pixy

and the thought of a drink. Nearly 2 years sober and that thought of a drink is on me. I have everything to be grateful for, yet it is still not enough, nothing is ever enough.

I know everything I should be doing right now and wallowing in self pity isn't on there, yet still I do.

Mentioned to my husband the thought of a drink and without breaking a stride he says 'please don't'.

Just needed to put my feelings out there. Will leave for a meeting shortly.

Jsober

Good on you for not giving in and doing the next right action by going to a meeting. These feelings come up for me from time to time (restless, irritable, discontent, worry, fear). I try to remember that they are just thoughts/feelings and I don't have to listen. I can choose to do the opposite of what they say and I can choose to not feed into them. And remember they will pass, and you will be stronger from them. And you will be happy you didn't drink when they do pass.

zjw

I'd ask myself What is enough then? I mean really what is? I know for me i'll just raise the bar. It'll never be enough.

So i started saying to myself.

What is, is enough.

Whatever it is at any given time is the way that its suppost to be and its enough for me. Things are the way that they are for a reason. I had to start figureing out how to accept things for how they are if I could not do squat about them. It made me feel better.

FireTiger

You did the right thing by talking about it. Continue to talk about it, at meetings, with your sponsor, and with HP. Somebody very wise once told me "just because you feel like doing something, doesn't mean you have to do it" remember it's a 24 hour program.
Remember you are no longer running the show. After a while you'll realize what was causing that feeling, maybe it's just alcoholism. My alcoholism begins where the bottle ends. Keep coming back!

toqa

a meeting sounds like a good idea. best of luck, keep coming.

least

To change your outlook, make a gratitude list. Write down all the things/people you are grateful for. When I practice gratitude, I am satisfied with what I've got.

Gottalife

Which path to recovery are your following? The steps including working with others (sponsoring), or don't drink and go to meetings?

Boleo

aka the Peace of Mind path.




aka the CleanPee path.

Dee74

(((Pixy)))

how are you feeling now?

D

pixy

I went to the meeting, isolated, slept, didn't speak to anyone and left more down than before I went. I don't know why I do it to myself. Speak to people, they care, share, ask someone else how they are! Basic, basic stuff which when I am at my lowest I can't do and feel like my skin is peeling off I am so uncomfortable in myself. Yet sometimes I can be the life and soul, smile, laugh and look like I don't have a care in the word. I gave up work a couple of months ago to just get my **** together. I am travelling for a month in July/August and will look for work when I get back. My life is good. Friends may well think that my life is bloody amazing. Yet I feel small, insignificant, uncomfortable and a lot of the time I want to just disappear. If I had a wet fish I would slap myself round the head with it I so need to pull myself together, ring my bloody sponsor, get over myself and stop being such an ungrateful lazy slob.

Dee74

I think things are only as good as the use you make of them Pixy.

Why not reach out to some AA buddies or your sponsor?

That sounds like a great idea to me

D

HeadLump

And maybe judge yourself a little less harshly too?

You've been brilliant in your sobriety and are showing great determination. Sometimes, though, life gets in the way and the party stops. Could it be that having stopped work a couple of months ago, you're feeling at a loose end and possibly guilty that you're not contributing? That's just a guess and I could be extremely wide of the mark (if so, I'm sorry!) but if you are feeling like that I know from experience that it can eat away at your self esteem.

But you've nothing to feel to guilty about and those feelings will pass and, when they do, you'll be enormously grateful for your continuing sobriety

Mountainmanbob

Just a while back I was doing the "oh poor me." The amazing thing about it as I look back now is, for not much good reason. I have drank while into these self pity parties in the past but, I have learned with more time spent sober this time around, nothing is worth drinking over and sobriety is not always easy to come by for a drunk such as myself once I get started drinking again.

We know it to be a very dangerous place to be in when we are playing the "oh poor me tape." I'm not sure why I even go there sometimes ? The key for us is to not stay there for long, for nothing good can come from it.

Your husband reminds me of my wife. She would be so unhappy with me if I started drinking yet again. We should have much respect for these ones who love us and want the best for the family. How many sad drunks are out in the world today that have ran their families off with their drinking habits. I work with the homeless at times and I know many. I also know many today in AA that are sober but, without their families in their lives due to their past drinking.

Food for thought for us.

MM