tursiops999

really grieving tonight. I just found out Monday that the firm I've worked for the past 10 years .... decided to merge into a much larger firm. We're all getting terminated but offered positions with the new firm (essentially the same jobs, similar compensation).

For various reasons, I've decided not to take the job offer, and just accept the layoff. I'm going to take some time off, rest up, and when I do go back to work again it probably will be in a different role (really tired of public accounting). Today I talked to the partners and explained my decision. It went well, with hugs and promises to keep in touch and refer clients and find ways to collaborate.

It's a really good change for me to make ... I always struggled with workaholism in public accounting, and it is just time for it to end. But I was not quite prepared for the waves of sadness and grief I'm feeling.

My main boss told me I "broke his heart" today. ...not in a mean way, he understands and supports my decision, he just will miss me and my contributions.

Even though it's a really good change for me, I'm coping with waves of sadness, hurt, and shock. Although it was my decision, I had to make it quickly -- we only learned about all this on Monday, and the merger timeline is very short. So I went to work Monday expecting to plan out all my projects for the summer, and instead three days later I'm unemployed (my last day is in one week).

I realize I've never experienced grief while sober. I went through a divorce 20 years ago, and while I didn't yet have much of a drinking problem, I do recall being a regular wine drinker. I'm sure I used wine a lot to cope with the grief and loss.

So, dang, I am surprised at how much this hurts!

The good thing is I don't want to drink. The company had a cocktail hour yesterday to meet the people we were merging with ... I was expected to go to support the merger and I did ... wine and beer all around, social anxiety, new people, most of us shocked and upset over the changes ... and I was really clear the whole time that I'm a non-drinker, and just stayed focused on doing a reasonable job of socializing before ducking out early.

I wrote my gratitude list this morning before going in to decline the partners' offer ... which really helped me communicate from a place of calm acceptance, kindness and mutual respect. That felt good and is a gift only possible in sobriety.

thanks for reading ... I just need to connect with folks who understand the novelty of experiencing intense feelings with no chemical cushion.

fantail

Isn't it amazing how nuanced feelings can get? I'm kind of floored by how complex it can all be now that I'm sober. And I find it beautiful even when it's painful. I'm glad for you that you're staying sober through this. Good work. And good luck with this next chapter. It's great that you were able to make the right choice even in a difficult situation.

Dee74

Change is never easy for some of us - I still struggle with it....but I think you're handling this wonderfully Tursiops - you weighed it and you're doing what you feel is right for you

best wishes on whatever comes next

D

Venecia

Sounds like you've got an approach that really prioritizes your wellness, Tursiops. Good for you!

Anna

Change is often difficult and especially when you had little notice that it was coming along. Hopefully you will enjoy your time off and find good ways to spend your time. And, I'm sure the right job will come along when you're ready.

Fly N Buy

So very, very proud of you Tops. In the depth of what could have been a huge self pity pit, you have taken the path of gratitude. Your post stands as a shining example of dealing with life on life's terms. Validating your true feelings, but not reacting in a manner to cause self harm.

Thank you for this lesson in humility today.......Beautiful. A testament to the journey.........WOW

tursiops999

Thanks, Fly -- I appreciate your support. It's funny, I don't practice "the program" in exactly the same way I did in year 1, but I find that I still want to practice the principles that I learned in AA. I practice gratitude lists, meditation/quiet time, the serenity prayer, keeping my side of the street clean, and trying to be kind and loving to others. That's working pretty well for me these days.

Fly N Buy

I look at our program as opening the door to a new life which includes doing the exact things you mention.


Great job!

Delfin

Hello Tursiops,

It sounds like you made some good choices for yourself. I'm sure something new and great will come after this change!

Delfin

Fluffer

Good luck in the next chapter of your work life, Tursiops. I hope I'm not being presumptuous in saying this, but one time I got laid off it was the best thing that ever happened to me and made me wonder why I had stuck around so long in a job I hated. Hope you move on to something way better!

Gottalife

One door closes. another one (usually better) opens. It is always hard leaving a good job in a good organisation. It took me over a year to actually leave a job in a company that changed my life almost as much as God and AA. Actually, working there was the most incredible reward of sobriety at the time.

But I had a year or more to make up my mind and act. You only had a very short time to make a decision about something that came out of the blue, so I can understand that will take some time to settle down.

As you say, there was not thought of drinking which might be a good sign on your recovery, but also you have been able to make the separation on good terms which can't help but be a good thing for the future, and may not have been possible had you been drinking.

I wonder what God has in store for you. My bet is that it will be something far better than you are expecting.

tursiops999

Thanks Mike -- yes I agree, I doubt I would have been able to handle the separation gracefully when I was drinking. I was far more reactive, negative, and inclined to lash out.

In the last couple of days the feelings of grief have moved through me rather quickly, through all kinds of phases (today, it's survivor's guilt, thinking of my colleagues who are staying on, and will have to navigate a difficult transition, which I'll be spared!). Lesson learned -- feelings resolve and pass quickly when I don't fight them.

I feel amazingly positive and excited about what is in store for me next. I don't know exactly what it will be, but I trust that I need have no fear about it.

That promise that "fear of economic insecurity will leave us"? I think it's not about money ... it's about the promise that we don't have to live in fear.

tursiops999

Well, yesterday was my last day, turned in my keys and laptop. My last day helped confirm my decision to leave ... bosses asked me to spend much of my last day trying to straighten out a messed up audit, right up to (and past) the hour they paid me through. It just never ends!

I stayed on a couple hours after that, going around and personally saying goodbye to almost everyone I've worked with these last 10 years. That was bittersweet.

I feel weird ... generally I feel it's the right decision and I look forward to some time off. But I've worked since I was 14 (I'm 53) and it's really weird to not have a job. It's such a big change that I am feeling some anxiety and my mind is unsettled.

I'm turning to "prayers" ... really more a form of mantra or meditation, just repeating the serenity prayer and some other phrases that have helped me calm my mind in the past. and I think this would be a good day to write my gratitude list again.

advbike

Great move! Get out of the rat race.. I've left good corporate jobs twice in my life without having another job lined up, and both times it worked out. Once when I was 45 and at the peak of my career at a Fortune 50 company. I was an acting VP, still drinking, and just couldn't take the stress. I was out five years that time, but had time to reflect, work on my health, and try other things. I ended up doing a real estate project that was in line with my personal goals and ethics, which basically paid me for the time off.

The next time was 4 years ago, when I had been back in the technology world for 7 years, was bored, and decided to retire early. I was still drinking moderately, and wanted to travel and work on myself. It's been an interesting, and mostly great journey, but not without some pain and suffering. I did quit alcohol almost 3 years ago, have traveled, done some therapy, learned about my crazy ego and codependency issues, had an amazing relationship, and still live overseas most of the time. I have no regrets.

I hope it goes well for you. Don't set too many goals, just experience life, try different things, and see what unfolds.

Dee74

All the best for whatever comes next Tursiops

D