OnlyGetBetter

So I managed to last the whole week without a drink (for about the first time in 6 years) then yesterday was my birthday and my friends surprised me with a trip away.

They'd been planning it for a while and we got there at about 1pm and the first port of call was of course the pub.

They got a round in and in the back of my head I was thinking I really shouldn't be doing this, but I thought it impossible to say no I'm not drinking because that's really what the whole trip was about.

So we got smashed then, as usual, although sober I would never do it, but we got talking to some locals and got some similar kind of drug to cocaine in.

We're now all in the cars driving back. Thankfully I haven't really got much of a hangover but I really wish I never drank. What was I to do?

Della1968

Honestly I wouldn't have gone that early on. I am at almost 3 months and I probably still wouldn't go. But this comes from knowing all the times I did go what the outcome was and would be again.

doggonecarl

You should not have gone. You are probably thinking, "Easy for you to say, Carl," as you already said you considered it impossible to say no.

Was that your addiction? Did you already expect to go and expect to drink?

Sobriety takes change. Massive change. Change to what we do, where we go, who we hang with. I'm not saying get rid of your friends, but you could have leveled with them about your desire to quit drinking and ask that they celebrate with dinner or something not alcohol fueled.

Keep this in mind as you move forward. You can't hang onto your old life and progress in your new, sober life.

aasharon90

If being sober is the way we want to live
our life, then we have to make better,
healthier, responsible choices in our
life.

Remaining sober for me is my own top
priority. There can not be any doubt in
my mind that I can ever drink successfully
in this lifetime or ever.

I had to make some positive changes in
my life if I was to remain sober. Changes
in people, places and things associated
with drinking.

If taking trips is something I enjoy doing
then I would have to surround myself with
others or one other person who is sober
themselves and understands addiction.

Pub, bars, clubs all have alcohol in them.
For me, I went to them because I
loved the drinking, music and men.
Today, because I no longer drink
alcohol and im happily married, I
no longer have the desire to be in
the mist of something unhealthy.

We can have lots of fun in recovery
and without poison as a part of it
that would and could destroy us.

Make new healthy memories in recovery
and sobriety as you move forward on your
journey a day at a time without alcohol
and drugs.

Dee74

I had to make big changes to stay sober and part of those changes was disappointing people who'd been part of my life for a long time.

My true friends though - they understood, y'know?

welcome back

D

Nevertheless

Yea,you are gonna have to make some changes if you really want to stay sober. All of my old drinking friends drink (the ones that are still alive).
I still consider most all of them close friends,but I rarely see or talk to them anymore.(I have been sober almost 6 years now) Take away the booze and partying and we had little in common. But as I say they are still my friends,I think for the most part they envy me being sober.
Being an alcoholic was a prison to me. It meant getting drunk every day when I didn't want to. It was no life,I was a slave.
So I guess the bottom line for me read.
Keep drinking = no life
or stop = try to get some sort of life back.
If put that way it's a life or death situation,which is what it really is.
So in a life or death situation when asked "what was i to do"
I would have to say "Sorry I can't go"

Sobriety has to be the #1 priority for the first several months. No ifs ands or buts about it.

Hope I'm not sounding too harsh,but thats the way it is.

Fred

EndGameNYC

Too late.

What will you do next time?

Johnston

You need new friends.

leviathan

no scolding here.
sounds to me like your friends did not know what you were up to. this is the perfect time to say "hey! thanks for the party! i had a good time! -just for y'all to know, i'm going sober! -so no more of that for me!".

LaTraviata

Yes, I can see where that type of thing could easily happen. For me, very early in my sobriety, when I get an invitation from someone, I just make sure I let them know up front I'm not drinking. Just like that: "Sure, sounds great. Just so you know, I'm not drinking now." It really helps manage their expectations. And also, it cements my commitment to myself not to drink.

I recently met some friends out for cocktails at a bar. I didn't feel tempted to drink. I skeptically tried a couple of virgin strawberry daiquiris thinking they'd be too sweet for my hardened palette, but they were delicious and satisfying.

PurpleKnight

Go at things again, you can so this!!

For me I needed to make some tough decisions to make Sobriety work, who to hang out with and what activities to get involved in.

It can be done!!

Bmac

Even if you told your buddies "I'm not drinking tonight", what kind of fun would it be to hang out with a bunch of guys getting drunk while you sip on a club soda?

Last night was not a failure, you simply discovered another way that doesn't work for you. Now you know and can make a different choice next time. It's all about learning and growth.

midgetcop

I can see how that can feel like an impossible situation in early sobriety. Trust me, I've been there before too many-a-time.

It's common for us addicts to white-knuckle our sobriety and then crumble when the craving and opportunity overwhelms us. I did that for years until I was taught that I have to do MORE than just not drink. I had to have plans in place for when I felt triggered.

Think about what you'll do next time. Heck - consider all your trigger places/things/people and think about what you're going to do when you're faced with them. Can you call a safe friend or family member? Can you go somewhere? Can you keep busy with a sober activity? These are just suggestions.

Best wishes, and don't beat yourself up too much.

SoberAlky

While it's easy for any of here to be an armchair coach, I agree with those who have said that you need new friends. I am no friend to AA and 12 step but one of the few things I got of value from my sponsor was that recovery is not about not drinking. It's about completely changing your lifestyle.

Sudz No More

I'm sure you've heard the saying "If you hang around the barber shop long enough, eventually you'll get a haircut". The only real solution any earlier than maybe 6 months is to avoid all situations where alcohol may be available to you. Not much you can do if you allow the peer pressure to pervade your decisions. I understand the tough spot you were put in but you just need to make a firm choice to yourself that you will stay away from pubs.

howtoforgive

Hi...I'm sorry about your relapse. I think it might be helpful if you let your friends know that you are actively working on sobriety. Good luck to you.

lycanlaz

unless you state specifically to your mates 'i am an addict, and i cannot drink alcohol or take drugs' and you know with confidence that when you step out of the door with any one of them, that they will absolutely be able to support your decision and your NEED to abstain, then you should at no point be taking that step off the threshold with any of them, because this isn't about you having fun with some friends any more, it's about your life, it's the fact that you are an addict and if you can't address these problems within yourself without support from the people around you.... if they will sabotage your recovery in any way, whether it's conscious disregard or misunderstanding, then you are putting yourself in a place that could ultimately get you killed. you must outline this to these people and they must respect this, it's about you....and all of us.... making decisions that will allow you to choose a life that will nurture health, and ******* around like this, i get it, we all do, we've done it, and in that place we are all holding on to an idea that within the noise of getting wasted we'll find an experience that turns us on to a part of ourselves and our friends that makes us excited, and you know what... me and you, we are worth more than the revelations that a substance gives us. we are more than a few hours of chatter. we can find and hear ourselves louder than what it feels like when we're bouncing off the walls nattering about something transitory because it isn't the drug or the alcohol, that's within us. what we're looking for in the first place. but unless you are surrounded by people that you can trust to say you know what, i can recognise that this isn't good for you, and your wellbeing is more important than this one messy night, then **** them. they aren't the people you need around you.

GnikNus

Nice avatar. "Yellow Submarine" is one of my favorite movies.

LaTraviata

I think this is a great synopsis. Let 'em know you're going sober. They just might be supportive. Most of my former drinking buddies are -- heck, they're applauding and rooting for me. And some of them are even asking questions: "How did you do it? Do you think I could do it, too?"

If they're your friends they'll back you in whatever form you need. If they dump you because you no longer drink, or they try to pressure or tempt you to drink, then they're not your friends. But I'd at least give them a chance to show their true colors. Tell them and see what happens.

tomsteve

"What was I to do?"
Put sobriety ahead of anything.
But since that thought didn't come up, please use the experience as a lesson that sobriety must come first.