Never learn my lesson
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 228
I know the feeling you are feeling so clearly. I was there only 3 days ago. I have made the same mistake over and over again. After my last drink, my sister said i've probably made the same mistake over 'not 100's, but 1000's' of times. Ok..so maybe I really haven't that many times or quite possibly I have, but she was trying to prove a point.
At the time, I also felt hopeless. I would go to AA, and see people who got it so fast. Starting AA and staying sober. While I was in and out of the rooms. Everyone's different.
And please don't compare. We all have our stories. What's important is you work to change. Do something different. Follow a recovery plan.
I'm only 3 days sober, and I'm feeling a bit down. And thoughts of drinking are entering my head. But i'm going to stick to my plan. I tell myself 'today I will be sober, I will go to bed sober today, because if i drink, I will lose everything i have yet to lose.'
At the time, I also felt hopeless. I would go to AA, and see people who got it so fast. Starting AA and staying sober. While I was in and out of the rooms. Everyone's different.
And please don't compare. We all have our stories. What's important is you work to change. Do something different. Follow a recovery plan.
I'm only 3 days sober, and I'm feeling a bit down. And thoughts of drinking are entering my head. But i'm going to stick to my plan. I tell myself 'today I will be sober, I will go to bed sober today, because if i drink, I will lose everything i have yet to lose.'
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 24
Originally Posted by Chrissy2014 
Hi Ichi,
It's been a a few hours since your last post and I 'm just reading through the thread now. Are you ok? Hope you got a few zzzs and have a slightly change of heart, it's challenging but not impossible to move forward. Wishing you peace.
It's been a a few hours since your last post and I 'm just reading through the thread now. Are you ok? Hope you got a few zzzs and have a slightly change of heart, it's challenging but not impossible to move forward. Wishing you peace.
I am sober still. But it was a close call last night. I left the remaining booze in my flat out in the corridor yesterday morning, in a place where people leave stuff they don't want anymore like furniture etc when they are moving out. I was reading in bed last night the Caroline Knapp book - Drinking A Love Story and for some reason it got me me wanting drink even though the parts I were reading were when she hit total desperation stage. I went out to see if it was still there. It was gone. But it's so scary that I did. if I had I'd till be drunk and probably on my way to the offie to buy more. Thankfully it wasn't there and I didn't have enough money left on my card to order from those 24 booze delivery services. Close call. I tried to get back into work today but I got halfway and felt so ill I had to turn back. Stomach and head hurting a lot. But I am sober and it feels like I am at last chance saloon to turn things around before I get fired and things really go to ****. I really want to turn this around but am aware that I have been here before. Maybe time to go back on antabuse. Have family member coming over tomorrow. Work got in contact with them as they are scared I'm not gonna come out the other end of one of these benders. And I would imagine they are absolutely sick of dealing with this at this stage. Anyway on we go. Sober by the skin of my teeth but I'll take it. Determined not to drink or smoke weed today. Hope you're good
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 24
Originally Posted by Che
Sometimes you can't worry what other people are thinking, because it can turn into a really negative force that puts a lot of pressure on you.
Sometimes you have to put a serious effort into being your own positive force. I think that many people who suffer from alcoholism don't give enough credit to how much dealing with other problems like depression and anxiety can go to making drugs easier to quit. Not that those problems are easy to deal with, but in my opinion it's best to figure out what the real sources of your frustrations are, and to deal with them directly, rather than to deal with things that are symptoms, which is what alcoholism really is.
You may need to ask yourself what precisely the things are that make you feel like giving up, and to make concrete plans about how you achieve your goals. I know you don't feel young at 36, but you can do a lot in 20, 30, 40 years. You can learn new skills and meet new people that don't know anything about you.
Life can be really hard. I hope you'll find something you like doing that can pull you out of this cycle.
Sometimes you have to put a serious effort into being your own positive force. I think that many people who suffer from alcoholism don't give enough credit to how much dealing with other problems like depression and anxiety can go to making drugs easier to quit. Not that those problems are easy to deal with, but in my opinion it's best to figure out what the real sources of your frustrations are, and to deal with them directly, rather than to deal with things that are symptoms, which is what alcoholism really is.
You may need to ask yourself what precisely the things are that make you feel like giving up, and to make concrete plans about how you achieve your goals. I know you don't feel young at 36, but you can do a lot in 20, 30, 40 years. You can learn new skills and meet new people that don't know anything about you.
Life can be really hard. I hope you'll find something you like doing that can pull you out of this cycle.
Good points. I've been at this since I was 14 so even though I'm relatively young it's starting to feel like a long time I've been living under the influence. Obviously it wasn't as bad as this at the start and it was more of a random cocktail of booze and drugs but they're all intoxicants. I've started some CAT recently to deal with all that other stuff. Will try everything and anything now. I guess one of the things that a lot of alcoholics have in common is the total lack of long term plans. Maybe I'm wrong but I just drift and get by more than have anything concrete in mind. Loads of fantasies but they're probably part of the problem - total pie in the sky stuff that has zero chance of happening while I'm stuck in this cycle. Be great to get to that stage though where you could think even a couple of months ahead never mind 10 - 40 years!
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 24
Originally Posted by Para
I know the feeling you are feeling so clearly. I was there only 3 days ago. I have made the same mistake over and over again. After my last drink, my sister said i've probably made the same mistake over 'not 100's, but 1000's' of times. Ok..so maybe I really haven't that many times or quite possibly I have, but she was trying to prove a point.
At the time, I also felt hopeless. I would go to AA, and see people who got it so fast. Starting AA and staying sober. While I was in and out of the rooms. Everyone's different.
And please don't compare. We all have our stories. What's important is you work to change. Do something different. Follow a recovery plan.
I'm only 3 days sober, and I'm feeling a bit down. And thoughts of drinking are entering my head. But i'm going to stick to my plan. I tell myself 'today I will be sober, I will go to bed sober today, because if i drink, I will lose everything i have yet to lose.'
At the time, I also felt hopeless. I would go to AA, and see people who got it so fast. Starting AA and staying sober. While I was in and out of the rooms. Everyone's different.
And please don't compare. We all have our stories. What's important is you work to change. Do something different. Follow a recovery plan.
I'm only 3 days sober, and I'm feeling a bit down. And thoughts of drinking are entering my head. But i'm going to stick to my plan. I tell myself 'today I will be sober, I will go to bed sober today, because if i drink, I will lose everything i have yet to lose.'
It is easy to lose faith when you've been a chronic relapse case but I guess we've just got to try and think of all the others who've been there and eventually it clicked and they sorted themselves out. I've been thinking about drink too but am trying to keep focused on how ill I've been and how much of a complete mess my life is as a result. If a person treated you like this you'd ditch them in a heartbeat! Stay strong
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 24
Originally Posted by bigsombrero
Good luck Ichi,
It took me a while too. They always say that those first few days are really the hardest, and I found that to be true. Just "surviving" Days 1-5 is a real challenge. There is something inside our heads that starts scrambling like mad - we like to call it "boredom" but it's much different than that. We use the boredom excuse to drink again and again, and we end up the next morning at square one again.
I think the key is to prepare yourself for a couple nights of "boredom". Relax. Buy some sweets and popcorn and download a few movies. Don't flip out because you're not out with your buddies or out at a bar or drinking home alone. Just live with it. Bite the bullet and start to get a routine down. I also used marijuana as a substitute for about 9 months and found it was just as addictive and made me just as useless. Flush it, trash it, toss it.
I'd also recommend getting all the alcohol out of the house immediately. Change the PIN number on your ATM card so that you can't get cash. Cut up the card if you have to. Dig in and get serious. You'll have something to hang your hat on. Stick close to SR also. Good luck.
It took me a while too. They always say that those first few days are really the hardest, and I found that to be true. Just "surviving" Days 1-5 is a real challenge. There is something inside our heads that starts scrambling like mad - we like to call it "boredom" but it's much different than that. We use the boredom excuse to drink again and again, and we end up the next morning at square one again.
I think the key is to prepare yourself for a couple nights of "boredom". Relax. Buy some sweets and popcorn and download a few movies. Don't flip out because you're not out with your buddies or out at a bar or drinking home alone. Just live with it. Bite the bullet and start to get a routine down. I also used marijuana as a substitute for about 9 months and found it was just as addictive and made me just as useless. Flush it, trash it, toss it.
I'd also recommend getting all the alcohol out of the house immediately. Change the PIN number on your ATM card so that you can't get cash. Cut up the card if you have to. Dig in and get serious. You'll have something to hang your hat on. Stick close to SR also. Good luck.
I have done exactly the same in substituting weed for booze but when I am honest about it, abused it in the same way. Holed up in my flat for days smoking non stop. It all has to go now - I finally realise I am out of bargaining chips. It's all part of the same mess no matter how I try and justify it (It's just a plant, I've gotta have something! etc etc). And weed has lead me back to booze several times too when I've gotten some super strong batches of skunk that just makes you feel anxious.
Funny about getting all the booze out of the house - I thought I had but managed to find some more lying around a few different places this morning - will get rid! Although I won't be massively surprised if I find more as the place gets tidied over the next few days. It's like there's been a wild animal living in my flat when I look at it after a bender.
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Join Date: Oct 2005
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Originally Posted by fini
Ichi,
you joined here ten years ago, so i'm guessing you knew there was a "lesson" you wanted/needed to learn already a decade ago.
eight posts later, i'm wondering if you've added anything to or changed anything in whatever your efforts might have been ten years ago to change direction?
you joined here ten years ago, so i'm guessing you knew there was a "lesson" you wanted/needed to learn already a decade ago.
eight posts later, i'm wondering if you've added anything to or changed anything in whatever your efforts might have been ten years ago to change direction?
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