FBL

I had some of those same thoughts and they held me back from quitting drinking for many years. I thought that no one will want to hang out with me if I'm not drinking. It was only after I sobered up that I realized that almost nobody drank as much as I did and besides, I ended up isolating so much that I wasn't "hanging out" with anybody anyway.

SarahBear

I read somewhere that Tim McGraw doesn't drink anymore. He's one of the hottest celebrities in Country music. It's more manly to not drink than getting hammered.

HollyWouldnt

My husband is a bad-ass who prefers tea.
I found that quite attractive when we were dating. Well, my alcoholic brain found it confusing that anyone can be so cool without drinking but that's a whole different story!
Holly.🎋

leviathan

Many of the things young men feel are manly are flirtations with suicide. I know now that there is a difference between courageous acts and playing with fire for fun.

Many of my gang lost it all. -For nothing.

Then there are some of us who changed, learned and are now present and accountable.

leviathan

Also, this just came to me. Due to my occupation, I have worked with many men at the end of their alcoholic ropes, in the hospital. Anyone who's witnessed this knows it's about the farthest thing from a "manly" way to exit the world. It's a wimpering, hallucinating, pathetic mess.

George89

Its something I have been going through too, to be honest. At age 26 (soon to be 27) based in the UK, its as if my entire peer group sees alcohol as entirely normal, and not drinking as abnormal. At least I suppose that is the story I tell myself. I just can't imagine meeting certain friends and not drinking.

I am close to getting professional help I think..As my cycle is as follows: binge on alcohol and drugs (period of cessation and me questioning it, saying to myself I will stop to make myself feel better..and then maybe after a two week period, I start to feel bored on the weekends, and because I can't face the thought of 'coming out' as sober to my friends, I regress and just say to myself 'only a few tonight'. and ts the same old cycle. 'I will have 2-3 drinks, and I won't take any drugs tonight'. I tell myself these things, and then wake up the next day and didn't manage to stick to that 2-3 drink plan..

So its a bad cycle I am in..I am considering AA now, I know I want to live a sober life, where I can be accountable, responsible, clear-headed and happy, and to do that, I need to quit alcohol.

I have a drink and drug problem. Even if its in the form of a binge every two-three weeks, its there. And I can't keep living like this as its preventing me from transforming and living the life I want to live.

I need to own sobriety and be ok with it. I am not someone that can have a hungover sunday and spend each weekend in a permenant loop of binging and being hungover. I want to hold myself to a higher standard and love my mind and my body in the way it should be loved..

Its going to take a lot of bravery..but I need to do it, I want it so badly now.

HighDraw18

Yep it's tough. I can totally relate to George - I'm 26 and I go through periods of sobriety capped by binges. I just relapsed Friday and it was partly because I convinced myself that I needed to drink to be social. I'm going to use this knowledge to be stronger in this attempt at complete sobriety. That was my addiction talking.

George89

HighDraw, yeah, you seem in a similar place. Its like sobriety is coming closer to me now, but every binge seems to have terrible effects on me, takes a few days for my body/mind to recover. I just can't do it anymore.

I have a very healthy life in some respects - I play about 4-5 hours of sport each week, cycle back and forth to work, and am pretty active, and the alcohol just no longer holds any value in my life that I can see.

I am not sure what your situation is but if you are clear you want to stop I suggest AA or seeing an addiction councillor for example. Thats my plan now. We can't do this alone.

HighDraw18

Good stuff man. I'm very similar - live an active life, hold down a decent job, etc. the drinking and drugs just have no place in my life anymore. Unfortunately, when I put myself in certain situations I lose control. It's frustrating.

I've thought about hitting a meeting but I'm unsure. Have you started doing AA? If so, how's it going?

George89

Nothing yet, I have investigated a bit, and found out where some meetings are hosted, and thought about attending..Now its just a case of taking the plunge.

One thing I have seen in life is when it comes to addictions or problems, usually we can't just work them out by ourselves. We need help to get there. Especially something as culturally pervasive as alcohol. You need a support system. A network of non drinking friends.

How regular are your binges?

TopGun1

haha George and Highbrow, we sound like we are all in extremely similar situations. Thank God we did not meet up in bars. It is really cool though to see these similarities like this, as it reinforces that there are guys out there that do the same exact things as me, have the same consequences, and are regular guys that are also interested in becoming sober. That leads me to the conclusion as well that there are some pretty cool guys out there that will be ever more cool as sober men, and that can help each other out these same ways with sobriety and keeping each other motivated and accountable.

HighDraw18

George - I'm also researching and trying to determine the best route for me. My binges can vary - sometimes I can go months in between but lately it's more like every 2-3 weeks or so.

TopGun - nice to meet you. It is a comforting feeling knowing that other people aware in the same boat and understand our problems. And you're right...glad I met you here instead of in a bar! Haha

George89

Hi TopGun, yeah good that we can emphathise with each other here! Its nice to know there are others in our situation.

The thing that puts me off as it seems that the older generations drink even more then the younger generations. So what is it going to be like mid 30's, mid 40's + as a man in the UK not drinking? It weirds me out a bit, although again, I know thats just a fear in my head more than anything necessarily substantiated - but its almost as if there is not a clear blueprint for that kind of sober lifestyle apart from being looked at is a kind of leper. Unless you turn Muslim..!

What I have realised is that finding some kind of community where you can connect with people outside of drinking is vital. I play my sports such as football and squash, where I am building some friendships, but haven't developed outside of the sports as such. I am thus going to try and find some more events/groups/courses where I can build more relationships outside of drinking contexts.

Its being around enough people to feel that you are connected to others, and part of something, without getting dragged into drinking again. When I stop drinking and look at the typical night out my inner circle of male friends go on, I almost recoil in embarrassment. The quality of conversation is always poor, if absent, the venues are always loud, busy and doesn't allow for much outside of small talk, talking nonsense, or shouting. Its just a guys-get together to get pissed.

I prefer to meet individual friends who I can connect with more closely now, over dinner, or going to watch live sports or something. That way you actually have a conversation.

I digress, but the point I am getting at is that I think most drinkers dont really have proper friends, just drinking buddies - and its so sad that our friends are people we drink alcohol with one or two nights a week, dont really connect with on a deeper level with, and feel terrible after. I think sober friendships are much deeper and more fulfilling, there is no doubt about it.

I had that kind of scary thought recently, after a relationship with a women ended, and I kind of looked at my life, and my social circle in particular and I can barely count one hand of close friends in my life - that I would regularly spend time with out side of a drinking context, and regularly speak with via phone/text.

The rest are just people in the drinking ecosystem..

i'm looking forward to developing some stronger friendships over shared hobbies/enthusiasms going forward as opposed to the cycle and predicament that many find themselves in - having to drink poison to socalise with their so called friends, who they dont really share their problems with or life with.

Sorry for the rant, had to get a few things of my chest..!

Good to have you guys on board