Maty

I cant understand why i keep doing this to myself!!!im currently going through a massive anxiety hangover and panic i only drink at weekends but its putting me through hell.i say im only going out for a few to watch the match but it never happens and i drink myself to blackout.i suffer from bad anxiety and i dont leave the house much alcohol makes me a completely different person im loud and obnoxious.i feel like im the worse person in the world and i dont know how long my girlfriend will put up with it.panicking and worrying about everything going over and over things its driving me mad.i dont usually sniff coke but someone offered me a line and i was that drunk i went for one in the toilets and got caught!they threw me out and barred me from the pub its only a matter of time until something really bad happens!i suffered a serious brain injury a few years back fighting whilst drunk i dont know what it will take for me to stop!!!i wont get out of bed for the next few days ill just lie here feeling like rubbish

NestWasEmpty

Maty , Yes I had some anxiety attacks before I started to drink . After I get deeper into the attacks just got worse & worse On top of that feeling like S*** didn't help either .
Sounds like it's time for a Change & you came to the right place Lots of great understanding people here & ideas to help your make it though .
As many have said - I won't be easy , But it will be worth it . Start making some plans to get out from under that Beasts grip !! Welcome

IOAA2

Hi and welcome Maty.

I suggest that in a quiet moment you re-read your post and realize that if you continue to drink this day or week may be the best in the for the rest of your life.

At a certain point alcohol does nothing but take away from us and if we continue to use it at a certain point we lost everything including our soul.

The simple answer is to stop drinking, even if our A$$ falls off.

In the beginning I needed to get honest with myself AND accept the fact I cannot drink in safety one day at a time in a row.

BE WELL

RDBplus3

Maty ... oh Maty ...

The Book 'Alcoholics anonymous' describes the state you describe so well as ... Pitiful & incomprehensible Demoralization.

I knew it well.

Read the Book everyone is talking about!

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... FREE from that damned Pitiful & incomprehensible Demoralization

PurpleDan

Maty, alcohol is killing you. That next binge may be your last. What will it take for you to stop? I don't know. For me, it was the realisation that alcohol was the root cause of my problems and that the more I drank, the more it compounded them. One major black out, the fear of losing my job and apartment, and just being sick and tired of feeling sick and tired were enough to convince me I was done. I got sober through AA and haven't had a drink since my first meeting. I realised that I was powerless over alcohol...once it entered my system, I couldn't just stop. And my life was unmanageable...the fall out from my drinking was making me more miserable.

You can find the 'Big Book' of AA online, here:

Alcoholics Anonymous : Alcoholics Anonymous

Please don't be put off by the use of 'God' and some of the more religious-sounding words. AA doesn't require one to have any kind of religious beliefs to get and stay sober. I believe in some kind of creative force behind the universe, but it has nothing to do with any religion. And my father, who has over 20 years sober, is an atheist...his 'higher power' is the programme and the meetings.

If you truly don't want to drink again, you don't have to. Ever.

ScottFromWI

Welcome Maty, lots of great advice already given here. I was at the point that you are towards the end of my drinking too, the panic and anxiery were horrible. And unfortunately it will keep getting worse the longer you continue to drink.

Perhaps you could consider an alternative to drinking next weekend? Spending time here on SR can definitely help. Recovery meetings could be a great start too. Hope we can help you find a way to put down the bottle.

Maty

Thanks for the replies everyone.i know that i cant just have a few anymore and its all very well saying i wont go the pub anymore but by the timeits weekend again i will have forgoten how bad this feels and people will be talking me into going out again.Thats all me and my mates have ever done but i cant do it anymore im making my braindamage worse and itsounds so stupid while im writing this.my mates just say man up but these are not normal hangovers i wish all that i had to deal with was a headache.sometimes i carry on drinking to keep away from the anxiety but today i just rode it out and now im glad i did.one of my oldest friends was an everyday drinker and he ended up in prison because of this

resolute50

Welcome,

Welcome.
You know it sounds like you need some new mates.
That might not sound very good.
But I found myself in a situation similar to your and had to break away for a while. That's when you find out who is truly your friends.

D122y

Thank you Purple for taking a few minutes to reiterate for Maty, and me, what you have probably said a thousand times.

Sincerely....

mary2788

Your story hits pretty close to home for me..
lq anxiety is the absolute worse.. I have been sober for ONE month tomorrow and my anxiety has been so minimal.. I only have anxiety now over doing something I know I shouldn't, like going to a party where there will be booze served or drugs.i started to get into hard drugs too and it was starting to get really out of hand. its best to stop now while you still have positive things in your life because it just gets worse and word..
I was terrified at first when i quit that I wouldn't have fun anymore.. but life is actually so much better, my head is clearer I'm dealing ith my emotions its incredible. I have actually found a few friends whoa re axutally real fiends and want you to succeed in the sober life!

You clearly know you have a problem, only you can fix it!
Good luck

sugarbear1

When you are really ready to stop and stay stopped, you will be able to. If you wobble, you will most likely drink again.......

You CAN stay stopped!!! You can!!

Maty

Thanks again everyone i think this is time to change

Soberwolf

Nice to meet you Maty here's a useful link

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

PurpleDan

I can so remember feeling like that. I first realised I had a problem with alcohol when I was 20, but thought life would be so incredibly dull without alcohol and drugs...and that I'd be doomed to sit around in church basements with a bunch of washed-up old fogeys moaning about our "problems". It kept me away from the rooms for another 4 years, until I was truly licked. I'm happy to report that a sober life is full of fun, laughter, joy and adventure. I've laughed until I've cried. I've been to places and done things I only dreamed about doing.

We are not a glum lot.

PurpleDan

I just tell folks what was told to me when I got sober, and it has been my experience. I've been to hell and back in sobriety, but knew that the solution to my problems wasn't in a bottle. And I see it regularly in my facebook feed, with most of my friends celebrating double-digits sobriety.

PurpleDan

Then right out with pen and paper how you're feeling right now.

Follow the links provided to you here. Get your butt to the next AA meeting where you live. Call the helpline now.*

As others have said, if these people are true friends, they'll support you with your journey to sobriety. If they're only interested in getting drunk, then you'll need to cast them aside if you want to save your life.

Maty

Very helpful words dan . Ive took up golf with some of the more sensible mates to try and get out of the weekend routine of getting smashed but i just get told im soft and that'i cant hack it anymore'.i know this shouldnt have any pull on me but some how i feel i need to live up to my old self.i forget how lucky i am to still be here i was in a coma for nearly a month and then it took me another 6 to come home.i had to learn to walk and talk all from scratch.my family and close friends have gone through it with me the last few years and i know how selfish ive been.i was to ashamed to say this yesterday but my girlfriend is due our first baby in december and shes said whenever i go to the pub she will go her mums for the weekend.i know that i couldnt be around a baby in that state and i dont think i ever would but im just scared that nothing else has made me stop what if this doesnt?

PurpleDan

You're not soft, you're sick. And they're right. You can't hack it any more. It's killing you, slowly and painfully. The next drink could well be your last and that baby will be fatherless.

I don't know what will/would make you stop. I never descended into the insanity as far as you've gone - one black out was enough for me. But you're at a point where you need to make a decision. Do you want to take the lift all the way down or have you had enough? If you'd like to see how much of a deadbeat dad you can be, what living on the streets is like, or you fancy your chances at being a vegetable in a hospital bed, then head off to the pub right now. But if you'd like a chance at a new, beautiful life, to find out what it means to be happy, joyous & free, or if you'd like to just get through one day without a drink, call the AA helpline right now. If you're in the UK, this is the number - 0800 9177 650

Maty

Its so good getting this out ive never spoke about it before with anyone seriously.ive said things on here people who have known me all my life wouldnt believe about me.My injury left me unable to work and i got a big payout so this has made it easy to drink all weekend without coincidence take the week recovering and then do it all over again.i grew up without a dad and im not putting my son through the same.ive said this before but now im determined to change my lifestyle before its too late

PurpleDan

You can do it. One day at a time. I grew up with an alcoholic father and our relationship wasn't easy. He got sober when I was 18 and today we have the most awesome relationship...he's someone to whom I can go for counsel, when I need help and for unconditional love. Today, he's my hero. You have the chance to be such a man, Maty. Just reach out and grab it and don't let go. One day at a time, you never have to drink again. But you have to take action.