trachemys

I think this is probably the best place for this thread. I'm a bit frustrated(for lack of a better word) tonight.

[rant]
I do not get it. Just had a long convo with my sister about her husband, the booze, pot, and heroin addicted BIL. Yes, he went to a good rehab, got clean for about $10K, and has stayed clean. Did AA for a while, seemed to be good for him.

He's gone alomost worthless. She calls me up tonight and talks about his behavior. Not using but useless. I ask if they've ever heard of PAWS. What? NO? What the hell have they not been telling you? She, a nurse practitioner with an addict husband that's been through rehab and AA, has never heard of it. Approaching five degrees between the two of them and they take whatever they're fed without doing any independent research!
[/rant]

I bless the day I found SR and the wealth and breadth of information found here. It has been crucial to me.

[guilt]
I don't want to bring him here.

Dayum, that's cold of me. This is my place. This is my source. I don't know if it would be the same for me if I knew a relative was here. There may be a relative here already but, I don't know it.
[/guilt]

She thought I was crazy to try to straighten myself out with RR. I told her I had online support but never told her it was SR. She ranted at me about rehab and AA so bad that we stopped talking for about six months. Now she's asking me what to do with him.

Am I wrong to not guide him here? There's a lot of words and phrases that start with "self" that describe how I'm feeling right now.

Hopefully what I clued her into about PAWS tonight will give them some direction. Thank you, people of SR for everything you've done for me.

GroundhogDay

I have kept SR my personal secret. Even so, I am still leery of being too share-y in my posts.

trachemys

It would require the same exposure of myself that going to AA meetings with him would require. And, sister forgive me, I don't like him that much. I'm struggling with whether or not I love sister enough to go to that length.

Wholesome

That's a tough one!

The anonymity is really cool and special. I don't know how I would feel about someone really close to me sharing this space. But at the same time I would want that person who is close to me to have the same experience.

There must be other sober sites? Can she use one of those?

Wholesome

Excuse me it's your sister's man, not your sister.

biminiblue

I would not suggest to him to come here. He is a big boy. He has to find his own way - or not. There are plenty of paths to recovery. Why not just point him to the RR site or even just suggest he buy the book?

This is your safe place. If he finds it on his own, then it is meant to be.

I don't talk about this place to anyone. I guess if someone knew me really well they might be able to figure out who I am, but I don't tell any secrets here that I am too worried about. I don't even have any secrets that I'm too worried about, though.

silentrun

I can see not wanting your BIL on here. Some of the things I share I wouldn't without anonymity. I don't think you are being selfish in the least. Like Bimi said he can find his own way if he wants it.
I have told a few people about this place. If they decided to use it I would duck out so they could have some privacy and do their own thing.

esinger

Most of what I learned about my addiction didn't come from rehab, AA or even my doctor. It took the desire to learn on my own what I could do to get myself through the storm. If this person truly wants to get to the bottom of their problem, unless they are completely incapacitated or incompetent they can easily find the same information that has helped you with out your guidance. It doesn't sound like they are lacking in resources.
That being said if their is something that you wish to share with them that might help that's great. I wouldn't threaten my own sanity or sobriety trying to guide them.

trachemys

OMG, it's Mariah Caray!

If it weren't my sister's "husband" I wouldn't even be talking about it.

biminiblue

Ha. I do have her hair. But nope.

I know you are a family guy. I don't think you've said anything on here that would embarrass you. Of course it's not like I've read all your posts either. You could always change your username and picture to something that wouldn't identify you.

Obviously, I have no dog in this fight.


lol, I just looked at Mariah Carey pictures. She has a million hairstyles. Good luck figuring out which one is my hair

trachemys

Still, I'm glad you're back. Missed you.

ScottFromWI

His recovery is his concern. You have no obligation to guide him anywhere. For all you know maybe he's already here :-). JK...but he'll work it out. If he asks you directly you don't have to lie but he's got to take the initiative himself.

Iconoclastic

In the context of recovery, knowledge is useless unless I share it with others. I cannot keep it unless I give it away. My possessiveness i.e. withholding it doesn’t work, and wanting it doesn’t work, it’s similar to what Native Americans call “Wetiko”

FLCamper

That's a tricky situation and I've been in similar circumstances.
If he finds it on his own, would it come out that you'd known about SR all along? Would there then be repercussions for not having shared this info?
I realize that's a lot of what if's.

biminiblue

Alright, I'll bite.

He does give it away. [knowledge] This is family though, and things here on SR stay forever. They aren't just spoken words, it is on the internet forevermore. Family has a special way of using things in all the wrong ways.

While I discuss in a general way my recovery with close people, I don't go into the long-winded "who, what, where, why, how" like I would feel comfortable doing here. Even in AA, there can be some degree of privacy and members are reminded "what you hear here, who you see here, let it remain here."

I'm assuming you're using the Big Book and AA's theory of not keeping it unless I give it away. Giving away the knowledge and the lessons is much different from handing someone in your family your private journal.

Needanewme

I plan to as well, at least with family.

Dee74

I would not guide anyone from my family or a close friend here.
I need to feel safe with all I share or say and I need to feel unencumbered in what I post here and how I behave.

There are a multitude of other forums around, Trach - some of them are pretty good

D

Lenina

I'm with the others, SR is my special place. I need to have one place I can come to and let go if I need to. You guys are my special family. I don't want the other ones here. It's bad enough they found me on the book of faces.

Trach, it's about self preservation. This is our oxygen mask. Our life boat. Don't feel bad.

Love from LeeLee

trachemys

Thanks for the honest thoughts, folks.

zjw

its funny you mention this. just last night i thought to myself what if my alcholic abusive step father started posting here and I starting offering out advice and heck even became friends then what if I found out who this anonymous person was. would he somehow be any less of a person after I found out whom he was vs before when I happily helped him?

I get where your coming from tho. I dont like people in my space. But Then I also wonder if it'd be better to get over myself in a situation like that?

Its one of those things where I sometimes thing life is not about you. Its about what you can do for everyone else in giving up of yourself etc.. and that can be a tough pill to swallow at times.

But I still couldnt tell you if you should lead this person here or not.