Dad accompanied me to a lot of meetings early on. Sometimes he insisted we go. It turned out to be another Godsend in my life to have this support and insistence.
Good luck. You can do it.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
This story is a fav of many........I found it very helpful, maybe you or others will too.
Seems there was this group of Twelve Step members taking a boat ride to this island called Serenity, and it was truly a happy bunch of people. As the boat pulled away from the dock, a few on board noticed Mary running down the street trying to catch up with the boat. One member said, “Darn, she’s missed the boat.” Another said, “Maybe not. Come on, Mary! Jump in the water! Swim! Swim! You can make it! You can catch up with us!”
So Mary jumped into the water and started to swim for all she was worth. She swam for quite a while and then started to sink. The members on board, now all aware that Mary was struggling, shouted, “Come on, Mary! Don’t give up! Drop the rock!” With that encouragement, Mary started swimming again, only to start sinking again shortly afterward. She was going under when she heard all those voices shouting to her, “Mary, drop the rock! Let go and drop the rock.”
Mary was vaguely aware of something around her neck, but she couldn’t quite figure out what it was. Once more, she gathered her strength and started swimming. She was doing quite well, even gaining a little on the boat, but then she felt this heaviness pulling her under again. She saw all those people on the boat holding out their hands and hollering for her to keep swimming and shouting, “Don’t be an idiot, Mary! Drop the rock!”
Then she understood when she was going down for the third time: This thing around her neck, this was why she kept sinking when she really wanted to catch the boat. This thing was the “rock” they were all shouting about: resentments, fear, dishonesty, self-pity, intolerance, and anger were just some of the things her “rock” was made of. “God help me get rid of the rock,” she prayed. “Now! Get rid of it!”
Mary managed to stay afloat long enough to untangle a few of the strings holding that rock around her neck, realizing as she did that her load was easing up. Then, with another burst of energy, she let go. She tore the other strings off and dropped the rock.
Once free of the rock, she was amazed how easy it was to swim, and she soon caught up with the boat. Those on board were cheering for her and applauding and telling her how great she was, and how it was so good having her with them again, and how now they could get on with the boat ride and have a nice time.
Mary felt great and was just about to indulge in a little rest and relaxation when she glanced back to shore. There, a ways back, she thought she saw something bobbing in the water so she pointed it out to some others. Sure enough, someone was trying to catch the boat, swimming for dear life but not making much headway. In fact, it looked like the person was going under.
Mary looked around and saw the concern on the faces of the other members. She was the first to lean over the rail and shout, “Hey, friend! Drop the Rock
When you go, soon you'll hold the door open for the next person!
Seems there was this group of Twelve Step members taking a boat ride to this island called Serenity, and it was truly a happy bunch of people. As the boat pulled away from the dock, a few on board noticed Mary running down the street trying to catch up with the boat. One member said, “Darn, she’s missed the boat.” Another said, “Maybe not. Come on, Mary! Jump in the water! Swim! Swim! You can make it! You can catch up with us!”
So Mary jumped into the water and started to swim for all she was worth. She swam for quite a while and then started to sink. The members on board, now all aware that Mary was struggling, shouted, “Come on, Mary! Don’t give up! Drop the rock!” With that encouragement, Mary started swimming again, only to start sinking again shortly afterward. She was going under when she heard all those voices shouting to her, “Mary, drop the rock! Let go and drop the rock.”
Mary was vaguely aware of something around her neck, but she couldn’t quite figure out what it was. Once more, she gathered her strength and started swimming. She was doing quite well, even gaining a little on the boat, but then she felt this heaviness pulling her under again. She saw all those people on the boat holding out their hands and hollering for her to keep swimming and shouting, “Don’t be an idiot, Mary! Drop the rock!”
Then she understood when she was going down for the third time: This thing around her neck, this was why she kept sinking when she really wanted to catch the boat. This thing was the “rock” they were all shouting about: resentments, fear, dishonesty, self-pity, intolerance, and anger were just some of the things her “rock” was made of. “God help me get rid of the rock,” she prayed. “Now! Get rid of it!”
Mary managed to stay afloat long enough to untangle a few of the strings holding that rock around her neck, realizing as she did that her load was easing up. Then, with another burst of energy, she let go. She tore the other strings off and dropped the rock.
Once free of the rock, she was amazed how easy it was to swim, and she soon caught up with the boat. Those on board were cheering for her and applauding and telling her how great she was, and how it was so good having her with them again, and how now they could get on with the boat ride and have a nice time.
Mary felt great and was just about to indulge in a little rest and relaxation when she glanced back to shore. There, a ways back, she thought she saw something bobbing in the water so she pointed it out to some others. Sure enough, someone was trying to catch the boat, swimming for dear life but not making much headway. In fact, it looked like the person was going under.
Mary looked around and saw the concern on the faces of the other members. She was the first to lean over the rail and shout, “Hey, friend! Drop the Rock
When you go, soon you'll hold the door open for the next person!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 106
I am laughing a bit right now remembering my first few aa meetings. I can completely relate to your aperhension on so many levels. I could give you 32 reasons why it could have been a bad idea to go. But you will find lots of welcoming people. I found so many in my paranoid state in the beginning I was trying to figure out their angle but turns out that people in recovery want to help others. Something about sharing the same level of misery. 
Everyone in the room you choose for your first meeting will have had a similar experience. That's been another thing about recovery, it's taught me I'm not as unique as I thought I was!
Everyone in the room you choose for your first meeting will have had a similar experience. That's been another thing about recovery, it's taught me I'm not as unique as I thought I was!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by Fly N Buy 
This story is a fav of many........I found it very helpful, maybe you or others will too.
Seems there was this group of Twelve Step members taking a boat ride to this island called Serenity, and it was truly a happy bunch of people. As the boat pulled away from the dock, a few on board noticed Mary running down the street trying to catch up with the boat. One member said, “Darn, she’s missed the boat.” Another said, “Maybe not. Come on, Mary! Jump in the water! Swim! Swim! You can make it! You can catch up with us!”.....Mary felt great and was just about to indulge in a little rest and relaxation when she glanced back to shore. There, a ways back, she thought she saw something bobbing in the water so she pointed it out to some others. Sure enough, someone was trying to catch the boat, swimming for dear life but not making much headway. In fact, it looked like the person was going under.
Mary looked around and saw the concern on the faces of the other members. She was the first to lean over the rail and shout, “Hey, friend! Drop the Rock
When you go, soon you'll hold the door open for the next person!
Seems there was this group of Twelve Step members taking a boat ride to this island called Serenity, and it was truly a happy bunch of people. As the boat pulled away from the dock, a few on board noticed Mary running down the street trying to catch up with the boat. One member said, “Darn, she’s missed the boat.” Another said, “Maybe not. Come on, Mary! Jump in the water! Swim! Swim! You can make it! You can catch up with us!”.....Mary felt great and was just about to indulge in a little rest and relaxation when she glanced back to shore. There, a ways back, she thought she saw something bobbing in the water so she pointed it out to some others. Sure enough, someone was trying to catch the boat, swimming for dear life but not making much headway. In fact, it looked like the person was going under.
Mary looked around and saw the concern on the faces of the other members. She was the first to lean over the rail and shout, “Hey, friend! Drop the Rock
When you go, soon you'll hold the door open for the next person!
There's a song I have on a CD called Throw out the lifeline, sung by Ella Fitzgerald (on my CD anyway - it's probably been sung by lots of other people as well) which really reminds me of this story.
Thanks for sharing it Fly N Buy.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
can't wrap my head around it. truly a happy bunch of people on a boat trip to an island ...and they neither wait for the latecomer nor even consider it, nor do they consider turning around and picking her up.
if the story were written in such a way that they were escaping a great terror and waiting for Mary/helping her would jeopardize them all, then maybe.
i get the message "carry the message, not the mess", but this story...hm no. and that's before we get to the part where she can drop her rock.
she is, in fact, in this story powerful to do this by herself entirely.
so much to ponder here
if the story were written in such a way that they were escaping a great terror and waiting for Mary/helping her would jeopardize them all, then maybe.
i get the message "carry the message, not the mess", but this story...hm no. and that's before we get to the part where she can drop her rock.
she is, in fact, in this story powerful to do this by herself entirely.
so much to ponder here
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
Hi KGR, did you make it to a meeting yet?
Hope so, you'll find a bunch of good people that want to help, you don't have to speak if you don't want to, just tell them you're just listening today.. They will prob give you a phone list and offer a 24 hour desire chip!! Take it and keep it in your pocket!!
If I lived closer I'd go with you!! Wishing you the best!!
At my first meeting I told them it was my first meeting, big cowboy named Craig chairing the meeting asked if I wanted a desire chip, I did went up and got it, these chips come with hugs.. This cowboy gave me a bear hug and said, "welcome, you're the most important person at our meeting today".. I'll never forget that and to this day I always tell the new people now they're the most important person at the meeting
Hope so, you'll find a bunch of good people that want to help, you don't have to speak if you don't want to, just tell them you're just listening today.. They will prob give you a phone list and offer a 24 hour desire chip!! Take it and keep it in your pocket!!
If I lived closer I'd go with you!! Wishing you the best!!
At my first meeting I told them it was my first meeting, big cowboy named Craig chairing the meeting asked if I wanted a desire chip, I did went up and got it, these chips come with hugs.. This cowboy gave me a bear hug and said, "welcome, you're the most important person at our meeting today".. I'll never forget that and to this day I always tell the new people now they're the most important person at the meeting
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