Thursday morning
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Thursday morning
Only day three of the final 2 weeks of benzo taper, No sleep at all for 3 days and a lot of worrying and also very dizzy and nauseous from no sleep. I do my jobs and am exhausted all day then at night I still cannot sleep, I need distraction, human interaction would be good but I have no friends now and the other ones drink and they think I hate them and am mad at them, since I'm never around now. As usual my boyfriend never really talks and I try and explain what I am going through and it makes no difference, he just nods and says uh huh. I am feeling like I am going a little nuts from no drinking and almost no benzos and very little sleep. It stinks that when I finally do get to sleep I have to get up and go work right away. I wish my boyfriend was more engaging. He just does his own thing and asks if I need anything while he is at the store. I am essentially doing this alone except for SR, so sorry, yet another thread! It's really frustrating and I am very annoyed with my boyfriend he does not understand too much at all. It really upsets me and he just kind of leaves me to my own devices and I go nuts with OCD alone and tics and it's the worst. Did you see "Girls" where Hanna is freaking out with OCD and tics and counting and all, then cuts her hair? It's kinda like that. Although no haircut. And my boyfriend just does his own thing and ignores me as if he really does not care as long as he is not disturbed. It makes me really, really sad.
I have to try and crash for awhile now but it will probably be another hour of tics which are so bad during this taper. And they are exhausting.
I have to try and crash for awhile now but it will probably be another hour of tics which are so bad during this taper. And they are exhausting.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Go to sleep Sleepie content with the knowledge of how strong you are. Sure you haven't cut your hair? Just saying because your Avatar looks like she was attacked with a pair of blunt scissors.
Your BF isn't up for this; it's not his fault, just the way he is.
Your BF isn't up for this; it's not his fault, just the way he is.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
I hope you can hang in there. I and many had and have your feelings and found a safety net joining and being involved in the AA fellowship even if we didn’t want to. We hear life saving words like “it takes time, easy does it, one day at a time, remember when, ask for help” and on and on. I heard many things I didn’t like but proven to be things I needed, like don’t drink today even if you’re A$$ falls off. Considering the recovery rate we are lucky to be able to do the work and changes as it certainly paid off.
BE WELL
I hope you can hang in there. I and many had and have your feelings and found a safety net joining and being involved in the AA fellowship even if we didn’t want to. We hear life saving words like “it takes time, easy does it, one day at a time, remember when, ask for help” and on and on. I heard many things I didn’t like but proven to be things I needed, like don’t drink today even if you’re A$$ falls off. Considering the recovery rate we are lucky to be able to do the work and changes as it certainly paid off.
BE WELL
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
Your determination and perseverance are inspiring, Sleepie. Maybe your boyfriend not being as helpful as you'd like is showing you how just how much strength you can find inside yourself.
One day at a time, you are getting closer to feeling better. I picture you trudging through a barren wasteland with some helpful rest stops along the way (SR) and up ahead is a lush green landscape that you can't quite see yet. Trust that it's there. Nothing is permanent in this world and that includes hard times.
One day at a time, you are getting closer to feeling better. I picture you trudging through a barren wasteland with some helpful rest stops along the way (SR) and up ahead is a lush green landscape that you can't quite see yet. Trust that it's there. Nothing is permanent in this world and that includes hard times.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
maybe your boyfriend just doesnt get it? well I guess thats stating the obvious but what i mean is as a man my self I dont really get hints i dont really pickup on things very well I basicly need to be beaten over the head with it 
. I hate that i'm like this and I do try to pickup on my wifes needs when shes having difficulties with soething but the reality is often I dont and I end up blindsided by it when shes freaking out at me for not being supportive .
I'd say gently try and get his attention and see if you can at least talk about it. But yeah who knows maybe ya have to rant and rave in order to be heard too? But also try and understand that not all of us are that good at just picking up on these sorts of things. Like maybe he realizes your having a tough time and that he feels he's meeting your needs becasuse your now screaming so must be ok. IE the squeeky wheel gets the oil so he's just going with the flow as if everything is status quo.
Your doing good otherwise tho. Its really hard when we get off these chemicals and have to stare life in the eyes with NOTHING to lean on. I'm 4 years in and I still have my sleep issues. I dont want to say anything and jinx myself but the past couple weeks have been better for me ::Knock on wood:: but I know at any given time I could loose night after night of sleep again usually because my mind starts racing at 3am its the magic time for me *Sigh*
. I hate that i'm like this and I do try to pickup on my wifes needs when shes having difficulties with soething but the reality is often I dont and I end up blindsided by it when shes freaking out at me for not being supportive . I'd say gently try and get his attention and see if you can at least talk about it. But yeah who knows maybe ya have to rant and rave in order to be heard too? But also try and understand that not all of us are that good at just picking up on these sorts of things. Like maybe he realizes your having a tough time and that he feels he's meeting your needs becasuse your now screaming so must be ok. IE the squeeky wheel gets the oil so he's just going with the flow as if everything is status quo.
Your doing good otherwise tho. Its really hard when we get off these chemicals and have to stare life in the eyes with NOTHING to lean on. I'm 4 years in and I still have my sleep issues. I dont want to say anything and jinx myself but the past couple weeks have been better for me ::Knock on wood:: but I know at any given time I could loose night after night of sleep again usually because my mind starts racing at 3am its the magic time for me *Sigh*
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,431
You are getting there on your own--it would be nice if he were more supportive
but you aren't letting that stop you.
You're in the tough part but that will pass eventually.
Just keep plodding forward and know there are better times post-taper
but you aren't letting that stop you.
You're in the tough part but that will pass eventually.
Just keep plodding forward and know there are better times post-taper
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
All I'm asking for is that he talk to me sometimes while I'm going through this. I would be totally supportive and there for him if he ever went through anything at all. I have been actually, about other things.
I don't know so much about it not being his "fault" or not being "up for it".
I mean we are both adults, what's so wrong about me expecting some real support from the person I share my life, body and thoughts with?
I'm really going through hell and it's kind of like the rest of my life, no support.
It wears a person down.
I think I'm grinding my teeth too. I wake up with headaches and tooth sensitivity
I don't know so much about it not being his "fault" or not being "up for it".
I mean we are both adults, what's so wrong about me expecting some real support from the person I share my life, body and thoughts with?
I'm really going through hell and it's kind of like the rest of my life, no support.
It wears a person down.
I think I'm grinding my teeth too. I wake up with headaches and tooth sensitivity
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
5000% agree with you what if you have a right proper sit down & have a heart to heart
Sleepie don't let it grind you like explain how it makes you feel a bf is supposed to be supportive in all areas anyways so have a chat but don't let it get heated be diplomatic & calm & if still after that he's just being unsupportive then question what you want from your bf
I wish I could just click my fingers & solve it sometimes
I pray I always think that helps
you can msg me 24h a day 365 days a year il always listen
Sleepie don't let it grind you like explain how it makes you feel a bf is supposed to be supportive in all areas anyways so have a chat but don't let it get heated be diplomatic & calm & if still after that he's just being unsupportive then question what you want from your bf
I wish I could just click my fingers & solve it sometimes
I pray I always think that helps
you can msg me 24h a day 365 days a year il always listen
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
ya know one thing about being so alone in stuff like this is that if you find yourself in the predicament where you truely are all alone you can shrug and be like well i've done it alone before I'can do it alone again. You dont have to worry about using others as your crutch then when there gone you call apart. its nice to be able to stand on your own 2 feet etc..
But I know what you mean and understand it would be nice if your partner would show more interest etc.. Sometimes we dont even want support per say we just wanna know the other person gives a damn.
But I know what you mean and understand it would be nice if your partner would show more interest etc.. Sometimes we dont even want support per say we just wanna know the other person gives a damn.
Woe is Moo.
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Sleepies, maybe you choose this boyfriend, cuz he remind you of you family. (I just saying, cuz I also found several who was as indifferent as my papa.) I suspects after you come through all this and is feeling better and stronger, you maybe find you self kicking this guy to curb and looking for kinder, more empathetic boyfriend. Or, maybe all you crazy is just driving his nuts and he has check out. (said with love) I know lot of my friend develop "compassion fatigue" after too many years of my crazy.
In any case you only gonna wind you self up to expect him to be other than he is, yes?
In any case you only gonna wind you self up to expect him to be other than he is, yes?
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Thanks guys.
I know cow, that I can't expect someone to be other than they are. But I go way out of my comfort zone for him, I though t people do that for each other? Like meeting his entire family and spending time with his parents... those are things he will never, ever have to do for me. I had no choice but to go no contact many years ago. I am pretty sure my mother is a sociopath or at the very least has a pretty bad personality disorder, and my father is an alcoholic who beat his kids within an inch of their lives many times. I got nothin' in my corner... So meeting his parents had me at the verge of a panic attack and frankly his sister terrifies me for no other reason than she is a very intelligent and accomplished person who cares for her brother- I just cannot relate at all and parents/ family dynamics scare the poop out of me. I get queasy just thinking about it.
So my response? Keep doing it until I at least can go without a major anxiety attack. Every weekend I'm saying, "Hey we should visit your folks. Let's bring them something, your dad will love it". Yes it terrifies me and I do it because I know my boyfriend loves it. He is elated. I see how important it is to him and it makes me happy to participate because his parents mean so much to him.
Is it too much to ask for a little emotional support in light of that? His tactic is avoidance. He is very good at avoidance. He hides behind his "I'm a programmer" persona as an excuse to avoid all of life. Ok, sure we all have our personalities and tendencies. And I absolutely do not subscribe to this belief that people are either extroverts or introverts and that's just that. Please, we're all a little more complex than that. I mean if the guy would just step out of his comfort zone a little he may even grow as a person, would that be so bad?
Now let me hear from the guys on this one... I am only the 4th person he has ever dated- he is in his 40's. Does that mean I am obligated to be the adult emotionally in this relationship forever because he doesn't want to get out of his comfy pants?
I explained myself to my boyfriend so many times and it's like he forgets 5 minutes later. He is just very emotionally immature. Like a teenager. It's unattractive. He's intelligent and informed, and he is generous. But other stuff is lacking.
Now mind you this is mostly a complaint post. I have not highlighted his attractive qualities because today I need to b**** about the boyfriend with all I am handling here. We all have our days and relationships are never perfect right?
I think he cares and has no clue at all about what to do. I told him I need him to talk with me more and just communicate. Maybe the LD comes into play? I don't know. I have a disorder that makes language and communication crucial to my life and learning things, as pathetic as it sounds I even had to read about how to communicate properly and interact with people. That wasn't easy and I am still learning. Again I have no choice but to go out of my comfort zone. Living with LD there almost is no comfort zone. It's frustrating that my boyfriend won't try a little harder. I feel like I try all day every day and sort through the pile of ashes at the end in hopes of a single positive result.
I know cow, that I can't expect someone to be other than they are. But I go way out of my comfort zone for him, I though t people do that for each other? Like meeting his entire family and spending time with his parents... those are things he will never, ever have to do for me. I had no choice but to go no contact many years ago. I am pretty sure my mother is a sociopath or at the very least has a pretty bad personality disorder, and my father is an alcoholic who beat his kids within an inch of their lives many times. I got nothin' in my corner... So meeting his parents had me at the verge of a panic attack and frankly his sister terrifies me for no other reason than she is a very intelligent and accomplished person who cares for her brother- I just cannot relate at all and parents/ family dynamics scare the poop out of me. I get queasy just thinking about it.
So my response? Keep doing it until I at least can go without a major anxiety attack. Every weekend I'm saying, "Hey we should visit your folks. Let's bring them something, your dad will love it". Yes it terrifies me and I do it because I know my boyfriend loves it. He is elated. I see how important it is to him and it makes me happy to participate because his parents mean so much to him.
Is it too much to ask for a little emotional support in light of that? His tactic is avoidance. He is very good at avoidance. He hides behind his "I'm a programmer" persona as an excuse to avoid all of life. Ok, sure we all have our personalities and tendencies. And I absolutely do not subscribe to this belief that people are either extroverts or introverts and that's just that. Please, we're all a little more complex than that. I mean if the guy would just step out of his comfort zone a little he may even grow as a person, would that be so bad?
Now let me hear from the guys on this one... I am only the 4th person he has ever dated- he is in his 40's. Does that mean I am obligated to be the adult emotionally in this relationship forever because he doesn't want to get out of his comfy pants?
I explained myself to my boyfriend so many times and it's like he forgets 5 minutes later. He is just very emotionally immature. Like a teenager. It's unattractive. He's intelligent and informed, and he is generous. But other stuff is lacking.
Now mind you this is mostly a complaint post. I have not highlighted his attractive qualities because today I need to b**** about the boyfriend with all I am handling here. We all have our days and relationships are never perfect right?
I think he cares and has no clue at all about what to do. I told him I need him to talk with me more and just communicate. Maybe the LD comes into play? I don't know. I have a disorder that makes language and communication crucial to my life and learning things, as pathetic as it sounds I even had to read about how to communicate properly and interact with people. That wasn't easy and I am still learning. Again I have no choice but to go out of my comfort zone. Living with LD there almost is no comfort zone. It's frustrating that my boyfriend won't try a little harder. I feel like I try all day every day and sort through the pile of ashes at the end in hopes of a single positive result.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
Some people are who they are and don't think they need to change. It would be nice if he could be more. But he isn't so getting upset only causes you pain and sadness. You need to accept things as they are. It is the only way to have real peace.
I know with my own recovery I really needed the help and support of others who got it without having to explain myself and my feelings to my husband constantly.
I know with my own recovery I really needed the help and support of others who got it without having to explain myself and my feelings to my husband constantly.
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