otter

I know I'm one of those posters that just chimes in every now and then and I apologize for that flaw. What are some the steps you keep sober? I lost a family member and and struggling.

Any advice would be loved.

theMiz

I am sorry for your loss. I wanted to let you know that some things that help me are the following. Exercise - everyday I do something outside or in the gym. White Board - Write down benefits and negatives for alcohol. It's always one sided. Reminds me very well of why I quit drinking. Don't be alone - I make sure to always be doing something for down time. Family, friends. Then at night, lots of music, movies, etc. it isn't ways that easy but keeps me sailing smooth. Hope this helps a bit, God bless!

otter

Thank you.

Venecia

By telling myself that the one thing I cannot do is drink. Ever.

Hang in there, Otter. And try to get exercise -- I'm convinced it plays a role in helping us.

otter

Thanks again. If I looked thru the mirror right now I tell how much of a dummy I'm being but it's not quiet that simple when you're in the receiving end. And thank you again. I just need an ear to bend sometimes.

Midton

When I've had my most successful periods I just consciously wait. If I wait the desire always goes away without me noticing it. Usually it only takes a few minutes but sometimes it is much longer but eventually my mind wanders.

On a daily basis I workout and read/watch YouTube about all the terrifying things alcohol can do to you.

Venecia

You're not a dummy. You're a human, with struggles. That's what brought all of us here.

This is hard work. But it is doable. And SR is here for you to bend our ears. My dad died, very unexpectedly, not quite a year ago. I leaned on SR a lot during that time. People here will remind you to have faith in yourself.

Take good care.

otter

I'm ok. It's just a really easy time to have a drink to kill the pain. I won't.

Thank you guys so much for being the moral compass when I go off. Just thanks.

MelindaFlowers

I usually type a lot but I'll keep this to the point.

I stay stopped because of hangovers. They were terrorism on my life every moment of every day. I wouldn't wish my hangovers/daily withdrawal on my worst enemy.

It was impossible to lead any kind of enjoyable life with the daily hangovers. Absolutely impossible. I remember them like they were yesterday.

Gottalife

Having recognised the problem and taken steps to clear away past damage, make restitution and so forth, I stay sober through periodic action on the last three steps of the AA program.

Key things are, when I am wrong I promptly admit it and when I make a mistake I try and fix it up promptly, so that things do not build up on me.

Through the day I chat away to my higher power, seeking guidance for His will for me and asking that selfish or destructive thoughts be removed. I frequently ask for the right thought or action for a given situation. It is amazing how inspirational and practical this is. At the end of the day I spend a little time in reflection and consider what I could have done differently, have I harmed anyone, do I need to talk to anyone about anything that cropped up. I start my day with a little prayer and meditation around what He might want me to do today.

Finally, when I get the chance, I love working with others. This might involve meetings, one on one time, sponsorship, or maybe running a work shop. But this is not a full time thing, I have a life as well. But working with others is very effective in keeping alcoholics sober.

Those simple actions that take very little time, have kept me sober in a good space for a very long time.

I am sorry for your loss. All I can say is when I lost my wife, it never occured to me to drink. I give the credit for that to the daily life I described above, particularly working with others.

Dee74

I'm really sorry for your loss and your pain, otter.

Grief is hard to bear - but we're meant to bear it - that's how we deal with it and come through it.

Drinking stops that process and keeps us in a loop...a loop of pain that means we have to liberally re-apply alcohol every few hours.

Don't fall for that, Otter.

That's the short term.

In the longer term, find support - make the changes you know you need to make in your life and use the support you have to help you make them.

You can do this

D

otter

Dee,

You really do make a difference and I really mean that. I just don't have your knack for grammar.

Dee74

Thanks for the kind words Otter. I really do believe you can do this

D

zjw

I tell myself i can do a lot of things but I cant drink. I try and exercise to blow off steam and remain calm. This all helps but sometimes I can also find myself feeling pretty bad and usually its becuase i'm too focused on something bad rather then something good. There are times where we have no other choice we gotta get out the shovel and shovel some of that bad But I try to make sure i do that in short quick spurts and get back to something good right away. I know if i sit in the pit for too long i'm pretty likely to have troubles and besides what good does it do to just sit there anyhow? I'm better off actively doing something more positive.

Prior to getting sober tho I felt those who had that mentality where /ignoreing/ the realities of life with all there focus put on positive things. I guess they where just trying to keep there spirits up? I too sometimes feel as if i'm too much of a peter pan now then i should be and at times can feel irresponsable because I'll decide I'm just not gonna focus on something bad at a certain time. Its a balancing act.

exponential

The physical discomfort is the biggest deterrent for me as well. I know that if I "just have one" I will trigger a sequence that inevitably results in me feeling sick beyond belief. I will become trapped in a terrifying vicious cycle where I am trying to drink to relieve the effects of drinking. When I finally find a way out, and the nightmare ends, I will feel better physically, but then will have to deal with the humiliating psychological aftermath. I have to continually remind myself that if I give into temptation, the poisonous result will always be the same.

Boleo

While this might not make any sense, the one thing I don't do is try to keep myself sober. Not that I never tried that, I must have tried it at least a thousand times but it was never entirely reliable in the long run.

What I do "DO" is live a way of life that attracts equanimity into my life, which in turn, solves my drinking problem for me.

strategery

Several things that have been key for my recovery were making plans if I had cravings, recognizing triggering thoughts (AV) and emotions, spending time here interacting (I have learned a lot here as well as have accountability-I also go to the SR chat meetings), having replacement drinks (I have been experimenting with loose leaf teas), and building a lifestyle that really doesn't give me time to drink.

skg

May God be with you in your sorrow and your grief. He is the God of love and comfort.

Ditto what Gottalife posted.

I use a modified version of the complete Serenity Prayer many times when I'm struggling with Connectivity and Awareness (11).

God, grant me the serenity to accept the people and the places and the things I cannot change or understand; The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.

Help me to live one day at a time, moment by moment in the finished work of Christ, living in the world the way it is rather than how I think it should be.

Trusting You to make all things well as I surrender to You, that I may live reasonable happy in this world, and supremely joyful in the world to come. Amen.

I work on communing with God as I understand Him and everything else seems to have less importance, and therefore less prominence, in my life. Peace of mind. I tried everything else to get it.

keithj

Since I took the 12 Steps of the AA program (many years ago), I haven't had to worry about picking up a drink. It's a non-issue in my life.

MIRecovery

I know a bit about sobriety and sorrow. My daughter died on my 5 year sobriety anniversary in July of last year.

How do we deal with the pain is the million dollar question. In my case the answer is not very well but I have remained sober. Today is a bad day for me actually it has been a bad week. I just got fired from my job because I was not selling enough primarily due to the depression I am in.

How do I stay sober?

First and foremost is knowing that I have never seen a problem alcohol wont make worse. We want to escape the pain but at best the pain will only go away for a few hours only to return with a vengeance

Knowing that drinking will return me to the hell of being an active alcoholic

Knowing that the pain will not kill me but alcohol will

Knowing that the pain is not going to last forever. At least not at the level it is

Reaching out to those that love you and letting them know you are hurting

Daily prayer asking for guidance and healing

I'm an AAer and go to meetings on a regular basis. There is something healing about seeing people who I care deeply about

On bad days I just go through the motions putting one foot in front of another

Living a day at a time. If I have one foot in the past and one in the future I will pee all over today

I need to forgive myself. One of my biggest struggles are all the wasted years being drunk when my daughter was alive. This is time I will never get back but if I drink again I will be wasting time again with those that are still here.

I see a grief counselor

If someone asks me how I am doing and I am not doing well I will tell them. I can't pretend everything is OK when it is not. I find some people stop asking but others genuinely want to help and sometimes a hug is all that can be done.

I will say a prayer for you and whatever you do remember that alcohol is the problem not the solution