Ever been told -- "Stop Your Drinking Or I'm Leaving You"
 

The reason that I'm bringing this topic us is because, I read here on site from time to time that some of the ones still drinking have been told by their spouses, "stop drinking or I'm leaving."
I still remember back in my old drinking days when I lived with a very sweet young Lady. My drinking had pushed her -- once more -- to the limit and she told me that, "she would be leaving if something didn't change." Well, nothing changed and in short time she was gone. Oh yes, then I spent many a night drunk crying in my beer -- oh poor me -- why did she do that.
Why does the drunk choose the liquid devil over their mate ?

MM

Nope, I dated other drinkers or people who simply didn't care...
Would have been nice is someone cared!
I would have liked an ultimatum- how weird is that?

Unfortunately while we are in active alcoholism it is a threesome. My mate, my alcohol, and me. Why we can not see I don't know but alcohol was more important to me than anything else including my own life. So sad but true because those that love us are fighting a battle they can not win

Yes, my hostage - I mean my wife explained very clearly that her patience bucket was full. It was more like quit or you leave.

We never seemed to want a divorce at the same time - married 32 years. It's amazing how much better she has gotten since I stopped drinking......

Why?

Well in my case I still thought I was just trying to get it together. For example I didn`t think a few drinks in the morning was a particularly bad idea as long as I had time to nap it off in the afternoon.

And when I had a few drinks before meeting my wife at a realtor office to sign a new apartment lease she just up and left me. No new apartment and no wife. She split. Boom just like that

She had warned me about my drinking but I didn`t think she would notice that day.

(We got back together after I got sober and are still married )

Never had time or patience for a mate while I was drinking. Lucky for the men out there!

Delfin

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'Why does the drunk choose the liquid devil over their mate ?'

A: 'Choose' implies ongoing Free Will, and exercising it.

Addiction precludes that. In my Experience Of One, 'choice' and clarity return post-Addiction.
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I got sober.
 

I went through one of those with my current wife of ten years. Met her when I was sober and then started drinking a couple of years into our marriage. She asked of me, "I thought you couldn't drink, are you going to be ok drinking ?" Oh-yes I told her, this is no problem. Well being the true alcoholic that I am that proved to be not true in short time.

She left for a short while.
I got sober.
We went to Christian counseling.
We have been going to church steadily for the last 8 years.
I attend AA meetings.

MM

I remember thinking that if I had to choose between my wife and beer, I would choose the beer.

Lol!

Yes, for I thought that truly I was married to the liquid devil.
MM

When my current wife of ten years told me during my last binge
"Stop Your Drinking Or I'm Leaving You"
luckily I was already pretty shot out from my once again heavy drinking
and yes, I had a good taste a few times in my past with sobriety
I knew, stop now or for sure she will be gone

they say that a drunk will never stop drinking for someone else's sake
I don't totally agree with that
for I know deep down inside my wife played a huge part with me stopping

MB

I had no warning. She said she was leaving. Several days later she said I should go to AA and set me up with a relative who had been there. She didn't say anything about my drinking until she was already headed out the door.

So get sober, you never know when they just have had enough of you and move on, you don't always get a warning shot.

Yes, recently. It's amazing that being sober (27days going) has shown me just how much she means to me. Going on 32 years. Her and her mom are on vacation in Destin,Fl and have left me alone with my thoughts for a week. It's been a good thing.

Hypo

Yes, I have. And it worked.

Yes

my abf got sober when I went NC. I didn't really "leave", but I was done. He got sober right after... 105 days.... He relapsed twice last week. I told him, I wasn't angry and that I didn't know where my limit was, but that I have one. I told him, again, that no matter how much I love him, I can't change him, and that I will leave if I have to and to please believe me.
He still sounds pretty solid in his thought process so I hold hope for him going back to AA this week. But my guts tell me that the drinking is back to stay for a while. I'll slowly slip away, again, if that's the case.

It is NEVER easy to walk away from the person you love so dearly, and the heart will always protest. For people on my side of it, some of us do it to be manipulative, believing that if we leave, maybe it will trigger his/her sobriety. But for many of us, it is our only choice because we have no other options. For some of us, including myself, leaving is merely a way to protect our own sanity and to allow ourselves time and space to heal; it does NOT mean that we do not love the person, because, in fact, we probably love that person as much as anyone could love someone else.

aaaahhhh... such a hard road for all involved!

My wife said she was leaving.
It was over.
I believed her.
She was crying.
I stopped drinking.
I was able to get to an AA meeting two days later.

I thought that I was doing it for her.
I heard that I need to do it for myself.
In reality I was.
I didn't want to lose the house, the kids, MY marriage.

It was after working the steps,
something someone said in a meeting,
reminded me of her tears
and shed some of my own.

Today, I do it for her, truly.
We both reap the benefits.

Whilst working on my step 3,
I attended a course on Christianity.
I joined the local Church.
I was confirmed.
A year later my wife was confirmed.
Like bob, we have been regular Church goers for 8 years.
These days we both do it for each other, the kids, the community.
And for God.

Oh, and I still go to AA
for AA's sake as well as my own.

My brothers wife gave him the ultimatum. He quit cold turkey, no AA, no nothing. Just stopped. That was 15 years ago. He hasn't had a drink since and they're still together.

I should add, the morning after she told him she would leave, he drove to the liquor store in the early morning to buy a bottle before work, "just to show her who was boss"! He said he got there about 10 mins before 6am, so they weren't opened yet. Had to wait in his car for 10 mins. In those 10 minutes, he saw 2 other old men hanging around, looking quite the mess. They were waiting for the store to open too.

At that moment, he said he saw his future and broke down. He drove back home, called into work to take the day off.....and was sober from that day on.

My gf and i broke up but one of those confusing breakups.. no real hard feelings.. and the decision was made when i was sober for a couple weeks cuz i was not fun to be around.. ive been sober now for 2 months and attend aa.. i miss her like crazy but it feels like i have to always contact her.. any advice?? Thx