First Relationship in Recovery
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
"no matter how brutally honest, appreciated."
okeedokee.
you havent been rather codependent in past relationships- youve been straight up codependent. dont minimalize it if you want to recover from codependency, which the f&f forum has some great stickies to read on it, plus the steps of aa, which imo a 4th step of the "clingy" thing would be wise.
did you do a fear and sex inventory when you did the 4th step?
okeedokee.
you havent been rather codependent in past relationships- youve been straight up codependent. dont minimalize it if you want to recover from codependency, which the f&f forum has some great stickies to read on it, plus the steps of aa, which imo a 4th step of the "clingy" thing would be wise.
did you do a fear and sex inventory when you did the 4th step?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
Was thinking about your post and reflecting on myself...have a few years on you at 53 but not a lot of dating experience, married my first love and stayed together 24 years 11 months and found myself a single parent of our children, stayed single for 7 years after that, lots of opportunities but wasn't ready and it didn't feel right.
Have a close female friend of many years talked me into online dating which I was against....old fashion but the grocery store wasn't working and I didn't want to date someone I knew so she helped me set up a profile. At the time I was working in management on a very large fruit farm and it was getting into harvest season meaning 60 to 80 hour work weeks, anyhow I met someone I liked, after two days of chatting on the site and one telephone call, I looked down from my transport that was being loaded to see her. It was love at first site, I was very honest with her about work hours, she lived an hour away which I wasn't really crazy about and I was a recovering alcoholic. Long story short we dated for about a year and I had to leave, she was very demanding on me driving to the city regardless of how many hours I had worked at least 4 times a week, she came to the farm the other three, real problem was her drinking, every night a case, in month 11 I relapsed then left in month 12.
Stayed single for a year with my friend on my case to try again, I did and met another lady, I was relieved to learn she did not drink, no issues simply did not like the taste, the issue in my head was she is a Dr. and I know the hours they work and the hours I was, after almost a year I decided to leave the farm, the bond with her was stronger than any I had experienced in life and to me that was worth making changes for, quit the farm. sold my house, moved closer to her with a house on the Ocean as she loves boating which we do every weekend with our dogs and just spent two weeks holidays on the boat with our dogs. She is not demanding at all, nor am I, we talk daily and are together every weekend and sometimes during the week.
So I would suggest you go slow, it takes a while to really learn about "that" person, watch for red flags and above all else make sure he treats you the way you want to be treated, naturally and you will be able to tell the difference in time.
While the restaurant may take a lot of his time, when you get further down the road talk about the future a little to see if this is a life long career for him or a building block. If you really feel he is the one, sometime we have to make a few changes in life.
My better half and I do not keep track of messages or calls nor did we at the start, for me I seem to know when it's the one, granted I screwed up in that area in the past but not this time, happier than I have ever been, sober and working my plan, she knows everything about me from childhood and I her,.
Wishing you the very best
Andrew
Have a close female friend of many years talked me into online dating which I was against....old fashion but the grocery store wasn't working and I didn't want to date someone I knew so she helped me set up a profile. At the time I was working in management on a very large fruit farm and it was getting into harvest season meaning 60 to 80 hour work weeks, anyhow I met someone I liked, after two days of chatting on the site and one telephone call, I looked down from my transport that was being loaded to see her. It was love at first site, I was very honest with her about work hours, she lived an hour away which I wasn't really crazy about and I was a recovering alcoholic. Long story short we dated for about a year and I had to leave, she was very demanding on me driving to the city regardless of how many hours I had worked at least 4 times a week, she came to the farm the other three, real problem was her drinking, every night a case, in month 11 I relapsed then left in month 12.
Stayed single for a year with my friend on my case to try again, I did and met another lady, I was relieved to learn she did not drink, no issues simply did not like the taste, the issue in my head was she is a Dr. and I know the hours they work and the hours I was, after almost a year I decided to leave the farm, the bond with her was stronger than any I had experienced in life and to me that was worth making changes for, quit the farm. sold my house, moved closer to her with a house on the Ocean as she loves boating which we do every weekend with our dogs and just spent two weeks holidays on the boat with our dogs. She is not demanding at all, nor am I, we talk daily and are together every weekend and sometimes during the week.
So I would suggest you go slow, it takes a while to really learn about "that" person, watch for red flags and above all else make sure he treats you the way you want to be treated, naturally and you will be able to tell the difference in time.
While the restaurant may take a lot of his time, when you get further down the road talk about the future a little to see if this is a life long career for him or a building block. If you really feel he is the one, sometime we have to make a few changes in life.
My better half and I do not keep track of messages or calls nor did we at the start, for me I seem to know when it's the one, granted I screwed up in that area in the past but not this time, happier than I have ever been, sober and working my plan, she knows everything about me from childhood and I her,.
Wishing you the very best
Andrew
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