RoyGBiv

Sober count: 141 days.

I am completely emotionally flat. The only things I feel are downers. That I am missing out on everything, yet there is nothing I want to do. That I can't stand to be around people, yet I don't like being alone all the time. I just want to stay home, then I feel like I am not a part of the world. I feel walled in by contradictions with no way out.

The physical problems I had that I thought might get better if I quit drinking? Nope. Still have them. So much for that.

The energy to do new things with my sober time? Nope.. no energy. And no desire.

The one thing I found I did like.. morning coffee, I have had to give up because it gave me physical side effects I couldn't tolerate.

Nothing tickles my brain's pleasure center anymore.

Oh my blood tests came back great last week. I can live tons more years of this boring life devoid of anything that pleases me. Just connect the dots from wake up to work to home to sleep, rinse repeat.

I am bitter that I have lost the ability to find enjoyment in anything, just so I can live longer without joy. What's the point in that? If this is what life is going to be like, why bother?

Yeah we think the drink long before we take it. I'm starting to think it again.

thisisme

You are sober and now have the ability to seize the day and change your life. You cannot do that drunk.
When I get down(I still do it's life) I always remind myself how much worse this would be if I was still drinking.
I always remember that no matter what, drinking makes it only worse.
Best.

biminiblue

I would suggest that you get out and volunteer somewhere. Helping others is a great way to find meaning and joy. It also fosters a spirit of gratitude.

ScottFromWI

Sounds to me like you might be suffering from depression or anxiety or both. Have you ever seen a counselor or a doctor to discuss that possiblity? Both are very treatable conditions. I've found that I've most likely suffered from anxiety my entire life and quitting alcohol did not solve it. I needed to actively make a plan to help - which involves my recovery work, therapy, exercise and meditation.

Drinking will not solve the problem, it will make it worse. Alcohol depresses your central nervous system, so if you are already depressed it will only make that situation even worse.

doggonecarl

More to recovery than giving up the drink.

You've been miserable in your sobriety since you joined SR. I looked back at your first post but you don't say what brought you to SR, what prompted your quitting. I can't image it was the sheer joy of drinking. Things must have gotten pretty bad. Maybe worse than you feel now, but your addiction is twisting the facts a bit.

My problems ended when I quit drinking. Sorry yours haven't. But the answer isn't going back to alcohol.

Kallistia

I suggest a therapist or psychologist before the bottle. Alcohol is the mask of other problems.

Anna

Roy, talk to your dr before you give up on this. It sounds to me like you could be depressed and there are options for treating depression which work well. For me, I needed to get my depression treated before I could manage to stay sober. You've come a long way with 141 days and I would hate to see you lose it.

totfit

What are you doing to change things? Quitting drinking does not make things change only gives us the ability to make things better. Exercise and a good diet are critical for my health and "mental" outlook. Without those two things, I would not be doing well. I think I was always under the misconception that if I had the right attitude and felt like it I would "do things". I have found that I have to sometimes force myself even to do things, but the better attitude and mental outlook follow, not precede. I do know that drinking never made anything better for me.

Thumpalumpacus

Sober, happiness isn't guaranteed.

Drunk, unhappiness is ... sooner or later.

I'll add my voice to those suggesting counseling with the goal of seeing if you're suffering clinical depression or other psychological malady. Another possibility, it seems to me, is that you might still be grieving the loss of a relationship that was obviously central to your life.

Dave42001

Hang in there, I can totally relate.. I had the same feelings, I found getting lost in a good book or watch some netflick movies helped me a lot.. If you're anywhere warm go for a good walk.. It gets better, takes a while to get The poison out of your system !! Keep up the good work!!

Dropsie

Here is the thing for me -- drinking used to equivalent to believing I was happy or would be -- now that its gone, nothing makes me think I am happy or that I will be.

I just have to live my life as it is -- no crutch.

BUT, the big problem is that drinking did not make me happy, it just made me think I was or would be. So, without it I may not be happy, but I wasn't with it either, I just thought I was.

I think its a control thing -- the idea of drinking gives me a feeling of control, without it, nada.

But the issue becomes can I give up the false feeling of control, false feeling of happiness.

Even when I know its a false feeling, is it better than nothing??

For me NO, and I hope for you TOO.

Because this is not my first time at he rodeo and I know I will feel better and so will you.

Just hang in there.

It will get better.

It really will.

But only if you do not drink.

Note to self -- don't drink.

sc0ot3r1982

Hey Roy,

I'm CLOMPLETELY understand everything you have said all the way down to the coffee. (I drink tea now) I don't want to say that it all gets better b/c this is a tough journey we have started. All I can say is hang in there and work for it. Lean on the support you have here and be your own person. If you need anything don't hesitate to drop a line.

Scottie

JackRaynes

I was going to come here and report the same thing. I'm glad there's others who feel the same. I've only been sober for 26 days and I don't feel terrible, I just feel like a dead battery. I don't have any answers or a solution or anything, just wanted to let you know that I hear you.

zjw

i like how you worded it. and can relate to everything. been there done that. Now i try and enjoy the boredom. I had to force myself to get into something. and no the stuff i got into was far far far from what i guess the rest of the woruld have have liked to have seen me get into. But whatever it works for me.

think fo something you've always wanted to try or do and go do it. do it again and again see if you start to like it or get anything out of it.

for me its reading and running basicly. just about everything else is pretty boreing to me. yeah i enjoy spending time with my kids more and such then i once did but it was not always that way.

I still dont like going out. I still dont really like going anywhere. I still prefer to be an introvert and be left alone etc... somethings will never change just because i quit drinking. Some things are just the way that you are. other things are not. Thats what you gotta figure out. Is this just how i am? or do i not even know this person called me? maybe thers something i'd like that i dunno about? etc...

but yeah i get it. i got up and repeated each sober boring friggen day over and over. I still have moments like that. today i woke up in the dumps. the entire day has been awash nothing went right at all. I'm in a rather foul mood too. But i do know that tommorrow i can get up and try this gain at least.

bullmas

RoyGBiv , Do you feel like this everyday?

Before you ever started drinking, how did you feel?

Point being, I can relate to this b/c I was down and out b/4 I ever started

drinking, even though booze made it worse, I just always felt I had to play the

cards I was dealt. after all life is what it is, in my case

Cheers

zjw

too bullmas point life was crap for me. so i drank that made it better or so i thought. I never really realized when life got good cause i was too drunk anyhow. good bad didnt matter i was drunk.

i sobered up and had a really REALLY Hard time realzing life was good.

tho now at times I find things are flat but for a diff reason. the good and the bad tend to cancel themselves out and i'm left feeling kinda like huh oh well wtvr. not in a bad way tho its more relieving rather then having the extremes all the time.

Hawkeye13

What have you replaced your drinking time with?
Have you done any structured effort to look at underlying causes of unhappiness?
Looking at your old threads, you seem to cycle from unhappy drinking to unhappy sobriety.

I also think you may have some issues with depression behind the drinking that
become more painful and obvious to you when you have to face them without
numbing them while sober.

Drinking will just take you back into the cycle Roy--why not try something else
as Ann suggests first?

sugarbear1

I had this for a while around the same length of sobriety as you....give yourself more time sober, things will take an upswing soon!!!!!

least

It sounds like depression to me. I hope you can see your doctor for some help. Depression is treatable. I'm living proof.

sobriety26

I believe your going through depression,I remember a friend of mine told me about this website and how it helped her stay sober,the first thing that made me want to be sober was how everytime I would look up how did not having alcohol make you feel mostly everyone was saying how much better they felt like after a month or two,well I felt like **** the first second and third month,people said how they skin glowed,mine got dull,my face was pale and my body was normal color,I heard someone mention how their hair got thicker,mine started falling out once I became sober,they mentioned how they lost weight,I haven't lost nothing but bloat they talked about looking younger,I looked way better when I was drinking even friends tell me this and im only 26,long story short I kinda came to the conclusion that if sobriety made most people feel way better then I had the problem,I just dont feel happy anymore,I realised I might have masked my emotions so much during my drinking years that I didn't even notice how empty I really felt inside,ive always been depressed in my teen years and took medication but once I started drinking I never went back to my medication,my sister told me she could tell I was depressed.because I had stop styling my hair and putting on make up,if you knew me you would know those two things I enjoyed so much,I didn't realize how lost I felt until she brought it up,she gave me some medication called paxil and I felt so much better I had stopped taking them because it Wasn't prescribed to me but it made me feel so good I couldn't stop smiling,I havent made an appointment yet but need to because im feeling gloomy again,hang in their,sometimes we just need a little help and if it really is depression trust me if they get you on the right medication you are going to feel like a whole different person I know I did,I relapsed because I didnt want to deal with post acute withdrawal symptoms and trust me drinking does not make it better,even though my relapse was small I felt way worse the second time around,hang in there I wish I can take your pain away


sobriety!!!