sleepie

He is a drinker, everyone there will be drinking.
My BF resentfully will refrain from drinking. I want him to have a good time but it does help so much if he does not drink. Should I just tell him he can do whatever he likes?
I hate when everyone around me is enjoying beer and I'm not.
I'm not skipping this event because I am horribly lonely and getting depressed and have been isolating because my friends are drinkers. I to work go home and go to work again and that is it and last night I cried myself to sleep. I was so f***ing lonely.

My only outing was a film a couple days ago when my bike got wrecked by a city bus.

AA is nuts and no thank you. I was offered drugs at a meeting and asked out and then a few other things that were too much drama.

I'm sure I'll overeat instead and whatever, drink a huge iced coffee and other beverages but I am already annoyed since I was overworked last week and lately have been extremely lonely, anxious and sad.

sleepie

I have no stress relief anymore.

ScottFromWI

To be honest sleepie you are going to have to start venturing out into the sober world and finding new things to do. Hanging out with a bunch of drunks is a really, really bad idea. Perhaps you could schedule a non-drinking outing with your Best Friend later this weekend?

Also...if you haven't already, take a look at this thread when you think that there is "nothing to do".

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html

strategery

I would seriously recommend skipping this event. While this may be a bit blunt, you don't sound like you're in a good place right now and the last place you should be is an event with alcohol. It seems you're rationalizing going to this event even though it's not in your best interest, which worries me.

zjw

exericise? For me I dont have an "off" switch anymore. Beer was that now? But i'm more energetic so i guess it doesnt come as easily. I had to force myself to start watching some tv or something to unwind at the end of the day. Its finally starting to help.

But i know what you mean. I wont lie it seems like nothing offers me stress release like a chemcal intoxication did. But that came with a hefty price that I dont want to pay anymore.

I'd allow him to drink and you can be the designated driver then. Your the one with the problem not him. and with your last statement your playing the victom. Your not a victom! your just getting a handle on your problem and winning this battle with alcohol. Playing the victom will just drag you down and make you feel as if your having to go without boohoo. Go without what? hangovers? all the hell that came alone with dirnking? Is going without all that so bad?

Now I know for me I thought for a long while that it totaly stunk that i couldnt drink and everyone else could. But I hit a point where I realized something its almost like an alergy rreally. I'm not the victom its just how it is thats all. I cant eat cake and not get fat wooptie so i dont eat cake. I cant drink without having problems ok no problem I wont drink. I cant drink bleach without getting sick or drink poison without it kiling me. I cant play with fire and not get burned. I'm prone to getting high cholesterol becase I happen to love meat so much that i over eat it so I eat a vegan diet now.

I can sit around and complain about all the stuff i cant do or I can just accept it as it is and leave it alone and move on. which is what i've had to do. and in the process it no longer bothers me I no longer feel like i'm somehow screwed because I cant drink. I kicked and screamed like a little child about how I coudlnt drink till I just let it go.

I learned when I quit drinking that if something is causing a problem for me I'm best to cut it off and find another route. its a whole lot easier sometimes then driven myself mad tryen to make something work that never will.

zjw

Scott makes a good point here sleepie. I had to avoid situations like that in the beginning. now I just prefer to not be in those settings I dont find them enjoyable.

least

You just have to decide what you want more: to do what others are doing, or to be sober. Not easy, but simple.

aasharon90

How dare someone to offer you drugs
in an AA meeting. That is just sick. But,
then recovery rooms do accommodate
folks that are sick with addiction, but many
are there for help.

If someone offered me drugs at a meeting
Im at, id have to either report them, let
someone in recovery know what had
happened that can solve that sick situation
so I can continue on in my recovery.

There will always be someone sick if
not sicker trying to bring another down.
For me, I guess since I appear to be
someone not to mess with, that usually
repels them to leave me alone.

I think its a trust issue with me in
not trusting people because ive
been hurt in the past too many
times.

If AA works for me and im getting
what I so desperately need in learning
to remain sober each day by listening,
learning, absorbing and applying information
that will be helpful in my own recovery,
then by all means, I will go.

It was going that extra mile, going
that extra length, no matter how
scared I was in early recovery, if
sitting in a one hour meeting one
day a week to listen to the messages
of hope that if many who learned
to remain sober for long periods
of time incorporating steps and
principles in all areas of their life
then so could I.

It was what they had that I so wanted.

That Happiness, Hope, Health, honesty
and all the rewards of the Promises as
mentioned in the Big Book of Alcoholics
Anonymous granted to us as long as we
didn't drink and pass on my own ESH -
experiences, strengths and hopes of
what my life was and is like before,
during and after alcohol.

Find a program of recovery and support
that will help you remain sober or clean
for many days to come and don't let anyone
mess with what means too important to
you and your own recovery.

Suit up with your recovery amour and
be ready to defend your gift of sobriety.

tomsteve

You were offered drugs at a meeting, which isn't right,And all the drama there, but will go spend the evening around a group of people drinking? And it reads like the drama had already started?
There would have been absolutly no way I could have gotten and stayed sober if I kept hanging with wet faces in wet places. Past experience shows me that.
Doing the same thing overand over expecting different results is insanity.

I hope you change your mind about going through with this.

sleepie

They are normal people who can drink, not a bunch of drunks. I am rather offended by that comment, bad choice of words. Some people, maybe not here- actually can have drink s without being alcoholics

Also don't appreciate being accused of "playing victim". All I said was my BoyFriend resents not drinking, and no, it isn't much fun yet while everyone drinks.

Interesting, plenty of criticism for me here- yet only 2 of you mentioned anything about me being offered drugs at AA.

Bye guys.

ScottFromWI

Perhaps a poor choice of words, but in your heart you know that going to a party where everyone is drinking is a bad choice of action. Running away from here does nothing to help you either, I hope you decide to stick around as the overwhelming percentage of responses to your posts are nothing but positive and supportive.

zjw

I dont always like to hear what I hear on this forum when i post a question asking for support in some fashion. Some folks are entirely wrong with what htey have to say. Maybe something got lost in the translation or maybe I'll never mesh with them. Other folks tell me stuff I dont wanna hear but I probably should hear. Others will be supportive offer some understanding words. Some might coddle me. etc.. Point is you get a lot of various perspectives to the posted issue. It can be a beneifical thing sometimes you just have to sift through whatever may not apply is all.

zjw

I wanna point out that you spelled victim properly and I did not. You cant possibly be as stupid as you like to say you are. Not that I've ever felt you are. I just hope you start to feel you are not. cause your not.

That is why I feel or felt your playing the victim a bit. Maybe what you mean or meant to say didnt come through with how you wrote it. If i'm in error I'm sorry.

sleepie

People this does not mean I am going to drink. So black and white.

Again, it was rude to call people you have never met and who are important to me, a "bunch of drunks".

Thank you for the apology ZJW it takes a big person, however I meant exactly what I said. It does suck to not drink, it doesn't mean I am being victimized by anything, this statement is almost bizarre to me.

I am making a cake and frosting it to look like my friend's face. He will love it.
I have had zero life besides work and have wanted to drink several times on the way home from work, after my ten hour shifts. Staying here alone again will lead to drinking and AA is skeezy in my personal experience, and yes I know such words are anathema here however considering my experience it's an accurate assessment.

For me. Not anyone else necessarily, for me.

You can learn big words on TV zjw, I learned anathema from Seinfeld so don't be too impressed.

zjw

You are not dumb and if your able to learn thats a good thing. Its probably obvious to everyone on this board that your far from stupid.

Hopefully in time it wont suck so much to not drink. I've hit the other side of the equation myself finally. I dont even like being around people that are drinking. I dont like the smell or how people behave and it makes me feel bad about myself when I think gosh i acted like that? I smelled that way? I was an obnoxios drunk like that guy is? and then I think *gulp* yep i sure was!

I think if your alternative is to sit home and be lonely and feel like garbage that you should go be the designated driver etc.. Just keep up your guard and be careful not to drink etc..

Dee74

that's what you need to work on.

I know you're peeved...but working all the time, sitting home alone sighing, or going to a party where everyone will be drinking, are not your only three options, Sleepie.

You know this, yeah?

D

Soberintexas007

Hi Sleepie,
I feel you and me are in a similar situation. We are both new to our sobriety and thus vulnerable. In an ideal world, it would be great if your boyfriend could join with you in not drinking. But, as you said, he may be resentful unless he makes this decision for himself. Similar to you, I would also feel that it sucks that everyone around me gets to get a buzz from drinking, and I do not, allowing them to be more sociable, etc. I get that. It is a precarious situation for you to put yourself in by going to this birthday. Only you can make the decision whether or not your willpower will prevail and you will not drink.

By the way, thank you for being honest about your opinion about AA. I guess I am lucky that I have good experiences in AA, as it allows me a place to go when I am feeling vulnerable. Everyone is different with different experiences.

LemonGirl

Hey Sleepie.... I think the party might be a difficult situation as well. From where I sit, I think it's great that your bf isn't going to drink. I know that adopting the attitude that "they aren't the one with the problem, I am, so they should be able to drink" allows us to take responsibility, but being partners, it is really important to support each other. You wouldn't want to be on a diet for health reasons and have your partner order pizza every night, would you? Doing the effort together is actually really positive in my view. Except.... that he resents it =( He shouldn't. Neither of you should feel like you are missing out. But then, that's the nature of this party, and then, the nature of the problem, isn't it?

My experience with my xabf brought me to my own sobriety... mostly, I see myself as a "future alcoholic" for soooo many reasons. And well, my best friend is getting married this summer, and of course, I am the Bridesmaid. Which also means that I am in charge of planning the bachelorette party. Which will be the first BIG situation I will be in where the point is to "get drunk". UGH! Already, plans have been made to hit a 'wine trail', then SEVEN wine bars, and then landing in a painting class where there is... guess what.... MORE drinking!
I am freaking out about being the odd man out here! BUT, I found out a nice little tid-bit today. A few of the ladies going just became pregnant! Yay! I am not the only one! Haha...
So in my mind, even though I am grappling, I am telling myself that the alcohol is just not necessary. That it will blow my over 100 day sobriety progress. That even though it may seem "odd" to others, that MY opinion is what matters most. And,
I don't need it.
Give me water to fuel my body... and maybe a diet coke!

And this AA crud... Geeze! I would hate going too if that happened to me! Any chance you could find another meeting? Maybe an all woman's one? There are so many variations and locations for meetings where I live. I think that if you keep looking you'll be able to find one that is right for you! Don't give up!

sleepie

Well I went and now I'm back. My cake was a hit. I saw people I have not seen in ages and talked and got hugs and it did me good. There was plenty of food. BF went ahead and drank and also smoked which he only does if he drinks, I hate it but he's happy. It's one night so whatever. After a few hours I got worn out so we left. I needed to socialize a bit, my anxiety is down by about half.

Soberintexas007

Wow, that is amazing. Good for you!!!