Just to get this off my chest.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by LexieCat 
If "self knowledge" were the key, quitting would be easy. It isn't.
In my experience (seven years sober and being around AA since first husband got sober 35 years ago), real recovery--in the sense of not needing/wanting to drink--requires a whole change in one's outlook and way of life. It's a massive undertaking, but it doesn't take that long to make progress and start feeling better.
Have you been to AA? I think it's terrific you're working with professionals on this, but sometimes just working with someone who has done exactly what you are trying to do makes all the difference.
In my experience (seven years sober and being around AA since first husband got sober 35 years ago), real recovery--in the sense of not needing/wanting to drink--requires a whole change in one's outlook and way of life. It's a massive undertaking, but it doesn't take that long to make progress and start feeling better.
Have you been to AA? I think it's terrific you're working with professionals on this, but sometimes just working with someone who has done exactly what you are trying to do makes all the difference.
I know that part of my problem is shedding the traditional pattern of 'work hard, play hard'. Even though I am now redundant from my old job, I still graft in my garage at home restoring cars, repairing other people's cars etc. I keep really busy, and I enjoy it. However I have a need for a coldie at the end of the day, in line with my traditional working life for the last 25 years. And some more beers at the weekend in line with this also. Hard to shake, although everything I have learned tells me it's not for me in this part of my life right now.
(Congrats on the 7 years sober, Lexie - nice one
)
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,687
ifh I know what you mean!
There are intelligent people all around the world thinking just the same.
Our rational side really wants to quit but the addictive voice reasons with us on why we shouldn't and until we have mastered how to deal with our own av, best for us, it will keep luring us in.
When I stopped drinking the only thing I knew is that I WASNT GOING TO DRINK AGAIN!
Easier said than done we say. But for me, and the great help of this forum, learning what I had to arm myself with, deal with life's problems without the help of booze, was the hardest, having no crutch to run too, boohoo for me!
I had to toughen up, my backbone got straighter and I donned a pair of stout walking shoes and began to walk a day at a time.
You can be accountable here every day and being sober does make us honest again, we don't have to lie or scheme to have our next drink, or all the fibs we tell of how much we do drink.
I hope you find the right tools and arm yourself and join us. It's a great life.
There are intelligent people all around the world thinking just the same.
Our rational side really wants to quit but the addictive voice reasons with us on why we shouldn't and until we have mastered how to deal with our own av, best for us, it will keep luring us in.
When I stopped drinking the only thing I knew is that I WASNT GOING TO DRINK AGAIN!
Easier said than done we say. But for me, and the great help of this forum, learning what I had to arm myself with, deal with life's problems without the help of booze, was the hardest, having no crutch to run too, boohoo for me!
I had to toughen up, my backbone got straighter and I donned a pair of stout walking shoes and began to walk a day at a time.
You can be accountable here every day and being sober does make us honest again, we don't have to lie or scheme to have our next drink, or all the fibs we tell of how much we do drink.
I hope you find the right tools and arm yourself and join us. It's a great life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by Mags1
ifh I know what you mean!
There are intelligent people all around the world thinking just the same.
Our rational side really wants to quit but the addictive voice reasons with us on why we shouldn't and until we have mastered how to deal with our own av, best for us, it will keep luring us in.
When I stopped drinking the only thing I knew is that I WASNT GOING TO DRINK AGAIN!
Easier said than done we say. But for me, and the great help of this forum, learning what I had to arm myself with, deal with life's problems without the help of booze, was the hardest, having no crutch to run too, boohoo for me!
I had to toughen up, my backbone got straighter and I donned a pair of stout walking shoes and began to walk a day at a time.
You can be accountable here every day and being sober does make us honest again, we don't have to lie or scheme to have our next drink, or all the fibs we tell of how much we do drink.
I hope you find the right tools and arm yourself and join us. It's a great life.
There are intelligent people all around the world thinking just the same.
Our rational side really wants to quit but the addictive voice reasons with us on why we shouldn't and until we have mastered how to deal with our own av, best for us, it will keep luring us in.
When I stopped drinking the only thing I knew is that I WASNT GOING TO DRINK AGAIN!
Easier said than done we say. But for me, and the great help of this forum, learning what I had to arm myself with, deal with life's problems without the help of booze, was the hardest, having no crutch to run too, boohoo for me!
I had to toughen up, my backbone got straighter and I donned a pair of stout walking shoes and began to walk a day at a time.
You can be accountable here every day and being sober does make us honest again, we don't have to lie or scheme to have our next drink, or all the fibs we tell of how much we do drink.
I hope you find the right tools and arm yourself and join us. It's a great life.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Toronto
Posts: 45
Originally Posted by Dee74
I could drink, or be the person I wanted to be - but not both,
I had to choose.
D
I had to choose.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by BirdOnWire
I love that, that is indeed the core decision. I love not drinking. I knew for DECADES I would have to stop one day and I made every deal with the devil I could to be able to continue (just drink on weekends, just drink on holidays, just....). I just couldn't stand being so sick anymore. In the end, the will to live wins out.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I'm not "selling" AA to someone who doesn't want it, but just want to clear up one thing. In AA's "Big Book" a "spiritual awakening" is defined as "a change in personality sufficient to recover from alcoholism." It isn't necessarily a Guy in the Sky reaching down and touching you, personally. (Not to denigrate the beliefs of people who believe exactly that.) I know many agnostics and atheists in AA who recover just fine, using the Power of the Universe, cause and effect, actions and consequences, Dharma, or whatever.
Just wanted to clear that up. It isn't a specifically religious program, though people who want a religious program follow one. Spirituality is much larger and more inclusive than religion.
And the Fellowship in AA--the hanging out and doing stuff together--whether AA or not--is something most people don't have with a professional recovery group. Again, I'm not putting that down, either. I'm only suggesting it as something possibly worth investigating. One of the great things about it is the colorful personalities you will encounter that prove not drinking doesn't mean you are cut off from living.
Just wanted to clear that up. It isn't a specifically religious program, though people who want a religious program follow one. Spirituality is much larger and more inclusive than religion.
And the Fellowship in AA--the hanging out and doing stuff together--whether AA or not--is something most people don't have with a professional recovery group. Again, I'm not putting that down, either. I'm only suggesting it as something possibly worth investigating. One of the great things about it is the colorful personalities you will encounter that prove not drinking doesn't mean you are cut off from living.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Toronto
Posts: 45
Originally Posted by lfh
Guess I'm still dealing with the devil at the moment......
Eventually you will have to stop. You will feel SO good when you do.
(Not sure I have the emoticons quite figured out!)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by LexieCat
I'm not "selling" AA to someone who doesn't want it, but just want to clear up one thing. In AA's "Big Book" a "spiritual awakening" is defined as "a change in personality sufficient to recover from alcoholism." It isn't necessarily a Guy in the Sky reaching down and touching you, personally. (Not to denigrate the beliefs of people who believe exactly that.) I know many agnostics and atheists in AA who recover just fine, using the Power of the Universe, cause and effect, actions and consequences, Dharma, or whatever.
Just wanted to clear that up. It isn't a specifically religious program, though people who want a religious program follow one. Spirituality is much larger and more inclusive than religion.
And the Fellowship in AA--the hanging out and doing stuff together--whether AA or not--is something most people don't have with a professional recovery group. Again, I'm not putting that down, either. I'm only suggesting it as something possibly worth investigating. One of the great things about it is the colorful personalities you will encounter that prove not drinking doesn't mean you are cut off from living.
Just wanted to clear that up. It isn't a specifically religious program, though people who want a religious program follow one. Spirituality is much larger and more inclusive than religion.
And the Fellowship in AA--the hanging out and doing stuff together--whether AA or not--is something most people don't have with a professional recovery group. Again, I'm not putting that down, either. I'm only suggesting it as something possibly worth investigating. One of the great things about it is the colorful personalities you will encounter that prove not drinking doesn't mean you are cut off from living.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by BirdOnWire
Did I mention I lost every deal?
Eventually you will have to stop. You will feel SO good when you do.
(Not sure I have the emoticons quite figured out!)
Eventually you will have to stop. You will feel SO good when you do.
(Not sure I have the emoticons quite figured out!)
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,687
ifh, I think you may have to get passed the 'never drinking ever again'.
You can go through the motions and tell yourself you won't, knowing that one day, you will be in control and can drink like a normal person. Or, you can quit, take the learning, the experience, ride the rough, it's very very very bumpy at times, but, it has been said before, we wouldn't be here on this forum if it wasn't a problem to stop!
If you can, stop looking at that void of a life ahead, without alcohol. Look at you, now, the present. After all, it's what we have. Here and now.
Oh and I'm not strong, just determined. Just small words but a power of punch behind it.
You can go through the motions and tell yourself you won't, knowing that one day, you will be in control and can drink like a normal person. Or, you can quit, take the learning, the experience, ride the rough, it's very very very bumpy at times, but, it has been said before, we wouldn't be here on this forum if it wasn't a problem to stop!
If you can, stop looking at that void of a life ahead, without alcohol. Look at you, now, the present. After all, it's what we have. Here and now.
Oh and I'm not strong, just determined. Just small words but a power of punch behind it.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by lfh
Sorry, I didn't mean to disrespect or dismiss AA in any way, shape or form, it's just that the groups local to me are very much in line with the church, so to speak. I've no problem with that at all.....but it's just not my bag.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi Ifh, I cannot offer any more wisdom than what others have already offered up, but what I will say is: Don't let alcohol win. Just don't. The consequences are not worth it, agree? You have a marriage to salvage, kids that I'm sure look up to you very much. And in the end you will likely be lonely and slowly drink yourself to death. It has happened.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
I had a comment 'you don't seem like an alcoholic to us' in the group once, which made me understand that it's the level of consumption against your personal lifestyle that makes it a problem or not.
this is a mis-understanding.
it's not about levels of consumption.
it's about inability to control.
about making decisions to quit and inability to stick to them.
that kind of thing.
this is a mis-understanding.
it's not about levels of consumption.
it's about inability to control.
about making decisions to quit and inability to stick to them.
that kind of thing.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
I work harder and play harder in sobriety than I ever did while drinking and engaging in other stuff.....
A life can be rebuilt at the age of 50!
Four years later, it's awesome!
You can stay stopped, too!!
A life can be rebuilt at the age of 50!
Four years later, it's awesome!
You can stay stopped, too!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by fini
I had a comment 'you don't seem like an alcoholic to us' in the group once, which made me understand that it's the level of consumption against your personal lifestyle that makes it a problem or not.
this is a mis-understanding.
it's not about levels of consumption.
it's about inability to control.
about making decisions to quit and inability to stick to them.
that kind of thing.
this is a mis-understanding.
it's not about levels of consumption.
it's about inability to control.
about making decisions to quit and inability to stick to them.
that kind of thing.
I reserve the right to class my self as alcoholic, even if I drink less than others.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Colchester, England
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by lfh
Sorry, I didn't mean to disrespect or dismiss AA in any way, shape or form, it's just that the groups local to me are very much in line with the church, so to speak. I've no problem with that at all.....but it's just not my bag.
And as Tradition 3 states, "The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking."
I'll admit, some meetings I've attended have had a slightly too religious an overtone for my liking - I get squirly when I hear the Lord's Prayer being said in a meeting (my higher power is very much one of my own understanding and doesn't get worshipped in any church/mosque/synagogue/temple) but at the end of the day, I put that aside and look for the similarities. AA has worked in keeping me sober for over 17 years.
So maybe at least check a couple of local meetings out, as you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by PurpleDan
You did say earlier that you'd not tried AA, so how do you know whether or not the local groups are "in line with the church"...? As stated in the AA preamble, 'A.A. is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution". A lot of groups meet in church basements or halls, but that's due to favourable rents, rather than the group having anything to do with said church.
And as Tradition 3 states, "The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking."
I'll admit, some meetings I've attended have had a slightly too religious an overtone for my liking - I get squirly when I hear the Lord's Prayer being said in a meeting (my higher power is very much one of my own understanding and doesn't get worshipped in any church/mosque/synagogue/temple) but at the end of the day, I put that aside and look for the similarities. AA has worked in keeping me sober for over 17 years.
So maybe at least check a couple of local meetings out, as you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
And as Tradition 3 states, "The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking."
I'll admit, some meetings I've attended have had a slightly too religious an overtone for my liking - I get squirly when I hear the Lord's Prayer being said in a meeting (my higher power is very much one of my own understanding and doesn't get worshipped in any church/mosque/synagogue/temple) but at the end of the day, I put that aside and look for the similarities. AA has worked in keeping me sober for over 17 years.
So maybe at least check a couple of local meetings out, as you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Colchester, England
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by lfh
You are correct in everything you say, I only commented that the local meetings here are religious because others who have attended let me know in advance.....being in deep Wales only to be expected
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by PurpleDan
I'd still suggest giving it a whirl for yourself. Maybe it won't work for you and it's too religious a "vibe", or maybe you'll be able to filter some of it out and get to the essence of the programme. And yeah, I am a huge AA cheerleader, as I've seen the benefits in my Dad, myself and so many friends. And I've seen too many people die from the disease that didn't find recovery of some kind. But I'm not a "pusher"....whatever your path, I hope you find what you're looking for
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Colchester, England
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by lfh
Well, that's sound advice - so sound in fact that you have persuaded me to give it a shot!
Just keep an open mind. And remember that it's some kind of power greater than yourself (doesn't have to be religious or "spiritual"...the group and meetings can work) that you need to work the steps, if you decide to proceed...and not a "God" of their understanding that you need to find.
AA's 3rd Tradition tells us "the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking".
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
