snarky

Hi all,

some of you may have seen me from FOUR long years ago. Its crazy, that I started recognizing a problem, but was obviously powerless to do a thing about it. 4-5 attempts at quitting since then, longest was 78 days, and right back to it. Each time was worse than the time before.

I'm really good at hiding it. Most recently, I have been going on these awful benders. I would go to party, boss, etc, and have a responsible drink or two. Then hit up the local tavern and throw back 4-5 glasses of wine in an hour or two. Or I would lie to my hubby, say I am grocery shopping, and get lit up at happy hour.

So anyway, I ended up banging into work the last THREE days with a stomach virus. No hangover has ever lasted me that long. But, I wonder, was that to do with the COPIOUS amount of booze I downed over the weekend? We're talking a bottle of wine and 6 vodkas in a night.

Anyway, I am convinced that the misery I have been in for the last 4 days (almost went to the ER) is at least partially related.

So I decided to quit, again. This is my last quit, no more after this.

The thing is, I never had an action plan for any of goals. I just said I will do something but never had a plan. And I failed.

This time I decided I needed a little more help than SP, and went to an AA meeting. I didn't give myself time to think about it. I just went. It was oddly terrifying but so welcoming. I am still trying to absorb it all. This may be the weirdest day yet for me.

Anyway, I wanted to just stop lurking, and ask, did AA work? How often did / do you go?

Many thanks

Gottalife

AA works if you work the program. I took all 12 steps and adopted the AA way of life, and have not needed to drink since. BTW the AA way of life is living by the principles I learned in the 12 steps, not living "in" AA and hiding from the world.

The steps bring about true freedom from alcohol. I am not dependent on other people or AA. I can go any where and do anything other free people can do.

It is good to go to meetings for encouragement and support, and to meet people and most importantly to find people who need help. I like meetings. But they did not get me sober and will not keep me sober.

I did do the 90 in 90 but took that to mean total immersion in AA inclusing getting a sponsor and the steps. In practice I also averaged three steps a month and it was at step 9 that a big change happened for me. Strangely, it is at step 9 that the big book tells me this will happen. It doesn't say anything about 90 meetings.

snarky

Mike,
Thanks so much. I'm really glad to see your perspective -- this is amazing to me the changes that can be made. I guess the next step is to get the book and start working on each step. I'm confused about the groups - should I only go to one of the BB groups or what's the best way? I'm sorry for all the questions. I was so confused today I had some selective hearing ....

MIRecovery

AA for me is learning to lead a rich, full, and satisfying life without alcohol. I saw how others did it and incorporated what they did into my own life. AA is a blueprint for living and without it I would be dead.

For the first 1.5 years I went 6 days a week. Over the years I backed off to 3 meetings weekly which seems to be what I need. Going to meetings is very important getting a sponsor and working the steps will keep you sober. Doing both will open the doors to a life that is better than you can imagine

fini

i did get the book and read it and think and think and think about all those steps i read....and nothing compared to actually getting a sponsor person and having good guidance and someone i could trust alongside me.
so my suggestion would be to go to a few more meetings and listen to people's shares and then ask someone who lives in the way you want a good sober life to be if they would guide you through the step-stuff.

you can read a pamphlet on it here:http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Snarky, glad to hear you are making some serious changes to get sober. Just show up and try some different meetings, each one has its own feel and group makeup, but you will be welcome at any. And everyone else will have the same goal as you.

Berrybean

Lol at the selective hearing bit. I think I did for the first few months. It's all so new and mostly just had washing machine head so my processing wasn't up to scratch either.

I didn't do 90 in 90. It just wasn't possible for me. But I did go 3 or 4 times a week (now it's 2 or 3). The biggest change for me when I actually starting DOing what was suggested rather than just sitting in meeting waiting to 'get it'. That meant getting a sponsor, working the steps, reading the big book and other literature, going to Big Book and 12 and 12 meetings as well as the general share ones, on non-meeting days finding other ways to immerse myself - i often use the AA speaker recordings on those days, contacting other AAers by phone or text, doing service at meetings (that sounds serious, but it might just mean helping wash up or stacking chairs, just not turn up at the last minute and bugger off at the end without helping or chatting, because some of the most helpful chats I've had at AA have been while setting or clearing up, with people who are often quiet or silent during the meeting itself) and doing daily prayer /meditation / inventory around my step work. Once you meet people who have the sobriety you'd like for yourself, ask them what they do to keep sober. I saw people with smiles in their eyes and laughter in their voices, who had a relaxed stance, and an open face and I asked them what they did, and they told me, and then I copied them. Monkey see, monkey do. And I don't know why I was so surprised that what worked for them worked for me, but I WAS surprised, very, very happily surprised.

I know all that stuff can sound like hard work, but it certainly doesn't seem as much like hard work as my white-knuckling experience was, or even my drinking days were towards the end. All that inner turmoil really ground me down, although on the outside just probably looked like I was doing nothing at all, inside I was in a constant battle with my inner demons. The thing is, you can't battle against darkness in any way other than to find some light and let it in. My AA recovery work is my personal source of light.

Gottalife

Well Snarky, I am not sure there is a best way, other than to follow the directions in the book, and that is most easily done by finding a sponsor experienced in doing just that. Probably your best chance of finding one of those is in a big book study or big book steps meeting.

My home group is one of those. We learn what is in the book, and then apply it in our lives, and help others do the same. Almost any member of my group could show you exactly what is in the book.

That is not always the case in other meetings. I have been to some who don't even have a big book. These are more therapy type groups, and you get a lot of personal interpretations and variations on what works. Not such a reliable path.

But I would still suggest going to a range of meetings. Your bb studies are where you can learn the message of recovery, and your mainstream meetings are often where you can find someone to help. All meetings have value.

snarky

Thank you so much. What's different for me this quit is that I have a plan, not just white knuckling through will power alone. For the first time in my life I feel optimistic.