Diary of a Mad Cow, Part XVII: "Sober Wars"
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Diary of a Mad Cow, Part XVII: "Sober Wars" Push button before reading:
It is a period of civil war. Sober Cow is finally winning
her first real victories against Addict Cow.
During the battles, Sober Cow managed to steal
top secret plans to Addict Cow’s ultimate weapon:
The Drunk Star –a booze bloated orb of addict brain
with enough power to destroy her entire world.
However, the plans were unintelligible and covered in wine stains.
Now, pursued by Addict Cow's sinister agents:
Admiral Existential Angst, and Darth Ennui,
Sober Cow fights to restore her sanity and recover her joy...
her first real victories against Addict Cow.
During the battles, Sober Cow managed to steal
top secret plans to Addict Cow’s ultimate weapon:
The Drunk Star –a booze bloated orb of addict brain
with enough power to destroy her entire world.
However, the plans were unintelligible and covered in wine stains.
Now, pursued by Addict Cow's sinister agents:
Admiral Existential Angst, and Darth Ennui,
Sober Cow fights to restore her sanity and recover her joy...
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Hi everybody! Hope you enjoy, at least little bit, I try to make lo' these many long and tedious chapter of my life somewhat entertaining in silly doofus kind of way. 
So how all you all year going?
Best thing happen to me today was I out walking mountain trail and was responding to something outrageous my brother say with "duuude!!" And young moppet of a lad passing me on trail spin around and look right at me and go "Yeah?" (Was spontaneous reaction, he must be use to answering to "dude.") Then he look really embarrassed. So I go, "Hey, just sayin’ hey in the new year, dude!" And he go "Hey! Happy New Year!" and stick up his hand for a high five. So I give him total righteous high five, while everybody around giggle, cuz it so damn cute. ... ...But honestly, for me, was by far best conversation of entire hike.
So how all you all year going?
Best thing happen to me today was I out walking mountain trail and was responding to something outrageous my brother say with "duuude!!" And young moppet of a lad passing me on trail spin around and look right at me and go "Yeah?" (Was spontaneous reaction, he must be use to answering to "dude.") Then he look really embarrassed. So I go, "Hey, just sayin’ hey in the new year, dude!" And he go "Hey! Happy New Year!" and stick up his hand for a high five. So I give him total righteous high five, while everybody around giggle, cuz it so damn cute. ... ...But honestly, for me, was by far best conversation of entire hike.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,430
Glad to hear you are hiking in the New Year.
How's the sleep thing going?
I'm a few days into my split sleep (I posted link on your last thread)
and it's working pretty well. . . I don't feel the pressure to sleep
when I don't want to in the middle of the night,
so am actually able to go to sleep faster than before.
I'm really glad to hear sober Cow is winning
How's the sleep thing going?
I'm a few days into my split sleep (I posted link on your last thread)
and it's working pretty well. . . I don't feel the pressure to sleep
when I don't want to in the middle of the night,
so am actually able to go to sleep faster than before.
I'm really glad to hear sober Cow is winning
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 283
Hey Cow, I have a question. Was there ever a time when you felt joy? I know that you had a difficult childhood and you had physical obstacles in your life but was it onset by health issues, emotional issues or has it always been with you as if you were born with it. You may have gone into this before but now I'm struggling to remember.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Sometimes those random interactions are the best thing in a day Cow. I am quite a fan myself, however I am bad and talk to random people often, as some kind of defense against my social anxiety. Weird how that works, people think I am outgoing but I am just about scared of my own shadow- I just overcompensate by being forward.
Have to do a social gathering tomorrow. I cancelled on everything but Xmas this year in favor of Bed Island. So, I suppose I will do this one.
I have an interview coming up for a very low key part time gig. Giving serious consideration to compromising my personal beliefs and accepting medicare or whatever it is low wage people have. I hate the idea that I or anyone has access to more or less regardless of what they are or aren't paying into the system. It really eats at me.
I mean at this point in life all I have are my beliefs, I have lost so much of myself and nearly all but a small handful of possessions over the years. I feel I lose part of my integrity with each concession I make. It's as if soon there will be no more sleepie left.
In other good news... let's see....
nope.
Have to do a social gathering tomorrow. I cancelled on everything but Xmas this year in favor of Bed Island. So, I suppose I will do this one.
I have an interview coming up for a very low key part time gig. Giving serious consideration to compromising my personal beliefs and accepting medicare or whatever it is low wage people have. I hate the idea that I or anyone has access to more or less regardless of what they are or aren't paying into the system. It really eats at me.
I mean at this point in life all I have are my beliefs, I have lost so much of myself and nearly all but a small handful of possessions over the years. I feel I lose part of my integrity with each concession I make. It's as if soon there will be no more sleepie left.
In other good news... let's see....
nope.
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Puffy, I not ever have window of time in my life that was pleasant. Not sure if it organic anhedonia/depressions, or from early age abuses, or from chronic health issue, or just pu pu platter combo, but I not ever has period of happiness. Of course, when my drugs was "working" there was lot of "good times" (euphoric oblivion). Sometimes, I has feel flicker, sliver, splinter or something that feel authentic and grounded. In nature, or, like today, with the boy. That tiny exchange make my heart glad, and I was surprise for that. Is not much, but I'll take it.
Hawk, I know about biphasic sleep. Is not for me, cuz I has to take pill just to get to sleep. But I interested to hear how it work for you. I had insomnia terrible for many years before turn to sleep pill.
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/201...iphasic-sleep/
Sleepies, I has been on public heath care. Hope you not think worse of me. What is you belief that this bad? I know is hard. Maybe especial for people like us who has live life of having to survive on you own. Is so hard to ask or accept help. I almost rather die. But, truth is, sometime, you really does need the help. I very slowly learning that this okay.
Hawk, I know about biphasic sleep. Is not for me, cuz I has to take pill just to get to sleep. But I interested to hear how it work for you. I had insomnia terrible for many years before turn to sleep pill.
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/201...iphasic-sleep/
Sleepies, I has been on public heath care. Hope you not think worse of me.
What is you belief that this bad? I know is hard. Maybe especial for people like us who has live life of having to survive on you own. Is so hard to ask or accept help. I almost rather die. But, truth is, sometime, you really does need the help. I very slowly learning that this okay.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
it's just that I feel bad for not having anything in life and that exacerbates it.
I am really a failure. Nobody cares about what someone has been through, or what their personal situation or obstacles are when you are as low as I am in life. There is a lot of judgement. And I don't feel like a whole person, just an assorted taped together thing made of bits of bad experiences stumbling through life. I don't have it together, at all, and likely I never will due to defective grey matter. I just feel bad about my whole entire life and self. I am very in the closet IRL about my situation and it is hard to put on a face, all my acquaintances are very out of my league and I met them because I am basically the help. Just to think I am a learning disordered addict from a bad family and ugly place in life, then went on to collect government benefits makes me feel even worse. I mean I don't have anything at all to be proud of and this would be a new low for me. I can't say "Well I was brilliant at school" or that I had a good career or anything at all. Just one esteem crushing thing to the next. I don't deserve help, I have nothing to contribute. I'm dead weight. It's one thing to get help if you are going to go on and be successful but I have a damaged intellect, so that won't be.
I am really a failure. Nobody cares about what someone has been through, or what their personal situation or obstacles are when you are as low as I am in life. There is a lot of judgement. And I don't feel like a whole person, just an assorted taped together thing made of bits of bad experiences stumbling through life. I don't have it together, at all, and likely I never will due to defective grey matter. I just feel bad about my whole entire life and self. I am very in the closet IRL about my situation and it is hard to put on a face, all my acquaintances are very out of my league and I met them because I am basically the help. Just to think I am a learning disordered addict from a bad family and ugly place in life, then went on to collect government benefits makes me feel even worse. I mean I don't have anything at all to be proud of and this would be a new low for me. I can't say "Well I was brilliant at school" or that I had a good career or anything at all. Just one esteem crushing thing to the next. I don't deserve help, I have nothing to contribute. I'm dead weight. It's one thing to get help if you are going to go on and be successful but I have a damaged intellect, so that won't be.
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Oh, I see. My mistake. You a failure, who not deserve help. Okay then! ... ...Only, I pretty sure Universe not consider anything a "failure." (Excepting maybe Pluto and the Segway.)
So, I guess it mean nothing to you that you have strength to survive untenable childhood abuses. That you very supportive to lot of other people here. Or that you move total depress person like me to tears with you touching creative renderings. And I guess if you found brain damage being (like Pris) who needed help and looking after, and never was gonna be "brilliant," you just would let them die.
Yeah, okay, I going all reverse psycowlogy on you ass. Cuz I think you stuck in you own self-perception, Sleepies. But you not fooling me. I can tell by way you draw, and by way you write (grammatic correct, excellent sentence structure, emotional expressive phrasings, effective sarcasm and wit) that you is no hopeless bumblehead!
I think you and me got different, but yet, same limitations. And they mostly in our minds. And there very good reason for that. I know. Jesus God, I know. But come on, Sleepies. I say this to self as much to you: Get out that bed, and rise! ... ...I mean, after you binge watches Homeland and all.
So, I guess it mean nothing to you that you have strength to survive untenable childhood abuses. That you very supportive to lot of other people here. Or that you move total depress person like me to tears with you touching creative renderings. And I guess if you found brain damage being (like Pris) who needed help and looking after, and never was gonna be "brilliant," you just would let them die.
Yeah, okay, I going all reverse psycowlogy on you ass. Cuz I think you stuck in you own self-perception, Sleepies. But you not fooling me. I can tell by way you draw, and by way you write (grammatic correct, excellent sentence structure, emotional expressive phrasings, effective sarcasm and wit) that you is no hopeless bumblehead!
I think you and me got different, but yet, same limitations. And they mostly in our minds. And there very good reason for that. I know. Jesus God, I know. But come on, Sleepies. I say this to self as much to you: Get out that bed, and rise! ... ...I mean, after you binge watches Homeland and all.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
grammatic correct, excellent sentence structure, and very expressive phrasings)
You made some good points. On paper though I am a total mess. I am very self conscious about that. You know, that good stuff you pointed out isn't on record. But my many fail ups are. Like learning discrepancy, job loss etc. That's what makes me so self conscious. I mean I'd have to be nuts not to be you know? But yeah maybe there is something to work with there though I'm not sure how to arrange it. Organization and managing life in general is trouble for me, I tend to do ONE thing to death at the cost of all the other stuff.
A Cow graphic novel?
BTW how is Pris?
Thank you for putting so much thought into that post Cow
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Go back and read my post again, Sleepies, cuz I edit it. I forget to add in about you wit. You actual get chuckle out of me sometimes, as with you first post here.
Sleepies, on paper I hella mess too. I was fire after my OD from first and only job I ever get out of university. I been arrested. In jail. I has brain damage. I lose ton of my monies, cuz I too busy boozing to look after them. Not one successful relationship. I could goes on and on.
Point is, if I look at self on paper, I would not get up in morning. ...but we more than paper. Right? RIGHT?!
As for hummies, yes they migrates, but not together, like most bird. They goes it alone. Pris stable! She able to get nectar now with my 3 feeder station system that distract Fatty from chasing her off. Fatty really seem to enjoy the two "Christmas bow with small ornament in center fill with nectar" stations I make. Even though is exact same sugar water, he go to both ever time he drink. He prefer them to feeder. I like to think he appreciate my efforts to recreate "flowers" for him.
Sleepies, on paper I hella mess too. I was fire after my OD from first and only job I ever get out of university. I been arrested. In jail. I has brain damage. I lose ton of my monies, cuz I too busy boozing to look after them. Not one successful relationship. I could goes on and on.
Point is, if I look at self on paper, I would not get up in morning. ...but we more than paper. Right? RIGHT?!
As for hummies, yes they migrates, but not together, like most bird. They goes it alone. Pris stable! She able to get nectar now with my 3 feeder station system that distract Fatty from chasing her off. Fatty really seem to enjoy the two "Christmas bow with small ornament in center fill with nectar" stations I make. Even though is exact same sugar water, he go to both ever time he drink. He prefer them to feeder. I like to think he appreciate my efforts to recreate "flowers" for him.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
I am so delighted to hear of Pris I love these tales they are exciting to me like the stories I read as a kid for total escape, if only temporary, from abuse. You name your critters just like the girl in "Julie of the Wolves". I love it. I will trade you more drawings for Tales of the Hummies please... and speaking of much beloved childhood tales, a very favorite book scene of mine as lived through the Cow/Pris re-enactment in which:
Pris pulls Cow from the Swamp of Sadness.
You know this one?
I love these tales they are exciting to me like the stories I read as a kid for total escape, if only temporary, from abuse. You name your critters just like the girl in "Julie of the Wolves". I love it. I will trade you more drawings for Tales of the Hummies please... and speaking of much beloved childhood tales, a very favorite book scene of mine as lived through the Cow/Pris re-enactment in which:Pris pulls Cow from the Swamp of Sadness.
You know this one?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
I re-read. Thank you Cow! It makes me very happy to think I got a chuckle out of you Fatty, that just cracks me up. What a greedy little bird. He must have an eye for craftsmanship though.
So nice to think that you and Pris have each other.
Fatty, that just cracks me up. What a greedy little bird. He must have an eye for craftsmanship though.So nice to think that you and Pris have each other.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
