Difficulty accepting a life without alcohol
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Northumberland, England
Posts: 113
Friday night head ****. My head is all over the place.
Been for a job interview today, felt I did well, average and terrible all at the same time but concentrated mainly on the thinking I have not got it.
Had some time to kill afterwards and walked around Newcastle, it was full of stag and hen parties and even at 4pm lots of drunk people. I thought genuinely how much fun they looked like they were having even though I know in 12 hours time it will be different for them too as it always was for me.
Came home, bored out of my skull and feeling full of self pity that I can't drink, thinking God how I would enjoy getting blitzed out of my face tonight. Getting angry and resentful that I can't drink. Heard the news about the 55 year old politician, Charles Kennedy dying from a haemorrhage due to alcoholism and thought to myself you know I'd be prepared for that to happen just so that I could have a drink today, tomorrow and the next...Now that's pretty screwed up thinking, even feeling as I do currently I can see this.
I have followed the advice that I received on here previously which is when you feel like a drink read this thread again.
I am working tomorrow and if I can just not drink for today I will be able to get to work and function properly.
Please let this feeling pass tonight
Been for a job interview today, felt I did well, average and terrible all at the same time but concentrated mainly on the thinking I have not got it.
Had some time to kill afterwards and walked around Newcastle, it was full of stag and hen parties and even at 4pm lots of drunk people. I thought genuinely how much fun they looked like they were having even though I know in 12 hours time it will be different for them too as it always was for me.
Came home, bored out of my skull and feeling full of self pity that I can't drink, thinking God how I would enjoy getting blitzed out of my face tonight. Getting angry and resentful that I can't drink. Heard the news about the 55 year old politician, Charles Kennedy dying from a haemorrhage due to alcoholism and thought to myself you know I'd be prepared for that to happen just so that I could have a drink today, tomorrow and the next...Now that's pretty screwed up thinking, even feeling as I do currently I can see this.
I have followed the advice that I received on here previously which is when you feel like a drink read this thread again.
I am working tomorrow and if I can just not drink for today I will be able to get to work and function properly.
Please let this feeling pass tonight
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
There's nothing like waking up refreshed and not hungover on Saturday morning Riverlino.
Friday used to be 'my night'. It took a while to break that association, but I did - you can too.
Good for you for coming here to talk it out
D
Friday used to be 'my night'. It took a while to break that association, but I did - you can too.
Good for you for coming here to talk it out
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Northumberland, England
Posts: 113
Thanks Dee, I feel so much better for getting this stuff out my head and on to this forum.
Been for a walk and play with the dog at 10pm. He appreciated it! Something I would never have been capable of had I been drinking. Looking forward to a nice breakfast before a good day at work tomorrow.
Been for a walk and play with the dog at 10pm. He appreciated it! Something I would never have been capable of had I been drinking. Looking forward to a nice breakfast before a good day at work tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Mmmmm - Newcastle on a friday night? Probably the same as every city in the UK on a friday night.
I used to do the same every friday night as I waited outside a station to pick my daughter up and saw people hugging each other, getting ready for a big weekend, having a drink in a wetherspoons.
I used to feel flat and lonely and left out and old too, especially when it was sunny and hot outside.
But I had to remember my experience of those nights.
It was never really a laugh.
It was miserable and spent the whole weekend hating myself.
I never remembered much and paid a fortune to feel like death.
Try play the whole tape forward, imagine the drunks laying on the street at 4am in the morning, throwing up, staggering and attempting fights.
Try remember the waking up feeling like death, the black outs, the nasty bits of kebab in your bedroom!!!
Its not worth it.
You know that deep down.
I used to do the same every friday night as I waited outside a station to pick my daughter up and saw people hugging each other, getting ready for a big weekend, having a drink in a wetherspoons.
I used to feel flat and lonely and left out and old too, especially when it was sunny and hot outside.
But I had to remember my experience of those nights.
It was never really a laugh.
It was miserable and spent the whole weekend hating myself.
I never remembered much and paid a fortune to feel like death.
Try play the whole tape forward, imagine the drunks laying on the street at 4am in the morning, throwing up, staggering and attempting fights.
Try remember the waking up feeling like death, the black outs, the nasty bits of kebab in your bedroom!!!
Its not worth it.
You know that deep down.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Hi Rivelino - welcome, glad you're here!
I once read a member post - I'd rather walk around sober thinking I was an alcoholic than stumbling around drunk thinking I was not...........
Not judging you but, some of these traits are indeed qualifiers for closed door meetings
Suicide attempts
Driving whilst drunk
Hospitalisation after a violent drunken brawl
Hospitalisation after a drunken fall
Stage 1 Alcohol related liver disease identified on 2 different occasions
Regularly missing work
Drinking whilst on Antabuse
Relationship problems caused by drinking
Losing friendships caused by drinking
Losing my business reputation leading to losing jobs
Running away
Bouts of depression and anxiety
If we can stay sober long enough for our sick brain to clear we may start to see things as they really are - at least that has been my experience. It took around 6 months for the fog to lift. I find this idiom to be accurate, the sloshing of our brain is truly like being in a fog.........
Keep coming back!
I once read a member post - I'd rather walk around sober thinking I was an alcoholic than stumbling around drunk thinking I was not...........
Not judging you but, some of these traits are indeed qualifiers for closed door meetings
Suicide attempts
Driving whilst drunk
Hospitalisation after a violent drunken brawl
Hospitalisation after a drunken fall
Stage 1 Alcohol related liver disease identified on 2 different occasions
Regularly missing work
Drinking whilst on Antabuse
Relationship problems caused by drinking
Losing friendships caused by drinking
Losing my business reputation leading to losing jobs
Running away
Bouts of depression and anxiety
If we can stay sober long enough for our sick brain to clear we may start to see things as they really are - at least that has been my experience. It took around 6 months for the fog to lift. I find this idiom to be accurate, the sloshing of our brain is truly like being in a fog.........
Keep coming back!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 65
I am 63 ad here drank my entire length. But after my wife lef . Me 6 years a I have drank an exteam amount (at least 750 ml nightly). I hope to try to quit again. tomorrow . If I need a treatment center is treatment a rating like anywhere
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Hi coffeeboy
I don't know if there's a star rating system for rehabs somewhere on the net or not.
I think the best thing to do is phone around to whatever centres you're interested in and make your decision that way.
This is your journey and it needs to be a place that fits you
best wishes
D
I don't know if there's a star rating system for rehabs somewhere on the net or not.
I think the best thing to do is phone around to whatever centres you're interested in and make your decision that way.
This is your journey and it needs to be a place that fits you
best wishes
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Northumberland, England
Posts: 113
Originally Posted by coffeeboy 
I am 63 ad here drank my entire length. But after my wife lef . Me 6 years a I have drank an exteam amount (at least 750 ml nightly). I hope to try to quit again. tomorrow . If I need a treatment center is treatment a rating like anywhere
I hope you find an effective treatment centre and can quit.
I look forward to reading your posts.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Northumberland, England
Posts: 113
12 weeks sober today.
In the main it has been genuinely positive with a few little rocky patches thrown in.
My biggest enemy is without doubt self pity and feelings of poor me, why can't I drink like normal people which seems to feed the AV to come alive and torment me with its insidious suggestions of 'wouldn't a few beers be great?'
Another trigger is getting very tired and trying to achieve too much and if I don't meet my own personally exacting standards I then become pretty down on myself leading to more self pity...the AV screaming "oh for **** sake man just take a drink and be done with this sobriety charade".
On the other hand my biggest ally has been this site, and the advice I have received in this thread alone has been of immense importance in the dark times. Any time I have felt vulnerable to the power of the AV I have re read this thread and it has worked to help get rid of the ****** up thinking.
"This too shall pass" continues to sustain me and when it does indeed pass, the positives return and the sober world is a far happier place for me to inhabit.
The option of returning to a life where I want my life to end in an alcoholic haze is always available to me, I only have to pick up the first drink. Only a moronic idiot would make such a choice. I don't intend to return to that state, not for today anyway.
Thanks for this platform SR, you are a life saver.
In the main it has been genuinely positive with a few little rocky patches thrown in.
My biggest enemy is without doubt self pity and feelings of poor me, why can't I drink like normal people which seems to feed the AV to come alive and torment me with its insidious suggestions of 'wouldn't a few beers be great?'
Another trigger is getting very tired and trying to achieve too much and if I don't meet my own personally exacting standards I then become pretty down on myself leading to more self pity...the AV screaming "oh for **** sake man just take a drink and be done with this sobriety charade".
On the other hand my biggest ally has been this site, and the advice I have received in this thread alone has been of immense importance in the dark times. Any time I have felt vulnerable to the power of the AV I have re read this thread and it has worked to help get rid of the ****** up thinking.
"This too shall pass" continues to sustain me and when it does indeed pass, the positives return and the sober world is a far happier place for me to inhabit.
The option of returning to a life where I want my life to end in an alcoholic haze is always available to me, I only have to pick up the first drink. Only a moronic idiot would make such a choice. I don't intend to return to that state, not for today anyway.
Thanks for this platform SR, you are a life saver.
Last edited by Rivelino; 07-23-2015 at 12:11 PM. Reason: Unfinished post
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