inthekeyofg

What a wonderfully supportive community! You're all lovely souls... Thank you!
Dave, I know where you're at... Trust me. I woke up there yesterday. I had an entire day to be plagued by guilt (not to mention a hangover)... I'm scared now, truly worried, and am going to amp up the means at which I battle this. To echo what's been said, you're here because you also want to end the painful cycle -- that's huge, my friend!
I hope you're ok today!

huntingtontx

Dave, I have read some great advice on here. You have to love yourself, more then you love booze. You know what alcohol turns you into. It is not your friend, we are. Hang in here with us. No one here will hold a slip against you. Get up, brush yourself off and start over. We are all here on this journey with you. You can do this.

SoberAlky

Dave, because I haven't read anything on this thread regarding professional treatment, I am going to bring up the subject. Have you considered an inpatient detox and rehab? While I have many criticisms of 12 step and the treatment industry, I also concede that I would not be sober without having taken that first step of saying, "I can't do this myself."

Dave36

Thanks again guys for all the support and putting up with my nonsense. Very soon I'll be 100 percent sober and am considering further treatment options beyond white knuckling it on my own.

Dave36

Thanks. Hope you are well. We can always start again and do it for real this time. Good luck.

inthekeyofg

Yes, starting over is fine and shows great strength and courage. One time it'll be the last time and every day onward will be direct growth and healing. I'm praying for you, brother.

Dave36

To many who commented, I understand once I start my AV is making excuses or more to the point I am. I understand I'm full of it once I start and am just making excuses. I appreciate the honesty.

Soberwolf

You can do this Dave

waynetheking

You don't have to white knuckle this dave. Try praying and having faith that a higher power will relive you of this. Just stop fighting alcohol. Trust us. Its easier to just quit. Your life will be easier to live. Seriously. Switch gears in your brain and tell yourself life without drinking will be better. And it will. You went 73 days. That's awesome. Now try it again. Im going to be honest with you dave. Go 173 this time. I guarantee you your anxiety over drinking will dramatically decrease. Trust me. Its easier than you think. You just have to give it some time.

Jupiters

dave! hope you're feeling better....you can do this! Kick that AV in the head!

SoberAlky

Wayne is right. You don't have to white knuckle it. But you could also place your faith in modern psychiatry and cognitive behavioral therapy and get medications that will ease you through the transition to sobriety. In my case, during treatment, psychiatrists uncovered several mental disorders including generalized anxiety, panic, and ADD that had gone undiagnosed my entire life that were driving my addiction. I no longer say anything to those 12 steppers who smugly tell me I've just substituted one addiction for another, but honestly, no anxiety = no booze. There is more than one way to skin a cat, though as an animal lover, I never would.

otter

What's "AV"? I've seen that acronym used several times. I can guess the first letter but not the second.

Hope you picked up and dusted yourself off Dave!

doggonecarl

Addictive Voice. The voice in our head that tells us it's okay to drink. A way to personify our addiction.

Dee74

what Carl said

D

thomas11

Hi Dave36, it sounds like your riding the wave. you know to get off of it. You had 73 days. I wish you the best.

otter

I didn't even have the first letter correct. Thanks!

anattaboy

Hey Dave. Get this over with as quickly as possible, eh? I understand but no longer condone. The urge to hurt myself (which will inevitably grow to hurting others) may always be there somewhat but you Know it wanes with each day of self-care and sobriety--maybe not fast enough for any of us. Get back to the slow-and-true.....The fast change of inebriation is ALWAYS a bobsled ride DOWN.

Dave36

It does very quickly change from just wanting that feeling of of the first few drinks to the urge to intentually hurt yourself. Even just through inaction. If can happen so fast. That always surprises me still. The days of sobriety can't ever out weigh the pure madness unleashed by picking up just one drink. It also gets worse every time. It's not like I even take pleasure from this behavior anymore. I just continue it. Not for much longer.

Hawkeye13

Are you still drinking or sobering up Dave?

You have to choose to put down the booze to start on the journey up.

We've all been there too and know how hard it is, but you can do it.

Dave36

Just trying to get through the day. It's amazing how all the preposterous thoughts of suicide and **** come back so easily. It's very confusing. Didn't find sobriety to be as peaceful as I'd hoped