Bluebird journal
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK
Posts: 473
Bluebird journal
Hello everyone, not been on here for a while, drinking still, been on and off, three weeks off, binge, week off, binge. Totally had enough of it now, I'm 35, trying for a baby and it needs to stop entirely. My life is 100% better when not drinking, just can't seem to kick it totally. Money better, health, my training (weights and fitness) basically every aspect of my life. I'm going to start a journal on this thread if that's ok as I don't see a separate journal area on my app. Just does me good to get my thoughts down in one place, especially a great community like this one, people who can relate. Thanks
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back Bluebird. Starting a journal and spending more time here sounds like a great idea, looking forward to hearing more from you. We can definitely relate, glad to have you with us.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK
Posts: 473
Thanks everyone. Decent sleep last night, first since the weekend binge. Foul mood today though, angry at myself for letting three weeks slip. Gym will sort me out later.
Dee you are spot on, I need to work the steps, actively seek help rather than thinking simply not drinking is enough. Always leads to a slip.
Dee you are spot on, I need to work the steps, actively seek help rather than thinking simply not drinking is enough. Always leads to a slip.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK
Posts: 473
Angry angry angry would be the way to sum up my current mood. I know it's just withdrawal and will pass so that's keeping me positive. Gym later then a quiet weekend, quiet, peaceful and serine.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Forgive yourself and others for doing things less than perfectly. 
I think it's common to have really intense feelings and emotions in early sobriety. It will get better soon - keep doing the next right thing. The crazy-brain will ease up on you if you stay away from the bottle.
I think it's common to have really intense feelings and emotions in early sobriety. It will get better soon - keep doing the next right thing. The crazy-brain will ease up on you if you stay away from the bottle.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK
Posts: 473
Honesty is the best policy and I promised myself I'd be honest with you all and myself. I slipped up last night, drank, lots. Didn't even see it coming, was in a celebratory mood and bang. I know I made the conscious decision to drink but it doesn't feel like I had much choice in it. I guess it's learning the triggers, working the steps and just not picking that first drink up.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK
Posts: 473
It's all about control, felt in control of my life yesterday after a week off the drink, today feel totally out of control again.
I will beat this though, I am certain of that.
I will beat this though, I am certain of that.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
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Originally Posted by Bluebird1927 
...it was a slip but I will learn from it.
I don't mean to put you on the spot with that question. But I would like to point out that you don't seem to have a concrete recovery plan. Something you can actually implement when the urge to drink strikes. You don't seem to want to leverage any kind of face to face support or substance abuse counseling. From your posts it seems that your plan is: You decide to quit, then at some point you decide to drink.
If I'm made an incorrect assumption, please correct me.
Deciding to quit is but the first step. I hope you figure out what the other steps are so you can enjoy the benefits of sobriety. And if in your mind you are working a recovery program, think about changing it up some, because it isn't working for you.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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Posts: 473
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
You've been here a while, Bluebird. A long time struggling to get sober. A lot of slips. What are you learning from them, really, that you can apply to your recovery?
I don't mean to put you on the spot with that question. But I would like to point out that you don't seem to have a concrete recovery plan. Something you can actually implement when the urge to drink strikes. You don't seem to want to leverage any kind of face to face support or substance abuse counseling. From your posts it seems that your plan is: You decide to quit, then at some point you decide to drink.
If I'm made an incorrect assumption, please correct me.
Deciding to quit is but the first step. I hope you figure out what the other steps are so you can enjoy the benefits of sobriety. And if in your mind you are working a recovery program, think about changing it up some, because it isn't working for you.
I am going to have to do something different as you say otherwise we'll be back here again in a week or two. I know someone who goes to AA meetings and am going to get in touch with him and see if I can go along with him.
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