gonzo51511

Sorta thinking for me its karma payback big time.. i treated so many women so poorly in my 10+ drinking years, smashed their hopes, said unthinkable things, that now i lose the only girl i ever truly wanted to spend my life with. I didnt get help in time, thats what sucks the most.. karma is getting me back big time. I deserve the heartbreak im feeling. All of it

Mountainmanbob

I was told to stop drinking by my wife 8 years ago.
I was ready and willing to stop drinking at the time.
Getting to keep her was an added blessing.
Mountainmanbob

FBL

No, but my liver threatened to sue for separate maintenance

Dharma33

MelindaFlowers

Yes.

Several times, always the morning after blackouts where I would become verbally abusive and psychotic. I never was verbally abusive when I was sober. I am shy and quiet by nature but would turn into a raging monster when I would black out.

I would play super duper nice for a few days until I felt the storm had blown over and then I casually stick some alcohol in the freezer, casually pour it, and see if he would notice. He is a normal drinker and at the time, believed that I would moderate my drinking. I would behave myself (not stop drinking, just not black out) for a few months and then the episode would repeat. I would blackout and scream profanities, break things, and threaten to leave him.

When I finally stopped, it was after an uneventful non-blackout night of drinking. I was sick as a dog with a hangover one too many times and I stopped that day.

KAD

I've been divorced for going on 6 years, but while I was still married, my wife threatening to take our baby (only had 1 at the time) and leave me if I drank again was the catalyst for a 2 year period of sobriety. During that 2 years, a second baby was born. I was not yet physiologically dependent and could stop easily. Up to that point, I drank out of psychological need. It wasn't until about 2 years after picking up the bottle again, and drinking mostly liquor, that I became physically hooked.

After separation from my wife, I began dating someone else and eventually moved in with her. About 8 months into the relationship, I admitted to her that I'm an alcoholic. I stayed sober for 6 months after that. Then I relapsed again. Thus began a new awareness on her part, and paranoia on mine. We split several times because of my drinking and I had moved back into my own place. The relationship ultimately ended because of my addiction.

It wasn't until I began a program of recovery that what my significant others had often said - that alcohol was my mistress - rang at least partially true. The actual truth was that I was in a long-term relationship with alcohol and they were my mistresses. It was the ultimate in wanting to "have my cake and eat it, too." I thought I could do both, but addiction is quite demanding. Of time, of energy, of attention, of money... Not to mention how it totally changes one's behavior. So glad I don't have to live in that Hell again!

Adillac

Ya, a girlfriend said that to me and I told her where the door was. I stopped making promises with my drinking at that point. Sad.

Dave42001

I've been told to "GET OUT!" Of my own house on many occasions! Also, I WANT YOU OUT OF MY LIFE!" Two drunks under one roof didn't work for me! I changed my ways and got sober and got a divorce!! Life is great again!! I've never seen my animal so happy!! Dogs truly are mans best friends!!

Thumpalumpacus

Because we make bad decisions in service to our addiction? Because we think we can fool the Universe if we can fool ourselves?

Arrogance, ego, pride, call it what you will.

I've been told that twice. The first time I quit for five years (but was a very good dry drunk, no recovery was involved at all); the second time my ego, my pride, my arrogance cost me the love of a beautiful woman.

saggirl1125

Really thankful for this thread... Im in a position where I just stated my boundaries, which suppose will be taken as an ultimatum, just wrote a thread on it actually. Love this man with everything I have and always will but I just can;t live the life of wondering if and when he will come home or be found dead in a ditch somewhere. Told him that drinking is his choice, but if he wants a relationship with me than sobriety is a hard limit for me. He sees it as control and really wants the option to drink beer since Vodka is his real problem. Hoping love wins out on this one because I'd do anything for him, except help him die.

Mountainmanbob

Your posts cries out to the alcoholic who is choosing the bottle over loved ones. I wish that I would have seen the writing on the wall way back then. Your love for this man is well respected on this side (one who has recovered) and I hope that he will See The Light before it is too late and you are long gone.

It truly is sad all of the homes and marriages the liquid devil has destroyed.

Prayers sent out for you two on this early morning from California,
M-Bob

saggirl1125

Thank you Mountainbob,
He responded this morning saying that he want saying that he was definitely going to drink but won't spend his life being told what he can or can't do. I told him that sobriety was his choice but my limit and boundary for a relationship. So, he chose to break up because I'm am controlling and he won't stand for it. I just sold my house because we talked about moving away to start a fresh life together. I'm moving 1200 miles away and a life with him was a big reason for that. I'm following through but now doing it without him and it truly breaks my heart that after everything I have done for him and for us, the option to drink beer if he wants is more important to him than our future. Devestated doesn't quite cover it. He doesn't see it that way, just that we broke up because he won't stand for me trying to control 'everything'

Grungehead

My girlfriend that I had been living with told me to quit or she was leaving so I quit...except I think she meant more than a week. So she left. So then I quit and went to treatment and eventually we got back together and ended up getting married...and divorced (all while I was sober...6 years).

Then I started drinking again and my employer said quit or YOU'RE leaving. So I quit and started going to AA again...then quit my employer. Stayed sober for a long time (7 years).

Then I started drinking again and after 8 years I told myself that if I didn't stop drinking I was leaving myself. That got my attention. Went back to treatment, AA, got a sponsor and worked the steps this time, and I have over 3 years sober.

Sorry, got to rambling. I guess my point is that an alcoholic will say and do a lot of things...some they never intend on doing...some they intend on doing but never do. We tend to leave a lot of broken relationships in our wake. Take take care of yourself, and if you are meant to be together at some point in the future it will happen. I understand that your heart is broken, but it sounds like if he doesn't quit it will be broken anyway...and only he can decide if he truly wants to quit.

Edit to add that when me and my girlfriend were living together before I quit for 6 years we had semi-regular confrontations about my drinking. I never went the route of telling her she can't tell me what to do, but I made repeated half promises and halfhearted attempts to cut down or quit so she wouldn't leave. I'm sure I was breaking her heart all those times until she finally had more than she could take. Just my experience in the one serious relationship I had while drinking alcoholically. I had to want to quit before I could actually quit, regardless of the consequences.

Mountainmanbob

After my last two ventures out to booze la - la land.
If I drank today I'm not even sure that I would get much warning from her.
She saw plenty of the crazy drunk side of me those last two drunks.
Best to stay sober today and keep everything in tack.
MB

kittycat3

Never been told that by a significant other, but plenty of times been asked to take it easy, please not to get so drunk, don't get so drunk you effing alcoholic, what have you. Friends stopped inviting me out because I was a wreck. I'm glad I don't have to worry about that any more.

Mountainmanbob

I was told more than once at work.
Stop your drinking on the job or you may not have a job.
Did I listen, not really.
For the alcoholic is married to the bottle.
M-Bob

Austin4Wyo

Mountainmanbob necrobumps a thread...but still makes me think...

I never lost a job to drinking. I just...gave it away.

I guess that's when faith kicks in. I didn't, so someone must have...

The Divine Plan, not Austin's...

Dame

*sigh* My Guy cared, but he is a serious "enabler." I wish he had been tougher with me. Now his is putting up with my "dry drunk" (I know - awful phrase ) behavior

Mattq2

I'm middle age now. My mom gave my father an ultimatum when I was four. He left and I never saw him again. Hard to imagine giving up your family and watching your children grow up for booze.

Berrybean

So, what are you going to do to change? If nothing changes, nothing will change. And only WE can be the catalyst for our change.

I suspect you've probably seen this thread about making a plan (after all, you've been knocking around the forum long enough to post 301 times), but it's definitely worth another look. The links on there have saved many of us here from insanity and hopelessness. ...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html

OR. You can just carry on with the restless, irritable and discontent that comes from dealing with the Alcohol Drinking but not addressing the Alcoholic THINKING.

Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB