whiteturtle

I feel like I don't think I have in years... It reminds me of when I was younger, even five years ago in my early twenties (just before I began to descend into heavier drinking). It probably will sound really weird, but something as simple as setting my toothbrush back in its place before climbing into bed... I'm aware of the satisfying feeling of setting it where it belongs, and then climbing into bed I can actually feel the sheets and sink into them. I am laying here with my lamp on. I can't recall more than a handful of times in the past three years that I have laid down for bed at a decent and reasonable time, and took some moments to sit there with my light on and read or putz online before going to sleep.

I haven't had any physical withdrawing issues, and my cravings have been limited this time around (my fourth time at sobriety), not to mention they have been relatively easy to quell. But I don't remember feeling quite this clear the other times that I tried and failed. It's weird, but I feel like this is how it goes when starting to really live again.

That sounds so dramatic, but I'm not sure how else to put it. Thinking about staying sober makes me feel contentment more than resentment at this point.

I am afraid of having a bad day, or a major life event happening, or my depression getting bad as it is wont to do, and being unable to fight the AV quite as strongly. I'm not saying I'm necessarily doomed to fail, but I know that in general it seems that relapse can be very likely, and I don't consider myself the strongest of people. I am afraid of when I may fail.

I just wanted to put my positive feelings, felt at this moment, into words. That way, even if I do relapse in the near or far future (not planning to!), I will know that there are reasons to try again.

Just kind of babbling now. But I appreciate this site so very much.

ScottFromWI

Glad you are having a good day whiteturtle. It is pretty cool how simple/little things can be so satisfying once our minds ar clear.

JimmyJam

Awesome to hear white turtle. Don't worry about the bad day or event that you can't control. We all have them but they pass on and your wonderful sober life continues on. Savor the flavor of today everyday............Jimmy

Dee74

Fantastic WT

D

freshstart57

Believe in your deepest being that nothing can shake you, and then put your sobriety in a place that will be untouchable by anything. Make it unthinkable to to ever drink again, something that you simply will never ever do. I feel that belief system is the place to start.

For me, that brings the contentment and peace you are feeling now to another higher level. Being drunk or even smelling of alcohol is a shame that will not ever occur again. You are new again, with a fresh start. You are doing this amazing thing right this minute - what else can you do?

MelindaFlowers

Great post!

I've been sober about two years but I still take great pleasure in the little things like putting my keys on the hook and making sure I have a clean and ironed outfit for the next day. I also always know where my work badge is.

On the hook of course.

FBL

First off, relapse is NOT inevitable! I drank for nearly 30 years and have now been sober for nearly 7 years, with no relapse. The more quality sober time you build-up, the more resistant you'll be to those urges (aka the AV). I've been through some health problems and the death of my father and not once did I feel the need to retreat back to the alco-hell from whence I came.

I also love the feeling of "being myself" again. I felt so hopeless near the end of my drinking "career", that I now take nothing for granted, no matter how small those moments, I try to appreciate each and every one of them.

Hawkeye13

Yes--I feel just the same about little things in ordinary life.
I wake up and go to bed grateful I'm sober pretty much every day.

Great post WT

entropy1964

Its great huh? I know when I'm drinking life is so horrid that I can't even focus on what it feels like to just feel kind of normal. Things that normal people just accept as part of life, I find miraculous.

MIRecovery

I have good days and if you know anything about my story I have had some bad. Even during the darkest days alcohol was not an option because no matter how I analyzed it there was no way that alcohol would make an incredibly bad situation worse.

Live brings what life brings but life is so much better without alcohol

thomas11

Truer words have never been spoken.

zjw

i've been told I look younger. I always joke i'm getting younger while everyone else is getting older. I feel better now then i did when i was in my teens. I honestly dont think i ever felt so good physically in my entire life.