Amanda88432

What was the moment when you first realized you have a problem? Did you hit rock bottom, or did you decide to make a change before it got that far? What was the big eye opener for you? I want to hear your stories.

JennyLittle

Hi Amanda, for me, in my mind, I quit before I hit rock bottom but then again hiding vodka bottles in my closet and drinking them in secret and blacking out almost every time I drank could be considered rock bottom for some people. I could see the path I was headed down and it scared me. Also, I felt an extreme amount of guilt every time I drank, I mean the guilt was killing me. I felt totally ashamed that I couldn't stop. One day my family and I went to my parents house for a visit. I told myself I wasn't going to drink. So, my sister told me that she brought a bottle of wine if I want some. One of the big bottles. So, I then proceeded to drink almost the whole bottle by myself, sneaking into the kitchen for more while everyone else was outside. My husband asks "are you drunk?" Ummm, no, of course I'm not! So, yeah, I was. I went home feeling like a worthless, no will power, worst mother in the world, drunk. That was the last time I drank. I took the next two weeks or so to kind of try to figure things out. I did a lot of reading on alcoholism, specifically women alcoholics, read blogs, listened to pod casts, everything I could do. I wanted to be sure that this was it because I knew that if I admitted to myself and to my husband that I was an alcoholic then I could never have another drink again. So, after two weeks I came clean with him. I brought down all my bottles that were hidden throughout my bedroom and bathroom. I told him I was an alcoholic. He said, "I know". I have to say that of all the different feelings, emotions, etc. that I experienced when I quit, the most surprising thing to me was the huge feeling of relief that I had. Like, I never have to deal with that guilt and shame ever again. I never have to tell myself don't drink too much tonight, don't get drunk tonight, etc. I never have to have that internal struggle as I drive past the liquor store -should I stop to get wine? No, don't. But I want to, I need wine, no you don't, yes I do, blah, blah, blah - it was exhausting. I never have to battle another hangover. I never again have to wake up at 3am feeling sick and broken and full of shame, I never again have to pretend I remembered the conversation my husband and I had the night before. I never again have to silently inventory how much everyone else is drinking so I know there's enough left for me. But most importantly, I never have to put my kids to bed drunk again. Because I did that way more times than I'd like to admit and that breaks my heart.

JeffreyAK

Make no mistake, there is no bottom but the grave. No matter how low you are, you can go lower until you die, so it's just a matter of when we decide it's time to get out of the whirlpool.

Me, I realized there was a problem years before it became severe, because I had gotten into the habit of drinking every night after work, and I looked back and realized it had been a year since I could remember going a day without alcohol. And then I patted myself on the back after going three whole days without, before celebrating by getting drunk. It would have been relatively simple to quit back then, but by that point I was already in denial - it's legal, everyone does it, it's not causing any problems, I need it to sleep and relax from my stressful life, blah blah.

gaffo

I'm not sure what straw it was that broke the camel's back but I got to the point where I couldn't stand one more hangover, one more blackout, one more beer! After 30 years, I was finally through. It was really hard at first but now it's not. It's the best thing I ever did for myself. I just wish it hadn't taken so long. I lost a lot of time.

PhaseTwo

I basically always knew I didn't drink like most people, because I was generally the one getting blacked out and being an ass. I didn't acknowledge it was a problem until I was drinking basically everyday, and my weekends were a blur.

I carried on for about a year or so knowing it was a problem but not wanting to do anything until it quickly escalated to the point where I needed to drink in the morning or else I had withdrawals. It was scary how quickly it turned to that point but luckily I was able to stop myself and have been sober for a little over 20 months.

MelindaFlowers

The hangovers became too much to handle. I literally couldn't drink anymore. Too sick.

thomas11

My Uncle hit rock bottom when he OD'D on cocaine and heroin while drunk at 64 years of age. I will elaborate on my story later.

thomas11

I hit my rock bottom when my wife was laid off from work, and went back to California to take care of her sick father. Party on right? Yeah, that lasted 1 week and then I realized I was drinking 24/7 for a 2 months binging on Netflix and rum. I wasn't even smart enough to know that I was in trouble until her dad died and I had to fly to california to be at the funeral. I have never drank on a flight, but I did then. I could not stop shaking or sweating and needed more rum just to be normal.

It was the worst experience of my life. Once we got home, I had to detox myself through a taper and vowed I would never EVER go through that again. And I haven't. Some folks rock bottom is worse than others. I've never drank mouthwash, I've never woke up on a park bench, I've never been beaten up. But, none of that matters, we all have our rock bottom, and if we lived to tell about it, at least we can share what it was to be at rock bottom.

dirk41

I was out in the park with my son (2 yrs old), and I picked up a 6 pack on the way home.
He instantly picked a can up and tried to drink it.

FeelingGreat

I realised I was drinking way too much, and I couldn't moderate. I knew I was in trouble for a while before I was able to quit.

Lance40

I quit before I was physically addicted and wasn't really a black out drunk, but I was heading in that direction. The main reason I quit was that I was drinking to hangover levels 4 to 5 nights a week and the vicious cycle of always being drunk or feeling sick just got too much to handle.

Toward the end I had many classic signs. Alternating liquor stores to avoid clerks judging me, going out for after dinner "walks" to secretly hit a pub and down some shots, driving drunk in city traffic to get more liquor, walking back from a liquor store and going down an alley to glug from the bottle before I got home, hiding small liquor bottles in weird places around the house, sneaking into the kitchen during dinner parties to drink from the bottle under the pretence of getting something else, binging so fast I would skip the warm and fuzzy buzz and just get messed up really fast, alcohol quit being fun, etc.

My worst memories are all those sleepless, sweaty nights and the alarm ringing with my heart sinking at the thought of the dog tired, nauseated day ahead at work. I would stand in the shower and feel so trapped that I had done it again that some days I'd just want to cry knowing I'd swing by the liquor store on the way home and do it again that night.

KateL

I knew I had a problem in my late teens and was on and off it for years. It wasn't until my little daughter pleaded with me in my mid forties to stop permanently that I did. If this forum was around when I was younger I'm sure I'd have kicked it sooner xxxx

zjw

I think i realized i had a problem and was pretty cool with it. I started to embrace it and realize that so long as the fridge was not empty of beer there certainly was not a drinking issue. I became unhinged. I quit bothering to try and keep it in check really. Beer no longer was a luxery item to me or a special treat it was like buying toilet paper. Just something I had to make sure i bought and kept on hand at all times.

I had numerous health issues but none of that had anything to do with my drinking... Then i started having panic attacks pretty regularly. I was having panic and anxiety non stop. thought i was having a heart attack all day long etc.. I didnt know what to do so quit smoking that didnt help so i started smoking again. I did some reading online and learned drinking /could/ cause that. I was rather pissed off that i might have to quit drinking since it was the only thing that helped those panic attacks IE iw as totally fine so long as i kept the booze flowing. It never dawned on me that it could be withdrawels or soemthing how could that be? I mean if i went to bed smashed at 1am how could I possibly be having withdrawels by 4am?

as a last ditched effort i figured I'd stop drinking to see if it helped. I figured i'd probbaly just go back to drinking sooner or later and try and moderate it or something.

A year later after saying i didnt have a drinking problem all year etc.. I went to my first AA meeting and said that I was an alcoholic. Those words hit me like a freight train. I wondered how my life ended up there in the basement of a church surrounded by a bunch of drunks at AA. But it had and whatever i'm sober now.

I was lucky. I never got a DUI or ended up in jail or wtvr other horror you might hear about. Those panic attacks however where more then enough for me.

SarahB60

After 7 years of nightly drinking everyday, I was heading towards wanting to drink earlier and earlier in the day to quell the anxiety, shakiness, heart racing, etc. The xanax that I was popping during the day, no longer helped. I was hanging off a cliff by my fingernails.

Then my son passed away from an overdose of oxycontin and vicodin. What was left of my world came crashing in at warp speed. When he died, I longer wanted to breath or exist. My world spun out and I landed up in the ER. In the ER, I made a conscience decision to remove alcohol from my life and went promptly to detox. I couldn't grieve my son's death properly, because I was too zoned and numb to allow myself on the grieving journey. The removal of alcohol from my life was the best decision I ever made. When I get hints of cravings, I go right back to where I was before going to the ER. No way will I ever go there again.

zjw

I recently spoke to someone who lost a child and explained how I just dont know how they did it. I dont think I could go through such a thing and make it through to the other side.

They told me "you dont know that however." i said Oh just dont know etc.. they told me "you may be faced with such a thing and rise to the occasion and rise up and handle it etc." I cannot imagine being able to.

But It appears in your case You have risen to the occasion. Good job!.

heartcore

(((Sarah)))
Thank you for sharing that. It deeply moved me. I'm very proud of you for saving yourself inside all that grief. What a powerful reason to quit!

least

I knew I was in deep trouble when I started waking up in withdrawal, sometimes in the middle of the night, and had to drink to make the shakes stop. If I had no wine I'd pace the house until the store opened at 8. I'd be there at 8 in the morning buying wine. How sad.

It took me another year to quit drinking for good.

least

If you want to know more stories of recovery, go to the Stories forum.

Stories of Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

heartcore

I quit because I had Hepatitis C, and drinking with a compromised liver is an exercise in guilt & shame.

Interestingly, I recently completed treatment (they have discovered a cure) & so my "reason for sobriety" is officially surpassed (& that's not even my AV talking, that's the whole medical community!!). But - I love sobriety, and have decided to stay firmly engaged in this lifestyle...

In sobriety, I am emotionally balanced, I don't say things in alcohol fueled conflicts that I can never take back, I have the consistency to follow through with positive intentions (like exercise & healthy eating), I managed to quit smoking (!! Which I was never successful with long-term while drinking), I am saving money that I can put towards things that build self - like kayaking trips, and I have rebuilt my relationship with my daughter, who has joined me in recovery.

So, I approached sobriety thinking I was saving my life (which I was - I had the disease for 32 years, and managed to stay alive & healthy until they found the cure...many did not...).

Now, I'm staying in sobriety because I am delighted with the quality of my life sober. I trust myself sober - that's the center of it. I learn & grow every day in sobriety (& I agree with recent posters that sometimes this constant growth is a little exhausting), & exhausting or no, I much prefer that to a feeling of being stagnant. I was just treading water, waiting to die. Now I'm poised at the start of whatever life I choose...

JCMJ

The first time I blacked out from a quantity of 6-8 drinks it scared me and I knew it was time to revisit my relationship with the drink. My wife had grown tired of my habitual planning around drinking so that was added motivation. I tapered off and spent a few months sober. Then I tried moderation. Very frustrating in my experience and not worth the effort it takes. The final straw was being diagnosed with a fairly serious genetic disorder last summer that requires a very clean diet to keep it from turning terminal. I am choosing to see that diagnosis as a gift to allow me to live a happy normal life even if it shortens it some. It certainly won't be shorter than the path I was walking. So no tragedies or duis or job loss for me. I feel blessed.