Long-term goals in recovery?
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Long-term goals in recovery?
Hi everyone,
I felt compelled to initiate a discussion on how we want to approach our sober life in the longer run, what we want to focus on and improve/expand etc. This is a topic that always interests me (I am a strategical kind of person and very interested in personal growth) but I also felt inspired by some recent threads here on motivation in sobriety and the like.
I think at this point I could probably relate more to people with over a year and upwards in recovery, but it would be interesting to hear from anyone, no matter what phase. What sorts of things do you all envision working on, starting, establishing in your sober life? Both conditional, external goals and personal development. Similarly, do you have fears, insecurities, doubts etc about short- and long-term future?
I felt compelled to initiate a discussion on how we want to approach our sober life in the longer run, what we want to focus on and improve/expand etc. This is a topic that always interests me (I am a strategical kind of person and very interested in personal growth) but I also felt inspired by some recent threads here on motivation in sobriety and the like.
I think at this point I could probably relate more to people with over a year and upwards in recovery, but it would be interesting to hear from anyone, no matter what phase. What sorts of things do you all envision working on, starting, establishing in your sober life? Both conditional, external goals and personal development. Similarly, do you have fears, insecurities, doubts etc about short- and long-term future?
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
In October, 2012, I attended a family wedding in San Francisco. On the Sunday morning after the event, I had free time so I went to Golden Gate Park, where I saw a group of tai chi practitioners gathered en masse.
It was remarkable to watch them; their grace and fluidity was unlike anything I'd seen before. I remember saying to myself, "I'd like to try that, too."
Instantly, a voice responded: "And you never will."
We often think of the voices that work against us as disembodied, separate from ourselves. But that voice is us, or at least a part of us. When I heard that voice in the park, its incisively painful accuracy ringing through, it was was a crushing reminder that I couldn't pursue aspirations. Achieve them? Not even in the ballpark. Long-term goals? I could barely accomplish short-term ones, like getting up in the morning and facing the day.
The defeat of the soul.
It took another 10 months for me to make the leap. Two weeks from today, I'll mark two years.
And I have aspirations again.
Thank you, Aellyce. This is a topic that's weighed heavily on me -- not in a bad way, but more with increasing introspection. What do we do with ourselves once we're sober? What are our hopes, wishes and desires? This thread has terrific potential.
I'm glad that you're extending the invitation to all here. I also see the particular benefit for fellow journeyers who've grown more grounded in their sobriety; the passage of time gives rise to this kind of introspection when we don't have to focus so much on fighting the good fight.
We learn so much from one another -- and, as always, are good support for fellow journeyers. Perhaps a nice complement, too, to our wonderful class and one year and over threads here on SR. I know I'm excited to hear what others have to share about their hopes and insecurities, their desires and fears. In fact, I can't wait. Let the conversation begin!
Oh, and tai chi? Aellyce and I have spoken about this a bit in another thread. I began classes in May. It may not be something I do in a formal setting for the rest of my life, but I've decide to commit a year to it. The marriage of movement and meditation has helped me, including in ways I couldn't have foreseen. I'm convinced it has helped me with insomnia, a lifelong issue preceding alcoholism.
I did it.
It was remarkable to watch them; their grace and fluidity was unlike anything I'd seen before. I remember saying to myself, "I'd like to try that, too."
Instantly, a voice responded: "And you never will."
We often think of the voices that work against us as disembodied, separate from ourselves. But that voice is us, or at least a part of us. When I heard that voice in the park, its incisively painful accuracy ringing through, it was was a crushing reminder that I couldn't pursue aspirations. Achieve them? Not even in the ballpark. Long-term goals? I could barely accomplish short-term ones, like getting up in the morning and facing the day.
The defeat of the soul.
It took another 10 months for me to make the leap. Two weeks from today, I'll mark two years.
And I have aspirations again.
Thank you, Aellyce. This is a topic that's weighed heavily on me -- not in a bad way, but more with increasing introspection. What do we do with ourselves once we're sober? What are our hopes, wishes and desires? This thread has terrific potential.
I'm glad that you're extending the invitation to all here. I also see the particular benefit for fellow journeyers who've grown more grounded in their sobriety; the passage of time gives rise to this kind of introspection when we don't have to focus so much on fighting the good fight.
We learn so much from one another -- and, as always, are good support for fellow journeyers. Perhaps a nice complement, too, to our wonderful class and one year and over threads here on SR. I know I'm excited to hear what others have to share about their hopes and insecurities, their desires and fears. In fact, I can't wait. Let the conversation begin!
Oh, and tai chi? Aellyce and I have spoken about this a bit in another thread. I began classes in May. It may not be something I do in a formal setting for the rest of my life, but I've decide to commit a year to it. The marriage of movement and meditation has helped me, including in ways I couldn't have foreseen. I'm convinced it has helped me with insomnia, a lifelong issue preceding alcoholism.
I did it.
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That's a big, big question - several questions actually. I'll be hitting 3 years in a few months and to be honest I haven't set any really "big picture" long term goals specifc to my sobriety. I do try every day to be a better husband, parent, employee, manager and whatever other role I need to fulfill. Sobriety has made that all possible of course.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Europe
Posts: 291
It probably sounds a bit macabre, but my ambition is to die sober. (Edit: hopefully many years from now if course, in case that wasn't clear.)
I also want to keep working on feeling less anger and less anxiety. I'm getting a lot better in both, but there's still room for improvement. To me the key of my continued recovery is in those two, and in becoming more balanced.
I also want to keep working on feeling less anger and less anxiety. I'm getting a lot better in both, but there's still room for improvement. To me the key of my continued recovery is in those two, and in becoming more balanced.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 861
I also want to die sober. It's very important to me. Living and dying sober seems like healing generations of child abuse and alcohol abuse in my family.
My plan is to eat well, do fun exercise, focus on developing a career that I love, & be with my partner/spouse. I've meditated a lot in the past, and want to do more of it. I may try Tai Chi again (thanks for posting about tai chi; great reminder). I recently started eating much healthier- which feels great so far.
I worry about money. I want to find ways to reframe our situation and find more ways to reduce stress. That is the main thing I worry about these days.
I'm almost 3 years sober.
My plan is to eat well, do fun exercise, focus on developing a career that I love, & be with my partner/spouse. I've meditated a lot in the past, and want to do more of it. I may try Tai Chi again (thanks for posting about tai chi; great reminder). I recently started eating much healthier- which feels great so far.
I worry about money. I want to find ways to reframe our situation and find more ways to reduce stress. That is the main thing I worry about these days.
I'm almost 3 years sober.
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Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 136
Sobriety for me came out of embarrassment, but what my time being sober has shown me is that there's much for me to take away from this then solely the removal of things while drinking.
In particular, I have a dream. It's a career dream, but also a personal dream I've had since early teens. It's obtainable, but only if I finish my Bachelors, and only if I don't ravage my reputation and life before accomplishing it.
So my sobriety is about assuring my dream, plain and simple. It's a dream of travel and experience, and it's a dream that, I envision, may very well make up the remainder of my life. Adventure and new experiences--- all I want, and yet never had because I've destroyed my time and self with harmful substances.
I include cigarettes in my sobriety, because although I'm young I've seriously damaged myself from cigarettes. I feel it in my heart, and sometimes I worry that I may very well drop dead suddenly.
So for me, to achieve my sober goals, and to ensure my sober livelihood, staying alive is a big part of it too :P
But yeah; just a dream. A big dream, but nothing grand, nothing impossible or fantastical. But an important dream, and a dream I don't even want to share details about. It's mine, and I believe in it; and because of that, I believe in sobriety.
In particular, I have a dream. It's a career dream, but also a personal dream I've had since early teens. It's obtainable, but only if I finish my Bachelors, and only if I don't ravage my reputation and life before accomplishing it.
So my sobriety is about assuring my dream, plain and simple. It's a dream of travel and experience, and it's a dream that, I envision, may very well make up the remainder of my life. Adventure and new experiences--- all I want, and yet never had because I've destroyed my time and self with harmful substances.
I include cigarettes in my sobriety, because although I'm young I've seriously damaged myself from cigarettes. I feel it in my heart, and sometimes I worry that I may very well drop dead suddenly.
So for me, to achieve my sober goals, and to ensure my sober livelihood, staying alive is a big part of it too :P
But yeah; just a dream. A big dream, but nothing grand, nothing impossible or fantastical. But an important dream, and a dream I don't even want to share details about. It's mine, and I believe in it; and because of that, I believe in sobriety.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by Aellyce 
Hi everyone,
I felt compelled to initiate a discussion on how we want to approach our sober life in the longer run, what we want to focus on and improve/expand etc. This is a topic that always interests me (I am a strategical kind of person and very interested in personal growth) but I also felt inspired by some recent threads here on motivation in sobriety and the like.
I think at this point I could probably relate more to people with over a year and upwards in recovery, but it would be interesting to hear from anyone, no matter what phase. What sorts of things do you all envision working on, starting, establishing in your sober life? Both conditional, external goals and personal development. Similarly, do you have fears, insecurities, doubts etc about short- and long-term future?
I felt compelled to initiate a discussion on how we want to approach our sober life in the longer run, what we want to focus on and improve/expand etc. This is a topic that always interests me (I am a strategical kind of person and very interested in personal growth) but I also felt inspired by some recent threads here on motivation in sobriety and the like.
I think at this point I could probably relate more to people with over a year and upwards in recovery, but it would be interesting to hear from anyone, no matter what phase. What sorts of things do you all envision working on, starting, establishing in your sober life? Both conditional, external goals and personal development. Similarly, do you have fears, insecurities, doubts etc about short- and long-term future?
I did all the things in sobriety I talked about doing while drinking.
Granted few of my ventures panned out but that`s life. What`s important is I made the effort.
No mid-life crisis for this 57 year old.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
One thing I'd like to pursue is my love of photography.
Earlier in the year, I joined a photography meetup, but it proved a little disappointing. I went into it thinking that it would offer a variety of opportunities, but it turned out that they were disproportionately expensive. (And I had doubts about how the whole thing was administered ... long story.) So I need to begin searching for some ways to grow in this area.
I seem to have a knack for it. My photos have been selected twice for the Travel section of the Star Tribune and I was a finalist in a contest run by the National Parks Foundation. Granted it was just a Facebook contest but it gave me confidence. The second Strib selection and the NPF thingie were both since I got sober. Yay!
Last June, I got a call for what would have been my first freelance gig -- the pro they hired at to cancel at the last minute -- but it was two days before my departure for a conference. I had the time to shoot the event but not edit and present to the client the way I would want. The gig was a concert at a terrific local music program for kids founded by two pastors from local Af-Am churches. I had previously shared some photos of an event with them and they liked what they saw.
So I'm thinking that's the well to which I should return. It's also great for me to practice my "people" shots. The ones I took at the music program were ones I *really* liked. (Not sure it's appropriate to share the faces here, though.)
Composition is what I enjoy most and where I think I excel. My technical skills are so-so; sometimes I nail it, sometimes I don't. The creative process is important to me. (At some point, if we can keep this thread going, I can share more about writing.) The idea that I can share what results of that process appeals to me. And I think there is that part of my that needs acknowledgement ... the ol' "hey, she's not bad." I wonder if that is connected in some ways to my recovery, to show my value, perhaps?
Amtrak services have moved to the beautiful downtown depot here but there remain passenger cars at the old location, ones that can be rented and towed behind an Amtrak or commercial line ($$$$). I've wanted to check them out and did so at sundown on Friday evening. The lighting was a huge challenge and I'm thinking I'd give myself a "B" for these shots. But that is the kind of challenge I need and so I'm sharing a couple here. The other thing I would like to do is get more active in the local photographers FB page. Could be good networking?
Anyway, here are a couple shots. We have to greatly reduce the file size to post on SR so some of the richness is lost.
Earlier in the year, I joined a photography meetup, but it proved a little disappointing. I went into it thinking that it would offer a variety of opportunities, but it turned out that they were disproportionately expensive. (And I had doubts about how the whole thing was administered ... long story.) So I need to begin searching for some ways to grow in this area.
I seem to have a knack for it. My photos have been selected twice for the Travel section of the Star Tribune and I was a finalist in a contest run by the National Parks Foundation. Granted it was just a Facebook contest but it gave me confidence. The second Strib selection and the NPF thingie were both since I got sober. Yay!
Last June, I got a call for what would have been my first freelance gig -- the pro they hired at to cancel at the last minute -- but it was two days before my departure for a conference. I had the time to shoot the event but not edit and present to the client the way I would want. The gig was a concert at a terrific local music program for kids founded by two pastors from local Af-Am churches. I had previously shared some photos of an event with them and they liked what they saw.
So I'm thinking that's the well to which I should return. It's also great for me to practice my "people" shots. The ones I took at the music program were ones I *really* liked. (Not sure it's appropriate to share the faces here, though.)
Composition is what I enjoy most and where I think I excel. My technical skills are so-so; sometimes I nail it, sometimes I don't. The creative process is important to me. (At some point, if we can keep this thread going, I can share more about writing.) The idea that I can share what results of that process appeals to me. And I think there is that part of my that needs acknowledgement ... the ol' "hey, she's not bad." I wonder if that is connected in some ways to my recovery, to show my value, perhaps?
Amtrak services have moved to the beautiful downtown depot here but there remain passenger cars at the old location, ones that can be rented and towed behind an Amtrak or commercial line ($$$$). I've wanted to check them out and did so at sundown on Friday evening. The lighting was a huge challenge and I'm thinking I'd give myself a "B" for these shots. But that is the kind of challenge I need and so I'm sharing a couple here. The other thing I would like to do is get more active in the local photographers FB page. Could be good networking?
Anyway, here are a couple shots. We have to greatly reduce the file size to post on SR so some of the richness is lost.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Originally Posted by QuietToday
A big dream, but nothing grand, nothing impossible or fantastical. But an important dream, and a dream I don't even want to share details about. It's mine, and I believe in it; and because of that, I believe in sobriety.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6,666
For me it is only one thing and that is for my kid to spend more time with me (for his sake and mine) as was the case up until I became homeless through no fault of my own a few years ago.
That is a pretty big thing and I could hardly be focusing on anything else right now. Everything else around building a sober life should fall into place after that, and hardly any time before.
Yes and always have had.
That is a pretty big thing and I could hardly be focusing on anything else right now. Everything else around building a sober life should fall into place after that, and hardly any time before.
Originally Posted by Aellyce
do you have fears, insecurities, doubts etc about short- and long-term future?
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
You know, honestly, no -- no longterm goals here. No wishes, no dreams. I have things that I'm working towards all the time, but if they disappear from my horizon, I'm okay with it.
Big dreams, a big plan, those never did me much good -- I was always sizing myself up against them and falling short. And drinking to make myself feel bigger or forget how small I am.
Now it's the little things that give me a charge. I never enjoyed them before. And it makes me really feel good to know that I'm not that important -- 'cause if I were, we'd really be in trouble!
Big dreams, a big plan, those never did me much good -- I was always sizing myself up against them and falling short. And drinking to make myself feel bigger or forget how small I am.
Now it's the little things that give me a charge. I never enjoyed them before. And it makes me really feel good to know that I'm not that important -- 'cause if I were, we'd really be in trouble!
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
really like those photos, Venecia.
they look b/w but not really. huh?
anyway...no real concrete "goals" here, just stuff about living i want to get "better" at. appreciation, for one. for the present, for the next person, for others' struggles, for what i can do.
they look b/w but not really. huh?
anyway...no real concrete "goals" here, just stuff about living i want to get "better" at. appreciation, for one. for the present, for the next person, for others' struggles, for what i can do.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6,666
I agree with courage there above, I gave up on 'my dreams' long ago. I tried clinging on to them for a while though, it was confusing enough.
And while we are on the subject because I was just thinking of it today. My dreams are composed entirely now of basic human needs/rights.
And while we are on the subject because I was just thinking of it today. My dreams are composed entirely now of basic human needs/rights.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,183
I didn't really have a long-term goal, but I did have a long-term surprise benefit; a lot less stress over things I can't control, and a lot less anxiety. 
Five years in, I find I'm a lot mellower than I was even as a moderate/occasional-binge drinker before becoming an addict. Little stuff doesn't bother me, big stuff doesn't bother me nearly as much, and I've found a lot of peace and serenity that in hindsight I didn't have before going through the addiction and recovery process. I'm hardly a saint, but I'm not looking to earn wings, just live happily and without drugs and alcohol. If I had put that as a goal in early recovery, I'd be feeling like I achieved it.
Five years in, I find I'm a lot mellower than I was even as a moderate/occasional-binge drinker before becoming an addict. Little stuff doesn't bother me, big stuff doesn't bother me nearly as much, and I've found a lot of peace and serenity that in hindsight I didn't have before going through the addiction and recovery process. I'm hardly a saint, but I'm not looking to earn wings, just live happily and without drugs and alcohol. If I had put that as a goal in early recovery, I'd be feeling like I achieved it. Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 740
Yes, lots of long-term goals here, and I'm confident I can make them happen now that I have chosen sobriety for the rest of my life. I'd like to get my Master's degree, buy my own home, and run a 10k. I find that having these clear goals help me stay sober because I can only do this if I never touch alcohol again.
Delfin
Delfin
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Thanks everyone for the interesting and varied responses.
The comments about "dying sober" quite caught my attention as I never thought about myself that way. Of course I do think that way though, I have since I quit drinking in the first place, I definitely meant it to be for life even though back then and for a few months after I knew I had to deal with my strong and frequent alcohol cravings for a while.
I had a few goals right after quitting. Professional ones were on top back then, I had so much to fix in that department, including my attitude towards work and how I work overall, in pretty big ways. I'm ~satisfied with that now, although my plans shifted quite significantly compared with 1.5 year ago. And that's good I think, turned into much more interesting perspectives, new ones also.
Another big aim was to be there for my elderly father as much as I realistically could, and I think I've done an okay job with that. Now that he's no longer with us, this is turning into a bunch of practical goals and responsibilities, mostly around selling the property he lived in (in a different country). I have some quite poor and miserable relatives living there and decided a good while ago to involve them in this, so that I can get some assistance and will share a good amount of the financial benefits, which will hopefully help them a bit given their life situation. So this is one for me in the here and now, not quite clear how long it'll take to finish yet, a while definitely.
On dreams we had while drinking but never happened... I had a big one, back then together with my ex-bf, that we might set up a life together in a way that we would have two bases in two different parts of the world (involving professional commitments as well). All this was my idea originally but of course was never followed up on either side, and then I left, so pretty much fell apart. I revisited this recently in sobriety, same idea but on my own, plus a good dose of skepticism that I may not in fact would want to live such a hectic and globe trotting lifestyle at this point. But found a place, tried it, and it's still an open possibility, even though I've pretty much decided that I prefer and prioritize getting more settled in where I am now, and focusing on other goals and commitments at this point of my life, which seem more desirable now. More stability, balance, etc. I feel I have done enough moving around by now, and while I still love to travel, I no longer feel really compelled to change my residence or to fragment it. This has been a very interesting and meaningful investigation for me in sobriety, involving both practical and mental elements.
Now the current biggest one is a professional dream again. Won't go into it in detail, will just say that it's one of my oldest childhood dreams that never really disappeared, I just decided to follow up alternatives for many years. I will need to go back to school for this for a while, and am planning to start this fall. Now this is giving me some anxiety... namely in regards to time management and other logistic issues, how I will be able to juggle the training with my current job, which I don't want to either give up or reduce much. I think it's feasible with good organization, although will not be without stress for a while. But I like challenges and am very very enthusiastic about the new direction.
A personal one that is undefined by its nature as this is an area where I don't like to set goals and approach it as a "project": to meet people for what we call dating... even though I never like the dating concept. But call it whatever, that's basically what I want, with the idea to maybe develop a longer term, more stable relationship with someone. In quite different ways than how I approached these things in the past and what I am used to (more conventional, let's say). We'll see how this pans out, I am not willing to put much expectations into this one as that usually just gets in the way imo.
Other than the above, smaller and more everyday things for me as well. Improving my health, fitness, and overall well-being has been a major goal for me as well, like for many of us. I am relatively okay with this, although my exercise and relaxation regime (meditation and yoga) tends to be more inconsistent that I would want, but I try not to beat up myself for it much. The one area where I have been pretty thorough and regular is improving my mental health (being in therapy, psychiatric evals), and I really feel the benefits. This latter one is what I am most motivated and enthusiastic about, but it's no surprise given my general interests.
Oh, the artistic endeavors. I have had a passion for graphic art for a pretty long time, starting in my 20's. I pretty much neglected it during the last few years of my drinking and I finally got back into it about 7 months ago. Lots to catch up and learn as I was no longer very familiar with the latest technologies, softwares, and developments. Right now I am using this mostly in relation to my work: to make images and videos that I can use in my formal professional life, but would like to do more 'just for fun'.
Venecia, that photography thing is wonderful, I wish you lots of joy and success with it. The two pics you shared are kinda "industrial" in style. I was involved in making videos like that in the past with musician friends. Other collaborations I did was with photographers, hobby artists that were mostly interested in the actual photography, and I used the pictures to manipulate and create my more abstract brain storms from them. We had a couple exhibitions from these with a some artists many years ago. I think I could certainly do things like that again, but probably prefer to try something new.
I also try to focus more on enjoying little "ordinary" things in the present... this initially wasn't so easy for me given that historically my mind tended to be so future-focused, and more tuned into larger projects. But like courage, I feel I am improving in this area, and focusing on "big dreams" too much in the everyday often sets one up for disappointments and for losing the momentum. Still easy to forget in since my mind does tend to be filled with more complex ideas and goals.
What is great right now for me is that I don't tend to experience very significant fears, worries, and insecurities. Huge change compared with when I quit drinking about 1.5 year ago and before, when I tended to see everything in dark colors and expected the worst possible outcomes even from objectively very safe and simple tasks. I think this is definitely an improvement in my anxiety, which I still kinda have, but I find it very manageable now.
Okay this is it from me for now. If anyone else have things to share, please don't hesitate!
The comments about "dying sober" quite caught my attention as I never thought about myself that way. Of course I do think that way though, I have since I quit drinking in the first place, I definitely meant it to be for life even though back then and for a few months after I knew I had to deal with my strong and frequent alcohol cravings for a while.
I had a few goals right after quitting. Professional ones were on top back then, I had so much to fix in that department, including my attitude towards work and how I work overall, in pretty big ways. I'm ~satisfied with that now, although my plans shifted quite significantly compared with 1.5 year ago. And that's good I think, turned into much more interesting perspectives, new ones also.
Another big aim was to be there for my elderly father as much as I realistically could, and I think I've done an okay job with that. Now that he's no longer with us, this is turning into a bunch of practical goals and responsibilities, mostly around selling the property he lived in (in a different country). I have some quite poor and miserable relatives living there and decided a good while ago to involve them in this, so that I can get some assistance and will share a good amount of the financial benefits, which will hopefully help them a bit given their life situation. So this is one for me in the here and now, not quite clear how long it'll take to finish yet, a while definitely.
On dreams we had while drinking but never happened... I had a big one, back then together with my ex-bf, that we might set up a life together in a way that we would have two bases in two different parts of the world (involving professional commitments as well). All this was my idea originally but of course was never followed up on either side, and then I left, so pretty much fell apart. I revisited this recently in sobriety, same idea but on my own, plus a good dose of skepticism that I may not in fact would want to live such a hectic and globe trotting lifestyle at this point. But found a place, tried it, and it's still an open possibility, even though I've pretty much decided that I prefer and prioritize getting more settled in where I am now, and focusing on other goals and commitments at this point of my life, which seem more desirable now. More stability, balance, etc. I feel I have done enough moving around by now, and while I still love to travel, I no longer feel really compelled to change my residence or to fragment it. This has been a very interesting and meaningful investigation for me in sobriety, involving both practical and mental elements.
Now the current biggest one is a professional dream again. Won't go into it in detail, will just say that it's one of my oldest childhood dreams that never really disappeared, I just decided to follow up alternatives for many years. I will need to go back to school for this for a while, and am planning to start this fall. Now this is giving me some anxiety... namely in regards to time management and other logistic issues, how I will be able to juggle the training with my current job, which I don't want to either give up or reduce much. I think it's feasible with good organization, although will not be without stress for a while. But I like challenges and am very very enthusiastic about the new direction.
A personal one that is undefined by its nature as this is an area where I don't like to set goals and approach it as a "project": to meet people for what we call dating... even though I never like the dating concept. But call it whatever, that's basically what I want, with the idea to maybe develop a longer term, more stable relationship with someone. In quite different ways than how I approached these things in the past and what I am used to (more conventional, let's say). We'll see how this pans out, I am not willing to put much expectations into this one as that usually just gets in the way imo.
Other than the above, smaller and more everyday things for me as well. Improving my health, fitness, and overall well-being has been a major goal for me as well, like for many of us. I am relatively okay with this, although my exercise and relaxation regime (meditation and yoga) tends to be more inconsistent that I would want, but I try not to beat up myself for it much. The one area where I have been pretty thorough and regular is improving my mental health (being in therapy, psychiatric evals), and I really feel the benefits. This latter one is what I am most motivated and enthusiastic about, but it's no surprise given my general interests.
Oh, the artistic endeavors. I have had a passion for graphic art for a pretty long time, starting in my 20's. I pretty much neglected it during the last few years of my drinking and I finally got back into it about 7 months ago. Lots to catch up and learn as I was no longer very familiar with the latest technologies, softwares, and developments. Right now I am using this mostly in relation to my work: to make images and videos that I can use in my formal professional life, but would like to do more 'just for fun'.
Venecia, that photography thing is wonderful, I wish you lots of joy and success with it. The two pics you shared are kinda "industrial" in style. I was involved in making videos like that in the past with musician friends. Other collaborations I did was with photographers, hobby artists that were mostly interested in the actual photography, and I used the pictures to manipulate and create my more abstract brain storms from them. We had a couple exhibitions from these with a some artists many years ago. I think I could certainly do things like that again, but probably prefer to try something new.
I also try to focus more on enjoying little "ordinary" things in the present... this initially wasn't so easy for me given that historically my mind tended to be so future-focused, and more tuned into larger projects. But like courage, I feel I am improving in this area, and focusing on "big dreams" too much in the everyday often sets one up for disappointments and for losing the momentum. Still easy to forget in since my mind does tend to be filled with more complex ideas and goals.
What is great right now for me is that I don't tend to experience very significant fears, worries, and insecurities. Huge change compared with when I quit drinking about 1.5 year ago and before, when I tended to see everything in dark colors and expected the worst possible outcomes even from objectively very safe and simple tasks. I think this is definitely an improvement in my anxiety, which I still kinda have, but I find it very manageable now.
Okay this is it from me for now. If anyone else have things to share, please don't hesitate!
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
My priorities have shifted over time in sobriety. The first ten years my goals were related to professional success and I did achieve a great deal. But my character defects reared their head and I sabotaged some of my success so my focus shifted to emotional sobriety. Deeper work on the Steps and therapy. Things are revealed to us at different points in life. I never saw what tremendous self-will I had until after a decade. In my 24th year the biggest gift of recovery is peace of mind and I will do anything necessary to maintain it.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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Yes the mental peace definitely. I feel I am just starting to really understand (in an experiential way) the great differences between genuine peace of mind and repression/suppression/alteration of emotions using psychological defenses or self-medication. The differences between premature and mature. Long way to go for me, but one I will appreciate I think. I can totally imagine how the dynamic of all this might change with sustained sobriety as some comments also pointed out (it already has for me as well quite a bit), but I believe it's also related to normal aging processes and the accumulation of life experience. I am definitely not one who feels nostalgic for youth and never have, I would not be interested in having a time machine to go back as a sober person (did as depressed and drunk though). Well, of course this beneficial part of the passage of time is truly enjoyable mostly as long as we remain relatively healthy (or manageable) physically -- I have seen tons of this in the past few years with my father towards the end of his life.
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