TopGun1

This is probably a really stupid thing to think of when considering quitting, but I find it really hard to accept the idea of quitting and cutting out all alcohol from my life because of how ingrained it is into the image of men, and how men naturally have a tendency to get together through drinks and alcohol.

Growing up in my head, I always thought of masculine and cool men that I looked up to being those men that were rugged and fun, drank beer together at cookouts, went to bars, and had wild stories (usually fueled by alcohol.) I know in my head that recovery and sobriety are not easy things at all and take a lot of strength, but in the back of my head for some reason it makes me feel like for some reason, I will be inferior, and that by quitting, that I would be missing out on so much of just being one of the guys. Do any of you men on the board ever feel this way now that you are sober or before you made the decision, or is it just my own weird insight into something haha.

Dee74

I used to defione myself by my drinking but my drinking was going to kill me.

So I define myself by other ways now. Ironically those ways are a lot more authentically me than my drinking persona was.

I still have loads of friends and a full social life

There are a lot of men - manly men and otherwise - who do not drink
You'll find a lot of us here.

D

Fluffer

Well, yeah, guys like to get drunk together much of the time, but there are also many examples of masculine guys who quit drinking in Hollywood and half of the rock stars who are still around.

ScottFromWI

You have the power to define yourself however you like. Certainly drinking is common among men and male society, but there are many men who do not drink at all, and success in life can be achieved with or without alcohol.

Most likely it's your addiction telling you a tall tale.

Coldfusion

I think the most important male quality is self-control.

EndGameNYC

Men who hit their wives and children were, at one time, considered to be "real men." At the very least, they were tolerated. Men, people, who drink in excess engage in destructive behaviors and are also becoming less and less acceptable as role models.

It's important to remember who and what we are and where we've been. First we pretend to be one of the guys by drinking, then we do what all the guys do and drink, and then we continue drinking and become one of the guys who can't stop. It's the oldest story in the world for an alcoholic: when you convince yourself that you need to drink in order to fit in (or to not feel left out), then the drinking eats you up and kills you later. But not soon enough.

esinger

Have you ever been sober hanging out with a bunch of your drunk male friends. To me they don't seem manly at all.
A real man stays in control of his actions. In my former drinking circle, getting drunk was just an excuse for acting like children. Nothing masculine about it.

Thumpalumpacus

It takes a real man to own responsibility for his actions and correct them in order to stop hurting others. My manhood is about who I am as a person, not what I imbibe with whom.

advbike

I understand what you're talking about, I had some of the same preconceptions. However, as others have mentioned, you can define yourself any way you want to, and by standards that are more enlightened. For example, look at the Marlboro man - no one aspires to smoke anymore, except perhaps among the uneducated class. As for power, I think of many of the CEO's of silicon valley firms, like Larry Ellison, head of Oracle and open class sailboat racer. Um, non-drinker..

advbike

sorry, double post.

Db1105

Not drinking alcohol hasn't kept me from doing anything in life except for not drinking alcohol.

SoberCAH

When I drank, I wasn't much of a man.

I let anyone run over me in all areas of life. And then I would get mad at myself.

But after being sober for a while, I became a man, slowly but surely.

Today, I am a man even on my very worst days.

I am good for my word, I have worked hard for many years, I make amends when I am wrong (I need to work on the promptly part), and I try to learn and do God's will on a daily and hourly basis.

If that's not being a man, I don't know what is.

I do a lot of the activities which are frequently accompanied by drinking.

I went to the Daytona 500 last weekend. I go to rock concerts and country music concerts. I go to football and basketball games. I love boxing.

I also love litereture and theatre (plays, not the motion picture stuff so much).

I think you're a man, too.

least

I'm female and I admire men who don't drink. That's one less bad habit to put up with.

The lie your addictive voice is telling you, that you won't 'fit in' or 'have fun' unless you drink. When I was still drinking, I wondered how I'd spend my time if I wasn't drinking. Now I don't have enough hours in the day to do what I want.

I don't miss drinking at all. On the contrary, I'm much happier without it.

thequest

One shouldn't define themselves by any one activity or brand. In a consumer driven society the advertisers specialize in cool & sexy. Part of that is about selling you youth along with cool. Friends and peer groups tend to change somewhat as we age anyway. Sometime friends want to encourage others to drink & party because they don't want to drink alone. They can use other's drinking & participation to rationalize their own. Some might call it peer pressure.

The fact that you know something probably has to change is a good sign.

SoberCAH

Good point, Least.

I find that I generally fit into most groups and activities that I care to participate in, whether it's AA, church, friends, sports, music or other fun people and places.

As an aside, I don't miss all of the wild stories - during the waning days of my alcoholism, a lot of the stories tended to be about my own misadventures.

PaulDaveSmithJo

Thanks, least - you've given me another very powerful reason and motivator for staying sober!

KissMyTiara

Funny how society thinks drinking is masculine and men are wimps if they don't. They are admired for it. Even if they have one too many sometimes. On the other hand women are lushes. Quite the double standard. Oh well. Not my problem anymore.

MIRecovery

When I was drinking of course all of the men I knew drank. I would have had to take a stupid pill to hang out with boring people that didn't drink. I formed my whole life around drinking. If you didn't drink or the place didn't have alcohol then I wanted nothing to do with it.

In sobriety I have found the majority of the world drinks normally or not a all. For the most part the men I know really do not care if alcohol is present or not and the ones that do care likely have a drinking problem.

Your whole post is being written by your addictive voice trying to convince your rational mind that there is no life alcohol. Although the life I have now is different, it is so superior to my drinking days. I have a whole group of male friends and we do all sorts of fun sober things together.

Tommyh

old ideas that might have worked once stopped me from growing in sobriety.
I had to do some inventorying and I saw where those old ideas was not true.I had hung onto old,not true perceptions for years.They had to go.
you know stuff like-
real men don`t_________
real men won`t let________
real men do this__________
real men won`t do that___________
real men have to fight _________
real men sleep with all the women they can without feeling for them
and the garbage list could go on

those old ideas have been replaced today with good stuff,current with the way I live my life today

Today,I have quite a few sober male friends I hang with.We do all sorts of stuff that is fun.
Those old drinking buddies I left behind are mostly dead now.
Their lives appear to suck.I am glad I got out when I could.

you can find new sober buds to run with that has their heads screwed on right

OneIsTooMuch

A lot of these "image" concepts a lot of us have are driven by marketing/advertising. Drinking, smoking, expensive cars, Air Jordan's, ad nauseum. And sadly, it tends to work.