pulltight

Thankfully my wife stuck with me and never vocalized it or gave me an outright ultimatum, it was getting very rocky though and it was time for a change.
Alcohol was my way of escaping problems whatever they may have been and when I stopped it allowed me to focus on the most important thing in my life, my family. I am damn lucky that she is in my life.

gonzo51511

quitting drinking and going thru a breakup with my gf at the same time. any words of wisdom anyone??

Mountainmanbob

Most important
Just don't drink
MM

gonzo51511

I honestly have no desire too. but sobriety does not have me feeling much better either. I cant escape the thoughts of the reality of the situation im in. I pretty much lost all I cared about to alcoholism

Austin4Wyo

No ultimatum. When my ex ended things, it was because the relationship was irreparably broken by many things. My drinking contributed, but she was perceptive enough to see the intrinsic problems that were the root cause of my desire to alter my reality. I was, and had been, a remarkably unhappy, depressed, and lonely individual, and that condition predated my drinking by many, many years.

We, for a number of reasons, weren't right for each other. Five years later, when asked if I would get back together with her, I answer honestly with an emphatic "No." I think the world of her, of her strength, her patience, her courage, her intelligence and devotion. But she had me dead to rights when she said we both had very different ideals and goals for our lives.

I have many, many moments when I doubt very seriously whether I will be in a romantic relationship again. I tried to broach that with my counseling team, but it was tabled.

All in all, I think I'd do better with a dog and a fern. ;-)

bigsombrero

I was never given an ultimatum like that. But I know that my drinking messed up several wonderful relationships - both with girlfriends and with good buddies. I have lost some real good people from my life because of my drinking. I lost a few bad apples from my life when I got sober, though...so let's call it a wash.

Ken33xx

Right. Don`t pick up that drink.

We all go through hard times in sobriety. It`s called living life on life`s terms which isn`t always fun or fair.

Tangled34

From the other side I gave my husband that ultimatum and asked him to leave thinking he would get help but instead he went the other way and went off and met someone else who is the same as him. I guess for him losing myself and dd wasn't enough to get help. Don't think we could ever come back from that.

Mountainmanbob

It's true
since sobering up 8 years ago
I have not heard these words said.

Ever been told -- "Stop Your Drinking Or I'm Leaving You"

My sobriety is working well for her.

And a Happy Queen makes for a Happy King.

MM

Tooshabby

Likewise....I've felt exactly the same with my partner over the years. I wouldn't have chosen the booze, I know it. I still kept drinking though - because I could 'get away with it(?)' Awful. I can't turn back the clock and am left with huge regrets about the harm I've caused. Oh well, I can only do my best from here on in, and my drinking days are *over*.

My brother nearly lost his wife because of such a threat. I love my sister-in-law for that (and for being such a wonderful person in general).

bullmas

"A good mate is hard to find..

A liquor store is at the next exit"

Sudz No More

It was more like, stop drinking or you're moving out lol. Seriously though, she always had my back when it came to drinking in the sense that she would no longer put up with it after she saw I could stop if even only for a week. My habit became intolerable at all levels once she was able to see the sober me she wanted nothing to do with the drunk me ever again. There is a chance I may not have made it out of the mental hold of addiction if I wasn't married to her. It gave me the courage and strength to make it the distance because being married to her I had no choice but to keep trying. She simply would not tolerate it any longer. I am better for it and I am grateful to her for it.

tomsteve

i dont recall that threat given to me.
but i did hear,"im done" , " good bye" a few times and " get the **** out!"
after my last drunk.
that was the one that led me to recovery.

gonzo51511

Were you able to work things out with her after some time in recovery? Of was it a dead issue?

Dropsie

Gonzo,

I know you are struggling, and hope that if you hang in there, she will be back.

And she may, and I hope for you she will.

You never know what to wish for in this life, but you can be sure she won't be back if you do drink.

I hope you are okay.

gonzo51511

yes dropsie imgood.. 86 days sober.. how are you. she is now thinking of going to an allanon meeting.. I hope she does. she says she has some anger shes not getting over

tomsteve

m although she was done with me i was able to make my amends and am ok with the outcome.
i have no regrets about it. cant blame her or any of the others for tossing me out of their lives.
its my past. i dont live there. im not that man any more.
and im ok with it all.

for me to get there took footwork on changing me. i didnt put in the footwork to get her back. i did it because i didnt like who i was and didnt want to be who i was anymore.

peacefulfreedom

Congrats on the 86 plus days sober gonzo. I recently had my partner say quit drinking or I'll leave you. Well.. over a month or so ago now. Crazy it's been that long tbh it feels like yesterday. I quit. It was hard. But its been the best thing ive done. I was a long way down the path of losing myself completely. It was a reminder to walk in the other direction. Back through recovery and into discovery if I'm lucky. It's scary but its not a sped up death sentence which is the certainty of the other way. Our relationship now is fantastic. Will it last? I hope so but if it doesnt at least ill get to have good memories now and also myself to go on with no matter what.

Time is your friend and sobriety is the only way forward. /hugs

Dan Dare

My lady has said to me - "You seem so much happier when you are drinking". That's one big problem. She never seemed to mind, except when I got sloppy, which is so rare. My tolerance has gotten so high (no pun intended) that even those very close to me have no idea of the torture that is going on inside.
The vicious cycle has come full circle again, and today is day 7 free. I have no desire to go back to how I was feeling last weekend. It's really getting boring.
Peace y'all!

Mountainmanbob

Yes, and at least I would know that I did my best.
Which can only be attained if I stay sober.
It's a #1 (must) in my life today.

Getting out of my mind for many years was #1.
Today having a drink is not even on the list.

It's hard to say how many of my relationships
were destroyed due to my many addictions.

Yes, if I open the door
the devil seems to come from many directions.

Mountainmanbob