countrygirl2014

I have been having a very spiritual week. I prayed for a sponsor. Part of the problem is most of the people live over an hour from me. There is a woman in my meeting who literally sparkles with not just sobriety, but recovery. She has been there since I started and has many years sober. It turns out she lived about 10 minutes from me. I couldn't ask her yesterday because she had to run right after the meeting. I will ask her. But I am full of fear. What if she says no. What if I make her feel bad for having to turn me down? What if I'm turned down again? Why would I want to bother her? These fears have plagued me since I stopped drinking. They do seem to be improving but it seems I am controlled by fear. Thanks for listening.

Jennifer

Dee74

I think most of us have fears Jen.

It sounds to me like the odd are with the outcome being a lot better than you fear

In the VERY unlikely event every one of your fears come to pass, you've already run through the scenario anyway, right?

go for it !

D

Hawkeye13

I agree with Dee

IOAA2

Hi.

Try to remember a sponsor is a person. We have out ups and down days and some are very busy with sponsees. Whatever the response be grateful that you got by your fear and can approach someone else sometimes.
Also try to realize a sponsor many times gets as much or more help helping a sponsee.

BE WELL

ScottFromWI

Life if full of unknowns...and you have no control over that. What you do have control over is an opportunity to make a big difference in your life and sobriety by asking this person to be your sponsor. If you don't ask her, you've effectively eliminated that opportunity. If you do ask her you have a very good chance of getting it.

thisisme

One of my favorite quotes is "it's futile to be miserable".
It was made in 1942 by Vasily Chuikov who commanded a cornered and brutally beaten army clinging to the banks of the Volga river.
His army had reached the point that worrying about anything that MIGHT happen was wasting effort.
He could only deal with the WHEN.
Worrying did nothing.
He ended up in Berlin 3 years later.
I often stop and reset when I realise I'm getting upset over something I cannot control. It's futile.

tomsteve

Fear knocked at the door.
Faith answered.
No one was there.
Yu can't make her feel bad.
Here what I did to my current sponsor:
Called him and asked him to be my sponsor. He said he couldn't do that.
I said," ok, I know you have the right to say that just as I have the right to say too bad. Your my sponsor."
Been working out pretty good too!

It's going to be ok if she says no. That's what's going to happen. It won't be something a drink will help.

From what I read you've been doing real good, CG. You've been putting in the footwork, learning solutions, and trudging when necessary.
Good on ya!

Berrybean

If she doesn't feel able to do it, that won't be because of anything personal to you. You're right. She might say no. Maybe she's got other commitments, etc. But that isn't a reason not to ask. Asking people to help us, and in turn helping others when we can do, through the 12-step programme is what AA is all about.

I remember feeling certain that my sponsor would say no. And feeling that it is so much to ask of someone.But my sponsor said yes straight away. And she says that it doesn't just help my sobriety, but hers as well.

Good luck asking her next time you see her. Maybe practice saying it so you won't feel so flustered when you ask. She's probably wondering when you're going to get around to asking x

countrygirl2014

Thanks everyone, so much.

Jennifer

Boleo

There was a period of about 6 months where I was working as an long-haul truck driver and my sponsor would not take my phone calls. I had to work odd hours so I would call him at odd hours. Got to a point where he and every other sharing partner I had, ignored my phone calls.

Since I had to call my dispatcher several times a day, get directions from him several times a day and he never refused my phone calls. I decided to make him my "double-secret probation" sponsor. Never let him know it though.

So how does that work? I simply started thinking of a sponsor as someone who would give me directions. I would then follow those directions without judgement or expectations. I would detach from the outcome. I would simply stop managing my own life.

Oddly enough it worked great. I ended up with fewer fears, disappointments and resentments, in spite of the fact that my dispatcher was a heartless jerk.