The journey....so far.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: North of South Dakota
Posts: 86
The journey....so far.
Greetings,
I am reminded of a quote (something out of Alice in Wonderland, if memory serves): "We had plans to clean up our act yesterday, and we have plans to clean up our act tomorrow, but we never clean up our act today."
This was my thinking for the better part of 8 months. It all started with a DUI. I figured my drinking needed to change, but only held the thought in the back part of my mind. I had plans, you see, but no desire to make them a reality. Getting sober takes time and effort, while continuing on my alcohol soaked path was just another day. I began as an evening drinker - after my day was over. This past summer something happened. Next thing I know I started waking up before work only to throw back a few shots just to feel like I will survive the day. Since the DUI, I have sworn to my parents that I have stopped drinking. It was a complete lie. It wasn't too long until I began showing up for family events (birthday parties, BBQ's) with polarized sunglass on my face and plenty of mint gum in my mouth.
Eventually, things spiraled beyond what I could have ever imagined. I showed up at a family get together with a little too much in my system. I don't want to get into details, but I made a fool of myself and ended up back home with an incredible amount of shame in my heart.
A few more drunken days went by and I decided that it was time to quit. I went cold turkey. I spent the next four days in the downstairs bedroom at my parents house sweating through my clothes and receiving little to no sleep. After the 3rd day I began to feel much better. On the fourth day I actually ventured out of the house to complete some errands.
I am now on day 12 - the longest I've been sober in a good long while. Sleep is still a daily battle, but, then again, I have always struggled with sleep, even before I started drinking (one of the reasons I started in the first place). I am beginning to discover who I am again - the sober version of me. When one quits drinking they end up with a bunch of free time (time usually spent getting tanked). I now have my license back and use my free time to drive around. If I have time during the day, I like to sit at a local coffee shop and read all the books I've been meaning to for far, far, too long.
I still have cravings on a daily basis, and, funny enough, my brain has tied activities with drinking alcohol. For example (just one example of many), I love to take long hot baths while watching Youtube videos on my tablet and gulping down a strong mixer. I have not taken a bath in many many years without drinking; until the other night. I took a bath and whoa nelly did my cravings spike! Part of my brain tells me, "you are an alcoholic, and this is how things will be for the rest of your life!" The other part is optimistic, hoping the cravings will fade with time. I cannot wait for the day(s) where alcohol doesn't even enter my mind.
When I have tried to quit in the past, I would only make it a few days before I realize I've punished myself enough and start to drink again. This time it's not an option. Understanding that if I never pick up the bottle I will never have to go through those 4 days again.
To end on a positive note....Since getting sober, I have made huge steps towards my future - steps I never would have taken while drinking. I am back in college to finish my final year, I am taking on more hours at work (a job I should have been fired from), and I have a psychologist that I meet with twice a week.
Things are not perfect, but they're getting better. And that's all one can hope for.
I am reminded of a quote (something out of Alice in Wonderland, if memory serves): "We had plans to clean up our act yesterday, and we have plans to clean up our act tomorrow, but we never clean up our act today."
This was my thinking for the better part of 8 months. It all started with a DUI. I figured my drinking needed to change, but only held the thought in the back part of my mind. I had plans, you see, but no desire to make them a reality. Getting sober takes time and effort, while continuing on my alcohol soaked path was just another day. I began as an evening drinker - after my day was over. This past summer something happened. Next thing I know I started waking up before work only to throw back a few shots just to feel like I will survive the day. Since the DUI, I have sworn to my parents that I have stopped drinking. It was a complete lie. It wasn't too long until I began showing up for family events (birthday parties, BBQ's) with polarized sunglass on my face and plenty of mint gum in my mouth.
Eventually, things spiraled beyond what I could have ever imagined. I showed up at a family get together with a little too much in my system. I don't want to get into details, but I made a fool of myself and ended up back home with an incredible amount of shame in my heart.
A few more drunken days went by and I decided that it was time to quit. I went cold turkey. I spent the next four days in the downstairs bedroom at my parents house sweating through my clothes and receiving little to no sleep. After the 3rd day I began to feel much better. On the fourth day I actually ventured out of the house to complete some errands.
I am now on day 12 - the longest I've been sober in a good long while. Sleep is still a daily battle, but, then again, I have always struggled with sleep, even before I started drinking (one of the reasons I started in the first place). I am beginning to discover who I am again - the sober version of me. When one quits drinking they end up with a bunch of free time (time usually spent getting tanked). I now have my license back and use my free time to drive around. If I have time during the day, I like to sit at a local coffee shop and read all the books I've been meaning to for far, far, too long.
I still have cravings on a daily basis, and, funny enough, my brain has tied activities with drinking alcohol. For example (just one example of many), I love to take long hot baths while watching Youtube videos on my tablet and gulping down a strong mixer. I have not taken a bath in many many years without drinking; until the other night. I took a bath and whoa nelly did my cravings spike! Part of my brain tells me, "you are an alcoholic, and this is how things will be for the rest of your life!" The other part is optimistic, hoping the cravings will fade with time. I cannot wait for the day(s) where alcohol doesn't even enter my mind.
When I have tried to quit in the past, I would only make it a few days before I realize I've punished myself enough and start to drink again. This time it's not an option. Understanding that if I never pick up the bottle I will never have to go through those 4 days again.
To end on a positive note....Since getting sober, I have made huge steps towards my future - steps I never would have taken while drinking. I am back in college to finish my final year, I am taking on more hours at work (a job I should have been fired from), and I have a psychologist that I meet with twice a week.
Things are not perfect, but they're getting better. And that's all one can hope for.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 740
Hello, Starflyer! It sounds like you have a good start and are really moving in the right direction. Congrats on getting yourself back to school. You're making great use of your sober time, which is sometimes difficult for people in early sobriety.
I look forward to reading more about your journey here.
Delfin
I look forward to reading more about your journey here.
Delfin
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 98
Welcome star flyer and congrats on your sober time. I am also finding it tricky doing the things I normally did with a drink in my hand. Gardening? Drink Ironing? Drink cooking? Drink walking and breathing? Drink. It became a huge crutch. Retraining my brain is going to take some time but life is already so much more enjoyable and easier.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
